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Chapter 5

Smoking

From the moment I left the club with Druzilla, I kind of figured I was in training. So far this whole thing seemed like the first day of school for me. Walking through the ship, the atmosphere seemed different than anything on earth. Actually seeing smiling faces and people enjoying themselves is one thing, but the environment here on the ship was one of a totally different nature. Many of the guests here seemed as though they been on the ship before and had no hang ups at seeing the sight of a Proto-Human waking the corridors naked, as that was the norm here. Peering in the adult swimming area was reminiscent of a public coed bathhouse as both human and Proto-Human were nude as they lounged, talked, and swam as well as interacted. The only thing that wasn't permitted was sexual activities as it was posted all throughout the ship that such behavior was prohibited. Druzilla seemed to just be unaffected by all this as I just pretended not to be affected by it instead of having my eyes pop out and roll on the deck as it were. It was a good 10 minute stroll through a large park like atrium with a large glass dome that really showed me how large this ship was. It contained a public area with athletic fields, jogging, and trees. Also what struck me was public smoking. Smoking was a rarity on Earth. Even after curing cancer, it seemed that smoking was relegated to the most sinful crime man can commit. A pack of cigarettes ran you $250 easily, and buying 1 cigarette was about $10 street price. I smoked a cigarette maybe 4 times in my life. Not one of those dummy electronic jobs that seem to be all over the place, I'm talking real tobacco. Seems tobacco has fallen as it was becoming harder and harder to grow. Along with a dying agricultural system, anything that grew naturally was becoming rarer and rarer. Even controlled substances were hurting from the ecological disaster man did to itself, so these things were slowly forgotten if not altogether just simply ended with some new medically safer synthetic chemical. Yet smoking was big on the colonies where you had fertile land and laws that allowed it, and this ship was no different than being on Cerces IV. We made it to the forward deck of the ship. The Bow was one huge mall complete with park areas and trees covered by a huge glass dome. The mall was several decks high and had everything from basic clothing to hologram-theaters. What really got me was I saw children and families which Druzilla stated the obvious. "We all have parents; it would figure they would be on the ship." Then again, I should have figured this is a Cruise Ship; all they do is section of decks for adults. The Marshall had seen to it that I had money; I guess it's a signing bonus for taking the job. The extra $500 came in handy as Druzilla, acting as my personal tailor, directed me in what I would need and would look good on me. She kept me away from Jeans and Dungarees as she said that only two types of males bought them. Those who are ranchers, farm hands, and physical laborers, and Homers. Considering I am shopping with jeans and a work shirt, I guess I can see her point as this is not Earth in that sense. Anyone who could size up a person by their general appearance could tell that I was exuding the fact that I am fresh meat. I could cover up my behavior the best I can but the telltale signs of me being a Greenhorn was obvious by the way I dressed. She basically said I was a deputy and should dress more appropriately. Dress slacks and shirts, maybe a vest, as well as pull over shirts as opposed to comfy worn work shirts. She topped it off with a Jacket as well as a hat. Seems men tend to wear hats a lot on Cerces IV. The general Stetson was considered the mark of a gentleman. By the time we finished, I had spent $175 on clothing from head to toe, which I may say is a definite bargain. The clothing was sent to my quarters, but Druzilla though I may want to change into something now and then have a snack. We talked at great lengths about ourselves. I filled her in on my indiscretions that led me to be on this ship and she seemed as though she was genuinely interested. It was kind of weird in a sense, as I wasn't over all my preconceived notions about Proto-Humans and to my surprise, I found her more human than anything. She seemed like the sweetest, kindest woman I have ever chatted with. At some point, I could see being with her as natural as being with...well...any human woman. She told me she is the daughter of a prominent business man, Cecil Vance, and yes, he is Proto-Human as well as her mother. She is one of 6 children, 4 of them were bothers, and she had decided to leave Cerces IV and work on the cruise ship to get a better understanding of Homers like myself. She finds there had to be an inherent reason why humans don't open up to her readily, and was hoping in running into someone like me. I found it fascinating as we continued to talk about likes, dislikes, hell even her favorite color. I found out never ask what they eat because in some cases you're not gonna like the answer. Yet she found that I had a lot to learn about Cerces IV as well, as Durango and obviously the Marshal cannot teach me all this before we got there. Sure, I was open-minded enough but as she put it, I still come off as a Homer. So she hit me with a proposition, one to help me acclimate to Cerces IV. She would teach me about the Proto-Humans, their customs and their ways. I was might appreciative of that, but seeing how she is going out of her way, I said I have to pay her. She was dead against it, stating as she teaches me, I also help her understand humans. That seemed odd but I insisted I had to give her something, which she replied "Tell you what, you're gonna have a quiz on the 13th day. You pass the quiz, you pay me back."

"But how?" I asked as she places her long dainty scaly finger on my lips to hush me.

"Don't worry, I have an idea how you can do that." She said that with a very playful and sultry smile, which was hard to say no to, so I just nodded.

Before we left, she asked me would I like a cigarette. I thought for a few seconds, and said why not. I haven't had one for a few years now. She reached in her hand bag and pulled out a pack, and gave me one. When I reached for some cash she stopped me again and started to explain.

"When you offer someone a cigarette on Cerces IV, you never pay them anything. A cigarette is an invitation." she said somewhat seductively.

"An invitation? What kind of invitation?" I asked as she gave me a light and I took a few puffs.

"Name one...dinner...a party...a date...sex. It's not specific it's just our way of breaking the ice as it were."

"So...I have been invited, and now I'm smoking, I take it...I accepted?"

She let out a cute chuckle as she lit her cigarette. "Yes, but I will not tell you what it is."

"So when do I know when to turn in this...invitation?"

"Oh...you'll know. I promise you will know." She then spotted Rudy as he pushed along a tram full of equipment across the mall, heading for the service Turbo lift. "Hey Rudy!" she shouted over to him. His expression never changing from the stone face he seems to always wear. He just waved and flicked his tail and continued. She blew out a stream of smoke and then looked to me with her sultry gold eyes. "Lesson one, breaking the ice. There are basically 2 types of Proto-Humans, Introverts, and Extroverts. I am an Extrovert; I love to talk, outgoing with people and general. It has nothing to do with I am as you humans say...Half-Snake lady, that's my personality. You compare me to my sister, she is the complete opposite. Now Rudy over there, he is an Introvert. He doesn't have many friends on the ship, and keeps to himself. The Captain treats him like a one man engineering team, seeing he's 3 times stronger than any human man on this ship. It's been my experience that humans' innate inability to get over appearances seems to cause them to behave poorly among Proto-Humans. So for your first lesson, I will teach you how to overcome this, and in the end probably have Rudy over there consider you a friend, if not remember your name."

Now, Rudy is a Proto-Human who definitely looks like a Bull. He is built, and could probably snap me in two just by snorting. Yet he strikes me as one of those fellas that keep to themselves and go on about their own business. Admittedly, I was kind of No-Way, is this going to work, yet Druzilla makes it sound easy enough. It's not like I have to wave a Red Flag in front of him. All she said is people like Rudy over there seem to blend in the background and be unnoticed. Not garnering a "Hi", or "What's up, Rudy". She said it may take a few days, but this is the first assignment. All I had to do is get Rudy to say "Hi Glenn", just once, and I had to do it by not being annoying or doing some half-hearted deal with him, but just do what she just did. If you can, offer to help him if he seems like he needs assistance. He'll just talk about the news, and don't be stupid and talk about the weather...well, we are on a Starship.

This was a bit tougher than I thought, seeing that Rudy is literally EVERYWHERE on this ship. I started to wonder was he some kind of speed demon. None the less, I continually said hello to him no matter what. This went on for 5 Cercesian days, and seemed like I wasn't making no headway. But on the sixth day...everything changed. I was heading to the shooting range to get target practice in when I saw Rudy working on the door to the Turbo Lift. Apparently it was jammed and the one man crew of the Opal-Star had to fix it. There were a number of tools on the deck and I was about to do an about face but instead I approached him as he struggled reaching for a mechanism inside the wall.

"Hey Rudy, everything OK?"

He snorted a bit and replied, "I swear you humans don't design shit for us Proto-Humans. Then again, why do they buy this crap? Do me a favor and get me the 7/16th spanner down there, Glenn."

My eyes widen as apparently I passed my first exam assignment, finally. I fetched it, and helped him a bit, and that got me a handshake. I offered him a cigarette, to which he smiled and said, "No thanks. I only smoke cigars". He asked me if I ever had one, which to my recollection I never did. A cigar ran you close to $60, and a Good cigar more like $1000. He told me when I was done to meet him on the arboretum, he had some Havana types he had grown a liking to, and maybe I can enjoy as well. First, I was shocked there were any Havana types outside of Cuba, and second that just one act led to so much. For the remainder of the trip, me and Rudy were friends, and I had learned how to smoke. I guess next I got to conquer is a pipe, but there were more lessons to come I reckon, and who knows what they have me doing next to be a Cercesian.