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James Lipton: We welcome now Ophelia Featherstone, Esq., whose anthropomorphic form is that of the caniformia musteloidia mephitidae.

OPHELIA: You can say "skunk." There's nothing the least bit wrong with it.

James Lipton: I suppose that I'm concerned that some members of the bar might be offended if I called one of their own a skunk.

OPHELIA: Actor John Billingsly once told me that, and I quote, "Hardly a day goes by that I don't refer to someone as a pasty-faced malodorous skunk." Wonderful fellow; played Dr. Phlox in the Enterprise series. Of course, he didn't know that I actually was a skunk. We were talking about politicians, actually, but in most people's books, lawyers amount to about the same thing.

James Lipton: I don't find you the least bit malodorous, nor pasty-faced. How you came to find your form as a skunk is a story that we'll get to a bit later. First, some background. What would you like to tell us?

OPHELIA: I was born in Haddonfield, New Jersey, which seemed a lot quieter then than now. I grew up on one of those beautiful tree-lined streets, walking to school and back - amazingly prosaic, it seems to me now, although that's probably the rose-colored glasses thing. It wasn't all perfect, but it wasn't bad either. I'm one of those few people who doesn't necessarily want to go back and rewrite her childhood.

James Lipton: What were you like in those formative years?

OPHELIA: A bit of a tomboy, in a lot of ways, but not too much. I was a bright kid, if I say so myself, and I tended to put the schoolwork first and the social life second. School wasn't too terribly difficult for me; you realize, I'm older than the rest of this bunch by a few years, so I was very slightly ahead of that horrible curve when standardized testing began to take the place of real teaching. Also, I had some very good teachers, particularly in high school. Amazing what you can find in New Jersey.

James Lipton: You had told me before about being the captain of your debating team.

OPHELIA: I have to admit that I wasn't sure what I was going to do with my life. Anyone who goes to high school thinking that he knows what he's going to grow up to become is probably either delusional or monomaniacal, and neither is particularly attractive. Goals are good; narrow definitions are bad. My parents actually encouraged that sort of thinking, much to the dismay of the school counselor. I had eliminated the simplistic directions of business and motherhood - which, I could argue, have many of the same drawbacks. I loved to argue - not fight, mind you, but argue, meaning a controlled and logical debating of points supporting a given conclusion. I liked to persuade people with my rhetoric.

James Lipton: It sounds as if you could have followed Caedmon's example, studying political science. You might have run for public office.

OPHELIA: It wasn't out of the question, I suppose. By the time college came around, I was taking speech and rhetoric courses, and a solid background in sociology, psychology, and a bit of political science. After a short while, the allure of the law came to haunt me.

James Lipton: How did that come about?

OPHELIA: Activism. Local, at first, because I didn't have the wherewithal to travel to various hotbeds of activism - not even DC, which was essentially just a train ride away. I came to realize that law and lawyers had more or less stolen the rights of ordinary citizens and hidden it away under jargon, loopholes, and ... as Caedmon pointed out, fertilizer. The simple honesty of a handshake had given way to fifty-page conveyances, hours of expensive law firm time, and a nearly endless attempt to guard against potential problems that wouldn't even have come up if they hadn't been mentioned in the contracts.

CAEDMON: You can see why Ophelia and I grew to like each other.

James Lipton: Your decision to go to law school took you... where?

OPHELIA: To a fascinating and obsessive version of Hell that I strongly urge people to think many, many times about before taking the plunge. I took the LSAT, scored a modest 93rd percentile, and made my applications to various law schools before I found a small one that seemed at least a little bit more personal than the other, more prestigious schools. Having said that, I think you'll understand why I don't name the school; they might think that I'm being less than complimentary to their program.

JYBIAN: What could they do, sue you?

OPHELIA: Strangely enough, yes. But never mind that. I was accepted to this school and, on the evening of student orientation, I got completely freaked out by one of the professors there. He was a right bastard, and as long as I don't name him, he can't sue me for that either. He looked at the bunch of us and said, "You've probably heard the old joke about law school: Look to your left, look to your right, one of you will be gone after the first year. My job is to make sure that it's two of you, or if at all possible, all three. We don't need more lawyers in this country. We need good lawyers, tough lawyers. If you can get past me, you'll make it."

James Lipton: I've interviewed the great John Houseman, discussing his character in the film and series The Paper Chase. I don't think even that character would be quite so vitriolic.

OPHELIA: It worked. The class was 100 freshmen; two days later, when classes actually began, we were down to 92 already.

James Lipton: What made you stay?

OPHELIA: Don't get me wrong; the old bugger was intimidating. I went back to my apartment, questioning my decision, wondering if I should give up the $500 seat deposit that I'd placed. And then it occurred to me: He hadn't made his case. He'd threatened us, but he didn't support his arguments. I looked at my own arguments for going through law school, and mine were clearly superior to his. I went to classes, took them seriously, and eventually graduated with my specialty in contract law.

James Lipton: Why that specialty?

OPHELIA: Because it's contracts that are the biggest problem in a capitalist society. Every transaction you make, of any kind, has its basis in a contract. When you open a bank account, you're entering into a contract with the bank - and trust me, they've got more ways to shaft you than you've got pennies in your account. Credit cards, home purchases, labor and wage arrangements... all these are contracts that, in our modern country, are designed to benefit the corporation and enslave the individual.

JYBIAN: Be careful, Phee, you're probably turning Caedmon on.

CAEDMON: There's no need to be crude. No matter how true it might be.

OPHELIA: (laughs) Sorry, Caed, didn't mean to steal away your soap box. You did ask, though, and that's the answer. Contracts are where most people get shafted - they can't transact any business without them, and with them, they're likely to get tripped up. I found Catherine Crier's book, The Case Against Lawyers, to be an inspiring read. I don't agree with all of her opinions - after all, any book endorsed by Bill O'Reilly is suspect to begin with - but many of her arguments were sound and worth considering. The irony is that, despite her various cases against lawyers, I decided to become a lawyer in order to fight lawyers where they live.

James Lipton: Are you ever afraid that you might, shall we say, turn to the Dark Side?

OPHELIA: Oh sure, especially in the early years when still paying off the student loans. I was fortunate enough to do some clerking very quickly after college - one of the adjunct professors, an attorney who came in to teach an advanced course in contract torts, liked my approach to the problems he set forth in his classes, and he hired me right after graduation to fill in a gap in his office. I got the chance to get both money and experience right off the bat. I consider myself very lucky.

James Lipton: I know that the law school you're referring to isn't in this town. How did you end up here?

OPHELIA: Yet more luck, so far as I can tell. My boss' firm was doing well, but he really didn't have the room at the top to help me progress as far as I could. We talked about it quite candidly - something that I didn't think I'd ever be able to do with any boss. He asked my opinions, my ambitions, my plans... he actually was more concerned for what I wanted for myself than he was for his firm. He said that he'd rather have new blood, rarin' to go, than have even the best mind in his firm wishing she could be somewhere else. I still regard him as my best mentor. We stay in touch.

James Lipton: And here we were told that lawyers have no hearts. I know now that there are at least two lawyers out there who shatter that cold myth.

SHEILA: Cor', don't he talk nice?

James Lipton: It pays to practice. And speaking of practices... the law firm of Doolittle and Waite. How did you come to work for them?

OPHELIA: I started casting about the Internet, looking for work in places where I thought I might like to live. This town is one of my top choices for location, and I hoped that something might turn up. With my law school scores, my bar score, and a glowing recommendation from my boss-cum-mentor, the only thing that would slow me up was the economy.

CAEDMON: An enemy to us all, these days.

LIGHTFOOT: No argument from me.

James Lipton: Nor me! But fortune seems to have smiled on you once more.

OPHELIA: I travelled up here to interview with the firm's senior partners, talk to the various associates and so forth, get a feel for what the job would entail. In a lot of ways, I'm treated more as a paralegal or a law clerk than an associate, but I'm not ill-treated. Interestingly enough, I'm probably much less stressed in my position here, since the firm elected to pay me hourly until I become a fully-fledged associate with the firm. They're reluctant for me to get into overtime.

James Lipton: And now, finally, I can ask you: How did you find the house, and perhaps more importantly, how did you end up with a room there when there wasn't one?

OPHELIA: During my interview, I asked about housing, expecting information about the various areas of town, price ranges, and so forth. One of the associates handed me the business card of the attorney who handles the matters for the house, told me I should call him about a place to rent. I did, and he said he'd have to get back to me the next day. I didn't know why, at the time.

LIGHTFOOT: He called us at the main phone line in the house. We all share that one and have cell phones for our private use. I got the call, and he asked me how many bedrooms the house had.

James Lipton: If I'd received that call, I would have said the man was out of his mind.

LIGHTFOOT: I considered that possibility! I also knew that there was probably more to the house than any of us had suspected, so I put the phone down and went back upstairs. I didn't trust my count, so I knocked on Jybian's door... which, by the way, wasn't where it was supposed to be.

JYBIAN: I had been working at my computer and didn't notice a thing. When I stepped out into the hallway with Lightfoot, I suddenly realized that I no longer had the room at the head of the stairs - there was another room, fully as large as the rest of our rooms, that was empty. We counted: Five bedrooms.

James Lipton: No one else noticed, either?

SHEILA: I was at work; I think Caedmon was at the library or some such.

CAEDMON: We didn't notice until that evening, when these two demonstrated the new geography of our second floor.

LIGHTFOOT: I told the attorney that we seemed to have a spare bedroom available, and why was he asking? He explained that he wanted to make sure that there was room for someone who had called him that afternoon. It was at that point that I was certain that the attorney knew everything about the house.

James Lipton: The house created another bedroom, because it knew that Ophelia belonged there, is that what you're saying?

SHEILA: Spot on.

James Lipton: I'm not even going to bother asking how that's possible. I believe you told me also that there was no equivalent expansion of the exterior of the house.

CAEDMON: Just so.

James Lipton: As the ancient commercials remind us, why ask why? So... once again at the café?

JYBIAN: Yup. I was already expecting a slam-dunk, since the house gave us the clear message that we were to expect a fifth person. I was already prepared to like Ophelia even before meeting her.

OPHELIA: I have to thank you for that, Jybian, because I was strangely nervous about living in a house with so many other people. I wasn't sure what I thought when I first saw Sheila; I have to admit, the idea of one girl and three guys, I really didn't know what to make of it. Sorry, Shee.

SHEILA: (laughs) It was understandable! We probably seemed like a right rowdy bunch as well. I was like Jybian - Ophelia had to belong to the house already, so when we all met, I was already at ease. Usually, when you meet someone new, you're a bit more reserved, maybe even a bit toffee-nosed. I was ready to make Phee my new sister.

OPHELIA: It did take me a bit to realize that what I was witnessing wasn't rowdiness, as Shee put it, but a real welcoming. I was treating it sort of like an interview; they were treating it like a party. After I warmed up to it, I really did start to feel right at home. And if you'll allow me to anticipate you, Mr. Lipton...

James Lipton: Do go on.

OPHELIA: I was the first to enter, just like the others. No doubt, if I'd seen them change before I stepped into the house myself, I'd have gone completely nuts. Instead, I stepped in and, no doubt changed... however, I did notice something was a bit wrong fairly quickly.

James Lipton: Don't tell me that you tripped as well?

OPHELIA: Not exactly. I just suddenly had this feeling that was carrying some significant weight on my tuchis.

CAEDMON: Of the five of us, I have the shortest tail - almost non-existent. Although Jybian's tail is longer than Lightfoot's, it's probably the second lightest, and Lightfoot the third in line.

SHELIA: You remember me talking about wondering what to do with my tail after I'd changed? It took a while to get used to, because it's pretty well muscled.

OPHELIA: My tail is somewhat muscular as well, and it spreads out at first, rather than slimming down to a single taper. When I changed, the main reason that I noticed a difference is because ... well, I could make a joke and say, "Does this tail make my butt look big?"

James Lipton: I can imagine that it must have been quite a surprise. What happened?

LIGHTFOOT: Forgive me, Phee, but I have to tell this.

OPHELIA: (chuckles) Oh brother... go ahead!

LIGHTFOOT: I was the second to enter the house after Phee, so I got a good look as she changed. She'd stepped perhaps six or so feet inside, and then she stopped abruptly. I had recognized at once what she'd become, and I had the fleeting thought: "Oh, I hope that she's not too surprised...!" As I took one more step toward her, I saw her stiffen somewhat and saw that huge and, under other circumstances, beautiful tail start to stiffen, raise up, and shake very slightly.

JYBIAN: I was right behind him. I thought we were doomed.

James Lipton: Tell me she didn't...?

OPHELIA: For a split second, I thought that something had scared me so badly that I was going to wet my pants. That was the sensation, or at least that's how I translated the sensation. I inhaled sharply and became very glad that I practice kagels.

CAEDMON: As were we all.

OPHELIA: In what I hoped was a nonchalant manner, I laughed lightly and said, without turning around, "You know, I think I've had too much coffee. Could you direct me to the bathroom?" And then I turned around. And for a moment I was afraid that trying to get to a bathroom would be superfluous.

JYBIAN: As I remember it, the rest of us tried to scatter as quickly as we could move, mostly hitting the floor first. Sheila managed to back out onto the porch and then around to the outside.

SHEILA: Well, I figured one of us needed to be able to run get a few gallons of tomato juice.

OPHELIA: (laughing) I'm just as glad that it didn't come to that! Truth to say, though, Sheila's being outside actually helped. You see, I'm standing there, not only trying to figure out what's happened to me, but also why there seems to be a badger, a tiger, and a fox, all wearing human clothes and speaking in English, rather than the people I'd just met. I was having a helluva time trying to find something that was the least bit normal. All at once, I saw Sheila outside, looking perfectly normal, and I started yelling to her for help.

SHELIA: Took me a minute to twig. I couldn't see the lads anymore, since they were on the floor, and I could see Phee looking perfectly normal. Thick's a plank for about half a minute, then I remembered that anyone looking into the house sees humans, not anthros. So I start yelling to Phee to calm down and watch me. I make sure she's got her eyes on me the whole time, and I walk into the house and cross the threshold. It didn't 'arf make her stop screaming. I think she was so shocked that she couldn't speak for about a minute.

OPHELIA: She's right, actually. I can't say that I was actually understanding what was going on, because my brain was trying to short-circuit itself. When I saw Sheila change into a kangaroo - not only that, but keep on talking! - I was beginning to wonder what you people had put into my coffee!

James Lipton: All of you are far too young to remember the psychedelic sixties.

CAEDMON: Magic mushrooms are eternal. Or so I'm told.

LIGHTFOOT: (laughs) I have a few cousins who could tell you about peyote buttons. But no, as Ophelia eventually figured out, we hadn't done anything to her coffee.

James Lipton: I'm curious about something here. Lightfoot, you and Jybian seemed to know what was going on almost instinctually, and Sheila didn't have too much trouble figuring it out. Caedmon and Ophelia, however, seem to have had quite a traumatic time of it. The house brought each of you to it, and obviously it's turned out well, but there seems to have been some difficulty with our last two lodgers. Caedmon, you had said that you'd not really heard of "furry" before; Ophelia, how about you?

OPHELIA: Only in a cursory sort of way. I'm a big fan of CSI, and I saw the famous "Fur and Loathing in Las Vegas" episode. The character of Gil Grissom takes nothing at its face value except physical evidence; everything else deserves a deeper look. I did a little looking myself, and unfortunately, the biggest hits on the Internet for "furry" are usually for porn. I did find a lot that wasn't, however--some really beautiful drawings. I just never thought of it as something that could actually happen.

James Lipton: So like Caedmon, you weren't looking to become your anthro self.

OPHELIA: No. I didn't even know that I had an anthro self.

James Lipton: I'm curious, then, as to how the house knew that you were the right people to bring in, and what your anthro forms would be.

LIGHTFOOT: I may have an answer for that, if you'll allow me.

James Lipton: By all means.

LIGHTFOOT: You've heard me speak of totem animals, and how they represent us or help explain us. This was a concept that I was brought up with, so when I found myself particularly attracted to Fox, I let part of my mind embrace and acknowledge Fox Medicine--camouflage. I'm always reading, always absorbing information. I'm not exactly like Jerod from the series The Pretender, but I can probably bluff my way into a lot of different situations. Jybian is a white tiger.

JYBIAN: I've always been a feline at heart, perhaps because I always grew up with housecats. I have a very strong affinity for the big cats, not necessarily as predators but as strong, confident creatures.

LIGHTFOOT: The big cats have a Medicine that is based on impeccability--being totally true to oneself, and being responsible for oneself. Say what you will about Jybian's randomness or his seeming carefree manner. He is always true to himself and keeps his word. He speaks the truth, even when that truth seems so weird that no one really understands it.

JYBIAN: Hence my success at tech support, no doubt.

LIGHTFOOT: Sheila's athletic prowess and open, honest nature are part of the Kangaroo Medicine. Native Americans don't have kangaroos to learn from, of course, but the aboriginal population of Australia knows all about them. I've had some online conversations with "natives," you might say, and they've described a great deal about the various Medicine animals there. Sheila brought that Medicine with her.

SHEILA: Hope I'm not dosing without a prescription, mate!

James Lipton: So you're suggesting that Caedmon's Badger Medicine, and Ophelia's Skunk Medicine, were a part of them even before they came to the house?

LIGHTFOOT: Absolutely. Caedmon pursues truth aggressively, quick to express himself, and yet also has the ability to heal--to right a wrong, for an example. Similarly, Ophelia has Skunk Medicine, which is that of reputation, self-respect, being her true self and being able to assert herself without ego. Her choice of the law as a profession reflects this as well.

James Lipton: So the house, as well as bringing you all together, knows who you really are and can help you reflect that as your anthro selves.

CAEDMON: We all have a strong sense of our personal identity. In Lightfoot and Jybian's cases, the animal totem was already known; for the rest of us, we were shown. I'm uncertain if anyone who does not know himself would be affected by crossing the threshold. We may never know.

James Lipton: Getting back to Ophelia's transformation, then... Did you, like Caedmon, need some time to think about the choice you were being offered?

OPHELIA: Yes and no. The first problem was getting my brain to work properly. I had seen everyone else change, and I knew something had happened to me too, but I wasn't really sure quite what. I knew that I had to sit down somewhere and work it out; I was far too confused to go anywhere without risking being arrested simply for looking stoned.

SHEILA: I guided her over to the ottoman to start with. It's always a challenge to know what to do with your tail when you first start out, and I figured she didn't need any extra trouble. One of the boys got a glass of water, and it worked like it did for me.

OPHELIA: I would say that I started to feel more normal, but that's not quite true either. I guess I was just less freaked than before. It was Lightfoot who brought the mirror around, and I got my first look at myself. I became less freaked and more intrigued. After a little bit, I began to think that I actually looked pretty good.

JYBIAN: You'd better believe it, gorgeous!

OPHELIA: (laughs) That actually helped more than you might think. Not that I was looking for a boyfriend or anything, but I was glad that I didn't look freakish. I started remembering those pictures that I'd seen before, and I found myself thinking that it wasn't all that strange after all.

CAEDMON: Ophelia's welcoming of herself was much faster than mine. I did, however, come to embrace it. Phee's right: I came to think that it wasn't all that strange. We belong.

James Lipton: And so the five of you are now living together in the house, each pursuing his or her own life, yet creating something of a family among you. I think that's quite an achievement, in this day and time. I'm sure that we all look forward to hearing more of the stories of your lives through the web comic Natural Habitat. And now, before we go, I would like to ask each of you the questions brought forth in Bullion de Culture...

What is your favorite word?

LIGHTFOOT: Prestidigitation.

JYBIAN: Paycheck.

SHEILA: Colorful.

CAEDMON: Enlightened.

OPHELIA: Resolved.

What is your least favorite word?

LIGHTFOOT: Ordinary.

JYBIAN: Appropriate.

SHEILA: Won't.

CAEDMON: Corporation.

OPHELIA: Hopeless.

What turns you on?

LIGHTFOOT: Learning. Discovery. Finding out something new.

JYBIAN: Small accomplishments--finishing a level on a video game, writing a program that works, getting off work early, that sort of thing. (James Lipton: What about big accomplishments? JYBIAN: I'll let you know when I have one.)

SHEILA: I'm a sucker for romance. All kinds, whether it's a love story or a success story. I love happy endings... or new beginnings.

CAEDMON: Harry S. Truman had a phrase, "Striking a blow for liberty." He used it to mean having a shot of whiskey. I mean it more literally--doing something actively to make the world, or at least this country, a better place. It might be as simple as common courtesy, or as satisfying as putting an idiot in his place. It could also be more active, from campaigning or circulating a petition to planning how to make genuine change in the world. As cynical as I am, I still have my hopes. Perhaps that makes me something of a romantic as well.

OPHELIA: Arguing a point. As I said before, not a shouting match, but the building of a rational argument. A Jewish friend of mine introduced me to the term pilpul, which is a type of hair-splitting discussion that is more about showing off how clever you can be, rather than proving a point. I find that to be a lot of fun.

What turns you off?

LIGHTFOOT: Stagnation.

JYBIAN: Lightfoot introduced me to the term "bootless tradition." I love that term. Doing something just because that's always how it's done. Bleah--what a waste!

SHEILA: False faces. Some double-mugged Sexton Blake slingin' porkies puts me right off.

CAEDMON: Someone proud of his ignorance.

OPHELIA: Power-playing. Trying to "lord it" over someone, just because of a title, or an advantageous position.

What sound or noise do you love?

LIGHTFOOT: Water - in a brook or river, in the ocean, in a waterfall, even in the shower. Flowing water.

JYBIAN: The hum of perfectly working electronics. None of those beepy error message noises.

SHEILA: The echoes in a gym. Empty or full of folk, there's a sound quality all its own. Oh, and the sound a basketball makes when it sails from downtown and hits nothin' but net! I can even hear that above the roar of the crowd!

CAEDMON: I can say the same about a library. The quiet of a library is not silence; you can hear pages being turned in a book, or books being taken from their shelves, and if you listen very closely, you might hear a light bulb going on in someone's mind.

OPHELIA: How do I follow that?! Well... I used to spend some time with a friend in Colorado in the fall, and we'd go listen to the elks bugling. It's an amazing sound, something not easily described. Now that I've found my furry self, I wonder if I'd hear it differently.

What sound or noise do you hate?

LIGHTFOOT: Someone screaming at a child.

JYBIAN: Have you ever heard a computer hard drive make a screech like a piece of dry ice on a hot flat iron?

SHEILA: A slamming door. It sounds like something that's over, and not well.

CAEDMON: Fox News.

OPHELIA: Rap. It just sounds so angry, so discordant. I don't understand why someone would enjoy listening to that much raw negativity.

What is your favorite curse word?

LIGHTFOOT: Some words really are curses; they cast black energies at someone or something. I try to avoid them. When I'm really angry, I know several different tribal words for (ahem) excrement.

JYBIAN: When I'm hurt or injured, I usually break out with the verbal equivalent of a series of dingbats. It's nonsense syllables, shouted out as they form in my head. People think I'm swearing in some foreign language. It's great.

SHEILA: I've got some Chitty for various common Anglo-Saxon foul words, which is convenient when I'm in public or summat. Of those, I guess my favorite is probably "pony," short for "pony and trap," which rhymes with you-can-guess-for-yourself.

CAEDMON: As Lightfoot says, some words or terms really are curses. I've been known to hurl such horrifying curses as "Insurance Companies" or "Bankers" from time to time. If I'm in a particularly foul mood, I might even shout "Congress!"

OPHELIA: I rarely plead in court, and even when I did, few trials are as exciting as the fictional ones on TV. So when I get mad, I scream out, "OBJECTION!" I only hope I don't hear a voice from on high bellowing, "OVERRULED."

What profession would you like to attempt?

LIGHTFOOT: I'd love to be a teacher. Unfortunately, we don't have any teaching positions open in the United States anymore; it's all just test-passing strategies.

JYBIAN: Stand-up comedy always knocks me out. That would be fun.

SHEILA: I may try to get my Masters in Social Work after all. I'd like to be able to help folks sort out their problems.

CAEDMON: I may yet try for public office. However, to paraphrase Groucho Marx, I'm not certain that I'd want to represent a constituency foolish enough to vote for me.

OPHELIA: Outside of the law, I don't have that many professional interests. Strangely enough, I think I'd like something fairly simple and far away, like managing a small bed-and-breakfast place somewhere. Maine, maybe.

What profession would you not like to attempt?

LIGHTFOOT: Soldier.

JYBIAN: Anything that requires me to wear a tie.

SHEILA: President of the U.S. - not that there's much chance of that, unless they change the law to let the Governator run for office!

CAEDMON: CEO, of anything. There's too much madness wrapped up in those cursed positions.

OPHELIA: Crime Scene Investigator. I know, it looks so cool on TV, but I don't think I could keep my gag reflex from kicking in. I'd love solving the mystery; I'd hate working too closely with some of the evidence!

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say as you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

LIGHTFOOT: "We have a version of YouTube up here, and excerpts from your life have been "favorited" more than a million times."

JYBIAN: "You remember when you said you'd built a "gaming god" computer? You ain't seen nothin', kid. Step this way..."

SHEILA: "My Son wants to shoot baskets with you. Just so you know: My money's on you."

CAEDMON: "Good work, comrade. Come relax a while."

OPHELIA: "Looks like Old Scratch didn't get all of the lawyers after all."

Once more, let me thank my guests for joining us today. This is James Lipton, welcoming you all to the world of Natural Habitat. Ladies and gentlefurs - the web comic is yours. Carry on.