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"I don't know if I can do this now, mom."

I was nervous, no doubt. My mom was here, and I was up next, and my song was another one of those heartbreakers. I'd never been through anything like this.

What was worse was that my ex was here, and he had performed first, and I had an inkling that the song was about me. I didn't want to go onstage and hurt him even more.

"Honey, you'll be fine," she said, saying exactly what I knew she'd say.

I didn't need a smooth-over that's-what-I'm-gonna-say-because-I'm-a-parent-and-parents-know-best answer. She didn't know everything that went on in my life now. She had no idea that I had broken up earlier that day, and had no idea that I was crushing on someone else. If she had known, she probably would have scolded me for it.

Mom gave me a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the head, then turned and started for her seat. She had come backstage to see how I was doing, and had found me a nervous wreck. She left me a nervous wreck too, but I was able to hide it until she was gone. I really didn't want to perform, but I had to. I never quit on anything once I put my mind to it.

Plus... he was here.

I took a deep breath and approached the curtain to peek out and see how far along the emcee was 'til it was my turn to sing. I had in my hand a simple acoustic guitar... I didn't know how to play much, and the song I was going to sing was the only one I knew how to play confidently and well.

I could see the crowd growing restless. Apparently, Shadow had disappeared after his song, and the emcee had no idea about Chaos Control, so they were trying to find him. I guess they were taking longer than the crowd wanted them to take. I was glad for it, though, because it gave me a chance to try to calm my restless nerves.

After a few minutes, I watched the emcee come on stage and take the mic. I took a deep breath and waited for the introduction.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for waiting. While we still have no clue where Shadow disappeared to, we have decided that we've stalled long enough. Next to perform is miss Cream. I'd tell you what she's singing, but we seem to have forgotten to write it down."

I took another deep breath and watched the curtain roll back. The bar needed oil, because it was squeaking, but then I may have been the only one able to hear it. At any rate, once the curtain was rolled back, the emcee left the stage, then returned with a chair so that I could sit while I played.

My hands were shaking so much. I stood there like an idiot for a minute willing my legs to move, but afraid of them collapsing from underneath me. Eventually, someone began clapping in the audience, and it gave me courage. I walked forward slowly and sat down on the chair, adjusting the mic to an appropriate height and testing my guitar's tuning.

Eventually I cleared my throat and gave my introduction. "M-my name is, um, Cream the Rabbit. Usually my best friend Cheese would be with me today, but he's been sick for the past week and hasn't been able to come out with me. Anyway, the song I'm singing tonight is 'Teardrops on My Guitar,' a country song by Taylor Swift. I hope you enjoy it."

I gave a single stroke over the strings the clear the air, give the crowd a chance to settle down and get quiet, and to clear my thoughts. Then I began playing the opening to the song, my fingers trailing over the strings with an expertise I didn't know I had. I almost felt possessed.

Still, my nerves were too much for me to handle and my playing eventually faded. All was quiet, and I looked at the floor. "I... I don't know if I can do this.." I whispered to myself, and gasped when I noticed my whisper was caught by the microphone.

"You can do it, Cream!"

I recognized the voice. I looked up, seeing Carbine standing in the crowd. I watched him start clapping, and the rest of the crowd joined in, trying to give me courage. I don't know why Carbine did it, or even why he was trying to help me when I so unceremoniously dropped him earlier that day. Maybe he was just trying to stay friends, like I had asked.

I cleared my throat again, and ran my fingers over the strings again. The clapping helped a lot, because now I was playing with full intention of singing. I closed my eyes, and I could feel tears already starting to form as I ran the words over and over, waiting for the end of the intro and where I was to lift my voice. It came quicker than I anticipated, and I almost missed it.

"_ Dude looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see/ _

_ That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be." _

Already my voice began to break. I was afraid I was going to start crying. It hurt to sing these words. It hurt me because I know how much it was going to hurt Carbine in the end. I kept my eyes closed as I sang, to avoid catching his eye.

"_ I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about. _

_ And she's got everything that I have to live without." _

What hurt the most about this song tonight, though, is the girl that he talks about so much, that he devotes his life to, is dead and gone. I was jealous of a dead girl. It hurt me beyond anything I had ever felt to know that I was shallow enough to be jealous of a corpse.

"_ Dude talks to me, I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny/ _

_ That I can't even see anyone when he's with me." _

Most of the time, when we're occupying the same room, I can't see anyone else or pay attention to anyone else because he's all I want.

"_ He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right. _

_ I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night." _

I couldn't sleep at night anymore without dreaming about him. My every waking thought was devoted to his image, consumed by the devotion I'd show to him that I was unable to give to Carbine. I felt guilty that I had kept up the relationship with Carbine for so long after succumbing to a crush on Tails. I felt dirty.

"_ He's the reason for these teardrops on my guitar. _

_ The only reason I keep wishing on a wishing star. _

_ He's the song I keep singing in the car, don't know why I do..." _

I played an interlude there that wasn't included in the original song. It was mainly to lengthen a short song, but also to try to get a hold on the tears and emotion that threatened to overtake me. I hadn't felt so sad since... well, since the events with Emerl.

Emerl... I began to realize that his devotion to her was just like my devotion to Emerl... that the pain he felt by her loss wasn't the same, but pretty damned close. The only difference between the two was that as a robot, I thought that Emerl was unable to love me back.

"_ He walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe? _

_ And there he goes, so perfectly, the kind of flawless I wish I could be." _

I couldn't stop the tears then. I was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, of hate, of shame, of loss. I tried to not let the crying interfere with my playing, but as the tears came I couldn't help but bow my head towards my guitar. Tears kept falling, and every now and then an odd note would play as a drop hit a string.

It hurt, because the next part of the verse felt so mean in the current situation.

"_ She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love. _

_ Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky 'cause..." _

She's... she's not lucky. She's dead. She's dead and gone and all he has left of her is her memory and her garden. And it hurt to know that he would care more for her memory and her garden than for the completeness that I could show him. It hurt to know that I gave up a caring and loving boyfriend to chase two-tailed dreams.

"_ He's the reason for these teardrops on my guitar. _

_ The only reason I keep wishing on a whishing star. _

_ He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do..." _

Here I played out the main musical interlude that was actually written in the song. I was almost sobbing, I was crying so hard. I didn't know how I could hold so many tears back. And now, I didn't know if I could finish the song. I didn't know if I could finish it the way I had planned to finish it. I felt so ashamed to be playing.

I don't know why I chose then to lift my head and open my eyes, but I did. I looked out over the crowd, tears still spilling from my eyes, and I caught three pairs of eyes at once. First, there was my mother. Her own eyes were wet, and she was staring at me wordlessly. It seems the song had told her all she needed to know. There was a sort of pain behind her eyes that I had never received from her before...

Then there was Carbine. The eyes I didn't want to meet, I still met. And I was surprised by what they held. The guy wasn't crying... it seemed his own song had taken his reserve of tears and spilled them, and he hadn't filled it back up yet. But I could see the understanding. He was standing in the crowd... the only one standing in the crowd. When our eyes caught, he smiled, and it seemed to give me strength.

Finally, I caught... his eye. He seemed to be crying just as hard as I was, though his pain felt different. It wasn't the usual suffering I saw in his eye whenever I managed to look him in it. It wasn't a pain devoted to the loss of someone. It was something more...

"_ So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light, _

_ I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight..." _

As I started singing I looked away from the crowd again. I couldn't stand being stared at the way I was. Especially by my mother. Now, more than ever, I felt like I had let her down. I felt like I had forsaken her trust in me.

"_ He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. _

_ The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart. _

_ He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do..." _

My fingers were fumbling the chords now. I was so near the end of the song, and had been crying so hard for so long, that my hands were shaking. I took a final deep breathe, a final attempt to try to kill my damned nerves, and pushed on, with only three or four lines left.

"_ He's the time taken up, but there's never enough. _

_ And he's all that I need to fall into..." _

If I could break this damned guitar and just collapse into a sobbing mess in his arms, I'd be happy and would feel like this night would be worth something. But I really couldn't see anything like that happening. What was worse, I was now afraid of how he felt about me... a feeling I hadn't foreseen when I signed up for tonight. I didn't think my own shame would make me afraid of him.

Now came the ending I had worked so hard on... and made up my mind to go ahead and sing it the way I had planned to sing it.

"_ Tails looks at me... _

_ I fake a smile so he won't see..." _

My fingers finally allowed my clumsy music to fade, and I looked at the crowd. They seemed silent, uncertain. I rose from the chair and took my guitar in hand, turned, and ran behind the curtain. They must have rolled it back into place once I had taken the stage.

Once behind the curtain, I set my guitar off to the side and collapsed on the ground on the spot. I couldn't take it anymore. I curled into a ball and cried just as hard as I had been on stage, except now I allowed myself to really break, to sob as loudly as I wanted into my arms.

I must have been back there crying for at least five minutes before I felt a calming hand on my shoulder. I looked up into the eyes of both Carbine and Tails. I noticed my mother standing off to the side, more pity in her eyes now than anger or sadness.

Carbine offered me his hand and I took it, and he lifted me into a seated position, smiling at me. Then both he and Tails knelt. Both sets of eyes were red and puffy, as if they had both been crying. Tears continued to flow from me, too, but I wasn't sobbing as hard as I had been just minutes before.

Taking a handkerchief, Carbine wiped the tears from my eyes. He gave me the cloth, then cleared his throat. But it was Tails that spoke first.

"I'm sorry," he began. "I'm sorry that I've been so wrapped up in the memory of Cosmo that I didn't notice my friends. I'm sorry I haven't noticed you. Carbine told me about you two earlier today, but I didn't think much of it at the time..." His voice trailed off and he looked at the floor.

I wasn't registering much of what he was saying, but it stuck out in my mind that Carbine had told him about us. Or, rather, no longer 'us.' I looked at Carbine pleadingly, expecting some outburst of anger from him, some kind of portrayal of the betrayal he no doubt felt by me. But I couldn't find it.

"I only want you to be happy, Cream. That's all I ever wanted," he said, as I tried to search his face for the feelings.

I began crying hard again, and threw myself into Tails' arms, hugging him tight. Outside, I could hear Rouge beginning her song, but right now most of my attention was devoted to the kitsune of my dreams. Tails held me as I cried, and Carbine rubbed my back.

I cried for a while, but eventually the tears ran out. I sniffled and sniffed as best I could, and let go of Tails, his fur wet with saline. Carbine patted my head like he used to, then stood and walked back out to the main auditorium, and my mother came forward. It was talking to her that I dreaded most of all.

"Honey... I wish you wouldn't hold things like this back from me," she started. "I know you're getting older and are almost at an independent age, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to me." She took my hands in her, then kissed me on the cheek. "I've invited Tails over for dinner tonight, after this show. I invited Carbine, too, but he said he had other plans... he just wants you to be happy, dear. Whatever you choose."

She stood and walked away, and I just watched her. As she rounded the corner, I turned my eyes to Tails. I cleared my throat as best I could, then whispered my final thoughts into his ear.

"I'd be happy only if I can make you happy."

He didn't say anything, merely nodded. That was all I needed.