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G.R.R.

Chapter 8

By: Silverback Christianpaw

Testify

I was hoping that things would get better over the next week, but they didn't, they just continued to get worse. Zenaku kept asking me what was wrong and why did Light Husky and I get into a fight in the locker room. I told him that he took a swing at me, but I'm sure he'll hear a different story from somebody in the locker room. The rumors are going to spread like no other. And to top things off, my and Zenaku's tag team title shot may be in jeopardy, and why? Because I can't figure out if I'm gay or straight.

I felt it was a good idea to get away from all the traveling and work and take a jet home to visit family and stay with my parent's for a little while. I asked Ms. Draxa for the time off, I also told her how stressed I been with work, and she went ahead and gave me a few days off. I hate missing live events, but dammit I'm falling apart.

It felt good to be back in my old room for a few days and sleep in my old bed. I remembered all the nights that I kneeled by my bedside praying that good things we're going to happen in my life and that all my friends and family would be protected. This time, I prayed to God begging him to help me figure this out. But I felt like my prayers didn't get farther than the ceiling.

I got to go to my church this past Sunday; it was good to come back for a little bit instead of watching it online. The pastor talked about how everybody should spend fifteen uninterrupted minutes just talking to God. No TV, no music, not even pulling out the bible, just spend time talking to God. But I just felt like God hasn't been there for me lately, it sounds like crazy talk, but that's just how I felt.

I tried to relax but I just kept worrying about one "what-if" situation after another. What if it got out in the locker room? What if I get too afraid to be with another woman because of worrying about this? What would my parent's say? Oh, that was the big one. I remember how they preached what the bible says about gays in the Old Testament. And that one time my mom said that bisexuals we're from hell to begin with. But I never believed that, I believed that God is loving and he created everybody. And if it was a sin to be gay or bi, then why did God create homosexuals in the first place? Everything just left me confused.

I gave Zenaku a call after church telling him I felt much better and that I was going to be back on Tuesday for the week's taping of Uncensored. But the honest truth was I didn't feel better at all. I just really missed him. I missed his smile, his scent, even his random hits on me. Life just didn't seem right without him.

I came back to Ms. Draxa's office, telling her the same lie. She was glad and said Zenaku and I have a tag team match against some up-and-coming dragon tag team. We scored a quick victory over them. The match was nothing special. Meh, who cares? It's not the Husky Brothers we defeated tonight. And if I see either one of them again I will destroy them. Then Ms. Draxa will have to strip me of the title shot and I'll be left with nothing . . . again.

"Ready to head out for the night?" Zenaku asks me as we walk to the backstage area. His tail wags over the win, but mine does not.

"Um . . . not yet. I-I need to go to speak to Ms. Draxa about something."

"What about?"

"I just wanted to thank her for the time off, I really needed it."

"Alright hun, I'm going to go shower, I'll see you in a few."

"Okay," I walk away.

Another damn lie. Another lie to my best friend and it's because I'm not even sane enough to figure out who I am. I can't even figure out if I like guys or girls, or both. I am so fucked up. I am fucked up!

I walk to the office and say hi to Slutsky, but then just walk past and just wander around backstage. I snag some soda from the catering table and talk to a few of the wrestlers, but I still don't feel better. I even found the husky brothers, they tried to say something to me but I just ignored them as I walked by.

Finally, I do something constructive and start heading back to the locker room. I open the door and hear wrestlers muttering to themselves about whatever, probably about me and my brawl with Light. They're probably saying all kinds of things about me. Spreading more rumors about how the Fox that is walking with God and whatnot is a violent bastard who hits his fellow wrestlers in the locker room and gets in all kinds of trouble.

My face gets hot and tears start to fill my eyes. I quickly run into the bathroom and close the bathroom stall and just sit there; listening to shower water hit the floor. I can't let anybody see me cry.

* * *

Silverback

I finish wrapping the tape around my paws and wrists and pop my knuckles as I get ready for this big Uncensored main-event. I have a match with a high-flyer wolf named Demetri. I've seen tapes of him from Japan and I think it's awesome he's made it to Gold Rush Restling.

I talked to Ms. Draxa earlier and she said there were no results found from the investigation of who ran me and Coach off the road last week. I still think it's that scoundrel, Soultiger. Because who else would want to try and run me and my lovie-bear off the road? I even told this to Ms. Draxa but with no proof she can't do anything. But she did make my match tonight a steel cage match so that Soultiger can't interfere in my match.

"Hey Silverback," Demetri, also a blue wolf, walks up to me and shakes my paw, "I am hereby apologizing in advance for what's going to happen in our match. No hard feelings?"

I shake his paw, "Of course not, it's all part of the game. And I too apologize to you for what will happen inside that cage."

"Hehe, all good." He walks away and stands in front of the curtain getting ready to go out there. His music kicks on and he walks out to the ring. I look at the monitor and watch the fans cheering him on. I jump on my toes and stretch my arms around as I get set for the contest. I must remember my game plan; he's a smaller guy so I must use my strength advantage to get him down early. And if I can get him down long enough I can escape the cage through the door, I would go over the top but I can't climb fencing if my life depended on it. Or maybe I'll just do what I've been trained all my life to do, defeating my opponent by the pinfall or submission route.

My music kicks on and I walk away from the monitor and out the curtain. The electric-filled air blows my fur as I walk down the ramp to the astounding chorus of cheers. The feeling instantly fires me up like no-other.

I look up at that fifteen-foot-high steel cage. It's monstrous but I've taken the punishment before, and I'll gladly do it again. This may even be my chance to get out some frustration I have towards Soultiger.

I climb the stairs and step into the ring. Demetri doesn't waste time as he comes running right to me. He hits me in the side and punches at my big belly. I block one punch and push him away to get myself completely in. The door shuts.

Ding-ding. The referee inside the ring signals for the bell. I punch my paws and get myself ready. The other blue wolf looks at me as he gets ready to do some damage. We lock up center of the ring, I get my arms under him and lift him off his feet and take him down with a slam. I grab him by his wrist but he nips up to his feet, does a one-pawed cartwheel to gain control, and before I can blink twice he has my arm wrenched behind my back. This guy is much faster than I thought.

I try to reach behind to grab his head but before I can he wrenches my arm even farther.

"Ahh!" I go down to one knee as he keeps the pressure on my arm. I reach back again and grab the back of his head and pull him over my shoulder and down onto the mat, a perfect snapmare. I try to go for a cover but he pushes me away with his quick feet. I roll over and get back up. He's already back up and heading for me. I meet him with a kick to his gut. I grab his arm and shoot him into the ropes. He comes bouncing back, I got for a clothesline, he ducks it, I turn around and he jumps up onto the ropes and leaps into the air and takes me down with a flying-crossbody on top of me. The fans cheer him on.

We both get back up at the same time, but he's just one second quicker delivering the offense when he gets me with a dropkick to my face. I go down but get back up again and am met with another dropkick to the head. I fall but get back up again. He goes for a third but I smack his feet away with my paw. He hits the ring on his stomach. I must get him down!

I act fast and drop a big elbow on his back. It connects and he turns over in pain. I get up, bounce off the ropes and drop a heavy leg right down on his throat. His body pops up on impact and I go for the cover. The referee counts,

"1 . . . 2 . . ." he kicks out. I get up as he grabs at his throat. I go ahead and head for the door.

"Open it," I say to the second referee standing outside the cage. He opens the door. I go for it but then feel a paw grab my ankle. I turn and it's Demetri pulling on it. I need to do more to get him down.

I turn to him and stomp away at his body. The referee shuts the door and locks it back up as I stomp away. Demetri rolls away from me over to the corner and grabs the ropes to pull himself up in the turnbuckle. I run for the turnbuckle, going for a big splash in the corner. He keeps hold of the rope and in one quick jump, gets his legs up over my head. BAM! I go sternum-first into the turnbuckle. And then I feel his quick legs swing under my arms and suddenly pull me down onto my back into a rollup. The referee counts,

"1 . . . 2 . . ." I kick my shoulders out. We break apart. I get up as fast as I can but his speed once again beats me to the punch. He's already up and gives me a hard roundhouse kick to the side of my head.

"Ohhh!" the crowd oohs and ahhs as I fall back down on the canvas. I shake my head loose of all the whirring sounds and watch as Demetri starts scaling the cage. I can't let him get over the other side to climb down; otherwise I won't be able to catch him. I sit up and get back to my feet. I grab his ankle and try to pull him down, but he's got a good grip on the cage, and refuses the let go. I get myself under him with his legs on my shoulders to get him into a powerbomb position. I grab his hips and try again to pull him down, but still he refuses to let go.

He punches the top of my head over and over and over again. I let go of him and try to get out from under him, but before I can he lets go of the cage and falls back, causing me to front-flip over onto my back with a thud. I've never taken a hurricarhanna, and now that I have I never want to feel it ever again.

God, it seems no matter how hard I try to get this guy down, he always keeps getting up, and doing it faster and better than me.

I growl as I get up again, shaking the dizzies from my head. I look around and see him climbing the cage wall again. I growl more pulling him by his tail so hard it yanks him off the cage. He lands right on his feet. He goes for another roundhouse but I duck under it, and before he can pull off some other flashy move I get my arms around him and lift his body up to my chest.

"Rahh!" I ram his entire backside into the steel mesh.

"Ohhh!" The crowd says.

I still have him locked in my arms, he tries to wiggle free, but dammit I'm too strong for him!

"Rahh!" I yell again as I rear forward and then toss him over my head in a fall-away slam. He hits the canvas like a rag-doll.

"Gah!" he yelps holding his torso.

I back up and bounce off the ropes and come back with yet another thunderous legdrop across his face. I hear a muffled yelp as the rest of his body bounces up. My legdrop is the only move so far that hasn't failed me from getting him down in this match. I get back up and see him down . . . which gives me an interesting idea.

I stand looking down at his beaten-down body. I turn around, wiggle my butt, and jump up hoping to come down on his head with a splat.

BAM!

"Aroooo!" I yelp in pain.

He moves out of the way before I can hit it. As I feel the pain in my tailbone take effect, Demetri is already back up to his feet. I try hard to get back up, sore tailbone and all, but he grabs me by my ears and slams the back of my head into the steel. I fall back holding the back of my head as it remises in pain. I grab the rope trying to get back up but Demetri attacks again grabbing my ears and slamming my face into the mesh. I fall back and try to roll my body away from the cage wall. I reach out and punch him in the gut when he tries to go for my ears a third time. I manage to make it up to one knee until he gives me a swift kick to the side of my head.

"Ohhhh!" the crowds says.

My vision blurs and waves around and my ears fill up with whirring sounds as I lie on the mat. My head hurts so much that I don't want to move my body, for fear if I turn my head, even the littlest bit, then my vision will blur even worse.

My hearing comes back and all I can hear is the crowd's cheers getting louder and louder. My vision returns to me and I watch Demetri, he's already at the top of the cage. I try to sit up to catch him before he can escape--

He leaps off the top of the cage and comes crashing down on top of me.

"Oh--" I wheeze. All my breath leaves my body in an instant. I turn over onto my side holding my stomach, trying not to puke right here in the middle of the ring.

"Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!" the crowd chants.

I start coughing, I reach up and touch my muzzle; I'm not bleeding internally even though the muscles in my stomach feel like they have all just snapped in two. I turn over and painfully manage to get back up. I look up at Demetri, finally showing some kind of weakness when he uses the ropes to pull himself up also holding his midsection and with a glazed look in his face. I guess it takes a fifteen-foot plunge to take a cruiserweight like Demetri down.

He starts to climb the cage to go for the win. I use what's left in the tank to get back to my feet. I grab him by his ankle to try and pull him down, but he stays stuck to the cage like a spider.

BAM! He kicks the top of my head, but I pull harder and he scales back down the cage until his feet stand on the top rope. He kicks me in the chest. It takes me a few steps back, but not enough to take me down. It's time to try what I failed at earlier.

I get my head under him, grab him by his waist and pull him off the fence and slam him down with the hardest powerbomb my body could muster onto the canvas.

"Ohhhh!" the crowd yells.

I fall back into the turnbuckle from the fatigue of this grueling match. But I need to capitalize on this moment I have him down. Tidal Wave. That has to put him down for the three-count.

I stand up and bend down to drag him to the center of the ring but the pain in my stomach continues to creep on me. There must be a way to get him down.

I look up at this tall cage wall, I have an idea, and it's going to take a lot out of me, especially on my injured stomach. But if it works then I'll win the match.

I start to climb the turnbuckle; the crowd cheers me on as I climb.

"Come on, go out the door," the referee says. He probably thinks my big body can't climb a cage wall, and he's right. I'm not going to climb the cage.

My stomach hurts with each move I make, but I manage to get on top of the turnbuckle. I grab the fence tight to balance myself on the top rope. I turn and look down at his body, still lying motionless, I got to do it.

I jump off the turnbuckle to go for the big splash on him. He rolls out of the way at the last second--

BAM! CRACK! My body crashes through the ring and my body lands belly-first onto the hard concrete floor below.

"Ohhhhhh!" the crowd yells again, followed once again by the 'Holy shit' chants.

"Ah, shit!" I wheeze.

"Silver! Silverback!" the referee gets down in the hole that's in the ring and tries to talk to me, but the pain in my stomach is so immense I couldn't say a word back. "Ring the bell," the referee says. "And get the EMT's."

Liquid starts to spurt out of my mouth, I look around at the darkness and all the stuff that's hidden under here; the steel chairs, ladders, ring ropes . . . but then I see something move. I try to look closely for a second at what it is, but it's hard to make it out in all the darkness. There's only a little light and that's what's coming up from the hole in the ring. I see white fur moving for a second but then it gets swallowed up in the darkness.

I look back down at the ground to see the little pool of blood before my nose touches it.

* * *

Testify

I remain sitting on the toilet even though my pants are still up and I have no plan of using it. My eyes are tired from crying. My face feels all puffy and hot, and I know if I leave this stall somebody will think something's up. But I don't want to talk.

I've been trying to think over things. Flashbacks of what the pastor said at church keep coming to mind. I need some uninterrupted time with God. I'm at a crossroads and I don't know what to do. Well I guess there's no better time then now.

More tears started going down my face as I look down at the floor, looking at the little smashed up tears. I close my eyes.

God, I need your help. I can't do this anymore. This gay thing is just tearing me apart and I don't know where to go. My work is falling apart around me. I can't say anything to my family or my friends, I need you. I can't live this way. It's crippling me. I can't cope with this, I need your help. Please help me. Please! Please God, do whatever it is you have to do to get rid of this void in my life. I know you love me and I love you too, please--

Do you have faith in me?

My eyes pop open. I sit frozen for a minute. I look up off the floor and stare at the black graffiti markings on the stall, I can't believe it. That voice is different. It was in my head, but it sounded very different from what I used to hear when I prayed, but it was clear.

I close my eyes again, but the tears continued to flow;

Yes God, I do have faith in you. I believe you are loving and created me . . . exactly . . . the way you want me to be. You will love me no matter if I'm gay or if I'm not. I love you. I really do love you.

I open my eyes for a second but they go back to crying. I'm not sad I'm just very emotional. My lungs hurt from all the crying. Finally a little crying gasp comes out, but I quickly get hold of myself. I pull some toilet paper off the roll and blow my nose before getting off the seat and tossing the wad into the bowl. I sit back down and put my paws back together. I try to keep telling him how much I love him, but I can't get over that voice. It wasn't the answer to my question, but it all makes sense anyway.

Do you have faith in me? I do. I can't believe I thought anything different, you always have my back. You know everything about me. You know how many hairs I have on my body. You know me even down to the point that my thumb-print is different from everybody else's. Oh God, I love you so much.

I love you Testify. I'm always there for you. Never leave me.

This time the voice doesn't scare me. I know exactly whose voice it is; the same God that I have been talking to for most of my life.

I break into a smile. It's the first smile I've had in a while. And I love him, and will never leave him. He's always been there for me. He's given me my dream job and the best friends I could ever ask for. I just haven't seen it.

Zenaku. Oh I love him so much. Only God can bless me with a friend like him. I love Zenaku. I say that about a lot of my friends, but he's one in a billion. Oh wow, God has given me everything I ever wanted in life and then some. I never want to take that for granted ever again. And I never want to doubt God ever again. I won't again. Never.

I finally get up, still smiling wide. I flush the toilet even though I didn't really use it and walk out of the stall to the lockers. Zenaku is putting on his jeans when he sees me,

"Hey hun, did you shower yet . . . are you ok?"

I give him a big hug and my ear presses against his chest, wrapping myself in that wonderful scent and a loving beating heart, "Better than I have felt in a long time," I say.

"Anything you want to talk about love?" he looks down at my face.

I look up at his golden eyes and sweet muzzle, "Not right now," I chuckle to myself, "It's been a hell of a day. I'll tell you about it later, I need some rest."

"Okay hun."

Why am I so surprised that God finally said something? I should never lose faith in him, he can do it all. It's just me and him. And as long as I have him in my life then I am good. I don't need anybody else. He loves me whether I am gay or if I am straight. I still don't know who I am . . . but as long as he loves me, then it doesn't matter.