FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

"It all started five months ago when we arrived in Brimfield. I went to the base for my first day as a US soldier and believe me Vince, your father was really nervous. After identifying myself and asking directions, I made my way to a place name the B-House. I got out of my car and somebody came and invited me to follow him. Without asking any questions, he led me into the B-House. We walked for a couple of minutes and crossed a couple of highly secured doors to finally get into a big office where a bunch of people were waiting for me. One of them was Rick and there was the base General; General Matters.

After introducing me to everyone, General Matters started to explain what my job was going to be and so on. Everything was ok until he started to explain the project called "The FHC" or the Fur-Human Connection. He told me that this project has been under studies for about 15 years and results were highly beyond their expectation. With a 95% success rate, they've decided to adopt this project at the beginning of the year.

As soon as they finished explaining me how the FHC worked, I went in a little room next to the one I was and sat with two guys. Linked with a polygraph, they asked me 150 short questions which I had to respond with honesty. With all the collected information, they drew a psychological and physical portrait of me. Then, they entered all the information in a computer and the software analysed them. At the end, the computer gave me the name of my potential partner; Xander Nyukcze.

"So, how they know that this Xander was the perfect partner for you? I asked, totally amazed.

"I really don't know, but it worked for me. You just can't describe it; you have to experience that once in a life. It's amazing how Xander and I complete one another..." He said with sparks in his eyes.

"So, how does he look like?" I waited as we were getting near our house.

"First of all, he's a Doberman and he's way younger than me. He's slightly taller than me and he looks like a... Doberman, you know all black and tan...That's about it." He finished.

God I hate it when he's acting like this; giving few information when he describes something. Like if I know everything in the whole world...

"Well, sorry for rushing things up, but I won't get into details... At least, you know the basics now." I didn't reply, still pissed about his cold attitude.

So, we finally arrived home where mom was impatiently waiting for us. I was the first to get in the house, so she greeted me with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Hello sweetie!! How was your day?"

"Aarrkk!!! Mom, stop kissing me! I'm not a baby anymore! I winced to the kiss and pulled away from the hug. "But my day was great, I made a new friend!!" I said, now overjoyed.

"That's wonderful Vinny!" She said, ruffling my hair. "Now go eat your supper before it gets cold."

So I went to the dining room where Louis had already taken place and was playing with his vegetables, lost in his thoughts.

"Hey, how's it going?" I asked matter-of-factly, sitting next to him.

"Nice time to get back home... We've waited dad and you for almost half an hour." He answered drifting his eyes on me with a boring expression.

"It's alright Louis, we have been retained somewhere else regarding something I have to announce to all of you." My father said as he sat on the chair in front of me.

"It's pretty fuzzy for an excuse." Louis said shaking his head.

"But before, lets eat. I'm starving." My father ignores his older son's remark as he starts to dig in his plate.

So we all silently began to eat, looking at our plate, not daring to look up at the rest of us. We were eating trout topped with pear and blue cheese sauce. Mashed potatoes and steamed veggies were filling the rest of the plate. If the trout was absolutely delicious, the veggies were awful, as always. I sighed before taking a hard bite of a mix of mashed potatoes and turnip and swallowed it with a wince. Soon we all finished eating and looked up to my dad who was clearing his throat.

"Well thanks Judith for this wonderful meal." He said before taking a long pause. "I'm shipped to Iraq next week." He coldly announced.

"WHAT?!?" My mom and Louis shouted, stunned.

"You heard right, I'm leaving next Monday. That's why we were home late; we spent the afternoon at Rick Hodgson's house to talk about it." He coughed, holding his emotions.

The entire house went in a heavy and empty silence for a couple of seconds until Louis quickly got up and ran to his bedroom slamming the door behind him. Still in silence, I watched my father looking down, crestfallen. Louis was way closer with my father than me, I always knew it, but I managed to lift up and give him a big hug. He tightened his grip around me and started sobbing on my shoulder. We stayed there for a long moment as I was now crying too. After another while, he released me and wiped my tears with his thumb.

"Everything's gonna be okay, I promise." He smiled and I shyly returned it.

I thanked mom for the supper and went in my room carefully closing the door behind me. I lay down on the edge of my bed thinking of the previous times dad told us that he was going to be away for a while. Every time was really tough; never knowing if it's going to be the last time you see him. With all the new terrorist war and everything, I was aware that this time, things were not going to be that easy or was it?

"Time to bed Vinny." My father came and sat next to me on the edge of my bed watching me play Perfect Dark.

"Just finishing my game." I answered still concentrated on the game. I was now playing for at least three hours; I never get tire playing this video game. The game rapidly went on as I killed the last guy with my Laptop Gun to confirm our win.

"Violent game, isn't it?" My father asked, amused.

"It's entertaining." I corrected while shutting down my Nintendo 64 console.

"I'll have to try this once."

"You'll be so bad." I teased him making both of us laughing. He, then, stood and came in front of me and bent down to an eye-to-eye level.

"Vincent Filiatrault, don't count your chickens before they're hatched." He said with a wide grin. "But I won't be good!" He burst into laugh and we hugged goodnight.

After he left my bedroom, I quickly undressed myself and went under the sheets. Closing my eyes, hoping for a better tomorrow, I quickly drifted away into a peaceful sleep.

---

"Good Monday morning everyone! Had a great weekend?" Mr. Chad asked to his class.

"YES!!" All the students sympathetically answered.

"Good! So, let's get going. Everyone takes his History activity book to page 34 please."

'Now this...' I thought to myself as I saw the subject on the page 34. 'I already know all this stuff. Sometimes, I think I'm in a retarded class...' I just sighed and leaned my head on my right hand, eyes half-closed.

"Everyone's there? Ok. Well, last Friday, we left the class after discussing about racial inequalities, how the black people were inhumanly treated and how Martin Luther King Jr. changes the whole world in 1963, fighting against racial segregation. Today, we'll talk about another, but different racial inequality: the furs.

You might think that the black people and the furs went through the same way, but they really didn't. As you can see on page 34, the picture shows a dog and a horse bending down in front of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. As far as humankind goes, we know that the furs always lived to serve the humans. You may ask yourself why the furs were not leading the world, as they are naturally stronger than us. That's where the difference is between them and the black people; they were separated from their kind. They were living with the humans only to be slaves like the black people were used to, but they were generally alone or if they were more than one fur in the same place, they were not the same kind together. For example, a dog couldn't be with another dog or a tiger with another tiger. They could be with their own kind only for reproduction.

In the XVIIth Century, France's King Louis XIII decides in 1622 that the furs could live on their own, have a house and raise a family, but were prohibited to leave the city, have high job expectations and get scholarship which was already unusual for most of the population back in time. Soon, other empires followed the lead and untied a bit the collar around the furs necks. In the end, they were still slaves.

Time goes by without any incidents for the furs. During the same time, on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, new colonies were established and there was a lack of workforce, so, along with the black people, the furs got sent in the new world being used as slaves again. They were beaten and isolated. Even the black people were brutalizing them. Times were very hard for them, if they were trying to escape for any reason, they were unmercifully killed.

Between 1777 and 1804, the North's States banned slavery for the black people and the furs, but down south, there was no way for such freedom. In 1865, there's a glimmer of hope for the furs of the South's States when President Abraham Lincoln adopts the Thirteenth Amendment in the US Constitution that outlaws slavery and involuntary servitude followed by the Fourteenth in 1868 for civil rights and the Fifteenth in 1870 for banning racial vote restrictions. Those amendments were both for the black people and the furs.

If the racial segregation hit the black people in the face, then it hits the furs with a baseball bat. They were not simply lynched; they were totally torn apart, maim. Then it stopped for the black people in 1963 with the abolition of Jim Crow's laws, but for the furs, it was not over.

For the southerners, living with a fur was simply unsustainable. There was a complete different world for them as the kids were in different classes, different buses and were separated by a fence during recreation. Their houses were regularly burned down and they were prohibited to go in any churches; black or white ones.

Everything changed on February 25th 1980 when thousands of furs and humans went to Augusta, Georgia to peacefully manifest against violence and inequality made to the furs. The results of that manifestation got so much impact in the rest of the world that a month or so later, on April 1st, President Jimmy Carter adopted what would become the 28th Amendment of the US Constitution:

"Defines the furs as human-being"

This amendment was created to protect the furs and give them the chance to be normal persons. You know how racism is, there are still people in the world who cannot accept the differences between the white, black, furs or other ethnic groups.

So that's about it, on page 41, you have some questions to fill. When you're done, come to me and I'll correct them."

---

The early sun rays hit my eyes as it reminds me that I forgot to draw the curtains yesterday night. I turned away from the sun beams and closed my eyes again.

"Damn, it's already Sunday." I thought out loud. I've been really busy this week, flooded by endless homework and extra work, resulting of Mr. Chad catching me sleeping during the furs class. I didn't even had the chance to talk to Kyle, but today I was going to invite him over.

I was also surprised that my father didn't wake me up this morning. I didn't worry any longer and decided to get up. It was already 9:30 am, so I quickly put some pants and made my way to the kitchen where my father was. He was... cooking??

"The hell you're cooking? When did you learn to-"

"Good morning Vince." He interrupted. "And yes I know how to cook." He rolled his eyes." Will pancakes be fine for his majesty?" He glanced at me before laughing when he saw my wide open eyes and cocked eyebrow. "It's the last day I can spend with my family, so I want to make it perfect." He smiled to me while flipping the pancake over.

"Sounds good to me." I said cheerfully. "I was thinking about inviting Kyle over today, can I?"

"Sure thing!" He answered as he transferred the pancake into a plate and handed it to me with a fork and a knife. "Breakfast's ready Mister." He said grinning widely.

I thanked him and went to the dining room with my things. My mother was already there, reading the newspaper.

"Hello mom!" I said as I sat in front of her and began to set my homemade pancake.

"Hello Vince." She answered and lifted his eyes off the newspaper to see what I was doing. "See that you didn't lose your old habits." She said with a chuckle and got back to his fashion articles she always read.

Normal guys would only eat their pancakes with "pole syrup", but I'm not a normal boy... Each time I'm eating pancakes, I have to cover half of the pastry with sliced orange cheese and add two spoons of brown sugar. Then, I rolled it and finally topped it with REAL Quebec maple syrup. Even heaven can't taste any better than this! I was literally melting in my chair with each bite I was taking.

"You're weird! You know that?!" My father said with a half-disdained, half-mocking look as he sat next to me with his plate.

"But it's SOOO GOOD!!" I retorted somehow brought back to Earth.

"I can see that!" He burst into laugh. My mom's shoulders were jumping as she was trying to hold his laughs. My whole face reddened and I started to giggle sheepishly. After a little while, I managed to regain my composure and gulp in one shot the glass of milk my dad had brought to me.

"What are we gonna do today?" I asked with curiosity.

"If I tell you, it won't be a surprise anymore." He answered with a warm smile. "You'll see."

I nodded, grabbed my now empty plate and glass and got back to the kitchen where I put them away in the dishwasher. Then I went back to my room and grabbed the little piece of paper that was lying on my nightstand on which Kyle wrote his phone number and made my way back to the phone. I composed the digits and waited for an answer.

"Hello." A female voice answered.

"Hello ma'am, can I talk with Kyle please? It's Vince."

"Oh hello Vince! Yeah, I'll get him for you." She said as she receded the phone of his head and yelled Kyle to get over.

"Hey Vince, how's it going?" Kyle said.

"Fine pal! Would you like to come at my house this afternoon?"

"I would've loved to, but that's my father's birthday today and all the family is coming here so I won't be available this afternoon." He replied in a boring tone. "Sorry bud, maybe next week?" He asked with some kind of hope.

"Sure thing Kyle. I'll call you back then. See ya!" And I hung up.

"Is he coming here?" My father asked.

"No it's Rick's birthday today, so he won't be able to free himself." I said disappointed.

"I understand... So it's Rick's birthday huh?!" He thought out loud. "I'm gonna call him, hehe." He smiled mischievously and turned to me. "Go get a shower before we start our special day."

I glanced at him one last time with an arrowed eyebrow and carefully made my way in the bathroom. Sometimes my father's very strange...

Soon, my shower was over and I quickly dried myself. I threw my yesterday's clothes in the basket and went in my room to grab some clean ones. I was finishing dressing when I heard the doorbell. So, I ran out of my room. "I'll get it." I shouted before reaching the doorknob of the entrance.

"Yea-?!" I stopped, seeing who was on the other side of the porch.

"Hey, kid!" The Doberman said as he looked down at me with a wide grin. "Is Mark there?" He asked, his eyes still locked on me.

"Y-Yes, just a sec." I turned my head away from him. "DAD, XANDER'S HERE!" I yelled.

"TELLS HIM TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" He retorted.

"THAT'S HOW YOU TREAT YOUR FAITHFUL PARTNER HUH?!" He interjected before letting out a little whine that made me chuckle. "So, you know who I am?" Xander asked returning his attention on me as he kneeled one of his leg down.

"Yeah. My dad talked a bit about you last week." I smiled foolishly as I was mesmerized by his beautiful hazelnut eyes.

"Oh! And what did he said?" He asked with curiosity, never losing his warm smile.

"None of your business!"

Xander twitched his left ear to where the remark was coming from and got up. I turn around to see my father half-smiling at his partner.

"What a mutt." My father added rolling his eyes.

"And what would you be without that mutt?" Xander replied before hugging tightly my father.

After what seemed to be a long hug, I cleared my throat loud enough to make them realizing they were not alone. They let each other go and turned towards me. "Sorry." They said in unison as they exchanged a quick glance and started to laugh. Xander's uncut tail was wagging rapidly. During this awkward moment, I took the time to scan what my father's partner looked like. Obviously, he didn't know how to dress himself well. He was wearing a dark red t-shirt with the catch phrase: "I am who I am" with light gray shorts and faded black sneakers. I'm maybe a 10 years old kid, but at least I know what fits together and what don't...

All his fur (or everything I was able to see) was coated in a rich shiny black except his two eyebrows that were warm tan. He was funny with his edgy pointed ears, always twitching to a new sound. Also, he was a half-head taller than my dad, but looked much stronger than him with his bulky arms and broad shoulders.

"Everything's alright Vince?" My dad brought me back to earth as I was conscientiously staring Xander.

I blinked several times and blushed. "I was just paying back for the awkward moment." I retorted, somehow proud of myself to be able to react like that.

"He's your son for sure." Xander barked and laughed heartily. My father just shook his head with a hand on his forehead. "What are we gonna do today?" He asked after "seriousness" came back.

"Lots of things! But before, I need to settle a couple of things in the backyard. So, Vince, could you lead Xander inside and show him the house?" I nodded and took the dog's paw. I started to pull him inside the house, but my dad stopped us. "But watch out Vince, Xander his even more childish than me." He warned me and gently punched Xander's left shoulder. The Doberman didn't even had the time to reply that I was already pulling him inside the house.

"So here's our living room. On the other side, this door leads downstairs. Next door is the bathroom. If we go a little further, on the right, there's my brother's bedroom, but before you ask, he's currently in a hockey tournament, so that's why he's not here. On the left there's the kitchen. Then, there's our dining room and in front is my parents' room. Th-"

"Take it easy Vince!" Xander chuckled. "I want to visit your father's bedroom." He added with a shy smile. So I knocked on the door and waited for my mother to open the door.

"Mom, Xander wants to visit your room." She accepted, let us in and then left for the living room. The Dobie took his time to look around and sniffed everywhere he could, his tail starting to wag slowly.

"Everything ok?" I asked, amused.

His ears folded back on his head and he seemed to blush. "Ehh yeah." He scratched his neck and smiled foolishly at me. "We can keep going."

We got out of my parents' bedroom. "It's alright." I added. "Because this is the last room; mine." I opened the door and let Xander get in. He started to look around, but his eyes immediately fell on my Nintendo 64.

"Oh shit! You have a Nintendo 64!" He spotted where all my video games were and rushed towards them. "Holy fuck, you have Perfect Dark! I always wanted to play. CAN-WE-PLAY-CAN-WE-PLAY-CAN-WE-PLAY??" He asked with puppy eyes and his tail was wagging so fast, I was barely seeing it.

"I guess so." I said, uncertain.

"YAY!! THANK YOU!!" He yipped and lifted me off the floor into a bear hug. "I'm taking the first controller!" He said after dropping me back and already running in front of the TV.

'Dad was right...' I thought and chuckle as I look to the waiting dog.

"Come on! What are you waiting for?" He asked with pleading eyes as I turned on the console. He had sat on the floor, so politely, I sat next to him with controller 2 in hands.

So we slowly started to play and began with a classic free-for-all matchup. The bastard was somehow good as he succeeded to kill me a couple of times; each time glancing at me in a way that was saying: 'Haha! I took you down!' But each time, I was able to get the payback. As the game went on, he began to gently pushing me away with his forearm or putting his hand in front of my eyes. The bad loser I am was getting a bit upset and I decided that it was enough.

'Sorry sensei.' I apologized, before punching Xander's right shoulder with my second middle finger's knuckle slightly above the other fingers and hit the perfect spot; directly below his acromion.

"OOOOWWW!!!" He howled in pain and dropped his controller. "What the fuck was that?" He whined, his ears flat against his head and rubbing his shoulder.

"Yeah! I won!!" I yelled while killing the motionless character Xander had left. "Aww, c'mon pup, it's just a game..." I said rolling my eyes, as the dog was looking at me with watery eyes. "And sorry for the punch, but you deserved it." I added with a mocking smile.

"How d'you did that? I mean, damn, I can barely move my arm..." He said with a little growl and winced as he tried to lift his arm in vain.

"I had Taijutsu courses before and we learned how to target the weak human and/or furs body parts by hitting them in a special manner. I just punched directly at your rotator cuff." I explained. "Try to punch me if you want and I won't even wince, I promise." I said as I mimicked Xander holding his shoulder in faked pain.

"Little brat!" He grumbled and gently punched me on my shoulder. I looked back at him with a cocked eyebrow and a face that was saying: 'Is that all what you got?'. He tried once more and more, each one becoming a bit stronger. "Fuck you." He finally said as he stopped punching me and grinned as I was also beaming.

"Sorry Xander for hurting you..." I apologized, scratching my hair, embarrassed before jumping on him and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"It's alright Vince!" He said with a giggle." Who would be angry to such a cute little boy." He added patting my back. He let me go and I immediately turned away hiding my reddening cheeks. "Rematch?" He asked and I nodded as we went for another round.

---

"I'm done outside guys, so if you want to co-." My father stopped after he crossed my bedroom door. "I should've known..." He slapped his forehead and sighed.

"Wanna learn how to play dad?" I asked happily. Xander and I were now laying on my bed side by side.

"You don't know how to play?" His partner asked nearly accusing him.

"He said that he doesn't have the time for it, because he......" I whispered the rest to Xander.

"Ahhhh, ok!!" He said as we both turned towards my dad with shit-eating grins.

"What did you told him?" My dad asked losing a bit his usual poise.

"Secret!" We simultaneously replied before exchanging a knowing glance and giggling together like if we had been friends forever.

My father's shoulders just dropped and shook his head. "I can't deal with two weird kids like you... And especially you Xander." He pointed his partner.

"You want to play or not?" Xander asked, not caring about the insult.

Realizing his attempt was vain, he sighed again. "I guess I'll give it a try."

---

"Well Mark, you're better with real guns..." Xander joked as I turned off the console. "Even with a complete year of practice, you wouldn't be able to beat us." He added.

"For god sake Xander, stop turning the knife in the wound. I know I suck at video games." My father replied dryly, got up and glanced at his watch. "Already 1:30, we better get going if we want to be able to fully appreciate the thing I planned. And Vince, dress yourself warmly, it'll be useful." He finished and left the room with Xander at his heels still messing with him. "Aww, shut up Xander!" I heard him shout from far. I chortled and slowly started to put my warm autumn clothes on.

I went in the backyard where they were standing in front of two four wheelers; my dad crossing his arms looking away and Xander holding himself to laugh biting his index.

"What a mistake it has been to invite you..." My father said annoyed.

"Ahh, come on Filter, I'm just joking around." Xander replied sticking his tongue which made me laugh and looked satisfied with my reaction.

"Never mind." My father mumbled before turning his gaze towards me. "That's what I've planned for us today." He pointed the four wheelers. "We're going to the mountains for a little trek. Is it right for you?"

"Yeah! Sounds cool!" I answered happily surprised. "Is mom coming with us?" I realized she was nowhere to be seen.

"No, she went to the groceries. I'm going to a restaurant with her tonight so that's why I'm spending time with you this afternoon. I would have like that Louis could be here too, but his team is in the finals, so I can't do anything. So..." He paused rolling his eyes. "...since you seem to get along so nicely with Xander, I bet you'll riding with him?" He smiled though and I nodded shyly. "I have to admit that this silly puppy is a very nice guy even if he's frequently getting on my nerves, but I wouldn't trade him for anyone else." He said and gave a warm smile to his partner. "Let's go." He finished and we sat on our four wheeler's benches.

I sat behind Xander and we put on our helmets. I instinctively wrapped my arms around Xander's waist and waited for him to start the engine. My dad was the first one to go, so we just followed him. We crossed a couple of neighbor fields and made our way toward the mountain. The images that were in front in my eyes were just so beautiful. An infinite scenery of multicolored trees absorbing the sunlight, perfectly defining all the different colours; I was speechless.

Soon, we arrived to the mountain's foot and started to climb through the trails. We continued to ascend for fifteen minutes before stopping in a little cleared area. They both stopped their engines and get off of their quads, I did so too.

"We'll walk from here, there's only walking trails from now on." My father announced to Xander and me. So we just left our unnecessary stuff behind and started to walk.

We were surrounded only by trees which gave the place a nice rustic look. Rare glimmers were able to make their way through the foliage and Xander didn't miss any opportunities to immortalize these wonderful living frames with his camera. We continued to climb talking of this and that, looking at the nature all around us. I learned that Xander is only 23 years old; what a contrast with my father who's 34... I understand now why my father says Xander often acts like a child.

After an hour or so of hiking, we finally reached another cleared area with an open space where you could only see the sky. We approached it and looked below to see the entire city of Brimfield who looked so small and far away from our perspective. The three of us just stood there as if the time didn't count. The cool wind was gently caressing my face; the fresh air was filling my lungs with a feeling of complete freedom as I closed my eyes to enjoy even more that incredible feeling.

"What. a. wonderful. place." The words just dropped from Xander's muzzle as we were still absorbed by the magnificent view. "I think it deserves a group photo!" He said, with a sudden boost of energy that surprised my father and me.

He found a log that was lying on the grass probably left by campers and grabbed it. Then, he placed it in front of where my father and I were standing and adjusted the camera's angle. He set his delay timer, pressed the button and ran to join us. I was waiting for the flash when I felt two hands placed on both my shoulders. I rapidly looked on my sides to see that my father and Xander were happily smiling at me, before Xander pointed the camera to draw my attention back to the Kodak.

Xander took back his camera after immortalizing this perfect moment and we slowly made our way back to the quads enjoying the nature. The sun was starting to set when we arrived home. My mom and Louis were waiting for us outside as they heard us coming. After Louis introduced himself to Xander, we all went inside to chat about our day. Minutes flew by and the time had come for Xander to go home.

"While I'm gone, I want you to take care of my camera and keep the photos I took today, okay?" Xander gently asked me, patting my hair. I nodded silently and smile back to him. "When we come back, we'll do a lot of exciting activities you'll see, and with you this time Louis!" He pointed my brother with a big grin. He hugged me and waved goodbye to our family before disappearing behind the door.

"So kids, your mother and I are going to the restaurant tonight, so I'll let you 40 bucks and call anything you want for supper. And don't worry Louis, we're going to do something as soon as I get back of Iraq, just you and I, I promise!" He said as he hugged Louis and wiped his tears.

---

---

This feeling... The one you feel so impotent, so useless; the one that would make you running away and cried for mercy... I already felt it a dozen of times during my short life. Seeing your father leaving to protect your country in a war we don't know anything yet seems stupid, you're asking God why did they choose him instead of somebody else and you never get answered. The only reason you always seems to find only brings new questions and soon you get frustrated at yourself not being able to answer that simple question: why? And with time, those questions just die by themselves, not because you don't care anymore, but because you don't know how to deal with the situation.

Mentally exhausted, you never know which foot you have to dance on. Thinking back of the last moment you spent time with him always bring you down. Then, you're looking for a final pillar to lean on, the one that'll help you to overcome all your melancholy. You start to ho-.

Hope... The only feeling that gives you faith in everything.

When newspaper and newscast are reporting on killed soldiers, you always hope that the one you love never appears on their lists. Each day you're looking out of the window, watching if he's going to cross the door. Each time dad was coming back home after a mission, I was relieved. Relieved that my faith in hope has paid his dividends. That... was when he went away for the first time I remembered.

The following times, I went through the same emotional patterns, always ending hoping of his safe and sound return. And it greatly worked. Slowly but surely, when he was shipped away, I started to feel confident that nothing could ever happen to him. I was always rewarded when I was seeing him coming back with the smile on his face.

Two months had passed since my father left for Iraq. I was not even worried when he departed; I wasn't two months later either. But there wasn't a day I didn't watch the picture Xander took of the three of us. It was a rainy day, a Wednesday. I was watching TV as I usually do after getting back of school. Then, a black sedan stopped in front of our house and soon two guys got out of the car with umbrellas as they were coming in our way. I wasn't able to see how those guys were dressed, because of all the rain that was falling.

One of them knocked on the door, and I opened it. They were both dressed in a fancy grey military suit. The smaller of the two was holding a letter in his hand and asked me if my mother was there. I called her to come and as she approached, she started to cry and I didn't know why, because the two guys didn't say anything yet. His shaking hand took the letter and started to read. As soon as she finished reading the paper, she fell on his knees, his hands covering his face and she cried even more loudly. Louis, who heard all the noises, stepped out of his room looking where his mother was and stopped as he saw her and the two military men standing at the door.

The two guys gave us a sad and sorry glance before excusing themselves and left the house. I didn't understand why my mother and now Louis who joined her in a hug were crying. Concerned, I took the letter that was on the floor and read it.

_We have the most sincere regrets to announce that Mark Filiatrault, along with his partner Xander Nyukcze had perished during a terrorist bomb attack in Baghdad, Iraq. Their bodies have not been found. However, we will do everything we can to find and repatriate their bodies and give them the Military Funerals they deserve.

Please accept my deepest condolences,

Donald H. Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense_

_ _

I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe it! My dad was gone and I'll never be able to see him again. Tears were starting to fall on the piece of paper I was holding. Letting the paper fall on the floor, I joined my mother and brother and we cried together the loss of our beloved father and husband. Many long minutes went by and we managed to stop crying and stand up. The silence was very heavy and uneasy. But something caught my attention as I grabbed the letter again.

Their bodies have not been found.

_ _

I reread that sentence a couple of times, before strangely feeling something else than sadness.

Hope...

To be continued...