book: fear of my insanity, chapter one: a new day of old dreams.
her bright blue eyes suddenly open to a small sliver of light shining in through a small hole in her tent left be the not fully closed zipper, she lifted her self up and began pushing her way out of the sleeping bag she noticed something,
"Dam it, not again." she says looking down at her aching wrist.
"Why can't I stop from having that nightmare" she decides to sit up for now as she grabs a roll of fabric and raps it firmly around her wrist. Then her eyes close and small fragments of her dream flash in her head. One part in particular, one of a boy lying on one side, motionless. Both eyes staring at her, his left arm is resting motionless in front of him, his other... she thinks to herself,
"Why, why won't they stop? Its' been too long, why do they keep coming back? She sits there until the dream subsides. As she gets up the sun shining off her pajamas puts a pink tint to everything in the tent. When she closed the zipper the rest of the way it went back to its gloomy blue color. She pulls a pocket mirror out of her backpack and looks at herself, her long brown hair in a mess, her tan and brown fur slightly bed set, and her pajama top pulled half way off her shoulder.
"well I guess it's time for me to get ready" she begins to undress, her fur shifts with her pajamas, showing off her white under coat and her silk hair falls back down over her back. When she finished getting dressed she climbed out the tent, as heaven exits she locks the two zippers together with a small padlock do to paranoia set on years ago. after insuring herself that her belongings are safe she turns around and walks down the dirt trail, when she reaches the field, about thirty yards away, she lies down embracing herself in the tender grass when she hears a familiar and playful voice emerge above her.
"Hi there beautiful." she looks up and sees her daughter Kate.
The mother smiled and stood up and reached for a hug and says to her daughter,
"Oh my god, Kate. I haven't seen you in months, how
Have you been? How's college? is there anything you need?" as they finish hugging heaven looks over her child, taking in all her daughters features, most of them remind her of Kate's father. Kate shares both my and her father's eye color, hazel with a hint of light blue at the edges. she had always had white hair, even as a child, but when she was around four years old a patch had started to grow in a different color and caused a streak of brown to come down the right side of her face, the day we noticed Kate smiled at me and said, "look mommy, I'm like you now. Coming back to reality Kate said to me, "its ok mom, I'm fine, and college is great, the teachers are very helpful, my internship as a nurse is keeping me busy over the weekends."
"I love that you want to be a nurse, but why do you want to learn about replacement limbs?" "I don't know. It just seems so nice to give someone the ability to walk or use both hands again." despite what she said, her mind drifts off to the stories her mother told her about the man she once loved. Then she says to her,
"It's... it's because of what you told me about dad, back when I was a pup.
Her mother looked at her in shock but deep inside she knew that was the reason.
Kate always took an interest in her father, even after we moved on the day of the incident, she wanted to know were he worked, what he did at work, what... what happened to him and worst of all what he looked like, when she first told me this I was afraid she would forget what her father looked like, so I gave her a photo of him when she was young and now she never leaves with out it. Now that I think about it,
"Honey, do you have the photo I gave you?"
"Of course mom."
she puts her hand to her neck and grabs the thin golden chain around her neck and pulls out a small locket in the shape of a heart, when she opens it there are two pictures in it, on the left was a photo of my and Kate when she was younger, the other was the photo I gave her and that she now holds so dear.. Looking at it caused tears to form in my eyes, I looked up and seen that kites eyes were watering to. Then I asked her,
"Can I see it??"
"gladly." she removes the necklace from around her neck and hands it to me.
As I hold the small locket, I close it and see the finely engraved letter on the front and back, and then Kate begins reading it to me.
"No matter what happens, I will always love you, and no matter how it's been, I will never forget what you have done for me."
Now I begin to cry uncontrollably and think back to the last time I saw the man I had once loved, the last time I had seen Ian.