Breaking the Rules

Story by Vincent Wolfe on SoFurry

, , , , , , ,

Mike just got a story published. Jason just ditched his girlfriend. What could possibly go wrong?


The loud bang from the kitchen woke Mike like a shot. The thin ruddy colored fox could feel his heart pounding as the banging was repeated. It was his roommate, again. Mike sighed as he looked at the alarm clock next to him. The time was 7:30 AM. "Great," the fox muttered as he rubbed his forehead quietly, "Just what I need to get me going."

Slowly the fox rocked up and out of bed grabbing some jeans, a sweater, some socks and so on dressing as he headed toward the tiny kitchen. The landlord had promised that everything was new in there. Of course, being that he appeared to be in his early hundreds and the kitchen looked new as of 1973, Mike had taken it to be a relative sort of thing. Mike paused looking about the unusually small two bedroom apartment that was decked in the furniture style known as, early attic but late yard sale, trying to get the last of the cobwebs out from between his ears.

The fox looked into the kitchen to see what the ruckus was about. As he gazed in he saw his roommate Jason, a black rabbit, who was already dressed in his favorite pair of jeans and a Nordiques sweater staring intently at the coffee pot while chanting, "Percolate," repeatedly before ending it with a long, "Woo."

Mike sighed, "Why on Earth do you have to do this every morning?"

"I must appease the Gods of the Bean. The coffee doesn't cook right if you don't bang it a few times and chant."

"Gods of the Bean? Cripes, Jason if you'd just bought a new coffee pot you could get the same thing done without this jarring ceremony."

Jason looked possessively at the pot and back in mocking suspicion at Mike, "Don't say anything about the precious. It gives us that which makes us able to conquer the day, and warlocks. "

You're nuts, you know that don't you," asked Mike.

"If I were insane then I would be unaware of it, but since you've let me in on this secret I now know. Therefore I am cured. Thanks doc," answered the rabbit with a sarcastic grin.

Mike shook his head as he pulled out his mug and sat it by the coffee pot as it filled up with the piping hot bean juice. He looked over at his roommate and cleared his throat, "So you got home early last night."

"Did I?"

"Yes, you did. Didn't you say you were going to be out all night?"

Jason sighed and stared at the coffee pot not saying anything until it had filled and he'd poured his mug of coffee. "That I did."

"Uh-huh. So, what happened with Jennifer," asked Mike pouring a cup of the hot Columbian beverage.

"Eh, I dumped her."

Mike made an audible grunting noise in disbelief, "More like she dumped you. You'd said it yourself that you thought she was getting bored."

"Details details," muttered the rabbit as he sipped on his coffee, "Well, actually she started the break up, but I finished it," replied the rabbit with a familiar grin of mischief.

Mike sipped his coffee eyeing his roommate before responding, "What do you mean finished it?"

"So, the semi-professional writer wants to know eh," retorted Jason downing the rest of his coffee.

"Okay I don't want to know assistant drive through guy," said Mike.

"It's assistant fry cook now I'll have you know. As you can see I'm upwardly mobile," said Jason puffing up with faux pride before returning to the subject of Jennifer, "And you know you want to know what happened between the two of us."

Mike shrugged, "Sure, why not?"

The rabbit leaned against the counter nonchalantly as he put his coffee down and began, "Well, she decided to drop the bomb right before the food got there. She started this huge production about 'I've found someone new, you're different then when I first met you'," the rabbit said mocking her voice.

Mike nodded, "Ah, the typical break up speech. Then of course you end up sitting through dinner and picking up the check."

The rabbit concurred and finished the other half of his coffee in a gulp, "Exactly. So I figured why should I get stuck feeding some chick who doesn't want to see me anymore? So, with that in mind once the food got to the table I excused myself to go to the bathroom, or so she thought."

The fox's eyes widened on that last statement and a million questions raced through his mind but all that escaped his lips was a, "You didn't."

"I did."

"Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack."

"Are you telling me you left her the entire bill," asked Mike in mild shock.

"Of course I did. She has a new boyfriend, let him pick up her tab," said the rabbit with a small grin.

Mike stared at his friend. He should have been used to this sort of response by now. Jason was the skinny rabbit who dances for coffee, slings fries and watches every Kung Fu movie that came on TV. Yet, sometimes the rabbit could still surprise him.

"You know what's going to happen don't you?"

"Yeah, I'll finish my coffee. Then, I'll open my little book of numbers and get another date," replied the rabbit as he scratched his neck quietly.

"No. No, what's going to happen is she's going to tell her friends and they'll tell their friends and soon before you know it you won't be able to find a date this side of the river," said Mike.

Jason laughed as he reached on top of the refrigerator grabbing his personal chick book of names and numbers. "This is a big city Mike. Four million folks live here and over half of them are female. While a woman's networking skills are great, they don't all know each other and that's a fact."

"I'm just saying you broke a rule Jason; you don't do that sort of thing. It's going to come back and bite you on the butt. You'll see."

Jason waved a hand dismissing Mike's comments, "I don't believe in Karma and anyway she had it coming," he paused briefly and changed the subject, "Why are you up so early anyway?"

"You mean other than the rock concert in here?"

"You know what I mean," said Jason pointing to the calendar, "Why is today's date circled?"

Mike turned away looking for his shoes. "Well today is the day that this semi-professional writer goes pro."

"Do what now? You mean...."

"That's right I wrote something that was published, thus my new professional status."

Now it was the rabbit's turn to stare in shock. "Are you for real?"

"As you put it, as a heart attack," said the fox grabbing his high tops from under the coffee table.

"And you didn't tell me about it?"

"I did tell you about it. I told you twice and you forgot because you were so transfixed on your now ex-girlfriend," said the fox as he tied his shoes.

Jason chuckled, "Yeah that sounds like me. Well, congratulations Mike. I know you've been working hard at it for a long time. So, where did you get published eh? Newsmonth? The Chronicle? The Big Crayon?"

"None of those just a little magazine that was advertising in the subway, something called Bi-lines," answered the fox, "The way I see it, it was small and probably needed someone to submit something. So I sent a piece about sounds versus noises. They seemed to like it."

Jason blinked in disbelief the name of the magazine seeming familiar, "Um Mike do you know what kind of magazine that is?"

Mike shrugged, "I'd assumed it's just a small literary magazine. It's sort of how Highways and Byways is a travel magazine."

Jason shook his head, "It's porn Mike. I mean Bi-lines? Advertised in the subway? It has to be porn. "

Mike rolled his eyes as Jason continued, "You didn't even look to see what type of magazine it was did you?"

"Of course I did. It's the kind written on paper," said Mike with a snicker making Jason frown, "Oh don't look at me that way. You're right I broke a rule of submitting content, but you broke one on relationships with Jennifer. Besides, I'm getting paid for this so at least it's something."

Jason slid his paws into his pockets as he shrugged with a small sigh, "That's true. Go on then. Go get your money. I'll be here watching the Kung Fu marathon on TMC and calling around for a date for tonight."

Mike nodded, grabbed his jacket and was out the door. As he left the winter chill hit him like a semi going eighty miles an hour. He hugged his coat about him tightly as he grumbled. Each grumbled word hung in the cold winter air as he headed for the subway. For the first time in a long time he made it to the platform without being bothered by street walkers and hobos, something the fox would have taken notice of normally.

"Porn. What does he know? It has to be a literary magazine. Sure it's located in Centriol Park, which is a primary distribution point for," Mike paused, his heart sank a bit, "It can't be porn."

It was a short ride to his stop and the address wasn't far from the subway station. The address belonged to dirty brownstone apartment with the address K6 on the door. Mike's confidence in his assertion slowly faded with each step up to the apartment and now in the cold it was time for the moment of truth. Mike knocked on the door and a gruff foreign accent he couldn't place responded, "Who dere?"

"Um Mike Walker, I wrote the story about sounds versus noise," said the fox slowly losing his nerve as well as his confidence.

The door flung open revealing a short fat badger with six gold teeth and a ratty tee shirt that read 'Broker? Damn Near Killed 'er!' on the front.

"You wan chor money yah," said the badger.

By now all Mike could do was nod. The badger nodded in return and disappeared into the apartment before returning with a check for one hundred and fifty dollars along with two magazines. "Do you write the sexy stories too? This noise sound ting lez me send it in the mail but if you write the sexy stories you get paid more. So, do you write dem?"

Mike shook his head no. The badger shrugged and handed him the check and the two magazines satisfied that the business with the fox was over with and shut the door. The fox meanwhile, stood at front of the door quietly. Slowly his eyes shifted down to the covers of the two magazines and a look of horror spread across his face as his heart sank into his stomach as he slowly walked back to the subway.

Mike rode the train for a few hours. He watched as the various denizens came and went in silence. Dejected, Mike slowly opened the door and to no surprise saw Jason sitting on the couch watching TV just as he said he'd be. "It's porn," said the fox as he tossed the magazines onto the coffee table.

Jason looked over at the fox still somewhat entranced by the Kung Fu fight on the small screen, "I know you don't like Kung Fu movies and granted this one has more kicks to the crotch than I've seen in a long time, but it's not porn."

Mike shook his head, "I'm not talking about the movie I'm talking about this," said the fox opening up one of the magazines tossing it onto Jason's lap causing the rabbit to look down.

"I told you so," replied the rabbit as he flipped through the magazine until he got to a page of a particularly well- endowed male, "Though now I have to admit I'm intimidated."

Mike stared at the table with a catatonic gaze not saying anything. As he did so Jason draped his arm over his friend's shoulders, "Look, nobody of any importance is going to know okay? So what if some guy who likes to look at bisexual pornography knows your name? Besides," Jason said as he flipped to the pages where Mike's article was, "If you just photocopy this part here it's not like anyone else is going to know anyway."

Mike hadn't even bothered to look at his story. As he gazed at it he saw it in print and in front of him. His words were surrounded by angles and hearts. Jason was right, nobody would know, they'd think it was out of some girl's magazine or something. Mike looked over at his friend, "Thanks Jason. You're a good guy."

Jason nodded, "I just wish the ladies would understand that."

Mike raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

"I mean I've called every name in that book and not one of them would talk with me. It's really weird," said Jason facing the TV again.

"Well, that's what happens when you break the rules," said Mike tossing the magazine back on the table, "You get hammered with the results and a lesson."

"Yeah I learned that girls are weird, especially that one on page thirty-eight," said the rabbit.

Mike chuckled as he sat back against the couch, "You're crazy you know that?"

Jason shrugged, "Not yet, but it is one of my personal projects."