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Chapter 36: My Angel's Thanatos (January 16th 2019 A.D. - Sunday 9:00 AM)

Kitsune sat in a room filled with degrees and awards. The office was quiet, the Lion in the chair stared at the fox through spectacles rimmed in silver he had a clip board in his paws, and looked over the small figure. It had been silent for the last five minutes and Kitsune could not find words to say to the psychiatrist.

"I have a feeling, that you're scared of me" The lion said and the fox stared at the ground still silent "My name is Christopher Slate, your friend seems very worried about you, and you wouldn't be here if you didn't agree to come But, I can't help you unless you talk to me".

"I'm sorry" Kitsune said softly "I-I just...I've seen a psychiatrist before, for this problem, and thought I was better".

"Sometimes stress can bring up dormant things. I hear you've been through a lot, you've been in the news paper before" Christopher said and smiled "Delusions and figures are all just created from this stress. Have you gotten comfortable talking about what happened to your friend?"

"No..." Kitsune shook his head. Christopher nodded, and scribbled something onto his note pad.

"Well that is what started this figure visiting you in the first place. Tell me, when you see "him" when does it normally happen?"

"When I'm alone, and stressed about something"

"What does he say to you?" Christopher asked.

"He tells me people don't care about me, tells me that I don't know anything, and that I can only be happy when I'm dead"

"So it's telling you to commit suicide" Christopher took a deep breathe "do you still talk to your parents?"

"I don't talk to my mother much...but I have spoken a little with my father"

"And your step father?"

"Don't..." Kitsune put his paw up and took a deep breathe "don't even..."

"Mhmm, alright, I can see you don't care for this man and, we won't talk about him anymore".

"Thank you..."

"Tell me, Kitsune; do you stare at mirrors a lot?"

"I-I...what does that matter?"

"Oh, it's just an interesting thing. Your eyes, you look me in mine, and yet you seem so distant, your looking to something far off, in the distance. Is there something in the future that you're looking forward to?"

"Not really..."

"Hmmm, you should look yourself in the eyes the next time you look in a mirror"

"I'll try..."

"So tell me, your old psychiatrist has records of yours, may I take them and use them?"

"I don't care" Kitsune crossed his arms, giving out a sigh.

"I think you do" Christopher said "I think that's why you seem to be in so much pain, you cared about something and you don't seem to have it".

"I-I just broke up with my mate"

"Oh? So is that when the figure started coming to you again?"

"N-no...he's been coming to me since...I started college"

The room was growing cold to Kitsune, things began to ice over it seemed, and it grew misty inside. He knew it was his lack of sleep that was giving him such a feeling. Ominous presence seemed upon him, and his ears tweaked a little and he stared at Christopher's eyes. He couldn't look at him, he knew what the lion meant, Kitsune was wondering if he had the strength to continue his life through out. His life had always revolved around other people and their help.

He felt horrible. Like a child who cries until he gets what he wants, Kitsune didn't realize his own dependency until he was forced to look at it. First Ozwot, and now Inali, if he hadn't made Kitsune go to the psychiatrist, Kitsune would probably never do it himself.

"I see...does he have a name?" The psychiatrist asked.

"I don't know if he does"

"Well...and you know he's not real, correct, you've been told that by people?"

"I don't know if he's real or not..."

"What do you mean? Does he walk like a normal fur, and knock and open doors?"

"He has...he has also come through the mirror at me, and he's always followed by a black cloud of smoke, the room always grows dark in his presence".

"That doesn't sound very realistic to me, and no one else sees him?"

"I don't think so"

"Is he with you now?"

"No" Kitsune shook his head and looked around "But, just because it doesn't seem realistic, doesn't mean it's not real".

"What makes you think that?"

"M-my mate Ozwot...well no, you'd just think I was crazy".

"I'm here to help you, if you have something to tell me, you should"

"Well my ex-Mate, Ozwot; he was a demon...I know it sounds crazed but he could change shape into a winged wolf, with black fur, and devilish eyes...Leo knows, he saw him like that an-and that's why he left me".

"Because he was a demon?"

"Because he would hurt me".

"Physically?"

"Yes...I-I have a few scars and cuts from him".

"I see...and you didn't tell anyone?"

"I cared a lot for him"

"Even though he hurt you?"

"Not on purpose..." Kitsune looked away from the man.

"I see..." Christopher scribbled some more onto his note pad.

"You think I'm crazy..."

"No" Christopher smiled "no I do not, a crazy person cannot conduct in life. You my friend are just depressed, everyone sees things, it's the pains of life, and you just must separate reality and delusion. I would like it if you kept coming to me...how is every Wednesday at 6?"

"A-alright"

"I know you don't have much money, so each visit, will be a small price"

"I don't need your charity" Kitsune said in a soft almost angered voice.

"Oh? We only talked for an hour...fifty sounds about right...you're a college student, an hour is a lot of time, and if you ever need me for anything just call me, here, you can have my card" The lion walked over to his desk and picked up a card from the top of it, and handed it to Kitsune.

"What if you're busy?"

"Nonsense, I'm never too busy to help someone in need"

"Thank you" Kitsune said softly, as he walked out of the room and Christopher watched after him.

Kitsune walked out into the lobby of the office, which was somewhat empty besides the receptionist, Inali and a child sitting beside his mother in a chair. The child was a cat, who was hugging his own shoulders close and a heavy burden was atop of him. Kitsune could feel the child's hatred leak through the room, the child was in great distraught, and Kitsune looked away quickly after the feeling, trying to push it from his mind. Even seeing the distress sent pain into his body.

Inali looked up with a questioning gaze.

"How'd it go?" Shon asked.

"It was fine..."

"Okay, was he nice?"

"Yes" Kitsune replied.

"Good...will you be coming back?"

"I-I think so"

"Good"

(An hour later)

Shon drove Kitsune back to the university and took him up to the dormitory room they were staying in. The university was slowly sinking down in Kitsune's eyes. The "AGF" as they were called, had been stirring up trouble, and sabotaged one of the floats meant for the festival, Kitsune was forced out of compassion for the furs that so wanted there float in the parade and begged to rebuild it, to move the date up. It had now been placed at February 6th which was plenty of time for other furs to finish there floats and ideas for the parade.

The date didn't unnerve Kitsune as much as the sabotage, if nothing changed, it would undoubtedly happen again. It would normally fill Kitsune with anger but lately his mind had been feeling a great deal of apathy. Though slowly he was beginning to escape the numb feeling within his soul, as he was recognizing something deep inside, that he couldn't discern but he knew it was important. Kitsune kept the necklace, which Ozwot had given him; he didn't know why, but no matter what he did, he couldn't bring himself to throw it away.

*** (two hours later)

The car ride was silent, Kitsune's mind riddle with thoughts. Inali had his own agenda to fulfill and Kitsune himself wanted to be alone back in his own dorm; which at one time was Ozwot's. Kitsune hadn't noticed till this moment when he had returned, that Ozwot had taken out all of his old things, the dorm was silent and half empty. The TV; which had been the fox's still sat there dusty. The book shelf was gone, but on the computer desk, with Kitsune's computer sat all of his books, a stack not profoundly big set next to the keyboard. Kitsune picked up a book on the top and looked it over as he leaned back into the computer chair. The title read "Of things to come" written by Tyler Stillwell.

In years prior Tyler had written all of Kitsune's favorite novels. Tyler was a varied writer, this particular book a fantasy, telling the story of a prince from a far off land and his war against an empire which had stolen away his bride to be. It was a historical fiction for most parts, because it mentions Cleopatra. Just thinking about this book took Kitsune away from the pains of the past as he turned the computer on. There were assignments; there always would be; that Kitsune should have started on weeks ago, that would be do in a matter of days. Inali didn't think Kitsune knew, but he did, that the reason Inali had to go was for his mate.

A wolf that lived in an apartment nearby, the wolf went to a different college and was much younger than the Folf. Whose age, Kitsune had never asked. Kitsune shook around in the though sitting uncomfortably in the chair before smashing one paw down on the computer desk. His own deluded thoughts had made him feel as if Inali would always be there for him, become his love.

"There's...no one" Kitsune said to himself looking at the bright screen of the computer which played over his blue eyes as he stared at the screen almost wishing he could be taken to a fantasy world that Mr. Stillwell wrote. The fox dreamed of a world far off, filled with magic, a fantasy were his hero could burst through the door and slay the darkness deep within his heart. This hero would come clad in silver armor, he'd be handsome and strong willed, and wield hope in the shape of a sword. He would act with caution to protect his damsel with this sword, and he'd caress the fox, with passionate strokes. Kitsune struggled and gave a sniff as he thought of this.

A warrior from lore, with Magical eyes, and a heart of gold. Poetry in every word he spoke, fluid rhyme. He would clash head to head with evil; destroy darkness with aid of no one. His only thought would be of saving this distressed Vulpine. A dark claw rubbed over Kitsune's shoulders softly. Kitsune tried to ignore it placing his paws on the keyboard.

"Is not what I see true? Then such a fair creature doth sit upon throne and yet weep in all her beauty" The dark fox said as one paw picked up the book that Kitsune had thrown on the floor "ah yes, we love such rubbish".

Kitsune went to speak but then continued typing his papers for his creative writing class.

"Knights slaying evil demons and hunters from lands never heard of, with names so obscure, and far off" The dark vulpine said eyes beaming with red hatred "Have you found one yet?"

The dark being smirked when no reply came from Kitsune whose eyes seemed filled with fury. His fingers became erratic in there speed punching keys accidently. Kitsune grew clumsy as he grew angry. The black fox put two paws just around Kitsune's neck and began to squeeze. Kitsune felt the pain wrench deep within him, he felt himself unable to breathe, but tried to ignore it telling himself it was not real. The strangulation continued.

Kitsune felt himself slowly being picked up by his neck and was then tossed onto the ground, as the dark figure walked close to him, dark fog filling the room until everything was lost in the infinitum that it was. Kitsune smashed one paw into the ground as he felt his anger rise. He quickly pushed himself to his feet and swung a blow towards the figure which continued walking dodging the blow with a move simply a hair to the left. It reached its hand outwards and grabbed a blow which Kitsune threw, bending the fox's paw down, Kitsune falling to his knees as he felt the pain form down his wrist and through his entire arm.

Dark smoke began to spray from Kitsune's maw as he fell forward, the dark figure staring down at him with a malicious smile filled with hate and disgust.

"No one will come for you this time" The fox smashed is foot into Kitsune's back and laughed as Kitsune's heart began to pump trying to remain conscious; but even that thought filled Kitsune with despair until finally the world faded into a different sable void, a swirling darkness which all too often consumed his being.

The fox bathed in the darkness of the room as it kneeled down near Kitsune, and smirked. Placing one paw atop of his.

"I'm here for you" It said in a soft voice, rubbing the paw "I won't let you hurt yourself anymore".

*** (9 hours later)

Kitsune awoke inside of his bed, his body sore and his head aching. Beside him in a chair sat the dark fox, which seemingly had watched over him.

"You're awake" It said softly "That's good".

Kitsune ignored it.

"I'm sorry about Shon...I know you cared about him...sadly, he didn't care about you"

"Shut up" the fox said turning his head away only to find the chair and the fox on the other side as well.

"He was very perfect wasn't he? Cared about you a lot" the fox smiled "It's far too bad".

Kitsune turned his head down into the pillow, and then shook himself and sat up, waking out of the room, in the living room everything seemed so distorted, the book shelf writhing, and the computer screen was very contorted, the refrigerator extended to the ceiling the doors and doorway were askew, leaning to odd angles. The window was open and a weeping willows branch stuck through, its branches like a claw reaching for the young fox. He moved over and flipped the light on, everything slowly becoming its original shape, and the window slowly closed, the clawing branch of the willow receding outside.

Kitsune's mind was muddled he didn't know what to make of the room, he had just seen, and flipped the lights off simply to test to see if it was his imagination or truth, and just as before the room began to misshape, and contort, and deform itself. He quickly turned the light back on and quivered and closed his eyes.

"It is just your mind" Kitsune told himself walking near the Dark fox on the couch and turning the Television on.

"What are you watching?" The fox looked over, with a smirk on its face "that's not the real world you know, this is".

"Go away" Kitsune said, and the shadowy Vulpine went away in a puff of smoke.

Before he did so vanish he said "I see why everyone leaves you now".

As the TV came on, it was a bit dark and slowly grew brighter, burning Kitsune's eyes, he closed them and rubbed them, and they began to take the light with more endearment. On the screen stood a tall cougar at a podium, who had the most handsome of Faces, that Kitsune had ever saw, his smile was so warming, and he simply seemed to be endowed with such beauty.

Kitsune gave a gasp and his eyes widened as he recognized the feline; it was Tyler Stillwell. He turned the volume up quickly and leaned in to see the cougar.

The feline stood at the podium taking in a deep breathe and then looking around. His hair was long and highlighted in spots, he was very young, and had graduated from this very same college five years before Kitsune became a freshman. This is one of the reasons the college meant so much to the fox.

"As most of you here know myself and Jessica my mate, plan to visit colleges seeking to get furs to sign for the "FAP" bill, or the Feral Animal Preserve. As most of you know, the feral animals are our ancestors and yet some Furs, feel it is fine to hunt these creatures, but such a thing is preposterous, many animals like the feral red fox are being hunt near extinction. I understand the need for animals in poultry for food, but there is no reason to hunt for sport, there are a great many things to do for recreation, there is no NEED for such homicide" Tyler went on with a passionate voice, it was so sweet and powerful in its message "The first college We are visiting is FU, the first Fur diversified college, and the college Jessica, and I graduated from, the dean has already given us a room, in an empty dorm with the freshman students, we plan to be there for a few rallies planned, and hope to get plenty of signatures on the bill, we hope that many people are of the same sound mind that we are". Tyler then bowed his head for a moment and walked off, in the background he was hugged close as he walked through the door by a pearly white bunny with very long blonde hair.

Kitsune sighed as he saw what he knew was his wife hugging him. The clip was then changed to a news anchor, a long bodied female ferret that looked over her papers and then looked up with a smile. To the right of her was a zebra that was also an anchor in a dark suit.

"So there you have it, citizens of South east Virginia, if you're a fan of the writer Tyler Stillwell then you can help out his cause, and possibly get your books signed"

"Thanks Mary, I have to say a lot of up and coming writers go to FU, the classes are supposed to be well rounded for any future career, in fact I have a son who wishes to be a journalist, and he's in his second year"

"Thanks George and now to our next story, on a very much more melancholy note, a young cub, of seven years old killed his mother, father, and baby brother toda-"

Kitsune didn't hear anything else as his mind drifted into the thought. Kitsune was feeling an excitement rise within him. He had wanted more than anything in his life, to shake the paw of Mr. Stillwell, and to tell him of how amazing his books are. He gave a little shiver at the thought, and purred to himself, such a happy sound hadn't emitted from Kitsune in so long, all thoughts of despair were far off for this moment, and Kitsune hopped onto his feet and walked about filled with anxiousness, and then his ears twitched, and he scurried to the computer quickly turning it on.

"Oh damn! Oh fuck!" Kitsune shouted as he tried to cut the computer on "Creative writing! I-I'm late for my essay on his book, I only have a few days".

Until that moment Kitsune had forgotten about his assignment, a 20 page essay on his favorite artist's works, life, and how each relates to the other. Three days were left and he was told about the assignment a month ago. As he loaded up the document he found he had three and a half page finished, and no sources cited or even pondered upon. The fox whimpered and then his body gave a twitch and he clasped his chest, giving out a gasp as if breathless, the fox fell from the chair, and the chair fell in suit atop of him, as he lay limp against the ground, his eyes wide open he stared at the desk, tears forming from his eyes.

"Too much..." He said to himself sniffling "Too much is happening!"

Kitsune had tried with great failure to let the wolf leave his mind, but it struck him like an executioners axe as the computer booted up to the desktop. On the screen, the wall paper was that of Ozwot and him kissing passionately. Kitsune curled up into a ball, and began to quiver and cry, giving out shouts, and smashing his own paw into his cheek. There was nothing in Kitsune that would lift him up, that would let himself look upon the screen without his heard tearing from his chest. So many emotions had flooded him in the last few minutes, and they all stabbed at his mind, but one targeted his heart so fiercely, his love.

"Damn you" The fox whimpered and cried dragging his body from under the chair and then leaning his back against the wall and placing paws over his eyes.

A few yours passed the chorus of his screams, and the crescendo of his cries. He was wasted, his body lay down on its side, as he twitched and sat silent in thought at his failure. Kitsune felt an ominous feeling, Oz leaving him, Inali having a mate, this paper being so late, and his inevitable demon who scorned him so. They were all his own failings.

"I can't blame it on anyone else" he twitched closing his eyes "Oz didn't love me...because I wasn't good enough. Shon wanted someone...I could've been that someone....I was so foolish....I should have started on my paper instead of trying to cling to my dead relationship.....a-and...I should have killed....myself so long ago..." Kitsune thought to himself.

The last thought pierced his mind, as the one, ultimate truth.

"If I had died so long ago...I'd never had been sad, I'd never have shed a single tear" Kitsune said so silently to himself "Oh Ozwot...It will always be you I despise...I don't feel enough for you to cry. Perhaps one day, you'll never open those horrible eyes".

As the depressing night moon, rose into the sky; Kitsune stayed on the floor. His eyes pressed in anger, feeling fury for all his hatred, blaming it upon his own mistake of love. Such an emotion, was so fruitless in his heart now, deep within him, his own demons had grown, and his mind had contorted to such, as even the world of light he had once gotten reprise from, gone, replaced by darkness. The moonlight shed a ray of light upon his body in the floor. The moon high in the heavens, was so solemn as it gazed upon the poor, depressing, and weak creature, whose life was slowly spinning round and round, to no doubt devoid of happiness for all eternity.