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From Ice Cream to "Topping"

Chapter 10 - Arc Finale

"Ugh Charlie, this is gonna end badly I just know it." I thought to myself as we drove down the familiar street I live on, several hours came and gone since last I was there. From a slight abduction to a disturbing nightmare, so much had happened to me in such a short time and yet the world didn't seem to notice at all. Life went on as it always did; the same familiar patterns forming on this beautiful summer morning.

As the sun rose slowly behind us on the horizon, Ty dropped me off there in the parking lot of the apartment building. It was a quick ride back from the lake to be sure, but by the way he sped in his jeep I figured I had overstayed my welcome with the Snow Leopard who obviously gave up trying to be with me after I scolded him how I did.

Somehow though, after so many words, Ty did manage to crawl under my skin as we drove back to my place; relentless and unending the entire ride back as he remarked about his philosophies on love and how it only served to be the punch line of bad jokes. Ultimately, it really made me sad to think about what could have happened to make him feel this way, and worse yet my emotions mixed in my heart as I began to worry about whether or not I'd know the same sting someday by opening myself up to Daniel now.

"Love doesn't survive Charlie... Only broken hearts go on forever. Don't forget that." Ty said to me as he cut off the engine, looking at me sadly as the car sat silent there on the concrete. After a minute had passed impatience overtook him as he leaned over and pushed the passenger door open, waiting for me to exit. As he passed, with his face so close to mine, I could see a small tear forming in his eye as he pulled back away.

As I got out of the car before it peeled off down the street, I thought about how a person could be so hurt by love like Ty seemed to be. However it was then, thanks to the leopard unfortunately, I was sorely reminded why I lived the way I did until now; a hermit of sorts, who always retreated into his own little world because he was afraid of being hurt by the real one himself.

Life I knew played cruel tricks at times; I probably knew that better than most. So who was I to think that Ty was wrong at all with the way he felt about love?

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves as I made my way up the walkway, blowing past both the mail man and the several neighbors who waved hello to me as I approached my apartment on the bottom floor landing of the complex. I took my keys out of my pocket and stopped flat in my tracks as I stared at the entrance, realizing I wanted to take a minute then to just get everything sorted out before I piled more on top of my burdened soul.

Before I could walk back through the entry to my home this bright sunny morning, as the dew hung fresh in the air with the wind beating softly as it does at this time of the day, I had to be sure I wasn't going to regret walking back inside to what waited.

I knew that beyond the door was Daniel Adams; a German shepherd who had never been anything but sweet to me. With both brains and brawn to match, he managed to break down my wall when it came to letting anyone in, but it was that fact about him why I hesitated to turn the knob at all.

"Come on Charlie, you're right here! He's right there! You're so close; WHY ARE YOU STOPPING NOW!!!" I yelled in my head, the echo working its way down to my heart.

Who could say why I felt the apprehension I did. Clearly, I knew that I loved him. I was willing to let him be with me, to share in everything I have and hope to offer, but something felt off in the core of my character as I puzzled away, and that tension refused to let me move at all.

What kept me stationary as I heard what might be my boyfriend sobbing inside as he waited for me? Was it fear, or something else which paralyzed me from opening the simplest of things?

Have you ever stopped to think about what makes you worthy of the blessings you receive? Or wondered what makes you more fortunate, or less, than others for the things that you call yours? I pondered then in that moment right on the footsteps of my home as I thought back to what could possibly justify me being with someone like Daniel; what allowed me to walk through that door and believe in happy endings again?

---

"CHARLIE!!!" I heard my dad screaming for me early in the morning one day, certainly drunk and quite possibly homicidal; the difference between the two I had a hard time differentiating between now-a-days. The yell boomed as his voice carried throughout our home; the smell of alcohol coming down the hallway as familiar to me as the smell of cookies baking might be to you.

I was still young back then, about thirteen I think, and I never realized how bad my life really was. In those innocent times of mine, I naively just assumed everyone lived like I did; unhappy and alone.

"FUCKING LAZY SHIT!!!" I heard my name called again as I grudgingly sat up in bed, waking up slowly with a pain in my side to discover yet another coil had punctured its way through my mattress this month. From what I glanced it only managed to scrape my lower right abdomen this time, though the gash wasn't as bad as you would imagine; the scars that stayed were what hurt the most really in the end.

Such was my life as I got up onto my feetpaws and started to put on the same pants I had worn yesterday and the day prior, the scent I could smell of my young boyish musk growing ever thicker on them. Mom had forgot I guessed or more accurately didn't care to wash any more this week; a task I would've happily did for myself if I were allowed without getting slapped for doing it better than her.

I stood in front of the shattered mirror that hung up on my closet door, the contents of which I never knew though I could clearly hear cockroaches scuttling about from within. I looked at my body in the fragments of glass before putting on my shirt, counting beforehand how many more cigarette burns and cuts I had to add to the total tally I mentally recorded; like I was counting the lines on a wall to measure my growth in inches or something.

"Life isn't fair kid, only our last name is..." My dad had told me several nights ago when he had come back from work, pink slip in one hand and a large brown paper bag filled with liquor in the other. I was a smart enough by this age to deduce what that meant, yet sadly I was also wise enough to understand he probably deserved it.

I made my way down the hallway to the kitchen after I finished my self examination, the grime of days old food, broken beer bottles, and fresh puddles of throw-up for me to wade through along the way, and me with no shoes to speak of to protect me from the filth as my feetpaws stirred about in the muck.

After my daily ritual of overcoming what was simply a short distance, I walked over to where both he and my mother sat waiting at the counter. My father stared angrily at me as I brushed my paw through my fur and yawned, wondering what got him all hot and bothered today.

"Morning." I said to them both as I reached into the refrigerator and pulled out an apple from the fruit tray; one of the only fresh foods we ever kept in the house for some reason.

"Finally woke up did ya? Fucking kid..." grunted my father, starting on another of his rants as to why I am a worthless son. "Always sleeping in, acting like you pay for all this shit or something... Hell maybe I should put you on a street corner for a day; at least you'd make some good use of yourself then eh Silvia?" My father finished as he slammed back another cold one, waiting for a response from my mother who was obviously completely gone already; the several cans of beer a clear enough indicator of that.

Sadly, this was considered a regular day for my father when he didn't have to work; waking up, asking for food, and being a general dick the other ordinary's of the day. I couldn't really pick on my mother for drinking up alcohol like a camel needs water to survive for the reason alone if my father was my partner, I'd need a few drinks all the time too. All I could do was put up with it of course, what else was I going to do?

"Whatever you say dad..." I just agreed with him as I double-pawed that delicious apple into my muzzle, savoring all of its deliciousness seeing as it would probably be the only thing I ate today while my parents scarf down on take out pizza or something of the like later on.

"Smartass kid! Whatever he says... You know you're lucky I'm too stressed to even think right now. This no job shit is killing me and your mother..." He said as he picked up an unopened beer can and stared at it for a second before he winded back and hurled it against a nearby wall, narrowly missing my face in the process. "And being reduced to drink this fucking piss in a can isn't helping!"

"So why did you call me?" I always kept my responses short with my dad, knowing I sometimes needed that extra time to get in my point before having to run out of the room, him fast on my heels.

"You got a job today! Remember Ms. Otelo over on Madison St.? She said she can use your help at her shop, and by fuck that old biddy said she'll give you a cold $100 for it. And by you I mean me *hiccup*! Get your ass over there and help out with whatever she wants, and on the way back stop by Uncle Mike's and pick me up some real booze. Remember son, I want receipts..." He said as he got up on to his feet, swaying in his steps as he approached me, myself realizing that I had accidentally backed into a corner of the kitchen.

With nowhere to hide I let go of the apple core in my hand out of impending fear as I smelled the liquor in both his breath and sweat as he leaned down closer to me. "C'mon kid, you wouldn't let your old man down would you?" He said as he slapped my face gently at first, which quickly turned harder, stronger, and more frequent as the minutes progressed that morning...

---

"DAMMIT!" I yelled as I slammed my fist against the door to my apartment, angry at the world and with myself that I lived as I did as a kid; abuse a more common thing to me in my youth than the ice cream I serve to the children at my place of work.

I felt rage burning inside me as I thought about how I had to run away from home just to survive, about how I had to bend over backwards just to have a normal life if you could even call it that this soap opera I'm the star of. "Why can't I forget my past? Why can't I let it go?"

I understood that as a person I functioned how I should; polite, calm and respectful. Yet as a man I stood as a failure, my pride and self worth shot to hell thanks to my upbringing. Everyday since it seemed I was reminded of the fact by how alone I was for so long. It was madness truly to never let that abandonment go, but the reality was I just didn't know how.

Until Daniel intervened that is...

No sooner had I punched the entrance to my home was I then met by Daniel standing in the doorway, looking down at the sobbing fool I knew he thought I must be. In his hands he held something familiar in his grip; a black leather book burned and frayed so distinctively I knew it to be the journal I kept in my youth; the history of the real me.

"Daniel... I... I..." I tried and struggled with the words I just couldn't get out as I looked at him straight in the eyes, searching for any clue as to how he felt about me after reading about who I really am, and the things I had done before I met up with him.

"I get it now Charlie. I understand." He said as he looked back at me, no smile to his face but no anger either.

My hands regained some life in them as they moved slightly forward in his direction, trying best to convey what my mouth refused to do as the summary of how I felt or what I wanted to say to him disappeared, lost in the sea of tension my mind mounted against me; threatening to swallow me whole, keeping me from my goal.

"You scared me last night you know. I didn't know where you were, had no idea if you were safe. I think it was the first time in a long time I worried about anyone other than my mom or Guiles to be honest." He said softly, his voice cracking as he went along. I could see frustration building slowly now in his eyes as he thought about last night.

"I was disappointed you had left... but it did give me time to make the decision I have been thinking about for the last few days." Daniel said as he turned away from me, my heart dropping into my stomach as he refused to turn.

I knew then and know it stronger now that I never should have given Ty my number, but I was so afraid of losing Daniel I guess I wanted a failsafe in place just in case he realized how unworthy of him I am. He never let me down though, in fact I'm the one to blame if it ends how I feel it's going to.

"Daniel, please forgive me..." I pleaded with him in my mind, hoping somehow it'd reach into his soul. It was then I remembered the origami heart; a way of showing how I felt with no words needed to be said. I slowly reached into my jacket pockets, searched and searched, but unfortunately couldn't find it anywhere. "Ty no..." I thought as I knew exactly where it was; trapped in the snow leopard's vehicle which was halfway across the city by now.

My final hope failed, my mind now a blank, I knew I had no way of convincing the Shepherd that I needed him in my life, as a new part of what defines me. I couldn't speak though I tried my best, the fear of rejection holding me back...

"I love you Daniel." I said over and over in my head, my soul screaming at me, demanding me to tell him. It went unnoticed though, his back still turned. "I love you..."

My heart stopped right then I think, unable to process anymore. All my energy faded from my body and I fell forward, waiting for the impact I knew was soon to be. Instead though, I was caught by Daniel, who just pulled me into his arms like he had done before when we kissed in the rain, unafraid of what it meant to be seen with me as everyone in the courtyard watched me breakdown in his embrace.

"I love you Charlie." It was as simple as three words, which until now I had never heard once in my life from anyone I really needed them spoken from. So easy for him to say, but for me it meant everything as I just melded there with him, the puzzle piece of who I was finally connecting with where it was meant to be. "You're not alone anymore. Just don't run away from me again okay?"

I shook my head in acknowledgement as we held each other forever it seemed on the footsteps of my home, our place, and refused to let go of each other for anything at all.

I was home this time for real it seemed. No more dreams. No lies left to hide. I was finally somewhere I could belong, somewhere I could be happy; wrapped in the arms of someone who really cared. I had made it; from ice cream to topping my past with my lover's help. What could go wrong?

_ END OF ARC 1 _