FInally, the roof!

Story by

Tags: , , , , ,

WARNING! _ This is my interpretation of my gameplay during the Gargoyle boss fight, in Dark Souls. This is a fanfiction, flawed, and heavily opinionated in my own judgemental view. This is ment to be humourous, at best. Enjoy. Oh.. And no sex, obviously._

"Whooo... Too many.. Stairs.." huffed the fat pyromancer, Gluttony. He no longer appeared as a walking corpse. Instead, bore the resemblance of someone from the Great Swamp, filthy, dark skinned and ragged. His hair hung in desheveled waves and held no greater appeal other than to mock the once stylish way it was. "Why in the Hell so many stairs!? And ladders, too! And that magic-guy? THe fuck!.. Oh, look. It's Lautrec, and Solaire. Hey guys!"

"Oh, lookie, Sunbro. It's the fat fire-flinger." mocked Lautrec, chuckling throatily before quickly turning away and muttering insults to the fire keeper bellow. His gold armour shone in bright contrast to his dark, forboding mood.

Solaire as if polar opposite, stood in his white smock and chainmail. A bright red and yellow sun painted on his chest. "Oh ho! Young friend welcome! Ready to likely fight to the death? Good! Onward!" and with that, Solaire led the way to the fog-wall, with Gluttony and Lautrec trailing behind.

"Is he always like this, Lautrec?" asked the fat pyromancer.

"Most times? Yeah... He's abit fucked. We all think he's the first-born exiled son of Lord Gwyn, y'know? Since he ain't a god anymore we figure he's just nutso.. Leave it be." responded a distant Lautrec.

"Oh.. Well, alright."

With a tight grip on his spear, six times enchanted by a nice old man named Andre, and his balder shield, four times enchanted by the same man in the other hand, Gluttony stepped forward through the wafting smoke and coughed, coming to stop just across a seventy foot expanse of wood shingles and stone archways. Across the way stood the bell tower, his goal.

"Huh... It's quiet... I wonder... Where.." began a dubious pyromancer, only to stop and stare with mouth gaping as a gargoyle, high above the roof began to shift, breaking free of its imprisonment in stone.

"Oh shit, oh shit! Okay! Guys!"

"Sure, kid... Just be ready to die." responded Lautrec, and likewise Solaire with his "Wonderful!"

With a shake of his head the boy had barely the time to roll his pudge across the roof, barely dodging an incoming blow from a large polearm. As he came up he began lobbing fireballs towards his foe, blasting miniscule holes of stone and bits from the beast. But just as victory seemed sure, Gluttony felt the ground shudder from behind, and then felt a rather peculiar sizzling along his ass. A familiar sizzling, and burning smell.

"Oh... For fuc-"


Back at Andre's blacksmith.

"-k! Damnit! GAH! TWO OF THEM!? REALLY!?"