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Saldin's Snail Situation

By Vandercat

In a small, dimly-lit tavern sat a ferret by the name of Pandora. She was at a table with a flagon of ale in her paw, sipping down idly as she chatted with another patron. Her clothing consisted of a small skirt that ran down to the top of her knees along with a matching feminine duelist's vest. Despite being a thief, she wasn't very well armored; she had only a single shoulder guard on her right shoulder and a pair of armored boots and gauntlets. She also wore a belt adorned with her sword's sheath and a small pouch of throwing knives.

Along with Pandora was her loyal companion; Kassandra. Kassandra was a quiet, young, grey mouse who had been a friend of Pandora's for a very long time. She practically followed her everywhere. She was the smallest of the group, a few inches shorter than Pandora; one of the things that stuck out about Kassandra was her orangey-brown eyes. Her outfit consisted of a plain, navy vest and cloak to go along with it, like Pandora, she too had leather gauntlets and boots, and carried around a large wooden crossbow on her back, with a bolt pouch attached to her belt.

The third and most shy member of their group was Sasha. She was a more spiritual member of the group, sporting a long, white priestess's robe that came down to her knees and a necklace with an ankh pendant on it. For the most part she kept to herself, leaning back in her seat against the wall of the tavern, her staff lying against the wall beside her. The staff itself also had an ankh for a headpiece.

The group of girls had been together for a long time, adventuring all over the land in search of fame and glory, as well as gold. Pandora was the leader of their little group; they had decided to stop at this tavern not only to rest up, but to hopefully find some more work as they were low on money.

Pandora was talking with a wolf who had supposedly come from a town down the road, his fur was very dusty from the trip, it was apparent to her that he had ran the entire way. Why he had, she was about to find out...

"So, you say you ran all the way from Saldin to this tavern?" Pandora asked, sipping from her mug with a rather unconvinced looking on her face.

"Yes..." the wolf answered "the town has come under siege from a hideous monster and it has made off with a chest full of valuable artifacts!" he explained. "I was sent here to find some heroes... or heroines in your case, to rid the town of the vile creature!"

"I dunno Pan, this job sounds dangerous... shouldn't we go find something a little safer?" Sasha asked, turning to Pandora with a concerned look on her face.

"Oh please, together we could take any monster any day!" Pandora boasted confidently, perhaps overly so. "We'll leave in the morning; Saldin can consider their monster as good as dead!" she announced, raising her mug and cheering triumphantly, Kassandra joined her while Sasha simply rolled her eyes and grumbled quietly to herself.

*******

The three awoke next morning refreshed and eager to set off on their latest quest. Sasha was first to wake up, then Kassandra, who had to practically pull Pandora out of bed. Once they had gotten dressed and had breakfast, the three set off down the road towards Saldin.

Their journey was short, it took them less than half a day to reach the town of Saldin, and they arrived to find that the town had indeed been attacked by something, several buildings were smashed in on the sides and another had been reduced to a flat pile of wood. Oddly, there was more damage to the local crops than there was to the actual town itself.

"Wow... this place is all torn up..." Pandora said as she surveyed the damage.

"Whoever or whatever did this was pretty big." Sasha added.

"C'mon, let's go see if anyone saw where this thing went!" Pandora finally chimed up, breaking the silence. Walking ahead into the town's center, where she was quickly pursued by her companions. Kassandra finally spotted what appeared to be the mayor's building and the group went inside, hoping to find out some information on the crisis.

"Hellooo? Anyone home?" The trio echoed out over the seemingly empty room.

"Yes yes, over here! How may I help you?" answered a small, pudgy bear wearing a mayor's sash over an everyday outfit.

"Are you the mayor?" Pandora asked, taking charge of the investigation. "We heard you had a monster problem, we're here to help."

"Indeed... our poor town has been plagued by that vile snail for weeks now!" The mayor stated grimly, looking down at his desk "several people have been injured already."

"Wait, your town is being harassed by... a snail?" Pandora asked in disbelief, Kassandra shared her expression and even Sasha too had her brow furled in confusion.

"No no no, you don't understand!" The mayor snapped back quickly "Its huge, like this huge!" He added, holding up his pudgy arms as high as they could go above him, to try and stress the size of the beast.

"I see... and has it been kidnapping anyone or anything?" Sasha finally spoke up, shifting her weight as she tried to imagine just what kind of creature it was they were dealing with. Pandora didn't seem to share her concern, however.

"N-no, it only just eats flowers and the town's crops really, it also wrecks houses and made off with a chest full of things precious to me! If you return them and slay the beast I will pay you greatly!" The mayor explained, looking at all three of them.

"Sure, consider your slug a dead man...or woman..." Pandora boasted confidently with a grin on her face.

"Thank you!" The mayor responded gratefully "It dwells in the old forest to the east of town, you can follow the trail it made when leaving to its lair deep in the heart of those woods..." The mayor continued "Take heed; it is quite perilous to go in there alone!"

"In case you haven't noticed, there's three of us Mr. Mayor" Kassandra chimed in "We'll take care of your bug problem easy-peasy!" And on that note, the mayor bid them farewell and the adventurers took their leave of the mayor's office, setting off towards the dark forest to the east.

"Wait!" shouted another villager, a seemingly average red fox, who was chasing after the party of adventurers. "I overheard you were going to take care of our monster problem, I think you should have this." The man said, handing Kassandra a large burlap sack.

"Woah, this thing is heavy!" Kassandra exclaimed, examining the bag "What's inside?" She asked, looking back up at the stranger.

"Salt... a whole lot of it." He explained "You'll need it to fight the beast, good luck!" And then quickly turned and went back to town, leaving the trio to journey onwards, towards the edge of the forest, not too far away from town.

Arriving at the edge of the forest, the group paused before continuing onward. The forest itself didn't seem so intimidating; however, there was no trail that led through it, only a crude path made by the animals that trekked through it. And with it being past noon already, they knew they could easily get lost...

"Well... time's wasting" Pandora mentioned to the others, starting off into the trees. "We best get going if we're going to be back by sundown!" The others nodded and followed her into the supposedly dangerous woods.

The band of friends set off down the old forest path, cautious of all the dangers around them. For the most part the woods seemed normal, the trees looked normal, the squirrels and deer looked normal, and the plants looked normal which put them at ease a bit. However, the threat of the monstrous snail lurked around every corner, or so they thought.

"Are you sure you know where you're going?" Sasha spoke up after a long period of walking through the woods silently.

"Yeah, of course you girls know I'm a great navigator!" Pandora stated loudly. "I could chart these woods like the back of my paw!" She held up her right paw as she spoke, not really paying much attention to where she was going, she walked right off the trail. Sasha and Kassandra were too busy following her to notice that they had gotten sidetracked either.

Pandora didn't know something was amiss until she felt the ground get soft and squishy under her feetpaws. But by the time she had stopped and looked down to see what she had stepped in it was too late. She had led the group right into a large, sticky mud puddle.

"Bleh, the ground is muddy here..." Pandora remarked as she first noticed that she had stepped in the puddle. "It's gonna' suck to wash this out of my fur later!" she groaned, trying to lift her right footpaw out of the mud, only to find that it clung to it and pull it back down.

"I-I'm stuck!" Kassandra suddenly cried out in alarm as she failed to free her feetpaws from the sticky muck. She had to set the salt sack down by the edge of the mud so that she could grab onto her shin and pull, but to no avail, the clinging mud held her in place like cement.

"Me too!" Sasha added, trying to lift each footpaw up, gooey strands of mud stuck to the bottom of her sandals, the mud squelching and slurping as the girls struggled to free themselves from it. She was stuck behind Kassandra, who in turn was stuck behind Pandora in an almost perfect line, with a few feet of space between each.

The mud puddle seemed to be massive, even though Pandora had made it most of the way across, the edge was still over two feet away from where she was standing. Sasha too, was several feet from the other edge of the puddle, which was behind her. She took a quick glance over her shoulder and grimaced.

Sasha grumbled, giving her left leg a tug. "How did you miss this ginormous mud puddle?"

"Oh shuddup!" Pandora snapped back, growling, then turning back to her own predicament "let's just focus on getting out of this mess..." She said, grunting as she pulled on her leg as hard as she could "ugh, no good..." She began to scan the edge of the mud pit with her eyes for anything she could grab.

Groaning and moaning the girls struggled to free themselves from the slurping and sucking mire. Wherever it managed to get on their clothes or fur it stuck fast, not even the most desperate struggles could get them free. The goopy mass would pull them right back down whenever the managed to lift their legs up any, sticking to the bottom like tendrils of slime holding their victim down.

Fortunately for them, Sasha had spotted a nearby branch that was within reach of her arms. She gasped in joyous surprise, and then reached for it, grabbing on with both paws and pulling as hard as she could. It took all of her might, but she was able to pry herself free from the adhesive muck, it let out a reluctant sucking noise as its grip slipped on Sasha's feetpaws.

Pandora too had a lucky break when it came to escaping the mud. She had already made it most of the way across the surface before getting stuck earlier. Her struggling to move forward since then had gotten her several inches closer to the shore. With one last desperate pull, she was able to liberate her right leg from the gooey morass.

"Ha! I'm free! I'm free!" Pandora cried out in glee as she used her newfound leverage to remove her other leg from the goop, standing on the edge triumphantly before she realized that Kassandra was still stuck right in the middle of the puddle.

"Hey girls..." Kassandra finally whimpered out "I think I'm sinking some!" She admitted, looking down at her legs, she had sunk down to her shins, making it even harder for her to move her legs.

"Hold on Kass, we're coming!" Sasha called out to her, walking around to Kassandra's left side. "Pan, go around to the other side and grab her arm, we'll lift her out!" she instructed the ferret, who nodded and took her position on the right.

Together, Pandora and Sasha grabbed onto Kassandra's arms and lifted upwards, the clinging bog squelching and slurping as its grip loosened on the mouse. Kassandra looked down worriedly at her legs, but was relieved to see herself slip from the adhesive grip of the puddle too. Now that Kassandra was free of the goop, she was able to get a footpaw on solid ground.

"Thanks girls, I don't think I could've gotten out on my own..." Kassandra admitted, wiping some of the mud stuck to her on the grass. She walked around to the other side of the mud and lifted the sack up again "We ready to keep going?" Sasha and Pandora nodded in agreement and together they set off, now much more cautious of where they were stepping.

As the group approached the center of the woods, they found that the pathways were becoming more overgrown with vegetation. The group had become more wary of their surroundings; someone could easily ambush them with how thick the flora was in this area. Yet at the same time, the wide variety of exotic flowers and alluring scents became distracting, especially for Kassandra.

"Oh wow, can you smell that?" Kassandra said, her speaking up breaking the silence "That flower over there, it smells so good..." She mentioned, wandering from the group to a nearby plant, its flowers so unique, line none she had ever seen before. She didn't see what the others had noticed; that the plant itself had a large, bulb-like head with a row of small, teeth-like thorns...

"Kass wait, it's a-" was all that Sasha had time to shout out before the carnivorous plant sprung to life and pounced on Kassandra. The poor mouse let out a squeak as the mouth of the plant closed down around her, it was trying to swallow her whole, and already her chest was being gulped down, arms and legs flailing helplessly.

"Don't worry, I got this!" Pandora said, leaping into action and drawing her sword. "It's time to bring out the weed-killer!"

"Oh come on, that wasn't funny at all..." Sasha grumbled, rolling her eyes and taking a step back, thinking that the plant's vines might snap up and grab her as well.

By the time Pandora had gotten to the evil plant, it had already swallowed Kassandra's torso and was trying to devour her still squirming legs. Pandora quickly began to dismantle the plant, hacking off leaves and vines with her sword, swinging it like a machete until the main stem of the plant was exposed.

"I have you now, you overgrown dandelion!" Pandora shouted out as she went for a killing blow, slicing the plant's thick stem out from under it, causing it to fall over and let go of its victim. Kassandra climbed out of the plant's jaw, covered in a sort of salvia and many scratches left by the thorny teeth.

"You're injured, let me help you." Sasha mentioned as she stepped carefully through the pile of vines and leaves left behind in Pandora's wake. Kassandra nodded.

Once Sasha had gotten over too her, she held up her hands, cupping them over the wounded area. She closed her eyes and began chanting in a hushed tone, the ankh necklace she wore began to glow as magic channeled through her. Kassandra watched in amazement as the scratches on her body began to seal up, the wounds healing before her very eyes.

"Wow! Thanks Sasha..." She responded, smiling gratefully.

"You're welcome, but be more careful next time!" Sasha answered, looking to Pandora and nodding, it was time for them to leave. Together the girls ventured forth through the woods, still heading in the direction the townspeople had mentioned the snail slithered.

After a little more trekking, the group had finally made it to a large clearing where the stories of the town were all confirmed. Before them, near a pile of large boulders, was a huge snail, idly munching on some flowers. Stuck to the top of its shell was a small, wooden chest.

"There it is!" Pandora exclaimed as she pushed aside a fern and walked into the clearing, the large creature not paying her any attention. "Now all we have to do is kill it!" She added, looking at the innocent snail with a devious grin and fire in her eyes.

"Hold on Pan, lemme' get the salt out and we'll just toss it right at him!" Kassandra said to her, trying to catch up with the huge burlap sack slung over her back.

"Psh, like I need salt to squish this pest, I'll show you how it's done!" Pandora Scoffed before taking a running start at the snail, drawing her sword and leaping into the air.

"Pandora, wait!" Kassandra called after her, but it was too late, Pandora had already lunged at the giant critter, her sword slicing across the side of its neck.

"Bleh, what the heck is this stuff?" Pandora said in disgust as she looked at her blade, which was half stuck in the snail's skin. The sword hadn't gone in too deep because its skin was covered in a thick, transparent slime which seemed to ooze from its shell. She pulled on the handle of the weapon the best she could, but it didn't budge from its spot.

Feeling the weapon slice into its body, the snail flinched in alarm, beginning to slither off slowly. The massive tail of the snail left behind a trail of the goo that covered its body as it tried to make an escape at a surprisingly insignificant speed.

Pandora was having no luck freeing herself from the side of the snail; her right paw was glued to the snail's body. In frustration she took her left paw and placed it on the neck as well, pushing and trying to free her right paw and sword, only to find that her other paw was not stuck as well.

"Crap, I can't get free!" Pandora grunted, her footing slipping as the snail slithered away. The grass was wet with dew and as the snail slithered away she tried to pull back on it, but her boots slipped out from under her and the snail simply dragged her onward. The grass was too slick for her to get a stable footing.

By now, Kassandra and Sasha had caught up with Pandora and were already taking action. Kassandra had dropped the bag of salt, being sure that not had spilled out, before running over to the snail and Pandora, who was still clinging to the side of its long neck. Sasha had hesitated at first, but decided that she wasn't going to sit this one out and rushed forward to help her friend.

As Sasha made her way across the clearing, following Kassandra, she made the mistake of not jumping over the snail's trail of slime, which was just as sticky as the stuff oozing from its shell. She was slowed to a stop almost instantly upon stepping into the trail, looking down she groaned in disgust as she tried to lift her legs out, but moving forward and being pulled back at the same time upset her balance and she fell over, arms waving, onto the slime.

"ahh-mmph!" was all that Sasha could get out as she toppled over, flailing her arms like a bird trying to fly. She was now practically laying on the trail of slime; it was too sticky for her to move any part of her body, even when she tried to lift her arms she found that she couldn't get them more than an inch of the ground. She could only sit there and whimper, her muzzle slimed up from the splashdown.

Kassandra had successfully caught up with the gooey snail, Pandora cursing and yelling at it as it tried to escape with her attached. Quickly, Kassandra grabbed Pandora by the boots, trying to yank her off the side of the great creature.

"...Hold on Pan! I got you!" Kassandra called out as she grabbed onto Pandora.

"That's what I'm trying NOT to do!" Pandora snapped back in frustration. She could feel the stickiness of the slime beginning to yield as Kassandra pulled on her, she was beginning to slide free of the snail's side. "It's working!" She cried out in relief "keep going!"

Suddenly, Pandora's boots slid off in Kassandra's grasp, she squeaked aloud as she fell backwards, landing on her butt. As she went to get back up, she realized that she had fall down on the slime trail as well, her butt glued to the ground.

"Oh no, I'm stuck!" Kassandra yelled in alarm, straining to push herself off the ground. She looked up to see that the snail was inching away, Pandora still trying to get her footing but unable too, she had plenty of time to try and escape the goo holding her down.

When pushing didn't free her from the sticky mess she was practically sitting in, she put her feetpaws down on the grass and tried to push herself up that way. This worked better than using her arms, she was able to slowly work herself upwards, until the slime's grip finally broke and the mouse slipped free.

Now that she was back on her feetpaws, Kassandra rushed back over to the snail, which had only managed to move a few feet from where she had gotten stuck. Again, she grabbed onto Pandora's legs and began to pull hard, this time however, Pandora finally slid off the snail, falling back on Kassandra the two landing on their backs, Pandora on top of Kassandra.

"Thanks..." Pandora said to her good friend as she got up and helped her up as well, dusting herself off. "Now let's get that snail!" She said, turning back to the snail.

"Hold on, let's use the salt!" Kassandra interrupted, hopping over the slime trail and heading back to the sack, which was sitting in the middle of the clearing. She grabbed it and made her way back to the snail, setting it back down next to Pandora.

The two grabbed pawfuls of salt and began to toss it at the snail, which made an easy target as it was slow-moving. The salt covered the gooey skin of the snail; it shuddered and flinched in silent agony as the salt dehydrated its skin, which to their surprise caused the creature to shrink.

Gradually, the snail shrunk down and down and down, getting proportionally smaller and smaller until it was no bigger than an ordinary garden snail. The chest however, had fallen off to its side as it shrank. Kassandra and Pandora looked down in amazement as the watched now-tiny pest try to escape still.

"God, you were annoying!" Pandora said, as she picked up one of her boots, putting it back on and then stomping back down on the snail. Only after she heard the satisfying crunch and cracking of the shell did she lift the boot, the snail was no more.

"Wait... where's Sasha?" Kassandra asked, looking around for her other friend. It was then they finally heard the muffled whimpers from the mired feline. They turned to see that she had been stuck on her belly the whole time, and quickly rushed over to her, careful not to step in the leftover slime as well.

It took the two girls a while to get Sasha freed from her predicament and even after she was pulled out of the goo that she had been stuck to the whole time, her robes were completely soaked with it. She did her best to clean it off but there was no way she was going to get it all off without a bath.

With their friend saved, the group turned their attention to the chest. Pandora finished collecting her fallen boot and sword while the other two approached the chest. They inspected it, but did not open it as it was locked. Pandora tried to lift it by herself and was barely able to get it off the ground due to its weight.

"W-what the hell is in this thing? A dozen gold bars?" She groaned, giving the chest a kick before looking to the others.

"We shouldn't open it; it belongs to the mayor... I think..." Sasha added. In the end, it took all three of them to lift the chest and transport it back to Saldin. It was a long, exhausting and arduous journey back to town...

After arriving back at Saldin, the trio brought the chest into the mayor's office. Setting it down and then collapsing on the floor for a break right next to it, they laid there as they waited for the mayor to come in.

"I don't believe it! You found the chest!" The mayor exclaimed with delight as he rushed over to it. "That must mean the snail is dead and the town is saved!" he shook each of their paws individually, cheering. "Thank you, thank you!"

"What's in the chest?" Pandora inquired, looking at it curiously, she had wanted to see what was in it since they found it, given how heavy it was. The mayor reached into his pocket and pulled out a key, sticking it into the lock and turning it, the lid creaked open. The mayor grinned in delight at what he saw, while the others looked on in sheer disbelief.

The chest contained a pile of gentleman's magazines and erotica.

"What the hell!" Pandora yelled out in anger "You made us trek through that dumb forest and kill that stupid snail so we could bring you back a giant box full of porn?!" Her face was practically red with rage, the others were upset too, but nearly to the extent Pandora was.

"But you also saved the town from a giant monster, you're heroines!"

"This whole quest was a giant waste of my time!" Pandora snapped back, about to reach for her sword when Kassandra stopped her.

"Ahem... for your reward..." the mayor said, changing the reward, the girl's ears perked up at the word reward, he had their attention now more than ever. "For your heroic deeds, I have decided to give you all a lifetime's supply of salt from our famous salt mines!" He announced, before quickly adding "Limited quantities apply, void where prohibited..." in a sort of hushed tone.

".....That's it?!" all three of the adventurers asked in unison. Their expressions were of both shock and disappointment, as they were expecting to be paid for their hard work with actual coin, rather than commodities.

"Yes..." the mayor answered. That last word he spoke was the last straw for Pandora. She became infuriated.

"I'll... I'll... I'll kill you!" She roared, trying to lunge at the mayor with both arms outstretched, aiming to strangle him. He stepped back against the wall quickly, while Sasha and Kassandra both grabbed onto her, it took the two of them to drag her out of the building, she was still yelling at the man on her way out as well. "I'll kill you! Lemme go!" she shouted after him.

Disgruntled and disappointed, the group of heroines decided to take their leave of the town in search of real work. They started down the road after convincing Pandora that killing the mayor of the town wouldn't bring back the wasted time and effort and that they should move on.

"This is it, I'm done being good!" Pandora said in a sigh of frustration "I'm turning to a life of crime from now on!"

"That's what you said about the last job..." Kassandra said to her with a snicker.

"Oh shaddup" Pandora replied. Meanwhile, back at Saldin, the mayor was busy tabulating his newfound treasure.

"I can't believe it!" He exclaimed to himself "it really is the long lost treasure of Smutty Joe!" He sorted through the piles of adult literature and stared in amazement; below the pile of magazines and books were a dozen bars of solid gold! "I'm rich, rich I say!" He yelled in glee, throwing up handfuls of magazines in the air....

**The End**