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The Newlyweds Next-door

Chapter 02

There are two things that I mentioned before, the first being that marriage may have happened a little too fast for me and David, and two, whenever he talks on the phone it's either to argue with his ex-wife or talk to his lawyer in concerns to his ex-wife.

David and Noah are still standing in front of their new home, David has just taken his jacket off and holds it in front of him to stare at the damage the paintball has done to it. He opens his mouth to say something to Noah but stops when the phone in his back pocket rings, David reaches back and pulls out a very old phone that is practically mummified in duct tape to answer it.

Only moments after answering the phone an annoyed look fills David's face, he turns away from Noah and begins to argue with the person on the other line, as if turning his back to Noah would make it so that he wouldn't hear the argument, Noah frowns as he watches him, from the tone of voice David is using it's pretty clear to anyone who he is talking to.

I have to admit, I did not care for his ex-wife. She is in fact one of my two most arch nemeses, the evil bad guy in an RPG that is always making your adventure more difficult, and you never get the chance to try and kill them until the very end of the game, and if you do get the chance to fight them before the end it will always be in a mock battle that you can never win and just face humiliating defeat and agonizing pain.

_ _

But more importantly than that-

Noah quickly runs back into David's line of vision, unable to get sidetracked from the realization he has made only moments ago. "Wait, wait, WAIT!! You have kids!?"

David takes a moment to stop arguing with his ex-wife, placing his hand over the phone as he looks back to Noah. "Noah why do you look so surprised? There's no way you could not have known about this." David turns away from Noah walking towards the house and returning to his conversation on the phone.

Noah follows after him, continuing to comment on this, he in fact did NOT know about kids. "Ok, I know that every time your ex-wife calls it usually concerning a custody battle, but I had thought that was something related more to a house, furniture or money. Not kids!" He continues to follow after David, this could not be happening to him. "David! Please tell me you're joking!"

David stops talking on the phone for a moment as he looks back at Noah. "Nancy will you hold on for a moment, I'll be right back with you." David holds his hand over the phone so that the person on the other end can't easily hear them. "Please tell me that you're the one who's joking about this!"

Noah shakes his head. "I'm not!!"

Both David's expression and tone of voice are confused. "How could you now know about Timothy and Alex? I talk about my boys all the time!"

Noah pauses when he hears the names of David's kids, thinking back, indeed recalling those names being mentioned before.

***

_ _

Noah is sitting on David's sofa playing a Nintendo DS while David is in the kitchen cooking, Noah pauses his game for a moment and looks over the back of the sofa towards the kitchen. "Hey what are you making? It smells great."

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David calls out to him from in the kitchen. "Warming up some ravioli, I have a bunch left over from when Tim and Alex came over. Tim absolutely loves the stuff, if we don't end up ordering out I end up making this stuff for him."

_ _

***

_ _

Noah hops into the front seat of David's car, crossing his arms and looking over to David with an annoyed expression. "You're late..."

_ _

David nods his head aware of that, he explains himself, being late not usually a normal thing for him. "Sorry about that, I had to drive Tim and Alex home before I could come pick you up." He looks back towards the road but stops, quickly turning back to Noah. "Watch out Tim was eating in the car and he's kind of a messy eater.

_ _

Noah looks down at the seat he is sitting on, it's full of crumbs, he growls to himself as he begins to brush them away from him. "Yeah great... thanks for telling me that after I sat down."

_ _

***

_ _

Noah lies on his bed, his phone against his ear, having some free time and deciding to call David to see if he might want to do something, a happy look crosses his face when David answers the phone. "Hey David where are you?"

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The voice on the other end quickly responds. "Sorry Noah I'm a little busy right now, I am at the doctor's office right now. Alex's been feeling under the weather as of late.

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Noah frowns not sure why David would have to escort this Alex person to a place like that. "He couldn't have taken himself there?"

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David laughs at the comment. "Good one Noah, I'll call you when I get back home."

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David hangs up the phone, Noah holds the phone away from his ear and frowning at it in annoyance.

_ _

***

_ _

Mr. Princess is growling as he pulls on a toy that Noah is holding, the small dog has no luck in prying it from his hand. Noah dials David's number with his free hand and calls him up once again. "Hey David! My band canceled their practice for tonight, so I was thinking I could come over to your place for a while, you know, pass the time there."

_ _

David seems reluctant with the idea. "Sounds great Noah, unfortunately today is not a good day... Tim and I are going to the hockey game tonight."

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Noah seems disappointed. "What? A hockey game? You don't even like sports. Can't you take a rain check?"

_ _

" I can't do that, you have any idea how mad Tim would be with me if I canceled on him?"

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Noah tries to convince him, David does not particularly enjoy sporting events anyway. "But David-"

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David's mind seems set, still refusing to change his plans. "Another time Noah, you'll have plenty more opportunities I'm sure."

_ _

***

Noah inhales a very long and horrified gasp of air. David frowns as he looks down at him, Noah has been making this sound for a very long time now. "Noah...?"

Noah quickly turns to David blurting out what has been so horrifying to him. "I thought Timothy and Alex were friends of yours! Not your kids!" He turns away from David, his fingers clutched as he tries to calm himself down. "If I would have known they were your kids I wouldn't have cried my heart when I called you and you told me that you couldn't spend time with me that day because you were at a hockey game with Timothy!! I thought you were cheating on me!!"

David stares at Noah with his mouth hanging open, Noah continues to confess, his speech growing quicker the more horrified and panicked that he gets. "The only way Noah managed to get to sleep that night was from telling himself repeatedly in his head "They're just friends, it's okay if he hangs out with friends, they're just friends, there's nothing at all for you to worry about."

David quickly approaches Noah, placing a hand on his shoulder to try and calm him down. "Noah calm down, you're talking in third person again."

Noah continues unable to calm down at all. "Now that Noah knows that they're your kids he now feels like a complete jerk!! What kind of person asks a dad to skip out on a hockey game with their kid!?"

"Noah calm down!"

Noah turns back to David half screaming in his panic. "Noah can't calm down!!"

David pats him on the back when Noah begins to hyperventilate. "Look Noah, it's okay. Alright so maybe there was some misunderstandings or miscommunications regarding this. But this really is not that big a deal, I mean you love kids, so you'll have no problem adapting to these two."

Noah shakes his head no, that's not how the situation is at all. "David, Noah hates kids!"

David seems confused, having never thought that Noah could possibly hate kids. "How can you hate kids? You volunteer at a children's camp."

Noah quickly nods his head, that experience alone is the reason why. "Ya! The volunteering is exactly the reason Noah hate kids as much as he does!!"

***

Noah lets out a tired groan and he stands in the middle of the camp's craft hall, currently surrounded by screaming and crying kids. "Can this day get any longer...?"

_ _

Noah lets out a scream and ducks for cover when blue paint suddenly starts to shoot and splash all over the room, all of the kids scream and run for cover, Noah slowly gets back to his feet and looks back towards a little boy who is holding an empty container of paint with a huge smile on his face and paint all over his body. "Why would you throw the whole bucket of blue finger paint into the fan...?"

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The kid laughs at him. "Because it's fun!!"

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He picks up another bucket swinging brown paint from the container up into the fan, brown paint splashes all over the room and everyone in it. "Now it looks like everyone is covered in diarrhea!!" He begins to laugh, the situation is all too funny to him.

_ _

Noah stares at the boy, as much as he wants to throw the boy out the window he knows it is something he could not do. "I really hope that you have an allergic reaction to the camp food."

_ _

The boy continues laughing, the whole ordeal so funny that he couldn't stop.

***

Noah's panicking does not lessen, thinking back to just that even only makes the situation worse. "Children are the reason that Noah will never have an intimate relationship with a woman!! ... well... that and the whole liking men thing... but still!!"

David continues to try and get Noah to relax. "Noah calm down, it's really not going to be as bad as you think."

He stops when he hears some distorted yelling coming from his cell phone, reminding him that he is right now in the middle of a call. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Nancy, she's having some issues with the custody changes that have been made regarding the kids."

Noah is on the verge of tears, getting married is one thing, but kids is a whole other completely life changing ordeal. "David I'm too young to have kids!!"

David doesn't look back at him, still mostly engrossed in his phone conversation right now. "No you're not, you'll be turning twenty six this month, you'll be just fine."

A horrified look fills Noah's face. "...oh... my god... he still thinks I'm twenty five..."

David is about to start talking on the phone again but stops as he quickly turns back to Noah. "Wait... what...?"

***

David is sitting across from Noah, their introduction having actually gone pretty smoothly. Martin even goes home early so that they wouldn't feel like he might be intruding upon the conversation.

_ _

Noah is currently staring at David doe eyed while David is talking. "So far my experience with the whole same sex dating scene has been... well unenlightening. Relationships are more about sex, and so far it's hard for me to find someone who is interested in more than just a teenage sex-capade."

_ _

Noah loses his dreamy gaze, that having snapped him back into reality. "What's wrong with teenagers?"

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David shrugs his shoulders. "Nothing, they're just a little too young for my taste you know. I just don't think a teenager quiet has the maturity level I am looking for."

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Noah seems disappointed to hear this. "... oh..."

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David looks back to Noah with a smile. "So how old are you?"

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Noah stares back at him, almost terrified to answer that, he is really enjoying his time with this guy, and if he found out that Noah happens to be under his preferred age range then that would be it!. "Me?? Oh... uh..." He clears his throat and sits up, positioning himself straight and careful not to slouch as he tries to look more mature. "I'm, twenty five."

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David seems surprised to hear that Noah is that old. "Really...? You look younger."

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Noah nods his head as he quickly tries to think up an excuse to that. "That's because I'm Asian... Asian's always look young for their age."

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David shrugs his shoulders that very well a possibility, after all there is an Asian co-worker that looks no older than seventeen but is actually twenty-eight. "Oh, okay." He quickly does the math inside his head, the age difference between the two is still pretty noticeable. "Well that would make you seven years younger than me then. Quiet a gap... that's okay though, you are a really fun person to get to know, and I had a great time talking to you. I'd love a second date.

***

Noah grinds his teeth and fiddles with his fingernails while looking away from David's face, this is indeed an awkward thing to bring up at the moment. "I kind of lied on our first date to make you think I was older... 'cause you said you weren't interested in teenagers... and I guess I never bothered to bring up again since then..."

David stares at Noah in silence, his thumb moving and hanging up the phone he has been talking to his ex-wife through, she does not need to know about this. "Please tell me that you are at least legal."

Noah quickly looks back to David, it's not THAT bad. "Of course!!"

David walks away with a horrified look on his face, Noah calls out to him with some positive news. "I'm turning twenty in three weeks if it makes you feel any better!"

David doesn't answer, Noah grows nervous as he begins to follow David. "David... David I love you! David love has no boundaries be they gender, nationality or age!! David come back!!!"

Mr. Princess scurries after Noah following him and David into the house while Goliath lets out a large yawn and then falls asleep on the front lawn.

Needless to say... things got a little bit weird between us. I mean, these were rather awkward situations, both things were general information that you usually knew about someone before getting married, yet we somehow happened to miss...

Noah is now in front of a mirror getting dressed in semi casual clothes, David stands behind him leaning against a pile of boxes that he have just taken out of the moving truck and into the house. "Why would you not tell me your age? I think it would have been nice to know before getting married."

Noah glances back at him, not like he meant for David to find out like this. "Look it just never really came up again! And I completely forgot until now that I lied to you on our first date!"

David shakes his head, not sure how that could really be possible. "It never occurred to you that it might be important for me to know?"

Noah frowns as argues back with him. "I said I forgot! Come on, it's not that big of a deal. So what if I'm actually twelve years younger than you."

David cringes at the reminder. "Noah that's over a decade's worth of age difference!"

Noah turns back to David, it's really not that bad, David is just over reacting. "Hey! It's not like your old enough to be my father! That's a good thing right?"

David tries to force a smile, even if that is a good thing it's still a rather creepy concept.

Noah smiles back at him. "Besides you still love me right? Because my age seems like petty grounds for a divorce."

David waves his hand at that, that not where this conversation is leading at all. "No of course I still love you."

Noah crosses his arms. "And you still would have married me if I would have told you my age beforehand right?"

David doesn't answer, Noah growing impatient. "Right?"

David nods his head after thinking the question through, there's no doubt about that, he after all still loves Noah very much. "Of course I would have... I'm just a little surprised that's all."

Noah sighs as he shakes his head, hardly seeing the problem with this whole situation. "You know I don't see why this is such a big deal."

David is confused that Noah doesn't seem to have an issue with him being twelve years older than him. "How is this not a problem for you? You don't find dating... or being married to a guy over a decade older than you weird in anyway?

Noah shakes his head, that's an easy answer. "No."

"How is that possible?"

Noah shrugs his shoulders, it's really not that complicated. "I find older men hot."

David stares at him for a moment, questioning what he has just heard. "You what...?"

Noah nods his head as he begins to explain. "Yes, anyone younger than me or less than six years older than me I do not find attractive."

David still stares at him, speaking up again to clarify. "... you like old men...?"

Noah frowns at him. "Well not really old men! More like men in the thirties to fifties... maybe even early sixties."

David stares at him not really sure what to say, Noah nods his head thinking that sixty would be about the age he wouldn't want to go over. "I really don't see me going out with anyone older..." He smiles to himself a blissful look on his face. "Except maybe Sean Connery... if he asked me out I would make an exception, no joke."

"Sean Connery..."

Noah doesn't answer David as he stares off into nowhere with a dreamy expression on his face, David slowly looks away. "O...k... then."

Noah frowns as he looks back to David, his arms crossed. "Besides, if you think about it, this is exactly the same as you and the kids thing. I didn't know about them before getting married to you, and if I had known about them I still would have married you, it's just a little surprising... and a lot more trouble than a pesky little age difference!"

David smiles at Noah, it really isn't as bad as he seemed to think it was going to be. "Noah, everything is going to be fine. Next week you'll get to meet them. You'll love them I promise, and you'll realize that all of this uneasiness you have right now would have been for nothing."

Noah seems surprised to hear this. "I get to see them next week? You finished your custody battle?"

David gives a long sigh, that not the case at all. "Oh god I wish. No, they just spend every second weekend with me, remember?"

Noah looks from David and back to the mirror, he continues to button up his shirt. "I'm going to tell you the honest truth, just because I hate lying to you-"

David interrupts him right there. "You lied to me about your age."

Noah nods his head well aware of that. "Yeah! And we both saw how horribly that turned out! Never again David. Never again."

Noah begins to fix the sleeves on his shirt as he continues. "Anyway, I'm telling you the honest truth here. I'm not looking forward to the whole kids thing. Children always bring unneeded drama into a relationship, kids don't like 'replacement parents' they make movies about it you know!"

David chuckles at the comment. "I'm sure you'll change your mind after getting a chance to meet them."

Noah shakes his head, meeting them is only possible of turning out bad. "Have you seen those movies where the kids bring hell on earth to their step-parents or their parents dates!?"

David sighs there's no way that things would play out that way for Noah. "It'll be nothing like those cheesy movies Noah, trust me, you're going to be fine."

Noah doesn't easily believe him. "You say that now, but you'll think differently when you find me drowning in a giant pecan pie with my hair dyed green and roller skates crazy glued on my feet!"

David takes a moment to think over what Noah said, a look of disbelief on his face when he realizes that Noah has said it in all seriousness. "I'm... pretty positive that something like that isn't going to happen."

Noah looks back to the mirror. "Whatever." He finishes straitening his clothes out, Noah is now ready to go.

David looks Noah over, Noah is usually dressed in videogame themed t-shirts and jeans, very few times has David seen him in a dress shirt and pants, there obviously is some sort of occasion for this. "By the way Noah, where are you running off to?"

Noah shakes his head not sure how David wouldn't know. "It's Sunday David. Where do you think I'm going?"

David shrugs his shoulders. "I'm... not sure."

"Church David! How could you not know this?"

David lets out a sigh, this clearly another thing that has not been brought up between them. Not knowing until now that Noah went to a church. "You're Catholic?"

Noah quickly snaps back at him. "No! Christian!! David you don't mix the two up, they get angry when you do!"

"Oh... I didn't know there was a difference."

Noah seems confused. "What? How that's possible, aren't you Christian?"

David shakes his head no. "Noah... when did I say that? The Christian and Catholic religions are one of the most well known enemies of homosexuals everywhere! Why would I be either?"

Noah doesn't understand. "But how can that be...? Martin introduced us! He's the youth pastor at my church!! Why would the youth pastor of a church introduce me to someone that isn't a Christian?"

David isn't really sure of how to respond to that at first. "I don't know... what confuses me more is the fact that a pastor would be hooking homosexuals up."

Noah shakes his head, he had not really pictured David of being a part of any other religion. "If you're not a Christian then what are you?"

David holds his hand to himself, though religion is clearly not something that has ever been brought up between the two of them before he knew where he stood. "I'm an Atheist."

"... Atheist..." Noah turns away from David as he thinks the situation over, his heartbeat already starting to rise. "Ok, so you're an Atheist. I can handle this... it's no big deal..." He freaks out screaming as loud as he could. "I am going to go to hell when I die!"

David sighs to himself as he watches Noah once again get worked up, it wouldn't be long before he starts talking in third person again. "I'm starting to think that the two of us have a few communication issues that need to be sorted through."

"Eternal damnation!!"

David nods his head, there defiantly a few communication issues. "Well, fine, you go to church, I'll start unpacking on my own."

"Noah's going to suffer for eternity in the pits of hell!!"

David frowns as he looks back to his young husband. "Noah we're gay! In Christian terms, that means that we're already going to hell!"

Noah screams at the top of his lungs while running past him, the comment clearly not helping matters.

Noah's freak out session is interrupted by the sound of a car horn from outside the house, Noah looks out the living room window for a moment before looking back to David and pointing at him accusingly. "Oh you are lucky that the youth group carpool is here to pick me up!!"

David shakes his head, holding his hand over his head when he feels what might be a headache coming on.

Noah runs towards the front door of the house, turning back to David before leaving. "We are so finishing this when I get back!"

David is still holding his head. "Sweet Jesus he's still in a youth group..."

Noah yells over at him from the front door. "Do not use the name of the son of God in vain!! Fire and brimstone David! FIRE and BRIMSTONE!"