Hawt Proxy Part 3
#3 of Hawt Proxy
Welp, it's over. And at long last, I get to work on a real story again! Yay! Now I can put all my concentration into that, right up until the Olympics start. Then it's gonna be pretty hit or miss, but it'll give me a chance to play "How much of a novel can akhusky write in a week and a half" for a while. Anyway, if the world works properly, the end of this story should link to chapter 3.5, which is where Pavel gets to have a very enviable, X-rated experience. And that's what I got... So... Yeah.
Chapter 3: For Those About to Rock (We Salute You)
Alexei
You know the saying "Time flies when you're having fun"? Well time is flowing like molasses for us right now. I wanna talk about my badass exploits, Pavel and Travis want to talk about their badass exploits, Elise wants to talk about my badass exploits for some reason... Look, we're through with this concert bullshit. But in the interest of finishing the fight, I'll tell you about the end of the show and stuff, and I'll set up another bout of narration for Toni so we get some fan service in. You'll get to hear all that good, sappy stuff she likes to say about Pavel, and how she loooooves him, and wants to be with him all the time, but she can't cus he's taken, SAD FACE. Oh. Okay, I'm being growled at really loudly right now by a German Shepherd. I am scared. In the interest of finishing this story before Toni rips me limb from limb, let's get started with a few of the things you missed over the course of the concert that we skipped so you're up to speed:
- Kris revealed that he was in a Canadian rock band as a pup. Great job, Kris. You really accomplished a lot in that one, didn't you?
- Kurt played a song called "Aenema" on the drums. Strangely, the song is not actually about getting an enema, though I'd probably write an angry song if I had to get one done.
- Blake became less of an ass, but still vetoed all the hot chicks Travis tried to set him up with. In Blake's defense, they were probably all people Travis knew from that one club, or their occupation involved getting paid by the hour. Whichever.
- This is a big one: Toni kissed Pavel. Let that sink in for a moment... Ah, there we go. Pavel was totally okay with this; Stacey was not as okay with this, but seemed to have something on her mind... We'll see what that was in a few.
- Tony rapped. Shi', dawg, dat shi' was TAIGHT.
- Elise and Natalya had another spat. Paws up if you're surprised! Anyone? No one? Bueller? Yeah, that's what I thought.
- Jay broke up with Kim, on stage, in front of everyone. We played "Back Stabbin' Betty" too. That was probably the highlight of the day for me.
- Dex sang a song in which the lyrics involved kicking Mean Ricky Green in the spleen.
- Elise and Natalya had another discussion, this time not at each other's throats. This was actually surprising. I don't know if that had ever happened before. Though I did find out later that even though it was an amiable conversation, Natalya was imagining stabbing Elise in the face, and Elise was imagining blowing Natalya's brains out with a .45. I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I?
- Bronco Shadowstep reminisced about his good old days when we played "The House of the Rising Sun". Peace, love, and rock 'n' roll, chief, peace, love, and rock 'n' roll.
And that takes us to the finale, where we resume the story proper. When the crowd died down after our penultimate song, Jay spoke into the microphone. I don't even really remember exactly what he said. It was just the usual, "Thanks for showing up and being a great audience, glad you liked the show, this is our last song of the night, blah blah blah get us famous, groupies are welcome, whatever" spiel. I wasn't really focused in on that though. Instead, I exchanged glances with my girlfriends in the audience. I kinda felt bad because Elise had come all the way out there and basically got shafted because Natalya was getting all my attention, but the guilt wasn't that strong because I knew she understood why she couldn't be with me openly there and I knew she was getting me all day the following day. So it all evened out. Elise even seemed to be tolerating Natalya now, hanging out with her and Pavel and his harem.
Eventually though, Jay stopped talking and I had to start playing. I was already pretty exhausted, and of course we saved the longest song for last. I placed my fingers fairly high up the neck, on the 11th and 12th frets of the highest three strings, and strummed, muting the strings right after. I played with a finger on the eleventh fret of the highest string, then moved it down to the tenth, then back up to the fourteenth and finally to the twelfth before starting over. The lights had gone out when I started playing, so I couldn't really see what I was doing, and neither could Dex when he started in with his power chords, or Kurt when he started rhythmically banging his snare. Soon enough though, both of us let a note ring out, and Kurt hit his hi-hat and snare simultaneously a few times, then Jay screamed out some opening lines, and the lights came on as the band came in.
The song was actually another one of my favorites, a classic from AC/DC called "For Those about to Rock". From the look on her face, Elise also seemed to be appreciating the song, smirking and apparently making a snide comment to Natalya. Then my lovely vixen said something back, and Elise piped down. From Natalya's recounting of the story, it went as follows:
Elise told Natalya, "You see? He picked an Australian song for the finale just for me. He's not all yours, you know." "Oh fucking please," the vixen responded, "You're Australian, AC/DC is Australian, it's a coincidence. Who cares? What makes you different from any other Australian here? Besides, he couldn't play a song from my heritage anyway because there ARE NO Russian rock bands, and he doesn't pick the songs, the whole band does. AND for that matter, Alexei does whatever I tell him. If he was picking the setlist, I could order him to play One Direction or something stupid like that and he'd go up there and do it." Elise grumpily faded out as Toni laughed outrageously, bending over and clutching her gut. "Oh yeah? What's so funny? All you've been doing is schmoozing on someone else's male all night," Elise sliced at the German shepherd, "What makes you better than me?" "You see, Elise," Toni answered, placing a paw on Toni's shoulder, "I took a chance tonight, kissing Pavel. Turns out he was pretty much okay with it. If he wasn't I would have just let it go, forgot it ever happened. The difference here is you keep getting shut down. You're not getting to Alex any time soon, so why do you keep trying?" Elise crossed her arms and stood in silence as the song progressed.
Now, from my perspective, some of the things all three of these girls said weren't entirely true. This is in complete confidence, so don't go telling them, but I did suggest AC/DC both because all of us (Hawt Proxy) liked it, but also because I knew Shadowstep would get a kick out of it, and it WAS sort of an apology for Elise. Also, Elise totally did have a chance, and she still does. Toni and Natalya just don't know it. I don't really know, I mean, I love Natalya for sure, but I'm still trying to decide about Elise. You have to understand, she's jealous and vindictive out in public like that, but in H.U.R.T., where Natalya doesn't really exist, she's absolutely wonderful.
Back on stage, I played some simple chords. Power chord. Take index finger off. Modified G. Modified D. E. Baby stuff. Play some fills while Jay informed everyone that "we're on tonight, with the guitar bite" (Oh Brian Johnson, you're so witty). That was however followed by the start of the verse, and one of my personal favorite lines in all of music, "Stand up and be counted/ For what you are about to receive". I don't know why I liked it so much exactly. I guess it was just the feel of it with the rest of the song. Always gives me goosebumps.
Playing through the rest of that first verse, we eventually got to the chorus, Jay belting out the eponymous lines of the song in his low, gravelly voice. The song followed the same general pattern, another verse, then another chorus, and then I got to show off. I bent one note, dove down the strings, pulled off on one string, then quickly picked a lower one. Look, I was tired, I was playing kind of a generic solo. It's not like most of the crowd could even tell the difference. After I finished up, Kurt hammered the beat on his drums while Jay sang the final verse, and then the instruments stopped. Jay once again shouted out, "For those about to rock!", then yelled "FIRE!", and a cannon noise (we couldn't have an actual cannon due to safety concerns) came over the PA system, followed by Dex and Tony calling back "We salute you!" This continued a couple more times, then Jay joined in on a prolonged "we salute you" as Kurt laid down a killer fill across his toms. The wolf then picked up the beat, and Dex and Tony played the rhythm faster as I jammed out a lead.
This progressed until Jay shouted "SHOOT!" numerous times with a cannon blast following each one as I stepped to the front of the stage and soloed as fast as I could, as if that would help finish the show faster. Eventually I slowed down, and the band just kinda jammed semi-randomly, creating as much noise as possible at the end of the show, until we all died down. Jay shouted "FIRE!" one last time, and we all hit one final note, ending the concert.
*****
With the show over, the band silently funneled backstage. Once we were all back in the place's version of a green room, though, we stood and looked at each other, then just started laughing. It had been a long time tradition of our group that after we did something impressive, we just laughed it off. "I can't believe that just happened," Dex said finally. Tony responded jokingly, "Can't believe which part? The part where we played the longest set we've ever done, or the part where you just tore down the house, but the only way you're getting laid tonight is through some sort of hypnotism?" "Oh ha ha," the coyote panned, "Everyone just go ahead and call Jen a freak. Real cool, guys. Just because she has really sexy eyes doesn't mean she's any different from any of your girls." "Sexy? Dex, she scares the shit out of me sometimes," I laughed, only half-joking. "You don't know her like I do," Dex kept defending, "Anyway, what I was really referring to was Jay. Holy shit, could you see Kim's face from where you were? Cat was PISSED."
"Nah, brah, didn't even look," Jay pitched in, "I don't care about that bitch anymore. Good riddance." "Oh hell yeah, bro, that's the spirit!" Tony chimed in. "Hate to rain on your parade," Kurt said quietly, "But prom's junior-senior this year, and it's in two months. We're all set. What about you?" "Shit, I don't know. Two months is a long time. Dex practically picked up Jen on accident. If this loser can do it, so can I," Jay said confidently. "Jen is also creepy as fuck," Kurt pointed out, "No offense Dex." "I. Hate. All. Of you," moaned an angry Dex. "You think she's into voodoo?" I asked the group as a whole. "Nah, nah, man, she's Japanese. Japanese people aren't into voodoo," Tony added. "Isn't that stereotyping, Tony? I mean, she's gotta be communicating with spirits of some sort," Kurt jested. "Wait, hold up," Jay said, looking at all of us, "What if Jen IS a demon?" "Oh my God, fuck you guys! I'm going out to the floor, call me back when we're loading stuff up," the coyote said, finally having enough of getting his spooky girlfriend roasted by his bandmates.
Once Dex stomped out, Jay said in a surprisingly good imitation of Eric Cartman, "Ah, screw you guys, I'm going home!" The rest of us doubled over we were laughing so hard. I think I even felt a tear come to my eye. Once we regained our composure, Kurt checked the time on his phone and hastily told me, "Oh hey Alex, didn't you have something to do outside?" I felt my blood run cold as I realized Kurt had saved me from possibly getting sniped in my sleep that night, and quickly bid a temporary farewell to my confused friends as I slipped out the back door and out into the chilly night air. Not that I cared, because, you know, husky. What I was more worried about was my, er... contact.
I walked along the wall of the establishment until I faintly saw her there, standing in the dark. She must've seen me too, as she began to mouth off, "Oh, god, finally. I've been waiting here forever, and you know what? It's fucking cold out, and this was totally not worth all the goddamn effort I put into getting here and sticking through it all" I said her name in a low voice, but she continued unimpeded, "Because everyone treated me like crap, and I couldn't even watch you because oh right I had NO FRIENDS on the floor." I was now pretty close to her, and I called her name a little louder, and still she carried on, "Do you know how many times they said I was a hooker, Alex? Neither do I because I LOST COUNT. That German shepherd needs to go away, that cat needs to get a life, that dog needs to grow a brain, and the fox-bitch needs to go fucking DIE IN A HOLE." I practically shouted her name, and she threw back a resounding "WHAT?" at me. I told her to shut up, and then pressed her against the wall and firmly put my lips to hers.
We stood there making out for a few seconds, then I ran a paw up her scantily clad thigh and softly kissed her neck. "Alex, this doesn't change anything. You still owe me," Elise squeaked out. "I'm sorry," I apologized, "I promise, tomorrow I'm all yours." "Yeah, tomorrow," she echoed doubtingly, "After you get all tired of fucking the fox-bitch tonight so you can just use me as someone to lazily make out with while you're at work tomorrow." "Elise, don't be that way. You know you mean more to me than that." "Oh yeah? Well I'm still nothing compared to the fox-bitch am I? How many times have you taken me out recently? When do I ever get to see you outside of work? How many times do you use up all your energy with her so there's nothing left for me? How come you can tell her you love her but there's nothing even close to that for me? If you don't care about me, why'd you make all those promises two months ago?"
I stood there speechless for a while. I said it before and I'll say it again: Having two girlfriends SUCKS. So why do I keep Elise around? Because I really do like her, and that's the worst part, having to balance everything so they both feel loved and stuff. And I admit, back in February, I really, REALLY sucked at that. And that's how I got myself into that predicament, which I tried my damn best to get out of alive. "Elise... I know what you want. For me to go inside and dump Natalya so we can go live happily ever after. But that's just not how it works. I need both of you right now, and when I say 'both', that includes you. I know it hasn't been fair to you, and honestly I don't know why. But I need you Elise, and I swear, I'll make this right somehow, because I do owe that to you." Elise looked uneasily at the ground and then brought her eyes back up to mine and said with a semblance of a smile, "Fine, I'll give you another chance. But I expect the most romantic day of my fucking life tomorrow, not just snogging on the job, got it? I'm talking a nice dinner and maybe even some flowers. Can you handle that?" I nodded. "Then c'mere and kiss me again you worthless ball of fluff."
And kiss her I did. I broke off somewhat early, however, because I had to go back inside to see the others, especially Natalya, or I would be missed. So I said my goodbyes to Elise and went inside, praying that Natalya wouldn't notice any lingering taste from Elise's mouth. I found my beautiful scarlet vixen standing impatiently by Pavel, and when I got her attention, she turned and faced me with an annoyed expression, "Where have you BEEN? The rest of the band came out a long time ago." "Sorry," I told truthfully, "I got tied up somewhere else." "With what?" "It was business."
She uncrossed her arms and smiled, "I can't stay mad at you for long. Besides, I trust you. Come here!" I took her in a huge hug and picked her up off the ground a little before bringing her back to earth and kissing her. I told her I loved her and gently nuzzled her while she informed me of some of the happenings on the floor during the show. We separated, simply holding paws as she kept going with her summary of the night, and then one of the greatest spectacles I had ever seen walked by: Pavel Svrbada, with a pretty wolfess on his left arm, and a sexy, curvy German shepherdess on his right. "Oh yeah," Natalya added, "Pavel's gonna have a lot of fun tonight." "Jesus, that lucky son of a bitch," I said under my breath. "Oh please," the vixen said, touching my chest with her finger, "We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight, too." "But I thought-" "Hush, knyaz, I've got ideas." "Ooh, I like ideas." "I figured you would."
I left to go load my gear into the van so we could get out of there as quickly as possible, but as I went Natalya put a finger to her lips and sniffed it, "Alexei? Have you started wearing fruity chap stick?"
Shit.