Grocery Store Dancer
(Copyright 2003) G. Dallman
November 12, 2003 Version 1.02
Revision Date: 12/11/2004
Hi, all. It's been a long time since I've posted anything, but here a little thing I wrote to Piss off a friend (need I add his name is Howard?)
Grocery Store Dancer
"I'll bet I can!" I bragged.
"I'll bet you can't!" counter Howard
"What'll ya give me if I can?"
"Ok..." the fat clerk grumped, "If you can show me ONE thing that nobody on this planet's ever seen before, I'll pay for that cart of groceries." He nodded toward the young mountain of delectables heaped in my shopping cart.
"Deal!" I shouted, garnering dirty looks from several shoppers in the next line. Triumphantly, I pulled a shiny, spherical silver Quantum Character Generator out of my coat pocket, shoving it in his face. "S'matter of fact, I'll do ya one better... I'll show you TWO things that nobody's ever seen before! Aha... here's one now!"
Howard eyed the QCG dubiously, "Yer shit'n me! A Christmas ornament?"
"Nope! I call it a Quantum Character Generator... Little invention of mine."
"Is that like the thingy in a computer?" queried the clerk in a smarmy voice.
"No, smart-ass! It's the physical manifestation of a writing tool," I replied.
"Oh... Like a pen?" Howard grinned, continuing with the 'making stupid' shtick. He wasn't going to give up that easily.
I smiled, arched my eyebrows and raised the QCG between us, thumbing the actuator. "Watch and learn, grocery-boy." I released the QCG. It slowly drifted toward, and then through the floor. Waves of pseudo-reality radiated spherically from the QCG's point of contact.
"Waaa?" gasped Howard, feeling the floor ripple beneath his feet.
"Tant's Dance Meadow, on Epsilon Eridani Four!" I shouted, visualizing the scene-to-be in my mind's eye. Warped reality radiated from the QCG as it copied the imaginary landscape from my mind. Almost instantly, the entire frozen food isle and part of the snack section were replaced by green meadow, dotted liberally with tiny blue and white flowers. Ahh... Perfect!
"Cougar-morphs!" I commanded, and twenty anthromorphic cougars sprang into existence, five of them brandishing an assortment of musical instruments. Howard's jaw was by now in full dropped mode, his eyes practically straining his optic nerves to the snapping point!
"You've of course seen some of those before, haven't you?" I asked sarcastically, pointing toward the Cougar-morphs.
"Uuugh... No..." he drooled, frightened shitless, yet unable to pry his eyes from the spectacle in front of him.
"Well... Just wait. It gets even better!" I laughed rifling my mind for the appropriate dance music.
"Ahh... 'Fairies' by Higgins," I commanded, finally selecting the perfect music. A bit New-Agey... but fitting.
As The Five Kitties (as good a name as any for a Cougar-morph band!) started to play, beginning with a slow piano leadoff, fifteen pairs of topaz eyes turned toward me. I walked toward the nearest creature and bowed in invitation, taking the proffered tawny-furred hand. After about a minute of piano solo, the beat picked up with guitar, synth, drums and a nice violin. My cougar partner by this time had his tail wrapped around my waist like a third arm, leading me through an intricate weave among the other dancers. For the next three minutes, I was in heaven. It was like a fragment of a dream and I fervently wished it would never end!
But, alas... it did. As the song wound down to its conclusion, my partner gathered me into his strong, furry arms and to my amazement, planted a deep, warm kiss on my lips, pulling back to smile at me. "That was fun, Human. We'll have to do it again some time," he whispered.
"Yes... indeed!" I agreed, breathlessly.
"Is time for us to go now," he said, gently stroking my cheek.
"What's your name?" I asked, reluctantly backing away.
"You can call me Pard," he whispered, giving me a wink and a smile that almost broke my heart. Already he'd started to dematerialize, returning to quantum Potential.
After another two seconds, the dance meadow and cougar-morphs were gone and the displaced frozen pizzas and potato chips were back. Twenty-some bemused shoppers were blinking and rubbing their eyes, starting at one-another as though they were afraid to ask if they saw the same thing.
Howard looked and me and exhaled a shaky breath, "What... in the name of crippled Christ on Crutches was THAT!"
"I take it then... you've never any of those before?" I smiled, an evil glint in my eyes.
"Not while I was sober!" shivered Grocery-boy.
"Oookay... Do I win the bet?"
Without answering, Howard fumbled in his pocket for his register override key, punching in a long string of numbers with trembling fingers. The total amount due changed to $0.00 on the display.
* * * *
The luminous red digits of the alarm clock glowed angrily back at me. "Three-oh-seven," I groaned. Sleep wasn't just eluding me; it didn't want to have anything to do with me. I couldn't get Pard out of my mind. His handsome Cougar face haunted my dreams. His sweet voice... His smile... His soft caress against my cheek... And... Oh, that kiss! The memory of that alone was erecting (pun intended) quite a tent under the sheets! The longer I lay staring at the ceiling, the more I missed him.
Five o'clock. "Shit! This is crazy... I'm beginning to fixate on a figment of my imagination! I'm a professional writer, creating believable characters is what I do. But, goddamnit, this is just too much!" I grumbled to myself, throwing the covers aside in frustration.
Before I could even think about it, I had another QCG in my hand. Hoo Boy!
Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!