The Angel of Yiff Chapter 5
The Angel of Yiff Chapter 5 -- All I Wanted
Matt looked up at the clock in the kitchen, he got off work later today than usual, not uncommon for a Thursday, and he knew it would STILL be a while before Chris got back. He closed his eyes and looked down at the kitchen counter. He shouldn't have been watching the clock for Chris; he shouldn't have worried and fretted when his friend didn't get home quite on time; they were just friends.
But he couldn't help it.
He looked back up at the clock and felt his lip twitch. He remembered doing this nearly every day waiting for Lance when they were still together, and Billy before that. They were both cheating. Chris wouldn't do that, right? No. And they're not together anyway...it wouldn't be cheating.
The ottercoon put his paws flat on the counter. What if that WAS why Chris was getting in so much later, lately? What had he been up to? It wasn't like he'd be technically cheating...but...
Matt took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting out a long, low whimper.
Behind him Luke padded into the kitchen. He paused, though, then he saw the ottercoon. Matt was hunched over the counter, and his shoulders were jumping erratically. He was crying.
The raccoon thought, for moment, to leave, but he couldn't, "Matt?"
Matt took in a quick, shaky breath as he was startled, and the wavering in it gave him away immediately, ruining any chance he had to hide that he was crying. He turned around and wiped his damp eyes, no point in trying to hide it, "Hey. Hey Luke..."
Luke coughed and looked down, hoping not to embarrass Matt, and tried to pretend he didn't see anything, "Uhm...there's someone here for you."
"Oh? Sorry. I didn't hear the doorbell." The ottercoon closed his eyes and steadied himself, before walking toward Luke and stopping beside him, "Don't...don't tell anyone about that, okay? The last thing I need is people asking questions..."
Luke paused and nodded, but didn't say a word more, as he stepped aside.
Matt patted the little 'coon on the head and walked on past him, into the living room. He turned, first, to walk toward the front door, but caught a glimpse, out of the corner of his eye, of someone already sitting on his couch. Who had the kind of nerve to just waltz into his house?
He turned around to move toward the couch, "Can I..." But he stopped dead in his tracks before he could even finish the sentence.
There in front of him, in a hoodie and old jeans, a badger sat on the couch with his arms behind his head, and looked over at Matt with a smirk, "Well, well! I never figured YOU'D be into the cub action, lover. How is he?"
"Lance!?" Matt just stood there, blinking, "I...uhm...no. It's not like that. Luke's my, uhm...he just lives here!"
Lance cocked an eyebrow and chuckled, "Su~ure." He stood up and walked around the couch, leaning against it and crossing his arms, "So, what have you been up to lately?"
"Luke." Matt turned his head just enough to point his voice at the raccoon, who was still in the doorway to the kitchen, "Find Sirrus and Rei. I want you and Riddick to keep them upstairs, or in your room. Got it?"
Luke hesitated for a moment, "Uhm...alright Matt. Whatever you want." He padded off.
Lance raised his eyebrows, "Sirrus & Rei? Riddick? What? Do you have a little harem now?" He chuckled.
"I already told you: it's not like that. It may surprise you Lance, but I don't live by myself anymore. A while after you left me, I..." Matt stopped himself before he went into any real detail about Sirrus; he didn't owe Lance an explanation, "Riddick is my roommate's son, Luke is with him, and Rei is their..." he paused, "...he's a semi-feral rabbit."
The badger blinked, "Roommate...?" He shook his head and stood up straighter. Slowly, hesitantly, he walked closer to Matt. He hugged himself, his eyes looking everywhere but at his ex-boyfriend. He looked guilty, nervous, and shy. But Matt knew he'd always been a good actor, "Matt, I'm here...I came by because..." He finally looked at the ottercoon, "I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry...for everything."
Matt just looked back at him stoically, "Take a seat Lance..." He stepped back and motioned his arm at the couch.
Averting his gaze again, Lance just nodded, walked back around and sat down, looking up at Matt.
The ottercoon slowly followed and sat down beside the badger. He was silent for a long moment, before finally turning his head to look at his ex, "What is this about Lance? Down on your luck again?"
Lance frowned and shook his head, "No. I just..." Slowly, he reached over and put his paw atop of Matt's, "It took me a while...too long. But I finally realized how stupid I was..."
Matt looked down at that paw and closed his eyes. He remembered holding it, kissing it, and feeling it gripping his fur while Lance slept, back when they were still together. He pulled his paw out from under his ex's quickly, and opened his eyes again, "I haven't seen you in over 2 and a half years, Lance."
The badger retracted his paw and rubbed his palms together with a sigh and a shake of his head, "I know, and...I'm so sorry Matt. I was a total moron to do that to you...you were too good to me to deserve that. But, you've gotta' understand: especially after what I did...it took everything I had to come back here."
Matt reached out toward his ex's thigh hesitantly, and slowly laid his paw on it, "Tell me what's happened, Lance."
Lance looked up at Matt and placed his paw on Matt's again. His eyes were watery, but Matt had seen him fake it before. "Mitch: the one that I..." He looked away and sighed, "I know what it feels like now, Matt. I left him and came back, and I was...I hoped I could fix what I did..."
"He cheated on you?"
Lance nodded slowly.
"And you think that lets you know what it feels like? How many times did he cheat on you, Lance? How long did he stick around so you could support him? How much money did he suck out of you while he PRETENDED..." The ottercoon moved his paw again, "No...no, you'd have to HAVE money for that to happen. You don't have a clue how I felt..."
Lance paused and reached over quickly, to take Matt's paws back into his, "I know! I know that I have no idea, and that's why I came back. If...if him cheating on me hurt me that bad, I can only imagine how badly it must have hurt you, with all the dumb shit I did. That's why I want to try and fix things..."
Matt looked down at Lance's paws and squeezed them, not able to pretend he didn't enjoy holding them again, "I...I loved you Lance. I loved you...and I gave you SO MUCH to prove it. I stuck around, I held out hope because you were still all I wanted LONG after I already knew it was over." He looked up again, "I don't open up to people. I just don't do it, and you know that. I never have: not even to my friends or my family...but I opened up to you. I would have given you all of the money in the world, and I wouldn't have missed it." He paused, thinking to pull his paws away again, but squeezed them harder instead, "But I gave you a lot more than that, Lance. I let you in...I believed in you...I gave you trust...and more importantly than that: I gave you hope. And you used me and left me. I was alone for two years after that, Lance. But now, I have..." He cracked just the smallest smile, "I have a family now."
The badger twitched at that. It was small, but Matt noticed it. That was the last thing his ex had wanted to hear. Before Matt could react, could note the badger's displeasure, though, his ex leaned in and hugged the ottercoon, "I'm sorry Matt." He drew them close together, "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I truly am."
Matt closed his eyes and slipped his arms around back the badger. What was he thinking?? How could he be here, again, setting himself up like this? Lance didn't love him. He never had. He didn't even know how. Matt squeezed the badger tighter, though. He smelled just like he did two and a half years ago, and a part of Matt could only melt into the hug. It had been so long...and it felt so good. Maybe...maybe Lance could have really changed. Maybe it was time Matt let it go, and took the same advice he gave Alex only five days before.
Suddenly, in a loud and boisterous burst -- as was his style -- Chris barged in through the front door, "Attention, everyone!" Grinning and holding a huge cake aloft in only one paw, the lion marched proudly into the living room, "You're hunter has returned with food!" His voice lowered, "Well, mostly food for me," and rose again, "But food, nonetheless!"
Matt nearly had to wrench Lance off of him so he could sit up and look back over the couch, at Chris.
Lance could only blink, bewildered at the sudden jerk, "The hell...?" The badger watched Matt's ears perk up as if of their own accord. And even though he wasn't smiling, his face lit up in a way Lance had never seen...not even when they were together.
"Chris!" Though only barely, the corners of Matt's lips began to form a smile.
Chris padded in, setting the cake on a table in the living room and looking over at the couch, raising his eyebrows, "Company?" Somehow, just who that company was didn't register with the lion, despite having met him years ago...and having been the one to console Matt through the break up, "Better plan for more grub then."
Lance, though, recognized the lion, and looked almost scared just at the sight of him, "...Chris?"
"Yeah." Matt looked back at Lance, "Remember I said Riddick was my roommate's son. This is that roommate." He looked over at Chris again, "And, Chris...I'm sure you remember Lance."
Chris froze as it all clicked. His eyes widened, his brow lowered, and he drew in a deep, growling breath, "Lance." Chris stood straighter, chest out, and Matt, looking up at him, could have sworn he saw the lion's mane stand on end, "I should have recognized, you."
Lance just looked down and away. To anyone else, it would have looked like a look of shyness, guilt, or embarrassment. Chris knew him though, and saw right through it. Lance was looking away because he was angry, and because Chris was the last person he wanted to see.
The badger shuffled his feet, "You, uhm...don't get many badgers around?"
"Oh no. I work with a few." Chris took an threatening step closer, "What we don't get around here very often are piece of shit, broke, cheating little bums who broke my best friend's heart! The nerve you must-"
"Chris." Matt interrupted him, "Thank you...but ease off a bit. It'll be okay." He looked up at the lion with the same caring look he always had when someone had a problem, "He's just down on his luck again. I can take care of this. If I need your help, you know I'll call."
Chris continued darkly staring the badger down for a minute, then turned back to Matt with a softer look and an apologetic nod, "Fine. But one thing goes wrong, and I'm throwing his ass out on the street," he looked back at Lance, "where it belongs." The lion padded off into the kitchen and called back, "I'll go ahead and get dinner started, but I'm only making enough for the usual six...not seven."
"Sure thing, Chris." Matt looked back over at Lance, "Sorry. You know how Chris is with me. He can be a little over protective." He chuckled, "Kind of how we met back in high school: he stood up for me a lot."
Lance nodded, turning his best puppy dog eyes on Matt, "I understand...but really shouldn't worry about me."
"Yes he should." The ottercoon responded immediately, "He just needs to remember that I can take care of myself." He leaned back, "Anyway, where were we?"
Lance turned his eyes to the door Chris left through, and then looked back at Matt, "I was...I was about to tell you something."
Matt put a paw on the badger's shoulder, "You can stop apologizing if that's what it is. If you're really sorry, then I can forgive you, okay? It would be nice to have another friend my age, anyway." He smiled, "Most of them are only in high school right now."
The badger smiled wide and leaned up, hugging his ex, "I love you, Matt."
Matt blinked and hesitated to put his arms back around Lance: the last boyfriend he actually had. He slid them around the badger, though, and held him tight, pulling him up close, "I love you too Lance. I still do; a big part of me was never able to stop. But...I thought..."
Lance nuzzled into Matt's chest, "I was stupid Matt: stupid for using you, stupid for cheating..." He leaned back, still in Matt's arms, his eyes watery again, "I didn't realize what I had until it was gone."
The ottercoon closed his eyes and felt a warmth in his chest. He really missed being able to just hold someone like this -- really missed hearing he was loved. Maybe Lance really had changed. Matt had spent two years hoping he'd come back, before Sirrus ever even came into the picture. Had it finally happened? "I missed you so much Lance. For a long time, you were all I wanted, but I...I never thought I'd see you again."
Lance trembled, and for once Matt forgot the warning in his mind that it could be an act, "I want to come back Matt. I want to be with you again."
Matt felt the badger continue to tremble in his arms and he let his own lower lip quiver in response. Lance had changed; he must have. Or maybe Matt just wanted to believe that he did. But did it even matter? Chris didn't want to be anything more than friends, so who else did Matt have? He might as well give the poor guy a chance. He needed someone after all, and the badger was right there, "Lance," Matt leaned the badger back, the tears on the badger's face making Matt's lip quiver again, "Lance...I..."
Chris leaned into the room, in his apron, "Oh! And Matt, I hope you like your cake!" The Lion grinned his big, toothy smile, "And as for dinner...I'm not the best at them, but I know you like ribs, right? So I'm gonna' give them a try!"
"Wait," Matt took his paws off of the badger again, and looked over at Chris, "MY cake? My birthday's in March. What's the occasion? Did I get a promotion I didn't hear about?"
Chris chuckled, and continued to grin, "Well, I know didn't get here until nearly April, but it was about this time last year -- right at the beginning of November -- when I was first told I'd be coming here." His smile grew as his tail twitched about, "When I realized today was November first, it reminded me of everything you'd done for me and Riddick. So stopped to pick up the cake and ribs for you before I came home. Thought it would be a nice gesture."
"It is Chris..." Matt smiled, as earnestly as he ever had, back at his roommate.
"Good!"
"Thanks Chris." The ottercoon chuckled softly, "For this, and for keeping us fed around here in general." Matt turned back and stopped as he saw the badger's face staring up at him, waiting impatiently for him to go on.
Lance smiled weakly. The way Matt was looking at Chris: he would like to have said he remembered getting that look years ago himself...but he never had. This wasn't a good sign.
Matt looked at the badger's half smile, and started to look back to see if Chris had left the room. He caught himself and looked down, when he realized that even now, Chris was the first thing on his mind.
Dear god...what did he think he was doing? He loved Chris and he knew it...he couldn't lie to himself. It didn't even make sense. He knew he and Chris weren't together and that the lion didn't even want to be...but he knew what he wanted. He wanted Chris! Even if all he could have was this little he already had: all he wanted was Chris..
He couldn't put himself in a position to be hurt by Lance again, and he'd rather have been Chris's friend than nothing. It hurt, but it was as close as he could get, and that was good enough. He wouldn't...he couldn't jeopardize what he had, and what he might be able to have with Chris: not because of loneliness, and not because of Lance.
Matt looked up, "Lance..."
The badger perked his ears up, "Yeah..?"
"I've...I've never stopped loving you." Matt took his ex's paw, "Everything you did to me, and I could still never bring myself to really let you go. I...I just..."
Lance didn't like where this was going, "I-I know! I know I did terrible things...but please Matt..."
The ottercoon had never been able to talk about his own feelings well, and to be honest about them, regardless of how brutally honest he could be about anything else. He stood up and shook his head, looking down at Lance, "I'm sorry Lance, it's just...there's so much going on, and so much to think about. I have a family here now, and I don't...I just can't..." He took a deep breath.
Lance stood up, reaching for Matt's paw again and hoping his would reach back, "...Matt?"
"I'm sorry Lance." Matt didn't reach back, "I know it took a lot for you to come here and do all of this to get me back but...but I..."
The badger panicked to the point that it was difficult to tell now, whether he was sad or angry, "What are you saying Matt??"
Behind them, Chris stood in the doorway. He had never gone back into the kitchen, and had been listening to all of this. His eyes widened and his eyebrow arched, as he whispered to himself, "He's here to get back together with Matt!?" The lion padded in quickly, trying not to move too fast, but still get there as quickly as he could. He stepped up to Matt's, and slid an arm over the ottercoon's shoulder, "I'm sorry Lance. If I'm not mistaken, I think what he's trying to say..."
Lance and Matt both turned their heads and looked at the lion as he paused and grinned, his chin lifting up ever so slightly.
"...is that he's with ME now."
~
There we go! The soap opera, Forbidden, continues!!
* Starring: F. R. Borealis as Eric Matthew Cameron Cecil B. North as Lance Christopher Phillip Eden and Lucas Joseph Trammel *
Cecil was a writer here as well, back in the Yiffstar days. If you want to check out the stuff he wrote back then, go ahead and look him up. His username on here is: Cecil_88
Well! Normally, this is the time for lots and lots of questions, wondering about the future of Forbidden, and where it will take our characters from here. But, this time, instead, I'll just say: Did you hear what Chris said? YAY! *does a little dance in celebration for Matt*
SIDE NOTE: My apologies to any badgers in the audience.
Anyway, thanks for reading!
I welcome any feedback! Comment or PM me here, or email me at frostborealis[at]gmail.com
See you for the next 16 chapters of Forbidden! ^.^