NCOD monologue
This is a monologue/poem that I wrote for National Coming Out Day that I performed. It's written to my younger brother (first person I came out to).
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We're standing at the McDonalds in the little town where everything closes at nine, the stench of tobacco and gasoline waft freely, and where you literally have to wear camo in order to camouflage into the population. And we order, once again, the exact same thing down to the no pickles Other than the fact that two and a half years separated us, we were always mistaken as twins on those Sunday mornings wearing matching turtlenecks that only those above the age of sixty adored. And in our quests for individualism we found out just how alike we were. And with that bond, we shared and influenced our adventures of knowledge and self. That no matter what happens, we were there to lean on each other; which is why I decided to open up to you on that night; this night. I had forgotten everything that I thought I was going to say, feeling naked and scared. I've lied to you all these years so that I can tell you the truth right now. I'm not who you thought I was but I'm still the same person you've always known. I've been terrified to tell anyone until right now, I still can't believe I'm actually saying this, admitting to you that I'm...gay.
And when you stared at me, unsure of whether I was joking, I sat there; a child scared of what was to come like I did something wrong. And you told me that it didn't matter and that you'll always love me. And in those next three hours each drink was a confession. Each passing hour; a resolution.
that three days prior was the last day you said the word faggot.
that I trust nobody more than you.
that once the sun comes up, July 4th will be just like the past five July 4th's
We felt a powerful bond of brotherhood wrap around our necks and I could finally breathe and recognize the people sitting on in the middle of the Shenandoah River wearing our swimsuits. Being me has never been easy and for that I am thankful. The invisible scars that have covered my childhood can now be seen and it is beautiful, I am beautiful, you are beautiful, the world is beautiful on this night below the canvas of eternity where I'm not wearing camouflage anymore. And on that night you clothed me with a feeling I've never quite felt in this way before. I felt free.