Looking To The Stars: Episode 06 (Pokemon Trainer)
#7 of Looking To The Stars (Archive)
* * = Action and/or stage direction
{ } = Tone of voice
[] = Sound effects
- - = Time Lapse
( ) = My and the character's thoughts/added information
All three: = Alec, Taiga, and Kira doing/saying/thinking something in unison
So... anyway... Lights, Camera, Crazy Town!
*Alec is sitting down eating some cinnamon apple bagels while Kira, wearing a loosely tied robe, and a random dragon walks out of her room. (Of course)*
Alec: *looks up* .... Hey Jake.
Jake (the dragon): Hey Alec. *walks out the front door*
Alec: So, have you seen Taiga anywhere?
Kira: *yawns and plops down onto another chair* At the club again.
Alec: What?! *quickly stands up in a drama-like fashion* That damn dragon knows that it's his turn to pay the rent!
Kira: {cheeky} Does it really matter? You'll just bitch, groan, and whine 'til the cows come home, and Taiga will still beat you by either yiffing you or feeding you a piece of steak that he got on the way back home.
Alec: .... *sits back down in his chair and huffs* .... Still his turn.
Kira: Anyway, I wonder if he's doing okay. His style has been slipping lately.
Alec: He had a style?
-Meanwhile, at the club-
Taiga: *is walking out of the club with a female hyena* Can't wait for you to keep that promise sexy.
Hyena: *growls teasingly* Well if you're anything like before, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.
Taiga: *looks down at her assets and murrs happily*
Hyena: *perks an ear* What was that sound?
Taiga: *stops and looks at her* Huh? What sound?
Hyena: Did... did you just murr?
Taiga: Uh....
*Time Stop* Need a moment?
Taiga: *Eats a Twix bar* Hmm.... *Time Resume* A murr? Are you kidding me?
Hyena: But I heard--
Taiga: Are you seriously kidding me? Are you that dunce in the head?
Hyena: W-W-Wait a minute--
Taiga: Shut it. Now why are you with me?
Hyena: W-Well I uh--
Taiga: You're with me for your body, not your ears. Got me?
Hyena: Oh! Y-Yes sir! S-Sorry!
Taiga: *smirks* That's why you're my bitch for the night. And it's daddy, not sir.
Hyena: *licks her lips* Oh yes, daddy.
When you need a moment, chew it over with Twix®.
Me: I swear if you don't get this, you will never win at life. EVER! Not even with a damn cheat code!
Alec: Thrillseeker!
Me: Oh. Right. Sorry. *pulls out his pocket watch and presses the button*
-----o0o-----
-some... random time later-
-----0o0-----
Alec: This is Alec!
Taiga: With Taiga!
Kira: *is holding a giant beach ball that looks like a Pokéball* And Kira as well!
All three: And this is... Looking To The Stars!!!
Alec: And tonight, we are interviewing the Pokémon-- oh hell no.
Taiga: What?
Alec: *whispers* It's Pokémon Trainer.
Taiga: No...!
Alec: Damn it, Kunai!
Me: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I swear to you it wasn't me this time! We just barely avoided another lawsuit with this one!
Alec: Please tell me you are joking this time!
Me: .... *shakes head*
Alec: Well... there goes my good day. Let's get this over with.
Taiga: *rolls eyes*
Alec: Welcome to the stage, Ash Ketchum.
Pokémon Trainer: *stomps on stage* I am not Ash Ketchum damn it!
Kira: Omg it talks!
Alec: Did you just... anyway, yes he does talk. Shockingly.
Pokémon Trainer: Has she even played the game before? I do say a little something in the game. And at least I'm not voiced by a woman during my debut.
All three: True. True.
Pokémon Trainer: Anyway, what's supposed to happen here?
Alec: We interview you.
Pokémon Trainer: .... Hell no.
Alec: Oh, you'll be fine... probably.
PKT: There is no... wait... why is my name compressed?
All three: 4th wall damn it!
PKT: *winces* Okay! Okay!
Alec: Okay, first question. Why did you pick Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard as your Pokémon for this game? And why aren't you a fighter in the game anyway?
PKT: I'm just some random trainer.
Alec: Answers one question.
PKT: And as for my trio, they thought it would be original for me. They also said some other BS about them being different types, different sizes, at different stages of evolution, and that they're evolutions of the starter Pokémon in the first generation of Pokémon games.
Taiga: Okay Ash, next I--
PKT: I'm not Ash damn it! I have an identity of my own!
Kira: *is bouncing the ball on the ground* And yet you're nameless?
PKT: ....
Taiga: *coughs* Pwn'd. *coughs*
PKT: Anyway, I'm not Ash. Even though that girl--
Alec: Boy.
PKT: Girl.
Alec: Boy.
PKT: Girl.
Alec: Boy!
Taiga & Kira: That thing--!
PKT: --was loosely based on Red, we... they are distinct characters. Masahiro Sakurai made it clear when he stated that only characters originating from video games are eligible for inclusion in Brawl's roster.
Alec: However, you are nearly identical in appearance to Red, the main character of Pokémon Red, Blue, Yellow, LeafGreen, and FireRed. And for various voice clips that were used, a new English voice actor from the anime, Michele Knotz, who also voiced Nurse Joy, May, and other characters in the anime, was given the exact role.
PKT: Exactly. Sarah Natochenny, the voice actor of Ash, is not in this game, despite popular belief.
Alec: *looks it up on her Droid Razr* .... Damn. He's right. Hey Thrillseeker!
Me: On it. *types it up and presses a button* There.
Red: Thank you-- Hey! I said I'm--
Me: Shut up and finish this interview!
Red: *groans* Just change it back.
Kira: Anyway, why can't you be affected like your Pokémon are? Like in Halbred, the cannonball hits you but goes right through you like a ghost.
PKT: I made a deal with them since I couldn't fight. I'm supporting my Pokémon in their battles--
Alec: *coughs* Barely. *coughs*
PKT: *glares* .... In their battles... I asked them to put me in the background.
Taiga: Unlike the rest of the SSBB crew, they can get tired even if they haven't been hit once.
PKT: That's why they kept me along. So when they do get tired, I can call them back to rest. Sadly, they drew the line with the stamina meter.
Alec: That's another thing, you're also always out of danger. Like at the Bridge of Eldin, you always stay to the side, so that you're never hit by the bomb that destroys the middle of the bridge. And in Norfair, you stand on a special platform in the background that flies away when the huge lava wave is coming.
PKT: Like I said before, that was the deal. If I got hurt, then I wouldn't be able to switch through my trio.
Taiga: Heh, that works with me.
PKT: Anything else?
Taiga: *picks up a backpack* Nothing. Nothing.
PKT: What's in that bag?
Alec: Next question, what's with the triple finish?
Taiga: *holds up a Pokéball and smirks at PKT*
PKT: [!] Ohh... So that's how you wanna play?
Taiga: Let's dance!
Kira: Hold it! What about the interview!?
Alec: *holds up a paw in front of Kira* You... You really should have saw this coming.
Taiga: Yeah. You really should have. I mean... we're not going to get much randomness out of this loser.
PKT: Hey! I'm better than Ash!
All three: True. True.
Alec: *rolls his eyes* Well I got the attorney joke. You can do the Pokémon battle.
Taiga: Sweetness!
Kira: What?! What about me?!
Alec: You're... handling... something.
Me: I'm giving you new clothing eventually so... yeah.
Kira: {excited} OMG! YAY! EEEE~! *drops the beach ball and watches it roll off-stage* Oops! *runs off-stage after it*
Me: See, the women that read this are gonna kill me for that.
Taiga: Can we just do this damn battle?!
PKT: Okay! Okay!
*Pokémon Battle Music plays*
Taiga: What the? I thought that was only in the game.
PKT: Nah, it happens every time I get into a battle. Now let's get this over with!
Taiga: Right! A four-on-four! *holds up a Pokéball and smirks*
PKT: But I only have--
Taiga: I choose... *readies himself to throw the Pokéball* Pikachu!
[record scratch]
Everyone on stage: Are you out of your mind!?
Taiga: .... *throws Pikachu's Pokéball (with Pikachu still inside of it... hehe) out of a window* Maybe we should just do a three-on-three.
PKT: Yeah. That would be smart.
Taiga: *pulls out a different Pokéball* Let's try that again.
*Music resumes*
Taiga: Let's go! Jiggypuff! *throws the Pokéball*
Jiggypuff: *pops out of the Pokéball* Jiggy!
Alec: Wait... just how old is Jiggypuff anyway? It's one of the few characters that appears in every Smash Bros. game.
Jiggypuff: Oh shut the hell up.
Alec & Taiga: It talks!?
PKT: Nintendo didn't want talking Pokémon unless they were either psychic or had an unexplainable power... or was Meowth.
Taiga: Ahh. Gotcha.
PKT: *tosses a Pokéball and watches Ivysaur pop out* Let's go Ivysaur!
Ivysaur: *pops out of his Pokèball and then stands up on his frontal legs with two vines coming out and curling above him DNA style* Ivy! Ivy!
Taiga: ....
PKT: No! No tentacle jokes! None!
Taiga: *growls* Fine. Fine. *points at Ivysaur* Jiggypuff, rollout that bitch!
Jiggypuff: *is sitting in a recliner while reading a magazine* Oh look at that... pink is the new black. Finally.
Taiga: WTF?!
PKT: ...... Ivysaur, Solar Beam!!
Ivy: *gets back onto all fours and starts absorbing sunlight from the hole in the roof into its flower bud*
Alec: .... We REALLY need to fix that.
Taiga: Damn it Jiggypuff! Move before you get--
Ivy: *gets onto his frontal legs again and does a handstand, before he fires a huge beam of light at Jiggypuff, blasting her into next week*
Taiga: Well... damn.
PKT: *returns Ivysaur into his Pokéball then pulls out another one and tosses it* Go Charizard!
Charizard: *comes out of the Pokéball and spreads his wings as he roars out proudly*
Taiga: *picks up another Pokéball* Fine then! *tosses it* Go Pichu!
Pichu: *jumps out of the Pokéball then puts on a pair of goggles and ties a handkerchief around his neck* Pichu! Pic Pichu!
All: ......
Pichu: .... Pichu? *looks up at Charizard* .... *looks back at Taiga* What the hell is wrong with you?!
Taiga: Yeah... considering you're an electric type and he's a flying type... it... it seemed like a better idea in the back of my mind.
Charizard: ...... *uses Flamethrower and burns the little fucker to a crisp*
Pichu: ... *cough... cough cough... faints*
Taiga: Oh, that is IT! *pulls out a 3rd Pokéball* Let's go! Mewtwo! *throws the Pokéball and watches Mewtwo come out*
Mewtwo: *lands down on the ground in an epic motion, before he starts floating in mid-air with his arms crossed* Who has called upon me for my power? *looks over at Pokémon Trainer* Wait... the fuck? Ash? Is that you?
PKT: I AM NOT ASH!!! *returns Charizard then readies a 3rd Pokéball* Let's wrap this up! *tosses it* Go! Squirtle!
Squirtle: *pops out of his Pokéball and lands in a one-legged pose* Squirtle Squirt!
Mewtwo: *points at Squirtle* ... Are you kidding me? A turtle? At least put me against something worth fighting. Like Nidoking or Snorlax or even your damn Charizard. Anything more than a damn soup ingredient.
Squirtle: *is glaring rather threateningly at Mewtwo*
Mewtwo: .... What?! *glares back at Squirtle* You dare to look upon me in such a manner! *his fingers start glowing a dark aura* I am Mewtwo! The strongest being ever to exist since Michael Jackson, J.K. Rowling, and Morgan Freeman! I am your Master!
Squirtle: *mumbles* And yet you're still gay for Lucario.
Mewtwo: I AM NOT GAY!!
Squirtle: *points at PKT*
PKT: *holds up a picture of Lucario and Mewtwo kissing and grinding against each other*
Mewtwo: .... *bursts out crying and runs off-stage* You'll never understand!!!
Taiga: .... I hate Pokémon.
PKT: *shrugs* And Pokémon hate you. *returns Squirtle*
Kira: *walks back on-stage* Hey guys! I found my beach ball!
PKT: *looks at it then gasps* That's not the beach ball!
Kira: Hmm? *turns it around and sees that it's a pissed off Electrode* Oh...
PKT: OH?! Toss that thing!
Kira: *tosses it to PKT* Fire in the hole!!!
PKT: *catches it by mistake then looks at it as it starts shining brightly* ... I hate myself.
All three: Good luck! *ducks behind the desk*
PKT: WAIT WHAT?! *drops Electrode onto the ground*
The wild Electrode used Explosion!
Me: Have you noticed how much money we seem to put into building the stage than doing the actual damn interview.
Daichi: Not to mention the hospital bill and well... lack of insurance.
Luna: Anyway... let's get the copyrights over with.
Me: Right. So... Alec the wolf, Taiga the dragon, and Kira the lioness all belong to Thrillseeker who is also known as Kunai994.
Daichi: Pokémon Trainer belongs to Satoshi Tajiri and Nintendo®. Also being owned and published by the same company of the famous media franchise Pokémon®.
Luna: All of the jokes, gags, sick puns, and dumb ideas were all thought up right off the bat. If any of these look stolen, overused, negative to the company, or racist/sexist/etc. in any way possible, it is completely by accident and thus should be reported to us so that it may be changed and/or deleted.
Us three: Hope you enjoyed this interview and we hope you will tune in again for another episode of... Looking To The Stars!