Tragedy
A painful memory that I finally managed to write down. Unedited and written in about 30 minutes. I am sorry in advance for all the errors that are most likely in it.
Tragedy
January 28th, 2009
A faint smile was on my face, a sight no one usually got to see. It has been so long since I have been so care free. The future seemed so much brighter; everything was slowly falling into place. This warm feeling, encompassing every part of me. I could never describe what it was, but if I could find a word, I suppose it would be peace.
I stepped out of my room, through my old oak wooden door as I turned to the stairs. "I wonder if anyone is online?" I asked myself, slowly descending the carpet covered stairs, the old home creaking with each drop of my foot as I descended the stairs.
We moved here, me and my parents and my sister, not too long ago. Sure, it was a lot smaller than our old town house, but my parents said the loved the satisfaction of owning something. I never understood it, but it made them happy, so it must be good somehow.
The house is rather old, made at the turn of the 20th century according to the real estate agent. I wondered if that actually was true, but I kept my muzzle shut while they looked and eventually bought the house. Sure, I didn't enjoy the house that much, but it is what everyone else wanted.
As I finally made it to the bottom of the stairs, a familiar large black body came to greet me, a soft chuckle leaving my muzzle as I looked to her. "Hey Shadow," I petted her ears for her, giving her a soft scratch which she seemed to have enjoyed. "How you doing, hmm?" Slowly, I released my paw from her head, scratching the underside of my own muzzle as I patted my way over to the kitchen.
"Hey buddy!" I turned my head to see my father, a middle aged grey fox looking to me, his never fading smile greeting me as I looked to him, my smile widening as I did. "Hey Dad, I'm just getting breakfast, is the computer free?"
Looking over to the living room where two orange furred vixens were watching TV, he nodded to me. "I think so, looks like Mom and Lexi are watching TV for now. Should be able to go on." "Alright, thanks." I replied, slowly making my way over to our large cabinets, reaching for the box of Frosted Flakes. I always did love those, especially when they get all soggy and the frosting dissolves off. I could never explain why, something I always liked I suppose.
The clatter of the cereal hit the bowl, and immediately I had a large Black Lab dog looking up at me with her saddest and cutest eyes she could put on. "Oh, you are such a mooch you crazy mutt!" I ruffled her ears as I poured my milk in, chuckling to her. Shadow was always so attached to me. I had a thing for animals. If I wasn't already heading for an accounting school route, a vet might not have been too bad. I love animals, they always seem so happy...so willing to listen to you and always care for you. It is almost like a living teddy bear that you care so much for.
After shuffling through the aisle between the TV and the computer, the groans of annoyance leaving my sister as I tried to get by as fast as I could, I reached down and turned on my computer with a finger. The all too familiar whirr of the machine booting up graced my large fennec ears as I slowly looked to the screen, making sure it was starting up.
It usually took quite some time for the computer to boot up, so I began to eat my Frosted Flakes, already starting to be soggy, just how I liked it. The sounds of eating filled my ears as I waited for the computer, a scratch to my leg distracting me as I looked. "Oh you silly dog," Shadow was sitting, still looking at me with her big sad eyes as I tried to eat. "You make a guy feel so guilty for eating you know?" I muttered to her, slowly sneaking my spoon down and letting her lick up some of the milk I managed to get on it.
Just as I was finishing up the last bite, the computer finally finished loading all the opening processes, the desktop in full view to me. Smiling, I set my bowl down for Shadow to drink the milk out of, loud lapping filling my ears as I brought up my chat program. After some trained clicking against the keys in no time I put in my e-mail and password and the program began to sign in.
Noticing the lapping left my ear, I looked to the bowl to find it empty and Shadow gone, a soft chuckle leaving me as I picked up the bowl, placing it onto the desk. The soft chime of the sign-in process finishing called to me, as I looked to the screen, seeing who was on. My smile only grew broader: Allen was on! Allen was one of my best friends, and such a great guy. I clicked quickly, trying to open the chat window but before it could open, his message graced me before I could even try to type.
Allen says: We need to talk. I have bad news.
Bad news? My smile immediately faded, a frown crossing my muzzle as I slowly began to type my message back.
Grant says: Bad news? Is everything okay?
Every second that went by without the message, my heart raced the worst it has in the 16 years I have been on this planet. What could it have been? Did something happen? Is he sick?
Allen says: I got a letter from Robin today...
Robin, my best friend, Allen's lover. He sent him a letter? But that must be good right? He is keeping in touch! Why is he saying it is a bad thing?
Grant says: That is great Allen! It means he is keeping in touch! It is a wonderful thing to get one from him!
Almost immediately, the answer I got back, the one thing I never wanted to grasp or hear came through.
Allen says: It is covered in blood Grant! Every spot!
No...it couldn't be true. Maybe it was a paper cut or something? A nosebleed? Nothing bad could have happened right? Before he left he promised me he would be okay, that he will make it home.
Grant says: I am sure everything is okay Allen, don't panic, everything is alright.
I had to comfort him; Allen needed it more than any other person in the world. I needed to be there, even if I could not physically be there for him I had to somehow give him some sort of care.
Allen says: No it is not Grant!
My ears drooped down even further then they already were, my vision blurring as tears graced my eyes. This could not be it. A whimper rose from my chest as my tears streaked down my cheeks. My mother growling as she turned to me. "Grant, shut up!"
I muttered my apologies as held my hand over my muzzle, my soft sobs muffled by paw as I tried to read the conversation further. The pain that ran through my soul, it could never be compared. I would never wish it on anyone.
Allen says: It says: "If you receive this letter Allen, the worst has happened and I am so sorry love..."
The rest was lost to me; my best friend was gone. My friend, my role model, my hero...had fallen. Even my paw could not conceal my cries and whimpers as they poured from my muzzle like the sadness now in my soul.
"Grant, shut up! Go to your room if you are gonna be loud!" My mother growled with even more anger in her tone, the TV barely heard in my ears as I whimpered heavily, nodding. "S-Sorry Mom..." I wiped my muzzle as I turned back to the computer.
Grant says: I am so sorry Allen, I...I need some time. I will be back as soon as I can, I am sorry.
Turning off the computer, I dragged myself toward the living room door. My paws felt so heavy, my head throbbing as my silent tears continued to stream down, hitting the floor unnoticed as I made my way back to my room, the annoyed sigh of my mother gracing my ears as I sobbed, coughing afterwards.
I turned to my dad, his eyes not glancing off of the pages he was reading of his book as I made my way across, a stab to my heart I never really registered. The pain was too great to see everyone ignoring it. The stairs quickly came into view as I basically crawled back up. He was gone, never to come back. Never to hear his voice again, never to live with him and Allen as we planned, never to be true. My dreams: crushed. My soul: worse for wear. I thought I was getting better, that everything would be lovely.
I tore my blanket off of my bed, quickly curling into it as my tears soaked into my pillow, curling around myself, in need of comfort somewhere, somehow. My life would never be the same. What about Allen? I pray he is okay. My guilt growing in my chest as I realized exactly what I did: I abandoned him when he needed me the most. My cries gaining volume as I couldn't help my feelings of being the worst person on the planet.
Eventually my cries faded, my shivering body collapsing against my bed and pillow, somehow finding rest after such tragedy.
December 22nd, 2012
Sitting in my room, my claws clicking over the eyes as I finish my piece, I let out a sigh. "Hope it is good..." I mumbled to myself, clicking save quickly as I let out another sigh. My head throbbed, pain racing through it as I growled lightly. It must have been from all the time staring at the computer. Rubbing my eyes, I slowly drew my fingers back, confused: they are wet. Was I crying this whole time?
"Stop it Grant..." I growled to myself, laying my head against the exact some pillow I did almost 4 years ago now. Much has happened since then, but there will never be a time that I forget him.
Opening my files as I lay down, looking to my screen and quickly finding the one picture I have of him. A black panther with a camouflaged cap covering his head, his arms resting against his dark green mustang, a smile revealing his fangs as he stared into the camera. That car was always his pride and joy.
"Rest well my friend...I miss you so much..." I slowly closed the image, shutting the top of my laptop as I laid it to the side. I closed my eyes, swearing I could feel a paw on my shoulder as sleep took me, the transparent panther behind me smiling to me before disappearing to the air. As long as he is in my heart and in my memory, he isn't truly lost.
Dedicated to the best man I have ever known: Robin Swann. You will always be remembered in my heart, and no matter what, I will always honour you my friend. Rest in peace Robin, my dearest friend.