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Hello everyone, and welcome to my new story! This story is a gift to all of my dear dear friends here on SoFurry. There are so many, I would never be able to list them all. Perrin, Gritou, Amethyst Mare, Gene and so many more have affected me in such a deep way, I could never thank you all enough, and would not be here today without you all. Thank you so much for everything. I wrote this short story in honour of you all, and hope you will find it enjoyable!

I sat in the faint glow of my laptop, a sad sigh escaping my muzzle as I held it in my paws. Today was a very rough day. My depression had a really bad grip on me today, everything just seemed terrible no matter what way I looked at it.

With my disorder, my depression comes in random parts, causing even the most lovely of days to suddenly become the saddest times in my life. A damp feeling came over my cheeks as I began to cry gently, I didn't even know why.

Loneliness consumed my soul, all day I was curled in my room, praying that somehow, someone would talk to me. My ears pressed against my head as I looked at my screen, feeling so miserable.

I could never understand why I felt so down, everything just seemed so dark, so cold. My mate was gone for so long it seemed, a shiver running through my frame as I wiped my muzzle again. I know he was busy, I know he was out with his friends, yet somehow my mind wrapped around itself. A stabbing to my own conscience, saying it was all my fault.

"I'm so sorry..."I muttered to myself, looking to the screen. "I never meant to do wrong..." Holding my head in my paws, I closed my eyes and tried to relax in anyway I could. Deep breaths escaping my lips as I rubbed my eyes gently.

My fennec tail curled into my paws as I brought them back down to my lap, caressing over my tail. I needed to calm down somehow, but everything was closing around me in my eyes. Everything seemed so dark, so helpless in my eyes. Why did I have to be so pathetic?

Reaching over, I sipped on my can of juice as I looked back to my screen, rubbing my muzzle as I clicked on the browser. I never knew what to do when I was alone like this, I ended up just browsing the web, clicking on random videos and trying to forget all the problems.

Slowly, my mind clicked on the computer as I rubbed my muzzle roughly. I wished my mate could get online somehow, seeing him always made me feel better! The haunting memories I had kept trying to creep into my mind, my ears going further down as I listened to the music now echoing through my room.

Music is one of my favourite things in life. Hearing the soft chords of a slow rock songs, or the catchy fast riffs of other rock songs always soothed me, but yet my mind wandered, and it always wandered to the dark.

"It was all your fault Grant...it always will be..." a male voice whispered to me, my eyes shutting tightly as I tried to block it out. "Why did you do this Grant..?"

Tears streaked down as I relived that day, the worst day of my life, his death...Robin's death. I always blamed myself for what happened, for not stopping it all some way. It broke me inside, and I never really found all the pieces.

A sob choked through me as I rubbed my muzzle gently, the dampness agitating my cheeks as I wiped it off. "It wasn't your fault." I muttered myself, repeating it like a mantra. I tried my hardest to shift my mind away from the thought.

"You are a terrible mate..." a new male voice rang, my head collapsing against my pillows, feeling too heavy to keep up. Why did all these thoughts have to happen now? Why couldn't I let go, and not feel bad?

Yet the thought didn't stop, showing the day after my birthday so many years ago. My ex pulling me aside, and telling me the truth. He didn't love me, he never did, he used me, and wanted to be with his best friend. A cringe crossed my features, rubbing them with my paws as I tried to clear my head, reaching over and sipping my drink again.

This happened almost everyday, using myself as my own personal punching bag. For years I have tried to push these demons out of my head, through countless therapists and programs, with no success. Still I fought, I would never give in to them, but some days, it all felt too much.

A soft chime reached my ears, a twitch running through them as I lifted my body back up, looking over to the computer screen. A Skype message? "Hmm..." I made a soft sound as I moved my over to the computer, clicking over to my Skype icon.

A faint orange glow coloured over the name of my friend, Perrin. A curious tilt of my head accompanied me clicking on his name.

Perrin wrote: Good evening my friend!

Ah, Perrin. It seemed like ages ago when we first started talking together, even though it had only been a couple months. Even in such a short time, he has become one of my closest, dearest friends.

Grant wrote: G ood evening Perrin

I always have been nervous talking, even typing like this. I always worry that I will say something wrong, or cause someone anger over something I didn't mean to. It always caused me such anxiety, luckily I have managed to never screw up as bad as I always think I do.

Perrin wrote: How are you feeling?

The hardest question I get everyday. I still felt down, the memories still throbbing as my ears drooped against my skull again. Did I tell the truth? Or did I cover it up to keep everything happy?

Grant wrote: Unfortunately not too well my friend, how are you?

I bit the bullet and decided to be truthful. It was the key to being a good friend, being honest and open with your feelings. My head drooped down, expecting yet another person to get angry with me because of my feelings. That I should happy, and never be miserable like this. It was stupid, that I needed to grow up...

Perrin wrote: Aww, I am sorry my friend. What's wrong?

My head perked up; he...he wasn't mad with me? My thoughts raced, trying to find something I did wrong, which I shut down as a soft smile crossed my muzzle.

Grant wrote: Thank you Perrin, for always being such a great friend to me.

Suddenly everything seemed to feel better. All my thoughts, my negative demons escaped my mind as I continued to smile. Not everything was so bad, I always had wonderful friends here to help me. Always here to help pick myself back up, always here to care for me.

Another orange glow showed up on my screen as I saw a new message from Gritou, my smile growing seeing even more of my great friends around. No matter how bad my thoughts may get, I always have someone to turn to. My dear friends.

My claws clicked against the keyboard as I continued to type, my worries forgotten and fun times ahead as I giggled, a gentle murr resonating from me. It felt so good to just, have company. To be able to talk with people and share my feelings and thoughts, it always felt like the greatest thing in the world.

The hours ticked by fast, and soon I found my eyes to feel heavy, a loud yawn breaking through me. Quickly, I typed my goodbyes to Perrin and Gritou as I shut down Skype, slowly curling up in my bed.

As my head rested against the pillow, I thought about everything today. The horrible thoughts in the morning, and also the wonderful times I had by the end of the day. Pulling my blanket over me, I slowly closed my eyes, a soft smile on my face.

With a little help from my friends, even the darkest night could turn to the brightest day.

Thank you for reading my tale! As always, comments are more than welcome, and I wish you all the best!

Link to the song used for this Musical Muse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBDF04fQKtQ