I was Never Gay Part 1
#1 of I Was Never Gay
A story about an older fur who has realized that he is not completely straight. This is the first part of the story, no yiffing or anything yet. I just wanted to post what I have so far, and see what people think. It's not pedophilia, since everyone involved is most definitely over 18. It's just an older man ending up with a man half his age. I do hope you enjoy this thus far though. It's the first type of story of this nature for me to ever write
And for the record, since someone did email me, this isn't about myself. I'm a 20 year old female who is just straight enough to have a boyfriend, lesbian enough to have tried having a girlfriend. I don't know where the idea for this story came from, since I really shouldn't know anything about this sorta stuff. But I guess it could be said with me that I have an overactive imagination. ^__^
If you really want to talk to me about this, or any others of my story, I have YIM: Saereth_quiet_dragoness. Feel free to IM me on that.
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I never thought of myself as gay. I mean, look at me. I'm a 40 year old fur, I've raised a family, had 3 children, and yet somehow, here I am now. Divorced, and living with a lover. His name is Greg, and we've been together for about 2 years now. I kinda feel like I've been robbing the cradle, sleeping with someone who is barely half my age, but trust me, I didn't seduce him or anything like that. If anything, he's the one that made the moves on me. Kinda sad to think that at one point, he was my daughter's boyfriend.
Don't think that I meant for that to happen. It's kinda funny really. you see, my daughter turned out to be a lesbian. It really wasn't any of ours fault for what happened.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you the story.
At one time, I was a happily married grey-wolf. Mated to a wonderful blond wolf named Sara. We were in love. We were successful. I was good at my job, being a computer programmer. She was good at hers, being a real estate agent. We had children together, three wonderful pups that brought delight to my heart everyday I saw them, coming home from school, or walking them to the bus stop, or sitting down to a meal together. We were all happy.
If I felt vague misgivings about my life, I was quite able to stifle them in the face of the wonderful life I was living. I had everything I could have ever wanted. So why wasn't I truly happy?
I spoke long about it with Sara. How I felt in my heart that something was missing. She would curl up against me, sighing softly into my fur, and tell me that she did not know what to do, to make me feel better, to make me feel as if I had everything. We didn't know what to do. The children never knew. So after a time, I simply would give up and rebury those feelings, and pretend to be happy. Pretend to feel as if I wasn't all alone and scared, and just NOT HAPPY.
I felt like that for years. Never really went away, that uneasy stress in my belly. I would see young men walking around my place of work, and I'd break out into a sweat and turn my eyes away. I didn't think about it then. Afterall, no man thinks about another man like that. Or so I thought. I thought that maybe I was yearning to be young again. Maybe I wanted to see myself 10 pounds lighter and more muscular. Maybe I simply missed my puppy days, when I was free to do whatever I chose.
Perhaps I missed the days when young males could play together, and if one accidentally brushed another one in a not-so innocent way, well, it could be dismissed as teenage hormones. It could be considered something less than an intimate moment. Maybe I did miss that.
Honestly, it wasn't until the day my daughter brought him home that I realized something was wrong.
She was a senior in high school, finally starting to want to settle down with a good mate. And trust me, this one was good. The moment he walked in the house, our eyes met, and I gasped. He stood there, 6 feet of black wolf, gold eyes, rugged beautiful muscles and a lean, beautiful body. His shirt was tight against his skin, and his pants left very little to the imagination. When he stepped into our house on the night of their senior prom, I simply sat there, gaping.
Eventually my manners got the better of me, and I blushed, standing quickly to greet him. He smirked at me, quirking his head to the side, his nose twitching.
"Hello sir, I'm Greg. I'm here to pick up your daughter."
I extended a paw, my eyes locked onto his. He shook my paw, and I stood there, dumbfounded. I felt then like here, here was something that was too gorgeous, something that stood between male and female in absolute balance. I could feel my heart pounding, my blood racing. And other parts of my anatomy were certainly stirring. I felt myself blush, and I broke eye contact. I stuttered,
"Pleased to meet you, Greg. She'll be right down, I'm sure."
I sat back down in my chair, crossing my legs, and rustling my paper, trying to ignore the emotions that were coursing through me. THe most prevalent thought was,
"omg, I"m such a pervert! he's not even 20! He's my daughter's date! Why does he rouse me like this?"
It didnt' help that he sat right across from me on the couch, and I could see his beautiful muscled legs so close to my own. I wanted to reach out a foot and brush his silky fur, or reach out a hand, and stroke it down his chest. I wanted to touch him, feel him, know i was alive by knowing he was alive. I wanted to jump him, right then.
FInally, my daughter came downstairs, kissed me on the cheek, and left with him, leaving me with a headahce and a hard-on. My wife was thankfully at work at the time, leaving me alone at home. Both of my other children were at sleep-overs with their friends. I was completely alone.
I chose to go take a shower. A very, very cold shower.
As I shivered in the shower, I leaned my head against the cold, cold tiles, and started to cry. What was it that I was feeling? Why was I feeling it? So I have always felt I was missing something. Why did it feel like this young man was filling that missing spot? Why did I shiver thinking of him? Why did I feel like I was missing something so vital, that only looking into his eyes could fill?
I turned the warm water on, and stood there for a long time, the hot water sluicing through my fur, over my body. I knew that below my waist, something was stirring, simply at the thought of that beautiful young man and his lustrous fur. I wanted so bad to run my paws through his fur, to set mouth and tongue to every inch of his young body.
I pounded a fist against the wall then. So frustrated, so confused, so absolutely without a clue what to do.
So I did the only thing I could do.
I reached down, and took hold of myself. I stood there, tears running down my face, one arm beating against the tiles of the shower stall, and I pawed off to the thought of that delicious boy. I pawed off thinking of him in that shower with me, his body curled around mine. I pawed off, thinking of all the things that I was fantasizing about.
When I was finished, I turned the cold water back on, and I stood there, shivering, crying.
I shouted then, at the top of my lungs,
" I AM NOT GAY!"