Incalculable Vastness.
This is less a straight story than it is a narrative thought, take it for what you will- it's an expression.
Have you ever been so lost or focused in thought that you became separate from your limbs? It's neat, isn't it? That rare kind of undistracted near meditative thinking that tends to come with being alone somewhere lonely. It's odd simply because you slip into it effortlessly without knowing, and yet feel it coming off your body in stages like a long plane trip- everything seems to come at a higher resolution- your mind engages all the small details in everything you see, like visible aura or tone. It's a natural, intangible high- a queer pleasure felt by intelligent animals, It's the act of self awareness.
Sometimes, however, that depth of thought comes at a price- something has to drive you to it, that enables you to channel those distant frequencies. Some pressing trouble, or hopeless desire- something that brings you out of the ordinary pedestrian thought-stream into a place of insular reflection.
Well, on that note...
Meet Roy, the rat in the above picture. He's currently engaged in a very sobering, somewhat depressing activity- he's driving home from across the country. It's an odd spell, especially when you're young and flush with adventurous urges, to see the retreating scenery of the big country melting back into the familiar, bit by tiny bit as the hours crawl by.
He noticed the stars, and managed himself from practical momentum enough to... stop, somewhere, and have himself a good focused look upward. The spot he chose was a clearing in some open flatland, not far from a single isolated tree- not that he can well see it, it's a moonless night and the cosmic canopy melts so perfectly with the surreal dark all around him he feels he could jump and fall through the nothing under him. It sets the tone well, because there's allot on his mind.
He left someone behind, where he was, someone now carrying a large part of him, where they are. Knowing and dealing with that is sucking up allot of his mental energy, and demotivating as it is- he sort of needs the time alone in a moving tin box to work it all out. It's been some time since he's seen a car, or a sign for that matter- he just drives along an endless stretch of rarely disturbed white, alone with his overpowering thoughts.
When it became too much, he decided to stop- and reflect with the stars. He sits alone with a half-empty pack of cigarettes, swaying his bare feet around the fenders as he lights one up, settles comfortably, and... thinks. He thinks of the hard months ahead, and the experiences just past- the process of it slowly treating the tightness in his chest. His fantasies drift with the subtle breeze passing through his hair, drawing from the depth of his personal well- hard realities he has to face, distant places he'd like to be. It's not going to be easy treating his current illness.
Money is going to be an issue, time will as well- the events of the past few weeks has changed the way he's going to be spending and living, and thinking as well, he'll move sluggishly with purpose. The world is a different place now, and the instant he sets foot back in his home town there's going to be hard choices to make and struggles to endure. But it will be worth it to feel that touch again, that wanted feeling that makes him feel more alive than he'd ever has been. But that's still...days away, driving... it's the anticipation of setting back down and going to work on his new dream that's stretching the time he feels traveling this big ol' country of his.
So here he sits, once more- lost in thought, staring blankly at the dark contemplating all he'll do and all he wants to do, feeling at odds with the real world, which now feels as distant as the stars he's staring up at. But he'll have his dream, and he'll have that someone too- but until then, he enjoys being alone on his car hood just thinking about it.
Enjoying the night sky which, for just this small time- in this desolately lonely place in the pitch black of night, seems to exist just for him.