FSE

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Chapter One

I yawned padding from my office on Earthport Station and made my way to the transporter before perking my ears as a strange feeling... I felt... fear, unreasoning, unthinking, animialistic fear. Then it was gone and was to be replaced by a gaping hole, very much like a chasm that was threatening to swallow me whole. Something had happened, something terrible. I could feel it but I didn't know where or what had happened but there was a feeling of great emptiness in my core. That emptiness also woke something inside of me... something I never liked to have come out, something terrible in its relentless pursuit of winning. That thing had been the reason I had had come so far so fast in Starfleet Security but it was also something which anyone with half a brain had more than a little fear of.

It took me more than a few minutes to put the monster of my own making back where it belonged before I composed my face, tugged on my uniform tunic into proper place and continued on my journey to the transporter. After all I did have a schedule to keep and I knew that there was one person that relied on me for everything, that was when hir mother wasn't gallivanting all over Federation Space in some tin-can serving as a ship's counsellor. The thought of my mate, one of the few chakats to ever really come to understand me, and our daughter was enough to actually make me smile a little. A smile wasn't really something I was used to but my subordinates, and my superiors, said that it did a lot to make me look less severe and imposing. Though in my job I prefered to look severe and business-like since it had more of an impact on those who I had to work with on a daily basis.

Earthport Station handled billions of tonnes of cargo each year and those cargos all had to clear customs and the ships had to be vetted by my department before departure. Some ships had rather dire reputation and I had more than my fare share of arrests in my time with Station Security as one of the senior Starfleet Security officers in the department. Most of Station Security was made up of local UNTWG troops who were more concerned with local problems while Starfleet Security was a larger, more expansive organization who was concerned with the security of the entire Federation and those who lived within the Federation.

Some of the ships that came through the station caused even me to shake my head. One of the more recent ships I'd had to clear, reluctantly against my better judgement was a rather run down light transport with an admittedly handsome Captain. The reason I had been reluctant to let hir go had been because hir ship, the Calgary, had been reported as being responsible for a number of somewhat... questionable actions in the Rim Colonies. Some of those actions were reported to have caused more than one ship, normally of somewhat more questionable natures, to go missing.

Personally I found Captain Duskpaw to be a very handsome chakat, even though shi was a good deal shorter much lighter than I was. Then again almost every chakat alive was a good deal shorter and lighter than I was, it was an unfortunate result of my breeding, and a secret UNTWG weapons program that had taken place in the 23rd Century.

I was, for the most part, a spitting image of what they had designed for that program even though I was one generation removed from it. The unfortunate thing was that my temperament also came from that program and it affected everything about me and my interactions with other people. That was why I tended to keep my distance from other people and not allow myself to get emotionally involved with them. Becoming emotionally involved with people, in my experience sometimes caused pain, not just for me but for other people.

Sunshimmer had been one of the few people to successfully get close to me and it had been... a mutually rewarding experience with some rather adorable results. Sundawn was our daughter and shi was, as we believed, one of the most adorable kittens alive.

I paused for a moment and closed my eyes feeling the small presences in my own belly... it had been three weeks and now I could feel that there were two of them. Three weeks ago, during my last heat cycle Sunshimmer and I had decided that it was time that we give Sundawn a sister and that it was my turn to bear a cub. Though I normally was heavily masculine biased I had acceded to my mate's desires and we'd had a rather wild night as we worked our hardest to make one.

After a moment I opened my eyes, shook my head and regained my focus and continued on my way to the transporter room. The more I delayed the later I would be in picking up Sundawn, and that would cost me credits, credits that I would rather spend on other things for hir.

Half an hour later I pulled my PTV into the parking area of the daycare where I normally dropped Sundawn off for the day and almost as soon as I came in the front door of the facility I was pounced by a little gold, black, and grey streak of fur. Shi instantly nuzzled me rather more vigorously than normal and I placed my hand on hir head to calm hir down, but shi wouldn't be calmed and instead projected to an alarming feeling that I didn't want to believe. However, in my own heart I was aware of that very same feeling, a feeling of emptiness a void where something had once been.

"Sunshimmer..." I softly whispered to myself not really wanting that feeling in my heart to be true.

Sundawn, our cub, nuzzled my arm and whimpered, feeling my own emotions from the contact. Hir own empathic abilities being both undeveloped, as well as significantly weaker than mine. In hir immature kittenish way I could feel hir asking me where hir mother was... why shi couldn't feel hir.

"I don't know baby, I really don't know." I replied to hir question as I hugged hir closely." Looking up just in time to see the owner of the daycare standing in front of me.

"Commander Shadowstripe..." She said softly, "For the past hour your daughter has acted... frantic and we can't seem to do anything to help hir."

"I know... I feel the same way." I softly informed the rabbit lady who ran the daycare. "For some reason I feel hollow... I think something has happened, something that cannot unhappen and frankly it makes me afraid, for Sundawn as well as for myself."

She nodded. "I hope that this situation resolves itself soon, as it is your daughter's a live wire, but shi was almost unbearable this afternoon."

Nodding I turned to leave the facility and informed her that I would see what I could do to get to the bottom of the situation and why both Sundawn and I were reacting to the situation the way that we were.

"Please see that you do Commander, otherwise I would suggest that you stay home tomorrow till you get hir calmed down."

"Tabitha remember I am a Starfleet Officer, if I have to go in for a shift I had better have a damned good excuse to call in, especially if there is an emergency."

"Shir Shadowstripe this isn't about your job, this is about the safety and well being of the children in our care. We can't have one child monopolizing the time of our staff it creates a situation where we can't focus properly on..."

"Yes I get the picture Tabitha." I growled as I headed out the door of the building towards where I had parked my PTV. I really was not in the mood to deal with Tabitha right now. She was normally a wonderful person but there were times when she could be a touch... pedantic about the little things when something bigger was going on.

Right now I needed somebody to understand what was going on, and perhaps help Sundawn calm down so I called one person who knew me almost better than I knew myself.

"Hello?" The image of the rather older looking skunktaur on the dash display of my PTV responded when the call connected.

"Hello Grandfather Tanvora." I replied before a loud voice in the background yelled, "Mom where's the meatloaf?"

My grandfather sighed and turned away from the comm. and shouted something about Teva eating it before turning back. "Good grief will those two ever...? Shadow... you look troubled."

"Grandpa... I can't feel Shimmer." I softly told hym in reply to hys half asked question."

"Oh... I think I understand... Where are you?"

"I'm almost home." I said without missing a beat as I looked up just before I had to take over the driving functions of the vehicle as it left the control zone.

"Okay in that case I'll come over, it's a way to get out of here for a little while."

"Having trouble with the twins again?" I asked, knowing about the issues that my grandparents had with their second youngest set of children. Teva and Teka were both decently strong telepaths, like their mother, and at times could be a handful given the fact that they both were seventeen years old.

"You wouldn't begin to understand Shadow, not one bit."

"Grandpa in nine and a half months I will know exactly what you mean!" I reminded hym emphatically. "You're getting forgetful in your old age... perhaps it is time to send you to an old fur's home." I joked softly. It was something of a running joke in the family that no person in hys early hundreds should be going out and having cubs... but that was something that nobody had ever told Shimmerwind and Tanvora because they'd gone and done that ten years ago when they'd added two more chakats to their horde, though in truth it wasn't that bad since at that time their three oldest children had moved out of the house and into lives of their own. As with when Teva and Teka they'd tried for just one cub and had instead gotten double trouble. For some reason my family was full of cases were we'd managed to get double trouble and I was no exception since I was expecting the very same thing in nine and a half months.

"You do that and I'll make you think that you're a muskrat with a bad case of mange." Was hys joking response as I pulled into the driveway of my home.

"Okay enough joking Gramps, I'm home... if you have to you can drag your chakat twins with you... but right now I think Teka and Teva should stay away."

Hy nodded knowingly. For some reason Sundawn didn't like the two skunktaur twins and I didn't understand why, given that my own talent was almost the same as their's is. Though at their current age I had a pretty good idea what it was all about.

Teva and Teka could be... difficult considering their personalities and the level of talent.

"To tell you the truth, Shadow, your Uncles are going to Chakona to attend a school run by an old friend of mine." I've done what I could for them, but they almost act like you did when you were their age, and they aren't half as strong as you are."

"Gramps I had a valid excuse for the way I acted, and you know that very well. I don't know how many chakamils survived what Stormsurge went through but I can tell you it really isn't very many and there is no way that your mate is one of them."

"Shadow you should know better. Not everything is caused by genetics, some is simply caused by basic teen angst. You can ask any parent in the past ten thousand years if they've faced anything different and they will roll their eyes and tell you that you're dreaming." Hy told me sternly.

"Okay I get the picture... we'll be in the back yard." I responded prior to disconnecting with hys comm-unit. I was feeling slightly chagrined that I'd managed to get my grandfather's back-fur into a wad. If there was one thing nobody wanted to do that was piss off a telepath like my grandfather, a telepath with years of experience and training under hys belt.

After taking a moment to calm my now slightly frazzled nerves I got out of the PTV, collected Sundawn before heading to the backyard where I set hir down on hir paws to let hir run around while I began going through one of my exercises that I had been taught years before as a way to calm my nerves, and take out my anger and aggression on the inoffensive air instead of something that was alive and breathing. That was part of the problem of being as powerful and aggressive as I was, there were times when I had a deep desire to tear a person to bloody rags. Furthermore in my past, when I was a cub I hadn't been as resistant to that desire and some of my classmates in the school system who'd felt the need to assert their superiority over my sister Lightningstrike and myself had quickly found out that it was a very bad idea to pick on the two of us. Normally Lighting was much more even tempered than I was but there were times when shi could be pushed beyond reasonable endurance. When that happened shi was just as bad as me and could cause almost the same amount of damage. One teacher described the two of us as a pair of furry buzz-saws when we got angry.

I shook my head to clear that memory as I refocused my attention on the here and now, like my father had instructed me when I was seven and shi'd started teaching me the art of Kenjutsu. That was something that I excelled at, and Lightning tended to ignore because shi really felt that violence was reprehensible.

"Hi Shadow!" I was jolted out of my meditative contemplation of my boken by a pair of voices shouted in stereo as a pair of cubs tore into the backyard before swarming me for a hug.

I dropped the wooden weapon to catch my young aunts so that they didn't hit the ground. Vagrantwind and hir twin sister Shimmerbreeze were both ten years old and were still at the adorable cub stage of their development, though soon enough they'd come into their adolescent growth spurt and turn into fetching young kats. They were followed shortly after by their male form father, my grandfather Tanvora of House Redpaw.

I gently put the two of them back down on their paws where-upon they dashed out to gently tackle Sundawn and get hir into some game that was excessively active.

"Okay Shadow what is bothering you?" Tanvora asked me as a way of greeting me as hy accepted my hug.

"I don't know Gramps... I feel like something inside of me is... gone."

Hy nodded softly settling down beside me, encouraging me to do the same. "I guess you've never really felt that feeling before have you?"

"Not really, I mean when I was a kitten I remember being with dad when mom was declared MIA, but it wasn't the same."

"I know because even I can tell... your mom is still out there... somewhere."

I nodded in response, "If shi is still out there Gramps how come shi hasn't figured out how to get into contact with Starfleet."

"As I've told you before sometimes it isn't just a matter of turning on a comm device and calling fleet like you'd call for back-up. The Saratoga was way out there in deep space exploring out beyond the comm buoys. If something happened to the ship and they were marooned getting a message to Starfleet might take years, even decades.

As with the many times before when hy'd told me this I nodded my head and closed my eyes. "This time it was different Gramps... I didn't feel much more than I normally do, then out of the blue I felt fear... unreasoning animal panic, and then... nothingness, a void."

"Hy nodded softly and hugged me tightly. "I haven't felt anything quite like that before, but the feeling of a void is something that I am familiar with. The last time I felt a void forming in my mind was when your great grandmother passed on just before you were born."

"Gramps... you mean."

"Let me feel what you felt Zips." When Gramps called me Zips, Zipper, or Zipline I knew hy was serious since those had all been what hy'd called me when I was younger before I'd changed my name to suit my adult form and personality.

I nodded and closed my eyes letting hym into my mind, carefully lowering my shields to let hym feel what I had felt several hours before. The feeling of emptiness poured up from the depths inside of me again as my grandfather probed those feelings and I shuddered at how bottomless that void was. 'Zips pull yourself together.' I heard hys mental voice bark at me as hy pulled out of my mind.

"Zips you need to be rational, if not for your sake, but for the sake of your daughters."

"Gramps... shi.."

"Shi helped you and made you feel normal didn't shi?" Hy asked me softly.

"Yes, prior to that I was a pariah at the Academy..." "Because you could defeat any of your hand-to-hand instructors one on one?"

"Yeah... and because of what I did to Chief Duncan when he made those advances on me."

"Zips from what you've told me Master Chief Duncan Williams was an ass who deserved everything that you did to him. Hell, even Starfleet had no further use for him, and sent him packing with a dishonourable discharge."

"Gramps to the average cadet things like that can have an impact on them and their perception of their fellow cadets. As far as the other cadets were concerned I was a dangerous person, with barely more control than a bomb. That was especially true after I systematically deconstructed him on the training mat without any serious effort."

"I know... I remember how you were when you were going through that and then when Sunshimmer came into your life it was like you found a kindred soul."

"Gramps shi was almost like me, shi was bright, fun, and very driven."

"I remember, shi was also awash in hir own problems. For some reason you seem to attract trouble like a magnet. Remember what hir father was responsible for?"

I nodded softly recalling who hir father was, and more importantly where he was right now.

Brindlestorm had been a rather disturbed wolftaur, even prior to the death of his youngest daughter at the hands of some H1 yahoos ten years ago. How he'd managed to attract, and hang onto his mate was somewhat beyond my understanding, but he was what you might call the polar opposite of an H1 idiot. He hated humans with a passion, and somehow had managed to pass that onto at least one of his daughters... Hir passion for hir father's cause had caused hir to get in over hir head, resulting in hir untimely death when shi was only 17. That incident had caused him to come completely off his hinges and carry out the... sterilization of a small town in the Oregon Territory in GNA with a homemade fission device that he left in a local hotel.

Needless to say he was picked up almost right away by Starfleet Security and he's currently serving a permanent life sentence for multiple first degree murder, seven hundred and fifty two charges of it as far as I knew. Though it was hard to be precise since the fallout from his insane explosive toy was still having effects in the surrounding area around where he'd set it off.

"Yes being Brindlestorm's daughter probably didn't make things easy on hir." Tanvora pointed out, "But shi rose above hir father's legacy, and shi helped you at the same time live up the the very best in yourself."

"Grandpa without hir what will I..?"

Hy gave me a firm slap on the cheek, not enough to leave a mark, but enough to get my attention. "Get ahold of yourself Zipper or I will do it for you, and you won't like the way I do it."

I turned slightly to look hym straight in the eyes and gave hym a low rumbling growl as a warning that hy was treading on some rather thin ice.

Hy returned my glare with one of hys own and we were locked in a war of wills, both of us unwilling, or perhaps unable to back down.

In a way I was thankful when the twins bowled into their father, with an overabundance of energy and velocity. "Daddy, daddy kitten found a frog..."

I sighed in exasperation because Sundawn had a habit of trying out anything shi found to see if it was good to eat. "Let me guess, shi's trying to see if it tastes good?"

"Um... no... it got away into the pond, but shi's all muddy and stuff."

"Oh dear." I groaned as I pulled myself to my feet and headed for the pond in question. There were times when it seemed like Sunny liked getting hirself dirty but I normally shook it off as something every kid did but there were times when it got slightly inconvenient, though this time it was actually kind of convenient. I followed my empathic link with hir to the shore of the pond and found hir floundering around in the muddy shallows almost completely coated in sticky black mud.

On seeing hir I groaned again as shi looked up at me and gave me a happy meow before floundering out of the water towards me broadcasting happiness. While it was an improvement over hir previously frantic mood it still could have been... well... less dirty. Furthermore it seem like she wanted to share the mud on hir fur with me, something that I was less than inclined to do considering the fact that I was still dressed in my uniform tunic.

"No kitten I'm still..." I began before she glomped onto my legs and began to climb up my body with hir muddy hands and handpaws. Resigned to the damage that my muddy kitten was intent on causing to my previously pristine uniform tunic I gathered the happily purring kitten into my arms and smiled softly at hir. No matter how frustrated, angry, or disappointed I was feeling shi always seemed to be able to shed a ray of pure sunshine into my heart and I treasured that feeling.

"Good grief Shadow is that a kitten or a mudball you're holding?" Tanvora asked behind me as hy caught up to me with hy's daughters beside hym.

I chuckled and turned to look at hym. "Would you like to find out Gramps?" I asked while holding Sundawn out to hym. "After all shi is your great granddaughter."

"Uh... not until shi's had a bath." Was hy's response as he looked at my kitten with a slightly suspicious gaze.

"What's the fun in that?" I asked rhetorically before gently shoving Sunny into Tanvora's arms with a chuckle.

"Shadow this is one of my nicer shirts and now..."

"Oh come off it Gramps, we both know that's one of your casual tops, besides, look what shi did to my uniform top."

After a moment Tanvora relaxed and nodded. "That is one of the risks that come with the job of having children. Sometimes they do thing when they feel like it even though it might not be convenient for you. However, you also have to recall that no matter what you're feeling they still love you without reservations." Hy crouched down and softly rubbed Vagrant's back with hy's free hand while smiling indulgently at the cub.

Vagrantwind looked up and hir dad and smiled happily with a purr that all but screamed how much shi loved hir father.

I smiled at my grandfather and hir twin cubs as shi began walking towards my house. "How about we get away from this oversized mud puddle before Vagrant and Shimmer decide that their fur needs some of what is covering this little adorable bundle of fur.

"Gramps I think they've grown beyond the stage where a muddy pond is fun."

"Shadow don't underestimate the allure of a pile of wet, sticky mud. I remember when you were twelve and visiting with your father and sister you got extremely muddy one afternoon, almost worse that your daughter here."

I chuckled softly, I had indeed visited a muddy pond in my youth. "Grandpa remember that Lightning was with me."

"Yeah you said the two of you had gotten into a mud-fight."

I gave a soft giggle and nodded my head. "Yeah we did, but it was fun and we enjoyed ourselves... until you and dad found us."

"Well Teva and Teka followed you and managed to get dirty as well." Hy replied.

I laughed again, "Gramps what was the problem with them having a little fun?"

Hy closed hys eyes and sighed, "Nothing Shadow, nothing it all, just trying to clean all of that mud out of their fur was... a challenge."

I chuckled softly at hir slight hint of exasperation as we reached the backyard of my house before hy put Sundawn back on hir paws. "I think the best way to clean off shir Mudfur is to rinse hir off with a hose." Tanvora commented before walking over to the house and grabbing the aforementioned hose.

"Shi won't like that Gramps." I warned hir as I removed my tunic and set it aside to dry, perhaps when the mud was dry it would flake off more easily, otherwise cleaning this thing would be a chore.

"Shadow there are times when you have to put your head down and do something that you don't like" Hy commented.

If you insist on spraying hir, try and mix between the two taps or you may have a very unhappy kitten on your hands."

"Actually you'd be the one with the unhappy kitten, after all shi's your daughter." Hy replied to me with a slightly evil looking grin as shi turned on the tap and gently began spraying Sunny down with the slightly warm water.

Sundawn's response to being hosed down was the yelp softly and hunker down on hir bellies to weather the storm of water that took most of the mud out of hir fur.

I watched carefully as my gramps softly sprayed the mud off of my child before stopping the spray and walking over to hir and gently getting hir the rest of the way clean on hir front, hir face, and hir belly.

"I can feel you watching Shadow and that is just as it should be considering how much this little cub means to you."

"Gramps do you do any different when somebody else is doing that to your daughters?"

Tanvora didn't even wait for a single second before shi shook hir head as shi finished cleaning all of the mud off of Sunny, leaving hir a very wet kitten. "Shadow I think every parent takes the same care and joy in their child, well at least they should."

I nodded in reply as I caught my daughter as shi jumped at me, and proceeded to use my front as a towel before shi wrapped hir little muzzle around one of my nipples and began nursing with a purr. Almost at the same time I caught myself starting to purr as well as I enjoyed the close bond that I naturally shared with my daughter.

Tanvora nodded softly and gently guided hys daughters from my yard, leaving me in to concentrate on my feelings and being at peace with my daughter.

Chapter Two

Three days later I was sitting in my office when I got a call on my comm. "Shir a freighter is coming in and I think you will want to deal with it personally."

Sighing I nodded and grabbed my service belt. "Let me guess, it's the Calgary?"

"Yes Shir, she just came out of warp in the upper quadrant, and it looks like she's seen some action."

That wasn't a good thing since I knew that Duskpaw wasn't above getting hir muzzle into places where it probably didn't belong. Shi had already risked hir ship, and the lives of hir and hir crew on more than one occasion to chase after some bounty or other that was posted on the public nets. For some people that was a perfectly legitimate way of making money, but for a chakat it could cause some level of harm to their mental well being, furthermore the Calgary was more than three weeks later that hir scheduled arrival time.

"I'll take care of it Lieutenant, after all I know Duskpaw better than you do. Shi can be rather... difficult to deal with. I swear there are times when you'd think that shi is part mule."

There was a chuckle on the other end of the comm. before the lieutenant, a Lieutenant Liebmann, told me that he'd assigned the Calgary to a docking bay on Level 77.

"Thank you, I will be there shortly." I replied before stepping into the lift that I had already been heading for.

Two minutes later I stepped off of the lift and into the large landing bay where the old freighter was just touching down on it's landing pads and as Lieutenant Liebermann had said she did indeed look like she'd seen some action.

As the ramp came down I didn't even wait one second before I shouted, in a slightly exasperated tone of voice. "Captain Duskpaw... where the hell have you been?"

There was silence as the Duskpaw descended shakily down the ramp. Shi looked terrified about something and hir eyes met mine.

I softened my expression, "What's the matter Dusky? Looks likes something out there really has you bothered."

Shi squeaked out. "Just, I can't believe he..." Shi paused for a moment, and then straightened up a bit mentally. "There are three wounded on board, moderate, one of them is in shock, and" Shi looked about. "Shadow, can I talk to you in private? It's about what happened to my ship."

I nodded my head before pulling out my comm-unit. "Med team to Hanger 7743." With that taken care of I escorted the visibly shaken, dark furred, chakat to a quiet corner of the bay and turned to face hir. "Dusky your ship is three weeks late, looks like it's been through the wringer and you look like you've seen a ghost."

"More like a vampire." Shi muttered out. Shi looked to hir left and right before looking me in the eye again. "Am I talking to Shir Shadowstripe, or my friend Shadow?" Shi asked pleadingly.

I paused for a moment and took hir hand. "Duskpaw... you're talking to me, Chakat Shadowstripe, your friend and Companion, as well as Chief Starfleet Liason with Civilian Security on Earthport Station."

"Alright." Shi breathed still looking uncomfortable. "What have I told you about my boss?"

"Kamden Duskshine? Not nearly enough to satisfy my curiosity about what his real agenda is. I really wish you'd be more open, otherwise I'd fear for your safety as well as the safety of others. I am not sure if this ship is a way to give him an air of a legitimate businessman while it covers some less savory dealings or what?"

"He killed eight Human first activists." Shi said bluntly. "Trying to rescue me and my crew. They kidnapped me, to make a point, and he, leveled them."

"Those are some pretty serious allegations Dusky. I know that he's your employer, but exacting personal justice is against the law, in every system in Federation space. He really should have informed me of what was going on when I told him that your ship appeared to be delayed."

Shi started to tear up, not hearing what I'd said at all. "The blood..." Shi mumbled out. "Kam drowned a man in his friend's blood Shadow." Hir body tensed and shuddered as shi started to cry. "I thought he was kind old man, maybe one who was a warrior in his earlier years, but that was, beyond all I thought" Shi managed to sob out before it all deteriorated into a cry.

I took a quick moment before wrapping hir in a warm hug and trying to do my level best to provide some kind of comfort to hir. I wasn't much skilled at empathic reassurance, but I was trying my hardest. Whatever had happened out there was deeply disturbing to hir and shi was one of the few chakats who really understood me at all. "It's okay Dusky, you're home now. If you want I can take you down to my house and you can relax."

Shi nodded softly hir sobs quieted. "I don't think I could stand being in Seattle, thank you."

"This time of year Melbourne is a much warmer place, and if you want I could have my grandfather pop by for a visit, Tanvora specializes in treating psychiatric trauma." I looked deep into hir eyes.

Duskpaw nodded again, still shivering from it all. "As long as you're near, Shadow. I feel safer near you anyway." Shi smiled meekly.

I nodded and glanced over to where the med-team was working on collecting the injured people from the Calgary. "I am surprised that you even made it back considering the condition of your ship, it looks like it could fall apart right here, right now."

Duskpaw looked up at hir ship and smiled a bit. "Just give my crew and I some time after we collect our heads, especially after today. She'll be right as rainfall"

I nodded. "You heard anything about the destroyer DE-7345 FSS Hampden Roads?"

"I haven't, what's up?"

"Her convey is late it reporting in, and I can't feel Sunshimmer, at all."

Duskpaw froze dead in hir tracks. "You, can't?"

I nodded, "And three days ago... I felt something, like nothing I've ever felt before, fear... pure animalistic fear, then nothing. It was like a part of me was gone, forever. Sunny also felt it, cause from what Tabitha told me Sunny was unmanageable that afternoon."

"I need to do something before we head out then." And like that, Duskpaw bolted back up the ramp of the Calgary for about 5 minutes, before strolling out again. "I sent a message to all my contacts to do some digging and see what they can dredge up. I could see what is up in about, a day at tops."

"So far my contacts in Starfleet Operations and Starfleet Security have told me nothing, and that isn't doing anything to ease my mind to tell the truth."

Duskpaw placed hir arm around my common joint. "I can only get you accurate hearsay and rumor, but I hope it is able to comfort you."

Nodding I purred softly at the physical contact. "Any kind of information would be appreciated, even if it does confirm what my heart is telling me. I just want to be sure that I am not right and that I am alone again."

There was a soft squeeze at my common joint as Duskpaw smiled. "You're not alone, you have your family, and me and my own family love."

I closed my eyes and nodded softly for a moment, "Most of my family lives on Chakona now. My father, my sister, my step-mom, and my step-sisters."

Duskpaw looked at me curiously, "I did not know you had a stepmom."

"My father's second mate, my mom, who is also Lightningstrike's dad, has been missing more than two decades when hir ship vanished without a trace beyond the Fringe Colonies."

"Oh, right." Duskpaw said, slightly embarrassed. "I keep on forgetting that, considering my upbringing." Shi said quietly.

I smiled softly and remembered that Duskpaw had been a orphan who'd been raised by humans. "That's perfectly alright. You know that Sunny is my firstborn and that I am hir father right? Well I've not yet told you, but... I am pregnant."

The tiger parterned chakat stopped dead in hir tracks and looked at me with an excited look. "Really? As in, a little kitten?" Hir eyes almost the size of dinner plates, and hir tail flicking back and forth excitedly.

"Yes in fact I know that I am expecting more than one, I am carrying twins. Sunshimmer and well we decided to give Sundawn a sister and it was my turn to be the mother, but now..."

"Hush, don't even think about that. I'm sure Sunshimmer is fine." Duskpaw interrupted me. "And when I get that news from my sources, they'll confirm it." Shi smiled and projected the best shi knew how, hope and joy.

I nodded and took hir arm. "I am just sorry you've never been around when shi's been in port."

Shi waved at me with nonchalance about hir unable being to meet Sunshimmer. "I know you, and one day, we'll meet. Until then, I know shi must be wonderful," Hir hand moved from my common joint towards my hand looking to hold hands now. "Because shi has you as a mate."

"Trust me shi is as unusual as I am, hir father is a wolftaur... a rather infamous one."

Shi shrugged again with a mischievous grin. "Normal people don't make it into the history books." Shi poked my nose gently. "That's what Dad and Kamden always said to me."

"Well Brindlestorm is in the history books, but for a very bad reason. He blew up a town..."

"That's something terrible." Duskpaw said as, shi shivered again. "Let's get to Melbourne before I completely breakdown in front of all the spacers...." Shi whispered to me, hir anxiety palpable.

I nodded and carefully guided hir through several security check-points to one of the station's transporter rooms. These rooms were actually reserved for Starfleet and Star Corps personal but I could use my authorization to get us through security and to be able to use the device. "You ever used a transporter before Dusk?"

"You might as well ask me if I have been in space before." Shi teased me with a devil may care grin that only was skin deep.

Seeing this I nodded and headed for the platform that took us down to the Star Fleet Command and Star Corps Central Administration complex just outside of Melbourne, from there we collected my PTV and headed into town to collect Sundawn.

"How much hands on experience do you have with young cubs Dusky"

"I helped Duneflower with hir little monsters every now and then." Shi said with a smile. "And then there was the time I babysat for Starfall, but that shouldn't count, they had water guns."

"Sunny is thirteen months old, shi's a kitten, a very active one but still a kitten."

"Sooo, no water guns?" Shi asked cheekily.

"Shi's a bit young for water guns, but hir favourite area in the neighbourhood is the local muddy pond, it has frogs and other things."

Duskpaw chuckled and smiled. "Sounds like Flower's youngest. Shir Mudball, I jokingly called hir."

"Grandpa Tanvora sometimes calls Sundawn Shir Mudfur..."

Duskpaw threw hir head back and laughed. "Shir Mudfur! That is hilarious." Shi gasped out.

"Well Sunny has cheetah patterned fur normally but when shi gets into the pond... it turns a nice shade of brown."

Shi snickers again. "I can handle dealing with that. I wasn't quite a clean little kitten. But then, I lived near a nice dusty riverbed."

"Ah... then you were a Shir Dustpaw..."

"Yes, I was, and I bet you were Shir Squeekyclean." Shi said accusingly.

I let out a rough laugh, 'Far from it I was Shir Snowball sometimes, and other times I was Shir Rainfur, and there was Shir Dustbath and lastly Shir Mudclod!"

Shi nodded with a knowing grin. "Did your parents ever wait for you by the door with the hose and the water turned on to full?"

"Well yes, for both of us, though Lightning was more of a lady that I ever was about getting hirself dirty." I laughed as I told hir that little tid-bit before pulling into the parking area at the side of the daycare where Sunny would be waiting for me. "The staff do a pretty good job here keeping hir at least partially clean, but shi almost always needs at least a quick dunk in a bath full of warm water at the end of the day to get the worst of the dirt from hir fur."

"Sounds like a healthy little fun cub." Shi smiled looking at the daycare. "Do you think it would be alright if I came in with you?"

"Yep... you can come in with me." I climbed from the PTV and headed for the door where once again Tabitha was standing there, barely restraining a gold, white, black, and grey ball of frantic energy that was Sundawn. "Good Afternoon Tabitha how was shi today?"

"Shi was well behaved, though shi tried to dig to China in the sandbox again."

"I guess shi's Shir Sandfur today... Can't shi even go one day without getting dirty, wait what on earth am I saying? Of course not."

Duskpaw paused to think. "Wouldn't shi be trying to dig hir way to Europe?"

I smiled at Dusky as I gently took my kitten from Tabitha. "See you on Monday Tabitha as usual?"

"Of course Shir Shadowstripe, and remember Monday is the first day of the new month so that means that..."

"Yes, yes I know Tabitha, have I ever missed a payment in the past year?"

"No but there is a first time for everything and most of people who come here are a challenge to get their payments from."

I shook my head as I turned around and with a small laugh gently placed by daughter in Duskpaw's unsuspecting arms. "Here you can carry Shir Sandfur."

The striped chakat grabbed the little kitten and looked a bit confused at me. "Wait, when did I become shir Packmule?"

"Shi isn't that heavy Dusky. Last month during hir one year physical the doc said that shi was a nice healthy 25.8 kilos, which is roughly about average for hir age."

Dusky smiled and nuzzled the little cheetah patterned kitten. "Hello little one, I'm Duskpaw, and you are?"

With a soft laugh I head to the PTV, "Shi won't be talking for at least another six maybe seven months, after all shi only just recently turned one."

Dusky sticks hir tongue out at me, as shi headed towards the car. "I believe you'll start chatting here soon enough here Sundawn." Shi whispered to the little kitten.

I smiled at hearing that as I opened the side door to the vehicle revealing the seat that was in the back of the vehicle for my kitten. "There shi goes a nice safe kitten-seat." There was a small series of clicks, and when I looked behind me, there was Dusky with a look of satisfaction of a successfully restraining my wiggleworm of a chakat kitten.

"Pretty simple to do no matter the model." Then Dusky got into the front seat and relaxed a bit. "Ready when you are, shir Mudclod."

I gave a chuckle as I smirked. "Well you might get to meet my gramps' youngest cubs sooner than you expect... Tanvora and Shimmerwind want to go to a movie, and Teka and Teva are going down to the Double H to spend some time with their friends. So we get the joy of spending time with Vagrantwind and Shimmerbreeze. They will be coming by just after dinner."

"Oh dear, a house full of little ones." Dusky shivered, "At least I'll be busy and it will keep my mind off of..." Hir voice trailed off as the brave mask shi put on started to crumble again, and another strong wave of anxiety washed through the vehicle. "Sorry, just..."

"Vagrant and Shimmer are ten... so if you need some time alone with me just tell me and I'll send all three to the playroom."

"Thank you dear." Shi said gently. "I just, don't want to be a burden."

"Dusky it isn't a burden when you admit that you need some time to yourself to deal with a problem."

"I know, I know. I'm just used to getting up by my bootstraps when I'm down. And, I was already rescued, and feeling helpless and weak isn't like me." Shi grabbed hir forearm.

"Right now you need somebody who is strong to help you while you aren't feeling strong. I believe that Sunshimmer would understand in a hearbeat, shi's been through the wringer before but shi always had me to lean on."

A soft smile crossed hir face, and the brave face started to get built back up, and then it turned from a soft smile to a cheeky grin. "If I were to lean on you right now we'd crash." Dusky giggled out.

"Probably," I replied with a slightly shaky smile of my own. "After all I have a feeling that I am indeed a widow, but I won't let that tear me down, I can't let it tear me down. I have my cubs and I have my career to look forwards to."

Dusky sobered up again and then placed hir paw ontop of mine. "I'm here too, and probably just as mentally tough." Shi said in a serious, but gentle matter. "And I'll always be beside you through the worst of it all."

"Thanks Dusky... and here we are." I said as I pulled the vehicle into the drive and turned off the power systems. "This is what I fondly like to call home. It isn't really much, compared to the place that dad and Startracer have in Amistad on Chakona."

"It looks nice." Dusky said as shi unbuckled hirself and got out of the vehicle, and then shi grabbed Sundawn and hauled hir up. "Come on young lady you need a bath."

"It's best to wait till after dinner Dusky, or shi is just going to go out and get dirty again. It isn't really all that healthy for hir to have more than one bath a day. You know what soap does to our pelt."

Dusky looked at Sundawn and then said in the most matronly tone shi could muster. "Stay clean little one."

I laughed out loud as the kitten cocked hir head at my Companion and gave a small mewl as if in questioning what clean was. "That's why the outside taps have temperature controls on them, in case shi gets too dirty to bring inside first."

"Shiny." Dusky said as shi placed Sunny on the ground. "Ugh, I can't believe I said Shiny..."

"What's the matter with that word Dusky?"

"It's just from an old television show from the late 1990's and early 2000's, they theorized that near everyone would be a part Chinese in the future. And that there are no aliens." Shi chuckled. "Shiny was a replacement for the term cool."

I cocked my head and chuckled remembering some of the trouble the two of us had gotten into as cubs, and some of the obscure terms that we'd used to confuse our classmates. Sometimes it was fun watching our classmates get confused looks on their faces when we'd come up with some new term or weird saying that we'd picked up from our unusual taste in ancient media.

"One of these days love we're gonna get into trouble with our obscure references"

Shi shrugged at me with that same look that got hir into a lot of trouble. "Well, I'd say we're just classy compared to the junk they show now." Shi blinked a bit, before examining hir tail.

"What, is Sunny trying you out as a snack now?" I asked wondering if Sunny had decided to check Dusky's flavour.

"No, checking tail length, cause that made me sound like a Longtail." Shi said with goofy grin.

"Well if you want crazy longtails you're gonna hafta talk to my Grandparents... the ones that I can find easily."

There was a squeeze at my hand and Duskpaw looked at me. "Don't dwell on such sadness, ok?"

"Okay love, just that grandma Dawnstreak doesn't really like dad, or any of us that are descended from Stormsurge... says we're too violent."

Shi suddenly hugged me and whispered in my ear. "You're not too violent. Just, different."

"Yes I know that, all the same you remember what I was like at school." I replied looking down at the driveway. There had been far too many cases in my school days where I had managed to beat some bully or other into a bloody pulp for some slight that even I couldn't remember anymore.

Shi squeezed more. "And you know how close I was to fully... violating several laws." Shi muttered with a whimper. "I'm saying, neither of us are perfect."

I yelped when I felt a set of small teeth on my tail and I turned to find myself looking at Vagrantwind. "Vagrant you know better than to bite tails." I scolded the cub.

"Sorry Shadow but you an' your friend were dwelling an' daddy says that dwelling is a bad thing."

Dusk chuckled deeply. "Sounds like Daddy knows a lot." Shi bent down and pets the cub. "But a gentle tug would do more, and hurt less."

Vagrant giggled softly. "I know, but sometimes it don't get Shadow's attention... shi's a silly niece and daddy says that sometimes too."

Duskpaw, whispered into the little one's ear. "Then pull harder." Shi teased looking up at me. "Shi can take it."

I laughed at the byplay between my aunt and my Companion before a streak of golden fur dashed past us. "Vagrant there goes your sister."

Duskpaw watched the scene play on, before mouthing to me. "What's going on?"

"Those are my aunts... Vagrantwind and Shimmerbreeze, remember I told you they'd be coming over for the evening?"

Duskpaw looked at me and shook hir head. "I thought they would be older."

"They're both ten... and completely adorable."

Duskpaw nods and waves as the two little ones bolt off. "Sorry, skewed perspective, considering my upbringing."

"I have to remember that Dusky, Grandpa Tanvora is like any normal chakat or skunktaur... they have a whole mess of cubs throughout their lives."

Duskpaw nods and smiles. "Thanks, for helping me navigate my own species."

I gave hir a gentle hug and smiled. "Duskpaw haven't I been doing the same thing for you since we were cubs?"

Shi shoved me gently, but I could see hir blush. "Hesh you mean, beautiful kat."

I gave a soft chuckle and looked out the window at the cubs playing in the yard. "Dusky... I do miss hir being around, but for some reason part of me is already... thinking that shi's gone. It's almost as if in the past few years the two of us have grown more distant, with hir continuing to take assignments on starships and me working here and stay on Earth."

Duskpaw turned even redder. "Shadow, are you coming on to me?"

"Dusky I thought we were beyond adolescent games..."

Shi turned to me and held me close mewling like a little child. "Please, don't tease me about this. Especially after what just happened." Shi looked me in the eye, with a deep want to be close to me. "If we're going to do this, I want to be your denmate." Shi stammered out.

"My denmate... Duskpaw... I think I just lost my denmate..."

Hir ears wilted and shi nodded. "I know, and god I sounded like such a selfish kitten there..." Shi withdrew, before coming back to hug me. "I'm sorry. And, I'm here to help."

I gently hugged hir and offered hir a wan smile of my own. "Love for some reason your timing is just a bit off. I kind of think that you really wanted to do this earlier, but our lives always seemed to get in the way." Shi nodded again, but shi then added. "Still, you have someone out there, and I believe shi's alive. That's all that matters." Shi smiled and gave me a thumbs up. "I really hope that you're right and I am wrong, but if you felt what I felt you'd probably have your doubts too." I closed my eyes and as gently as I could I projected to hir the feelings that I had felt almost four days earlier. Shi staggered back and looked pale. A barely audible gasp escaped hir lips, before shi suddenly grabbed me gently. "Do you have some inter-stellar comm setup here?" I shook my head. "Other than a standard uni-comm that accesses Comwave 3000 I don't. You know how much I pay every month in comm fees to talk to my dad and my sister on Chakona?" Shi kicked the dirt with hir hind leg. "Seriously?" Shi looked at me with an annoyed and wild look. "Of all the no good rotten luck." Shi mutters and lays onto the ground with a loud thud. Shi grumbles something about thrice damned luck. "Though I could use my Starfleet comm number to hook into the FTL comms. It would be a minor abuse of my position and that is normally something that I tend to keep clear of. I despise corruption and abuse of position in most normal cases, but this isn't really a normal case is it?" Hir ears perked up. "Am I hearing that right?" Shi looks up at me, a peevish smile on hir face. "Shir straightlace? Is that you?" "Dusky you know what I mean, have you ever seen me be anything but a straight arrow? Other than when I was a cub and was always getting into fights at school?" Shi shrugged and nodded. "As long as you can keep it private, I can't quite remember if old Splitter is on an up and up job at the moment." Shi blushed and sighed. "I need to get out of that business." Shi admitted to hirself. "You mean the bounty hunting and smuggling? In that I agree with you one hundred percent dear heart." I quickly walked into the house and turned on my comm-system before setting up a link to Starfleet's FTL-Hyper Comm. "Okay it's linked my dear, but please be quick about this." Shi nodded and started hir call. "Come on Splitter, pick up you old crusted fart...." Shi mutters before hir eyes light up. "Splitter? Yeah, it's Duskpaw, yes, I know I sent out that frequency. You wouldn't happen to have seen anything have you? Splitter, it's just me asking, not the fleet, you paranoid pirate." Shi went quiet after for a few moments. "Splitter, you're sure about this? Look, I'm asking for a friend!" Hir ears went redder than normal when shi blushed. "It's not like that! Well, maybe... alright? And you are certain." There was a lot of sadness in hir voice with that last question. "Thanks Splitter, you're a saint amongst scum." I looked down as I felt my Companion's emotions sink and then sank to my belly and softly began crying, finally managing to let out some of the hurt that I'd been feeling at not knowing over the past few days. "So my feeling... was right?" Shi pulled me close and squeezed tightly and started to cry too. "I'm sorry." Shi muttered out again. "Splitter said there was no survivors, whoever attacked the ship, were lethal bastards." "Yes... they were, but are those kind ever not lethal? I've seen too many derelicts left behind by their attacks and have had to board too many of them." I shivered softly as I remembered some of the boarding actions that I had taken part in when I was assigned as a fresh Lieutenant out of the Academy at 18. I Shivered again and then an image came to my mind and my tears grew that much stronger. Shi held me, at a loss for words, and it seemed forever before shi spoke. "I wish I could tell you it's going to be ok. I honestly do." Shi muttered softly stroking my head gently. "But then I'd be a bald face liar, and you need someone to help you. Shadow, I'm here, talk to me, and I'll lift you up." Shi said gently. I gave hir a wan smile, "Dear heart we both know that for you to pick me up would result in a couple of slipped discs and a lot of time in a med-bay." Shi groaned, but smiled. "You know what I mean, shir straighlace." "I know dear heart, bad joke, but all joking aside, what is this gonna do to my daughters? both my adorable little kitten outside playing with hir great aunts, as well as the ones growing inside of me?" I hugged Dusky tightly and tried to take some peace of mind from hir. My world had been shaken three days ago with the feeling of the death of my mate, but only now did I have confirmation that shi had died. Shi kissed me on the cheek. "I don't know dear. All I know is what you're going to have to do." "What would that be Shir Duskpaw?" "The best you can do." Shi said with a caring smile. I gave another wan smile as I got to my feet. "Yes that I will do, I always have, haven't I?" I mean its almost like I was being prepared to live alone now by hir constantly not being home.

Duskpaw flicked my nose gently. "But don't ever be afraid of falling in love." Shi said to me firmly. "This is a big scary moment, and I'm not saying jump in now, but don't freeze your heart to love from others."

I pulled hir into a hug again. "My dear sweet Dusky, you ever think that I don't love other people? I mean there is you, there's Misha Brightpaw, there's my sister, and there's my father."

Shi squeaked as shi was embraced, before hugging me back. "Shadow, I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but you'll need to tell your kitten."

"Love right now shi wouldn't understand, remember shi only turned one a month and a bit ago."

"Right, right..." Shi mutters before looking at me. "So, what should I do to help you?"

I hugged hir again, right now... "I have to make something to eat for myself and my aunts. Those two adorable cubs are bottomless pits when it comes to food."

"Well they are cubs dear." Shi said. "And I'm decent enough in the kitchen." Shi smiles, tugging at me. "Come on, there's work to be done."

I Smiled and lead hir to the kitchen and muttered softly at my lack of supplies. I never really was much one for cooking, not that dad hadn't taught me a few recipes, but I never seemed to have the time or patience that was required to really make some top notch, or even medium notch food. "Dusky can you check the pantry and tell me if I have any KD in there?"

Shi looked at me with a slight annoyed feel about hir. "KD, really?" Shi sighed. "Shadow, love, you know I love right?" Shi paused for a response.

"Yes I know you do Dusky," I purred softly and softly batted hir flank with my tail.

Shi nodded again and opened a pantry, though shi felt a little less annoyed now. "Right, but I just need to know one thing. Did anyone teach you how to cook a good meal?" Shi asked me looking dead into my eyes.

"Dad tried, but dad isn't really a very good cook either." I admitted softly as I looked down at my hand-paws.

There was a sound of something rummaging about in the pantry, and suddenly, there was an onion being handed to me. "I thought as much, let's fix that shall we?" Duskpaw said with a tone of excitement to hir voice.

"An onion love... that's all?"

"Zipdrive, you always start with the basics before teaching some really advanced stuff." Shi said, as shi loaded hir arms with pasta, tomatoes, garlic and some olive oil. "We'll have a nice meal, but I'll need to start you off with the basics love."

I nodded, feeling slightly ashamed about my lack of skill in the kitchen. I may be able to field-strip and maintain just about any hand-held weapon in Starfleet's arsenal, but in the kitchen I remained slightly clueless. "I'm sorry love... I try."

Shi leaned over and kissed me. "It's alright dear, I'm certain you will succeed." Shi then added as shi set the food down on the counter. "Besides you have a decent teacher."

"Thanks love."

Chapter Three

Over the next 45 minutes Duskpaw walked me through the basics of making a truly delicious meal, one that I wouldn't be ashamed to say that I'd had a hand in. Normally it took me fifteen to twenty minutes to make a meal for myself, and when I did have my aunts over I'd either order a pizza or serve something simple since anything beyond that would end up setting off the house's smoke detector.

"Thanks for the help Dusky... you know that I am not really much of a cook right... but this actually smells good."

Shi smiled back. "It's alright dear, you were a great student." Shi then padded over to the fridge examining it. "So when should they be back? Also, do you have any kind of cheese?"

"Well I have some parmesan, and I think Grandpa said that they might be there for a while... most of the night, but after the twins are stuffed I think they will be ready for bed... if they don't try and steal some milk from me... they love milk, even though they are ten now." I replied as I finished setting the table.

Dusk nodded as shi worked, though hir inner ears turning pink at something. "I think, parmesan then." Shi muttered as shi rummaged through the fridge. There was a few mumbles from hir direction, before a loud declaration of, "Aha! I got you." Shi pulled out the parmesan and smiled at me. "Want to try the fruits of your labors?" "Yes, that would be a wonderful thing it smells so good and I believe that my stomachs are agreeing with you." I looked out the dining room window, "First though we have to gather the cubs and make sure that they are clean enough to come indoors." Swiftly placed hir finger on hir nose. "Not it!" Shi said with a smirk. "Alright lets go get them." Shi padded my way, placing the parmesan on the table. "They shouldn't be that dirty." "Don't underestimate those cubs love, I've learned that leason years ago." "Alright, alright, let's go see the damage." Shi said following me closely. I smiled and nodded leading hir out to the backyard before shaking my head and groaning softly, the three cubs had somehow managed to take on a wonderful colour... mud brown. "See what I mean?" I turned slightly and looked at my companion before I fetched the hose. "Now stand still and let me get the worst of it off of you, before Dusky towels you dry for dinner." The twins nodded slightly, both of them pointing to where they had, quite perceptively, placed their tops so that they wouldn't be getting dirty. "Shadow we also took Dawn's top off too." Shimmerbreeze stated, even covered, from head to foot, in mud I could still easily tell my aunts apart from each other. "Okay please just stand still and let me get you clean."

"Dusky you ready with that towel?"

Duskpaw looked a little taken back, but nodded as shi had one at the ready. "Yeah."

"Didn't I tell you that they could be dirty?" I asked with a chuckle as I turned on the hose and gently began spraying the cubs. Vagrantwind and Shimmerbreeze both played in the spray, doing their level best to wash up properly even though they didn't have any soap. On the other hand Sundawn hunkered down on hir bellies to weather the storm of water. I knew to expect this so I waited till the older cubs were clean before I turned the stream down and gently began washing my kitten down. I heard a laugh and I turned and smiled as I saw Dusky toweling the two cubs off. "Now this isn't so hard is it?"

Duskpaw chuckled and nuzzled the cubs. "No, it wasn't." Shi turned to the two dry cubs. "Now you two, go in and wait for us to get back so we can eat ok?"

The twins nodded, running over to put their tops back on before going inside, leaving Duskpaw and I with my little kitten, who I'd finally managed to get all of the mud off of. "What did I tell you about Shir Mudball here?"

Duskpaw chuckled as shi picked up Sundawn and dried hir off. "That shi's a beautiful little kitten." Shi said looking at me with a sad smile. "And about as mischievous as hir father."

I nodded heading back inside to enjoy dinner with my family, all of it including my Companion who followed me closely.