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I approached the door to Derek's room. It was late in the night and the moon had risen in the sky. I gently knocked on the door, but didn't hear a reply. I slowly opened the door and peeked my head in. All the lights were off, but the moon was bright enough to illuminate the room. Derek was looking at the stars and the bright, full moon. He always loved to look at the stars; he was always amazed by them. The light from the moon shone on his face. But I knew something was wrong when I didn't see a smile on his face. The smile I had always loved to see. Instead, he looked sadly into the starry sky. I walked into the room and closed the door behind me.

"Derek?" I whispered softly. He turned and gave me a smile, but I knew there wasn't any happiness behind it. It had been replaced with sorrow and guilt. "What's wrong, love?" I said feeling torn. I had never seen him like this. As if struck, his expression became pained. Was it something I said?

"Hi John," he said, looking at the night sky, "just looking at the stars. They're beautiful, aren't they?"

"What's troubling you, Derek?" I pressed on, "You have been a little down since we went to the store yesterday. You brightened up last night, but all today you have been gloomy. Please tell me what's bothering you. I want to help you. I love you."

"I love you too, John," he said softly. But his expression continued to show guilt and sorrow. "Nothing is wrong, and it's late, you should get some sleep," he sighed deeply. "I'm going to be up for a little while."

"Derek, I know something is wrong. Please tell me, I really want to help you. I don't like seeing you so down. It hurts me to see you like this." I pleaded, almost in tears.

"I'll tell you later, this is not a good time." he replied. "I promise, we will talk about this."

"I trust you," I said and saw him flinch slightly. "Good night, Derek."

"Good night, John," he called back softly. I turned and opened the door, but not before seeing a single tear streak down his face. I left him sitting there, looking at the stars. He's lost. Now he's trying to find his way back.

After what seemed like hours of lying in my bed, I eventually fell asleep, but the pain and fear never diminished.

The next day, Derek stayed in his room for the whole morning and all afternoon. But I didn't worry, he promised he would come. He had always kept his promise. I sat in the living room on a rather simple chair, waiting patiently for Derek. I knew he was going through something rough and he needed his time to think.

Mrs. Price went in and out of his room, bringing some food and water for him. Every time she came out, she wore a melancholy expression. As the night became darker and the hours past, I heard the similar footsteps. It was Derek's, I knew the sound and rhythm of his movements. Derek walked sadly into the room as if he was dreading this moment. But I still tried to cheer him up and smiled at him. He returned the smile but it was pained.

"Hi Derek," I said a little cheerily. He sat on a chair next to me. The chairs were rotated so that they slightly faced each other. "Please, tell me what's been troubling you. I want to help."

He sighed and began, "John... I love you. I want to keep loving you. You've always been there for me...you always stood up for me. These past years with you have been the best of my life." Tears had started to form, distorting his deep blue eyes. "But...I don't think this is going to work anymore."

My mind went into a state of shock and I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. What? What's not going to work? Even though my mind had shut off, my muzzle still moved and voiced my confusion, "I-I don't understand."

"Us. Our relationship," he wiped away a tear, "I... think I'm more straight than I thought. I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He choked, "I-I still want to be your friend," He got up quickly, "Sorry."

I made a grab for his paw, to tell him that it was okay, but he had already pulled away too far. He turned and ran out of the room. "W-wait, don't leave," I faintly called after him, losing my voice. But he was already gone. I sat there alone, feeling nothing but loneliness and sorrow. I had lost my boyfriend.

All this time I had thought that we had taken our relationship to the next level. After all, we did have sex. What went wrong?

I quietly crept to his room and pressed an ear against the door. I heard a muffled sob, Derek's muffled sob. I turned away feeling even more down. I thought about walking in and comforting Derek, but I thought against it. He wanted to be alone for a while and he needs his time. I slowly walked to the stair case that led to my room. The room that he had given me, in a house that he offered to share. Feeling to weak to climb the flight of stairs, I sat on the bottom step and put my head in my paws. Then for the first time in many years, I cried.

I could barely contain my emotions and tears streamed down my face. I missed him already. I missed his bright smile that could bring light to even my darkest day. His wonderful blue eyes that I loved to gaze into and see his love and joy. All of it, lost. I forced myself to think positively, lost doesn't mean gone forever. Someday it will be found again.

I looked up and turned to where the kitchen was. On the counter, was the bouquet of roses I had given to him a couple of days ago. I had given it to him to show I loved and cared about him. Then a thought crept into my head, am I willing to do anything for him?

Anything, I thought immediately. I still loved him and I would do anything to make him happy. But the thoughts kept popping into my head. Am I hurting him by being here? Is my presence a reminder of the relationship we shared? I wanted to stay here and help him through this, but I feared that my thoughts were correct. What if I am hurting him? Would it be better if I had left? Is that the only way for me to help him?

I closed my eyes and concentrated on my thoughts. There was a possibility that my thoughts were true; I could be hurting him after all. The one person I vowed to protect, and it appears that I am the only one hurting him. I must leave.

After concluding that it was best to leave, another thought tugged at my mind. Where will I go? College? No, I don't have enough money. Of course, Mrs. Price could help me financially, but no. I will not ask her of that. The other option was to join the military; to be homeless was unacceptable, I had to do something. Navy and Air Force is a pass, it is too late to apply. Army? No, I could do better. Marines? Yes, that is probably the best option. But I can't just leave without saying good-bye.

I went to one of the offices in the house and found a sheet of notebook paper. It wasn't fancy, but it would have to do. I got a black ink pen and began to write:

My Dear Derek,

You have made these past years together truly, the best of my life. It is unfortunate that those years together had to end. You have given me so much, a place to call home, your friendship, your love. I cannot fully express how grateful I am in words. However, I am sorry to say that we must move on. You have a life to live, college to go to. As for me, I will find my place. Do not worry for me, do not punish yourself either. Do not dwell on the past; look ahead or you will miss the future. The past is to be cherished, not to be grieved. Perhaps a day may come when our paths cross swords again.

By now you may wonder where I will go. I plan to join the military, the Marine Corps, in fact. Do not worry, I will survive and return one day. I will always come back. On one final thought, you said you still wanted to be friends on the night our relationship broke. The truth is, you will always be my friend, where ever you may be, no matter how far.

Your friend,

John McKnight

I looked back at what I wrote, it wasn't very long, but I felt that it was good enough. I found an envelope and put my letter into it. Having finished that, I went upstairs and went to pack my things. I collected my clothes and put them into the duffel bag I had brought when I moved in. I made my bed so that the room looked like the way it was. As I finished, something caught my eye. It was a picture of Derek and I. We were standing next each other and smiling at the camera. I felt a tear fall from my face; I missed seeing him so happy. The picture was sitting on my bed stand and when I saw it, I immediately thought about the relationship we had. It was something I wanted to cherish. I gingerly picked it up and placed it in my bag.

I looked around the room one last time, the room Derek had given me, and tried to store the mental picture in my mind. It was for the best, I thought to myself when I felt a slight temptation to stay. Derek goes before myself, I love him that much. I slowly walked down the stares, and when I had reached the bottom, I placed my bag on the floor and I sat down on the last step again. I closed my eyes and recalled all of the memories of Derek and I together. I sat there all night, smiling as I went through and relived the memories.

It wasn't until about 6 am when I heard someone in the kitchen. I opened my eyes and looked in the direction of the kitchen but didn't see anyone. A strong scent caught my nose, someone was making coffee. It must be Derek's mom. I sighed and got up, the time to do it wasn't going to get any better. I walked into the kitchen as soon as Mrs. Price had put the coffee into the machine.

"Good morning, John. What are you doing up so early?" she greeted me. I saw her try to smile, but it didn't work out. Her eyes were filled with worry, sadness, and pain. I could tell she cared about Derek and was in pain from seeing him so depressed.

"Mrs. Price," I started, "I have to leave."

"What? Why?" she asked concerned. "What happened?"

I told her what Derek told me. "But that doesn't mean you have to leave!" she said in disbelief.

"I'm hurting him here. I'm a reminder of our relationship. I need to leave. It's for the best. Derek needs to heal and he can't if I am here. I love Derek, and I will do what's best for him," I explained.

"I know you want the best for Derek, but I want you to have the best too. You feel like a son to me," she said sadly.

"I-I wanted to thank you before I left. You've given me so much, I am truly grateful that we met. You will always be like a mother to me." I was about to walk toward the door, but then I remembered my note. "Oh! I would really appreciate it if you could give this to Derek when you see him," I said handing her my note. I turned and went toward the door. She followed me and opened the door.

I picked up my bag and went through the door. "Good-bye, and thank you again."

"Good-bye, John. Please come back some time." She had a tear streaking down her face.

I gave her a sad, but genuine smile, "We will see." I turned and walked about fifty meters from her house and turned around. Mrs. Price was still watching me sadly. I gave her a smile and waved before continuing on. I didn't once look back again.