FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Chapter 10 - Dazed and Confused

Stepping out of the elevator, Matt turned to Jake and Ethan. "I'll see you guys at dinner ok, I'm going to take a nice hot bath and relax."

"Ok, I'll see you then," said Jake, smiling for once.

Ethan smiled and nodded, paying more attention to Jake than the arctic fox. Jake watched Matt's long bushy tail swaying back and forth as the arctic fox walked down the hall; he couldn't help but smile as he watched Matt disappear. He was so proud of how hard Matt was working and how far he had progressed, and something about having Matt around just seemed to make the day so much better.

"So Matt is quite a guy, eh?" said Ethan as he watched Matt slowly walking away.

"Yeah I guess, what about him?" Jake said, his sullen attitude returning.

"Oh nothing, I just really love how that cute tail-end of his sways as he walks, don't you? Those gorgeous baby blues are something else too." Ethan said, feigning a faint. "I wouldn't mind spending a night with him if you get my drift."

"Ethan, back off! Stop talking about Matt like that. Don't even think about talking to him like that," Jake said whirling around, pointing a finger at Ethan.

"What's the big deal? Just a little shameless fun between friends...sir," Ethan goaded.

"I'm warning you; don't even think about hitting on him."

"Ha, I was wondering when you would show your true feelings," Ethan said with a smirk.

"What are you talking about?" Jake said, his eyes narrowing.

"Come on, I've seen how you are around him, the way you look at him."

"Look at him how? He's my best friend. Of course I'm going to look at him," Jake said quickly.

"I've played this game long enough to know the difference between sex and passion, and what you've got with that boy is more sexual tension than a soap opera."

"What are you talking about sex? What passion?" Jake demanded angrily.

"Well then, if there's nothing going on between you, I suppose you won't mind if I take a whack at him. Boy that fine, hate to let him go to waste. May even have to take Brad up on that threesome he's been hinting at." Ethan said quietly, grinning at Jake.

"Leave. Him. Alone," Jake said in a low growl, his lips curling back over his clenched teeth.

"Ooh the things I would do to that boy. Would love to get him on his knees and find out just how talented he really is," Ethan said with a wink.

With a speed that surprised Ethan, Jake leapt at him. Seizing the started grey wolf by the collar of his uniform, Jake slammed him up against the wall. "Shut up right now!" he roared.

"Oh did I touch a nerve? You're going to have to do much better than that," Ethan said with a laugh. "What are you waiting for? Hit me! I know you want to. The idea of my hands running all over his body makes your blood boil, doesn't it?"

Shaking with barely controlled rage, Jake said, "He's my best friend. I don't want you messing around with him! Knowing you, you'd probably do something sick and completely mess with his mind."

Raising his paw in a fist right in front of Ethan's eye, he continued, "Don't think I won't if I find out you're messing around with him."

"What's it matter to you for? You have no attachment to him whatsoever. He's just a helping hand to you, a quick fuck and then it's over"

Jake let go of Ethan's collar, stepping back he turned away and said. "I told you he's my best friend. I don't want to see him hurt, and he's not just a quick fuck ..."

"No? Then what is he Jake?"

"He...he's just...my best friend..." Jake said quietly as he felt his anger slipping away.

"Best friends don't fuck around with each other as a pass time, Jakey. Now, I'll ask again. What is he?"

"That was once...I...I don't know," said Jake with a frustrated snarl. He didn't understand where all of these questions were coming from, and how they were so close to what had been bothering him of late.

With a quiet sigh, Ethan said, "It's about time I got some honesty. I was afraid I might actually have to let you hit me Jake,"

"Just watch it or I might," Jake muttered. "I said I don't know, ok. Drop it."

Carefully, Ethan walked up to where Jake was standing with his back to him. Placing a paw on Jake's shoulder, he said, "Its ok Jake, I know you don't know. I know you're confused as fuck too...I'm your friend, Jakey...you can talk to me."

Without looking at Ethan, he brushed the other's paw from his shoulder. "Talk to you about what? There isn't anything to talk about...I'm not confused...Matt's just a friend."

Ethan heaved a sigh. "Well...when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me, alright?"

Slowly he turned and began walking away slowly. Behind him he heard Jake sigh as the grey wolf sunk down against the wall, his head in his paws, ears lowered.

"Wait," Jake said, not looking up. "I...I don't know anymore...I just don't get it. When I'm around Matt, I'm happy."

"What's not to get? Is that a bad thing to be happy?"

"The last time I was happy like this was when I was with Jess. It doesn't make any sense," Jake sighed. "Whenever I'm happy, I get hurt."

Turning around, Ethan walked back and sunk down the wall to sit next to Jake. Putting an arm around his friend's (and commander's) shoulders, he said, "Have you considered...that maybe your feelings for Matt aren't completely....platonic?"

"What do you mean? We're just really close I...I'm just lonely or something," Jake said with a frustrated sigh.

"Maybe...I'm not going to say it isn't possible...but I've seen the way you look at him, the way your whole attitude seems to shift when you're together. There's so much joy there..and confusion. I've even caught a smile here and there, and who knows how long it's been since I've seen one of those from you..."

"Since that day with my parents...then, my brother...what have I had to smile about? I don't get it. Matt just makes me feel happy, he's my best friend - has been since we were cubs."

"I can't say for sure, but maybe you just never realized before how much he really meant to you."

"Sure I do, he means a lot to me; I keep telling you he's my best friend. He's always been there for me...I've always been there for him."

"Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you care so much about him? Why does he mean so much to you that you are willing to hold him, kiss him...make love with him? Does that seem like simple friendship to you?"

Jake opened his maw to answer. Unable to think of one, he simply muttered, "No."

"So what do you think, then?"

"I... honestly don't know what to think anymore. How can it be more than friendship? ...we can't...I can't...I'm not."

Ethan wrapped his arms around Jake tightly. "I know it doesn't make any sense...but I'll help you figure this out anyway I can."

Jake resisted the hug for a moment then relaxed and allowed Ethan to hug him. "Thanks, but how can you possible help, it's not like you know what's going on or do you have some kind of hunch"

"Jake...give me some credit here. I've been through this before so I know what you're going through," Ethan said, rolling his eyes.

Jake gave a weak laugh. "Yeah I forgot...you're gay...but you don't think...I'm not gay," he said, with more conviction than he felt.

"I don't think you're gay, Jake. You like women too much, it's disgusting," said Ethan, pretending to retch at the thought of it.

Jake laughed loudly this time, a sound that none had heard in a long time. "Yeah, how could I forget the faces you made when you caught me and the maid? Looked like you were about to be sick."

Ethan shuddered as the suppressed memory resurface. "Don't remind me."

"So, what is it then?"

"Do you think....I mean....could you be bi?" Ethan asked softly

"I...I don't know...maybe..." said Jake, heaving a sad sigh.

Ethan gently rubbed Jake's muzzle with his own before setting his head on Jake's, "Cheer up. It could be worse."

"How could it be worse?"

Ethan thought for a moment, "I don't know...rain maybe?" he said with a grin.

"Shut up, you of all people should know how hard this is... how messed up it is."

"Yes...but if you don't laugh about it sometimes...it'll eat you alive..."

"How am I supposed to laugh about possibly having feelings for my best friend, and maybe being bi? I don't see anything funny in that, do you?"

"Well...er...not when you put it like that...no," Ethan said, rubbing the back of his head as he realized telling Jake to laugh about it had been a mistake.

"Exactly," said Jake, once more grim faced, his voice deadpan, ears drooped. "So what do you suggest I do now?"

"Well, at least look at the bright side. I mean, either way you've got a great guy, that would walk to ends of the earth for you. AND you got laid! There's got to be some cheer in that!" Ethan said, grinning. "But in all seriousness...it's up to you what you do...you can choose to believe that you might love Matt...or you cannot..."

"I don't see how you do. What makes you so sure? And if it's so easy for you to believe then why doesn't it make any sense to me?"

"Call it instinct...you don't see it because no one in this situation ever really wants to see it...it scares them..." Ethan said gently rubbing Jake's back.

"You're telling me," Jake muttered. "What if I am just lonely though...I can't remember the last time I held someone...what if that's all it is, it isn't fair to Matt"

"Maybe you are just lonely," Ethan said with a shrug. "I'm not saying you should immediately go from this conversation to commitment...it was merely my intention to open you up to the possibility...and hope it helped you come to the right conclusion. Just be careful...and for goodness sake, talk to Matt about it if you're so worried about it!"

"Yeah right and what the hell am I supposed to say to Matt?" Jake said with a laugh.

"How about 'Hi Matt, nice tail, wanna go to my room?'"

"You don't think he'll find it weird if I ask him to come to my room after I compliment him on his tail?" Jake said, raising an eyebrow questioningly at Ethan.

"Oh right, like you wouldn't enjoy it...just tell him the truth...that you are confused beyond reason and need his help to get through it. The boy's got to have some kind of opinion of his own; maybe his will make more sense to you."

"Well, he does have a cute tail..." Jake said with a sheepish grin. Suddenly, he shook his head violently as though to shake the very thought from his mind. "I mean...yeah, I don't know. He is my best friend."

Ethan rolled his eyes as Jake sighed. "Some men are just clueless." Laughing, he said, "Just talk to him, and do some thinking on your own. See what your instincts tell you...you're a wolf, after all."

"Hey what do you mean clueless?" Jake said in mock anger. "Yeah, uh my instincts are all well and good for chasing down my enemy or a snack, but they aren't so good when it comes to feelings." He sighed and ran his paws over his muzzle.

"Only teasing you, Jakey," Ethan said, lightly punching the depressed wolf in the arm. "Try pretending that your answer is a tasty snack then, and the only way you can find it is to follow your heart."

"Yeah uh again...I'm not so good with feelings. Look where they got me in the past," he muttered angrily as memories of Jess' betrayal surfaced in his mind.

"If you really think that Matt would do that to you, then maybe you should just leave him alone altogether."

"I...he wouldn't, but I'm no good at reading my heart. I don't want to get it wrong and end up hurting Matt like I was."

"Which is why I think you need to be honest with Matt. He needs to know what he could be getting himself into," Ethan said gently but firmly.

"Tell him what? That I'm confused and don't know what's going on anymore? Tell him that I might have feelings for him, but that I could just be lonely after being alone for four years?"

"I would suggest perhaps a bit less bluntly, though that is the general idea."

"Subtlety was never my strong suit."

"Look...Jake...he's your best friend," Ethan said, growing serious. "If anyone knows how to talk to him about this in a way that won't make him freak, it's you."

"I guess, I don't know. I'll think of something. I just have to be honest with him, I guess."

"I think that's a very good idea."

"Probably going to be the hardest thing I do all summer," Jake muttered.

"Possibly, but I'll be here to help you every step of the way...and I'm sure Matt will too."

"Oh I'm sure he'll be ecstatic...and I appreciate it, Ethan," Jake said, looking up at Ethan sadly.

"All part of the job description, Jakey," Ethan said, giving Jake a firm squeeze.

"Ha, I don't remember seeing counsellor to confused wolves next to gay computer tech on your résumé."

"You gotta learn to read between the lines!"

"The only line you read is between Brad's cheeks," Jake said with a snort.

"Ah and what a fine line it is," Ethan said with a content sigh.

"Man, you guys are weird. You're just lucky you know your way around a computer, and Brad knows how to cook," Jake said, shaking his head.

"Admit it; you know you love having us around."

"Yeah, I guess you guys can be fun to have around at times."

"You only guess?" Ethan said giving Jake his best wolf pup look.

"Ok, you guys are fun to have around," Jake said rolling his eyes. "Happy?"

Ethan's ears perked up. "Much better."

Shaking his head, Jake wrapped his arms around the other wolf, giving him a hug. "Thanks for the talk."

"Anytime, Jakey."

"Now I just have to go find Matt," Jake said with a nervous sigh.

"Would you feel better if I came with you?"

"I guess...yeah, sure, if you feel up to it."

"I'll be right behind you," Ethan said seductively. Jake was the only guy, outside of Brad, Ethan truly liked to flirt with.

"Yeah uh, how about you stand beside me? You admire the view back there enough as it is."

"Spoil sport," Ethan said sticking his tongue out at Jake.

"You can fantasise about my tail after we're done talking to Matt," Jake said, rolling his eyes again.

"Deal," Ethan said with a sly grin.

Slowly the pair got up and began making their way down the gilded, bust lined hall. Jake pushed Ethan forward as the wolf attempted to glance back at his tail end. Smirking, Ethan pushed Jake forward to get a better view.

"Hey, keep your paws to yourself!"

"As you wish," Ethan said, brushing Jake's side with his tail.

"Does Brad not give you enough attention?" Jake asked, frowning at Ethan

"Oh, he gives me plenty. I just find it fun to tease you a little," Ethan said, slipping his paw into the back pocket of Jake's pants.

"Yeah, uh, what part of trying to slip your paw into the back pocket of my uniform do you consider teasing?"

Ethan kept his gaze innocently forwards as Jake pushed him, forcing him to remove his paw from Jake's pocket. With a grin, Ethan slipped his arm through Jake's, who resisted for a moment then gave up, knowing that this would only continue until Ethan was allowed to hold at least part of him.

"Happy now?" Jake asked, rather annoyed

Ethan laughed. "You want me," he said with a seductive wink. "But let's find Matt."

"Ha, keep dreaming," Jake said, rolling his eyes.

Suddenly, his ears perked up as he heard Matt's voice coming from Shawn's room. Giving Ethan a confused look, he walked up to the door. Yes, he could definitely hear Matt's voice. Then his eyes narrowed as a scent reached his sensitive nose.

The scent of lust and heat.

Throwing open the door, he was struck momentarily dumb by the sight that greeted him. There on the bed, amidst a jumble of clothing, Matt lay beneath the covers, spooning Shawn. The arctic fox was murring and nuzzling the human's neck. He looked up in surprise as he heard the door slam into the wall.

Matt felt a cold shiver run through him at the sight of his friend. Jake stood, lips curled back over clenched teeth, his fur bristling and tail flicking back and forth. His ears were pressed back against his head. Without a word, he spun around and stormed out. It was then that Matt noticed Ethan, who was violently shoved by Jake as he passed by and stormed off down the hall.

Ethan looked at the fox and heaved a sad sigh, shoulders hunched as though under a great weight.