Reluctance
#1 of Poems
I had to get some stuff off my chest. I like the way this turned out, despite it sounding bittersweet or sumfin' like that. Hope you enjoy.
I
stand around
and watch it all fly by
Just like the camera filming a horror movie.
I'm not sure which is worse, really
The fact that I'm nothing
or you have moved on
and became something
I was never there for you
and I'd like to say I seriously am sorry for letting you
drift out on your own.
I never was one to rely
upon, despite my outwardly kindness
Right?
No one has ever loved
me like you did, but I was busy with
the fact that I was trying to amount to something
just to get your approval that I am worth something
when you were constantly telling me I was someone
that was dependable, sweet, kind
and above all,
Someone worth having
because I literally
was the one. I'm not sure what to be more terrified of
The raging ocean between our closenes, or the hollow shell of the sun
that was the center of our love.
It seems like
you're dying on the inside because of me.
I'm sorry, I really am. It took you to almost leave and mean every word you said to get my attention.
So I
have a debt to repay by the looks of it, right? I'm not sure if
I would be able to bring just one ounce of friendliness back,
But I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of: the fact you don't
love me, or I don't love anything. Remorse is a
funny thing, you know? It brings out
the soft side, but it can
bring the very
worse.
All I ever did was take everything for granted.
Ask me, I left you.
You left me.
I'm not
sure
of myself anymore.
I never was one to trust, huh?
No matter how I had tried and
tried, I just couldn't bring
myself to trusting you so
I'd let you in to my
confusing
brain,
heart,
sight,
love,
life.
At least this house is creaking with the past
_that it had housed, still houses and would _ keep
the present forever. I wander how we even started,
_ why we ended_
_ or knew of our drifing._
_ _
I just
want you to know I love you...
_ _
I'm sorry I even try.