Lost At Sea
Lost At Sea
(This is a story I wrote inspired by a rather vivid and beautiful dream I had one night. ^^)
Sparkling blue, so pure and bright it hurt my eyes to look. I shivered, swallowing as the bright sun sunk in the sky. Slowly, surely, the chariot of Phoebus cut a path through the sapphire blue back to the stables of Olympus. The Sun God would not stall the dancing dusk for me; not for the chill creeping slowly throughout my trembling form, nor for the bitter hopelessness that sunk to the pits of my stomach. He raced for the horizon, a few hours from his promised rest, before his mistress spread her silky shawl over the heavens to put the world to rest in a cover of darkness. The sea bellowed and breached below and about me. It stretched to every horizon dwarfing my trembling quaking form in an endless gulf of amber sky and azure sea that glittered and danced as if giddy and giggling. Its joy my despair... I was lost.
I'd come here to sink into this endless nothing, to lose myself to the questions of its fathomless depths and to drown my memories in the wash of its purifying waters. However, somehow, when I surfaced I found I'd been left, forgotten. How and why I do not know but as the questions raced through my mind my body grew weary, my nerves grew cold, and I slowly became numb. This deadly beauty had lured me into its dangerous clutches... and I was not sure if the terror that seized me was for myself or for the awe... the awe of my wonder at the sheer vastness of her, the ocean; so much an engulfing expanse that I was nothing and she was everything in those final hours.
Maybe it was delirium, maybe it was exhaustion, but as my body began to fail, as my mind raced, my heart hammered, my breath grew shallow. I could taste nothing, nothing but salt and sea. See nothing but the crests, the dips, the swellings of the currents, and the blinding brilliance of that dazzling sky. I believe then, despite the fear that shortened my breath, despite the ache and despair that made me want to let go and drift until the depths finally claimed me, despite it all in that moment I smiled. She was beautiful. I closed my eyes, prayed for another hour of strength and let go.
Time passed. I couldn't tell you now how much or how little, perhaps an eternity or a few moments. Either felt the same to me. A moment was an eternity of uncertainty and each eternal moment promised nothing more then another minute of an uncertain future. However... somewhere... somehow... I heard a voice; a soft whispering echo of brightness. I smiled to myself. Was it possible to hear the giggles of the waves? Was I now, in the grasp of a weary hallucination listening to the laughter of the diamond sparks that danced and dallied on the ocean's surface? That's what it sounded like. It was as if the happiness and joy of that fleeting moment when the sunlight kisses the sea just so to make a light show worthy of those Olympian Gods had been bottled in a breath and given life in a voice.
That's what his beautiful voice sounded like, felt like, as it bubbled up from the engulfing darkness beneath me and shivered up and over my bare skin. A burst of bubbles had drifted up from the depths, embraced my form in their tickling, loving curiosity, and caressed me as they glided gently over my body to burble at the surface. A soft gasp, a flutter of a heartbeat, I opened my eyes... and there he was.
He could not possibly smile in any way one could recognize. He could not murmur a soft reassurance to sooth my terror. He could not embrace me and hold my shivering form to quiet my fears. But he didn't need to. His eyes... his eyes spoke volumes more than any hushed whisper could, soothed me better than any comforting caress, and smiled for all the world as if he recognized me in that moment as that which he had been forever searching for. I don't know... maybe I was. I smiled back, reached out with a shaky grasp, and embraced him. Grateful for the warmth and swooning from a welcome rush of relief and tears I clung tightly, desperately to him. The only words I could form on my dry lips and parched tongue were a hoarse "Thank you..." before I drifted into a hazy daze.
I never knew that I could fly. I never dared to dream that one day I'd soar faster than an eagle, race swifter than any wild horse through a blazing dreamscape of icy cliffs and crashing, curling sunbeams to catch the dazzling horizon. I could only gasp in delirious delight, tremble in quaking awe, and hold on tightly as we rocketed through the troughs and swells of the ocean's mighty waves. It was a dream, a fantasy; my knight in silken, silver armor had rescued me from the darkness and whisked me off into the sunset. Was it possible to be in any greater bliss than to be caught on the edge of oblivion and wrapped in a glow of radiance and wonder? I doubt I'll ever know because I believe that I had experienced as much joy in that racing freedom, as much bursting, laughing liberty in that all too fantastic flight that I will ever know.
Time seemed to slow... gradually... as if, by degrees, time drips down and away from the form, descending backwards, maybe downwards forever in blankness, blackness, or a vast gray limbo, lost forever and never seen again. Time is lost to be always remembered and hopelessly cherished as a lost and lonely trinket tucked jealousy in the folds of our memories. That's what those tapering, breath catching moments were for me as the darkening ocean lapped my water drenched form and my tight, aching grip began to loosen and weaken about his glossy sleek form. My eyes fluttered shut, a suppressed shudder passed over me, and somehow he knew. I never wanted it to end but sadly we both needed the rest.
We drifted in that endless expanse for ages, catching our breaths and silently giggling, giddily delirious and drunk on the rush of the moment. Too drained to care any longer, too exhilarated to hold it in, I released a high fluted and breathless laugh that echoed through the limitless stretch of valleys and mountains shaped and transformed by the dip and surge of the ocean that billowed about us. His laughter joined mine, in some quiet, insensible way. I felt it more then anything. I could never see him smile or hear that beautiful, entrancing laughter but somehow I knew its gentle whispers and rambunctious echoes joined mine in a welcome harmony of content agreement.
A soft giggle of clicks, a gentle dip, and he was suddenly gone. A fear seized my stomach that punched a terror so deep within me it found a voice in a moan of terror and a whimper of despair. My body wracked with unheard sobs and unshed tears. I had no more to give to the sea and I had nothing left to hold me up. A wail caused my heart to quail, so frightening to think that I could release such an animalistic scream of unadulterated panic. Swallowing I closed my eyes praying to awake from the nightmare. But... just as quickly, I felt a sudden nudge. There... at my side! I froze, mind blank, heart thundering, I dared not open my eyes.
But, that gentle whisper and soft chuckle filled my mind and warmed my heart. Gasping, breathless with relief, and sobbing dry tears, I clutched for him and drew him close, shaken and confused. My scrambled mind pounded with fright. My heart raced, confused and bewildered at the strength of the comfort at this simple touch. He was my only connection to life in this vast nothingness that both awed and terrified me to the depth of my soul. Murmured, half stuttered words poured brokenly from me so swiftly I hardly knew what I said or what I prayed for, what I promised and what I wished and yearned for in that heart stopping moment, "Please... please do n-not leave me again. My heart c-cannot take it. I-I'm lost... please... please save me. I... I want so much... Please... don't leave me again."
In my last breath, I swallowed back another sob. My throat tightening achingly as my heart lurched in my chest against the agonizing stillness that seized us. "Please..." But all that answered my desperate plea was a soft chuckle and an even gentler nudge. He slipped from my grasp and bobbed there on the surface with me for a moment. His dark, black eyes absorbed and banished my fear with a merry glint that soothed my frazzled, shaken nerves with a silent smile. I sighed softly, closing my eyes as one last tremor shook me. He would not leave me again his eyes promised and yet... we had to part. Firming my heart, holding back my tears I smiled, I could wait, would wait for him. His quiet clicks and lightly bobbing head brought a genuine smile from my heart.
He was worried for my fright but I would be brave for him. It was the least I could do for repaying his kind compassion and the promise that glittered in his laughing eyes. He would return. With a flick of his smooth, flashing gray tail, and a final burst of breath he crested and crashed under the next wave in a glorious burst of splashing diamonds and icy crystals. Even then, his dazzling, elegant form was so beautiful as it drifted away into the darkness that it stole my breath.
Again I played a game of patience with the sinking sun and the willowy horizon. She winked and glinted at the edge of the sea, burnt my eyes and stung precious, barely sensible tears from my straining eyes. I wanted to offer her my tears and my murmured whispers of appreciation for thanks. But I found my thirst wrenched body and tightly clenched throat allowed me to neither raise thanks nor offer libation. So I closed my eyes, tipped back my head, and let her fading warmth and eternal radiance sweep over and through me. I absorbed her brilliance and promised her; in days beyond I'd remember this moment, close my eyes, and always give her a smile and a sip of wine in the dusky yawn of eve to thank her for her mercy and hope. A wink of the sea against the horizon line... she had heard and smiled.
And... as if to bridge my hope and guarder my strength, there came a haunting ghostly song rising from below me; surrounding, filling, swelling, and overpowering me. A song as deep as the darkest ocean trench and as ancient as the shores of forgotten, lost civilizations that had heard and witnessed the sorrow of Odysseus engulfed and captured my senses and I was lost again.
Her lonely, enchanting song caught and transported me in ways I had never imagined. All at once I was privy to a cacophony of experience and knowledge that I could never grasp completely and would never fully understand. Her brilliant, enormous form breached the surface with a spout of breath and a crash of waves. She plowed through the waves as if they were nothing. The swells that rocked my meager treading form were breaths of wind, nothing against her surging bulk and impressive size. That alone caught my breath and caused me to freeze. Her call had ensnared me and her breadth held me paralyzed. I'd heard of something like her before, a giant of the deeps that was the greatest and largest the world held. But... at that heart stopping moment I thought...
Nothing could ever, truly, convince me that her majesty and her mere presence could have existed before that moment. She swept by me with the unspoken grace of a creature born to master and comprehend every stretch of its kingdom with the elegance only a sister of the ocean and a daughter of the waves could claim. She was a mother, a teacher, a guide, a mentor, and a protector. She was old and she had seen much and she was absolutely stunning. Her great eye met mine an instant before she sunk back into the depths forever again and she sighed. A gentle groan of a song that reverberated throughout her entire form shook me to the bone with its force and will. Her tail crashed behind her leaving me sputtering in its wake and, though I still shook with fright, I could not help but smile.
He returned to me soon afterwards. My mind was adrift on the wash of her calming voice so that I was lost when I felt the chuckling burble of bubbles that rolled up and over my form welcoming and warming me with an unspoken hello. I sighed a muttered gasp of delight and wound my arms about him as he rose beside me, winking and pleased with himself. I closed my eyes and dreamed as we resumed our journey. The fading warmth of the evening left me shivering but the assurance of his presence and the solidity of his slippery, gliding form gave strength to my weary muscles. He soaked me in courage to bolster my heart and my hopes that slipped and slid as easily from him as the water that glided over his sleek form. I was going home.
In my wistful, final daydreams, I dreamt of him. I dreamt he had braved the ocean's dark mysteries, had plowed through the cold trenches, and fought with the wicked, wild beasts of the nightmarish nadirs of the ocean's pits to visit the sea witch for me. He had thrashed and harangued her bolted door until it buckled and caved. He had burst in upon her, breathless and wild eyed to demand compensation for a favor long owed. Grumbling and grunting the aged hag had to comply. She had owed him dearly for a service long done and well served. She had hesitated at his request and demanded his assured consent. He had merely nodded and smiled, he was sure. The great favor she owed could only be paid once and was a great boon to receive and be blessed with. He had asked and she had granted. For me, he had traded his boon and had been blessed with an understanding that could save me.
That was what I dreamed as we raced onward toward the horizon and my grip about him tightened. Soon... oh so soon the wonderful dream would be over. But for now... for now I wished to stretch it thin, make it waver and wane as long as I could... to cherish that sweet, kind laughter for a little longer... and to burn the sight of those merry, laughing eyes into my mind all the better.
I do not know when we reached the shore. The spray of the ocean misting over my chilled form stilled, soon replaced by a gentle lapping of the low waves sweeping back from the shore with the sighing reluctance of a lover forced back from the firm flesh of her amour. He dipped beneath the lap of the waves, made me sputter, and brought a sweep of cold water flushing over my body to startle me awake. I didn't know where or when I was. But in my heart I felt a tender tug and a sudden loss as the final rays of the setting sun glinted along the sandy white shore before us. I was saved and so close to finding my way home. Why then, did I feel that same desperation override my senses? Why did I cling tighter to my savior and whimper softly, forlornly in denial?
Just let this dream last a little longer... I thought. But I knew it wasn't meant to be. He chuckled then, his quiet, kind eyes telling me what I already knew. It was time to go home and my time with him was over. Swallowing my sorrow and giving him a soft smile I pushed away from him. It took everything I had not take one last caress and to slowly, drudgingly drag my weary body through the surf and to the shore. Moment by aching moment I pushed my water logged body and my strained and shaking muscles further, farther, forward, and onward. Stretching, pushing, panting, and fainting before finally... finally I reached the shore. My strength vanished, the fear dissolved, my knees buckled, and I fell to the sandy beach. My hands met my eyes and finally I wept.
With one look back I gave him my heart. My eyes could finally smile for him as he had for me. My heart in my voice as he had taught me to sing with all my love for life I called back to him. I was making a quiet wish, a secret promise, and embracing my fortune with a depth of gratitude that made my soul tremble and my heart skip a beat.
"I hope... one day... I can make it up to you. Somehow... I will promise to always remember you. You will be in my heart... always." Those last few words were all I remembered before the cold enveloped me, the darkness invaded me, and I collapsed with a relieved sigh.
It was a quick breath and a sudden shake that woke me; someone above me, a warm embrace and a soft curse. I wanted to giggle. Shh... you'll break the spell... I opened my eyes but my vision was hazy. All I remember was that startling heat and that soft, relieved smile. A weary chuckle and a strong embrace cradled me through the dizzying cold. A shushing voice lulled my slurred questions and a compassionate gaze soothed my trembling. I gave into the warmth of that embrace and knew nothing but touch, sound, taste, and voice afterwards.
Skin smoother then silk and slippery as oil, slid and slipped against my bare form, warming and heating the chill in my blood until a fire raged and consumed me from within. A soft, clicking, giggling voice murmured flattering gasps and voiced trembling pants of restrained desire. A solid body found mine and quaked at every abrupt bump and press. Lips made for love found mine and devoured my soft moans of confusion as hands uncertain and excited for new territories to explore swept upward, down, around, everywhere, leaving nothing uncovered and set every nerve tingling.
Something was different and delicious, exotic and exciting, familiar and foreign, frantic and gentle in those timid touches and lonely sighs. His touch brought me to life with the heat of his passion. His caress stirred a long vacant desire for life and love that I thought I had forever lost. With a sigh of longing and a tear of regret the heat that had invaded and consumed me, brought me back to life, drifted away. The warmth pulled away and I cried out it despair.
He froze and time stilled to that moment of panting breaths and shuddering bodies. My mind was lost, my body hungry, but somehow I knew. He had given so much and I so little. I wanted that heat and warmth in that moment with a blazing strength of affection, gratitude, and passion that I'd hadn't known I was capable of. Swallowing back my doubts and fighting the dizzying swoon of my exhaustion, I embraced him as I felt I had countless times before. It was as if I'd always held and always would hold him. I pulled his taut body to my willing waiting form, taught him how to take the pleasures of my soft frame, and showed him the wonders I could grant him.
His breath stuttered. His eyes fell closed. Clumsy, uncertain hands traced lines of flame down my quivering skin that quickly dried the dampness of the sea with their heat. Jealous for competition, a tongue, hot and lustful, swept over and around the swoops and dips of my trembling body, lapping up the moisture that clung to my form with a lover's persistence. Gasping and swallowing, low moans and half-stuttered praises met a curious, exploring touch. Rewarded with a heated swelling, my body cried tears of passion. My mouth met his, salty sweet and eager to please. Hot, hot, hot... gods it shook away the cold and rocked my control to its foundations.
Grinding bodies, gasping breaths, groping touches, and groaning voices. Lost in the haze, the sea swept over us, around us, between us but we were lost to the passion. The surf and the swell of the cold sea were forgotten, so caught up in the blazing inferno of desire as we were.
Arching upward met the slick skin, pulling downward met the pulsing heat. A sudden piercing motion; a cry, a moan, a gasp in the darkening night. A sob of want and an answering plea of need. We were slaves to the sensation and lost in the moment. His movements were steady and sure as the sea lurching forward to meet the shore in an intimate caress. Receptive, hungry, thirsting to quench the cries of a soul long left without touch and starved for it, I met and took each swell and crest of motion with a gasp and sigh.
The night whispered above us. The gods began to dot the heavens with a sprinkling of stars, torch light to fend off the darkest depths of the night. Two heart beats raced, two hands entwined, the heat built in a crescendo. The racing, crashing waves swelled faster and more furious between two joined bodies who mingled souls and life in a meeting of flesh and desire; an exchange of want, hunger, and warmth.
His breath is broken by a shattering moan. Gulping, twisting, pressing up and against. Frantic paces, mumbled words, hazy promises, and moaning praise. A gasp of startling sensation, a sweep of heat that builds low and sweeps upward. A tense body and a quivering form. He paused afraid and I embrace him. I am the one to reassure and he gives me that warm, gentle smile one last time... and I am lost!
A shuddering, quailing tidal wave bursts and washes over me with the roaring strength of a typhoon. His body breaks and bows beneath a similar onslaught and we are drowned in a sea of ecstasy and bliss. Lost, floundering, panting, and frantic, I reached out and grasped him tightly, holding on for dear life once again through the dazzling brilliance of the radiant brightness. For an instant, I was brought back to that racing, fleeting wonderful freedom of dancing in the dazzling blue. And through it all I felt him there, trembling and grasping me close to his heart. For all the world my savior is, in that moment, as lost and trembling as I.
I hear that I was found some time after dusk by a wandering pair of late night explorers, combing the beach for treasure. The couple had stumbling upon me as they walked hand in hand down the lonely stretch of beach. They had thought I barely clung to life, bare and chilled but were surprised to find... a blazing heat and surge of life burned over my form and kept me safe from the night's chill.
I awoke not long after, curled up in a blanket and being washed by a worried nurse. The doctor told me the whole time I had probably been hallucinating. The fever that ravaged over my form had been a boon against the chill of the night and I was lucky to be alive. I had smiled at him, I had already known that.
I never told anyone about that day. Perhaps I'd share snippets, here and there of what I believe they might understand. But only on rare nights with a heady drought of wine and a smile on my lips as I look toward the winking horizon would I whisper the tale to those who would listen. I'd tell them that once, some time ago, I was saved from the sea by a laughing hero with smiling eyes.
Sometimes, just before dusk, I wander the shore with my husband. Hand in hand we smile and laugh. I've never told him about that day nor do I imagine I ever will. I do not know if he would ever understand. But he does understand my warmth and my love. And so that is all that he needs to know of what I learned in that night and found in my heart after that day.
We walk the beach looking for treasures. I watch the horizon with a smile, hoping, maybe wishing a little, that I'll see him one more time. But he has given me so much already. I will always remember that day and the life he gave back to me.
I remember... on those nights when the sunset glistens in the sky just before dark, blazing the brightest before it is extinguished like a burning fire of passion and warmth... I remember his last words before I had fallen asleep...
Hushed and panting his warmth had surrounded me. With a feather soft kiss and a smile pressed to my cheek I had not heard so much as understood.
I asked her... for two boons.
I asked... to be given the chance to save you... and I wished... to have the chance to hold you. Thank you... for showing me that joy... Remember...there is no darkness you cannot escape. You are most beautiful... when you smile...
On those afternoons when the sun begins to sink into the sea... and the sunlight kisses the waves just right to create the perfect light show for the Gods... I look out onto the ocean and laugh. I smile and watch the dancing sunbeams and glittering waves with an endless wonder. Because I know, out there somewhere, he is smiling too.