Innocence of Youth
So I was sitting at work today and since my car is still busted I had to ride in early at 7am and sit around all day till 1Pm when the meeting happened. Ugh so I listened to music, played some Portal 2 and did a little bit of writing. Honestly I don't know what this means, I was just putting words to paper. really just to get back into the floor of the written word.
I am also mentally fried and torn with the fact my boyfriend amwulf moved in and then decided I wasn't worth living with and moved out, oh and he had a new boyfriend even before he moved out, shitty right?
Well I will let you all be the judge really. I hope you enjoy this!!!
Wherein does a boy become a man? What magical rite transforms an adolescent boy to a blooded man? Must he journey to stars end and battle vast spiraling entities to secure his place. Or must the child accept his own truth and be the man he wishes to be. We all must fight our own inner demons and conqueror the id. Some sooner and some later but in the end we all must fight. We all must conquest the fears and nagging ideas that make up a child. For we are as one race and not truly separate. No human dies alone with love in his heart and his ancestors in his mind.
The whispers of the human race extending back through the ages sits upon your shoulders and guides you to your destiny. Yet we steer the innocent child towards the guilty man and to embrace his own shortcomings. We are not the navigators of destiny; we are the riders of the wind. We walk as the children of Gaia, here to make our mark on this vast universe.
We shall never know the truth I think. I believe that this elusive ideal of becoming a man is a farce we have been fed through mass media. At one point all boys become men and all girls become women. Yet this is not through sexual encounters or career objectives. But it is held within one's own mind. You look upon the face in the mirror, eyes sparkling and there stands an adult.
No longer are you the boy in his summer skin weighed free from the worries of your elders. Now you are a man with bloody hands and a head full of hard truths. We long for the warm sun and blue skies. Instead we trade ignorance and innocence for the burden of knowledge and responsibility. I don't know if it truly is a fair trade. With more knowledge gained and each truth unearthed, we walk farther from the light of our own childhood. Quietly we march into the abyss of insecurity and ineptitude. Why must we commit ourselves to such sin? Not in the biblical sense but instead a sin against our own flesh, like a hot brand into our minds.
We carry this mark long into the future, passing its burden from father to son and mother to daughter. As each generation is born pure and slowly corrupted, we hang our heads and accept it as fate. Instead I throw off my shackles and walk forth into the light of truth. I am unable to bear the marks of the past any longer. I choose to be my own man, by my own will. To walk my path as I see fit, to make the mistakes of youth even as an adult. I wish to regain the wonder from my childhood. To grasp it in my hands and keep it safe as a child grasps a firefly. Will I regain my lost innocence or will it slip through my fingers to bleed upon the ground...Only the future can tell.