Good evening; I'm James Lipton, and I'm privileged to bring to you five of the most interesting persons it's ever been my pleasure to interview. To begin with, I need to explain that what you're about to read concerns the discovery of a home, a house, unique to my experience in every way. Quite apart from its apparent ability to be larger on the inside than on the outside - something that those of you familiar with the long-running British television series Doctor Who will no doubt recognize - it also seems to be able to choose its inhabitants, as well as to grant them, when inside the house, a metamorphosis into their true forms. I'm referring to anthropomorphic animal forms, what is referred to as "furry" in the vernacular. Neither wholly human nor animal in these forms, each is a combination of him- or herself and his or her particular animal expression.

To those unfamiliar with this concept, much less the idea that it actually occurs, I will suggest that you meet my guests today, to hear their story of how they came together, and how they have become... all that they have become. Welcome, please, the inhabitants of their own Natural Habitat.

Sheila

James Lipton: And so there are two roommates, comfortably ensconced in the house. The third to arrive is a surprise in several ways, not the least of which being that the third roommate is female. Let us welcome please our mirthful marsupial, Sheila Graham.

SHEILA: That's quite a mouthful, mate! Thanks for the compliment.

James Lipton: You described yourself once as, "Aussie born, Cockney raised, and continental in style." Tell us how that came about.

SHEILA: My parents emigrated to Australia even before I was born. If you believe their stories - I'm not saying they're liars, mind you, just the loving exaggerations that families have - they're related to the Grahams of northeast England, near the border of Scotland. A right saucy bunch they were, with border raiding and so forth back in the 16th century. When Scotland and England were united in the 17th century, there was some of the Grahams that were shipped off to Ireland and told not to come back. My dad always told the tale that some of us snuck back and holed up in the southlands, in London and so forth, taking up the trades of the working class. So we had the Scots name of Graham, as Cockneys.

James Lipton: What made your parents decide to emigrate to Australia?

SHEILA: (laughs) Dad tried to make me think that he and Mum were deported, unjustly, as criminals! He never took it seriously, and neither did I, once he told me that he had been accused of trying to smuggle cricket equipment into the country. He said they were suspicious of his bats and caught him by the balls.

James Lipton: I think it might be best just to let that one go... You grew up in Australia, in Melbourne, if my information is correct.

SHEILA: Your spies do you proud. Yes, I was raised "down under," for my growing-up years anyway. And before you ask, yes, I was always fond of the roos. They're not just native to Australia, they're as common as squirrels are here in the States. They don't wander into the cities proper, mind you - well, not much anyway, not to hinder the traffic and such - but they're pretty much everywhere, and most of the ones closer to towns and such are comparatively tame. About as much as squirrels, I suppose, but with a lot more attitude.

James Lipton: What made the United States attractive to you?

SHEILA: Prolly movies as much as anything, truth to tell. That, and I had a really weird scholarship deal come my way, from the university here in town. I've always been a bit of a jock, and my skills in various sports seems to have caught the attention of some benefactor of the college - no idea how, just a bit of Friar Tuck as far as I can tell.

James Lipton: Before we move on, you've just opened the door to talk about a subject that has always been fascinating to me - Cockney rhyming slang. I'm guessing "Friar Tuck" is to rhyme with "luck"?

SHEILA: Spot on. Even though I was born an Aussie, me mum and dad always kept our conversations quiet like by weaving in the rhyming slang. You can find it in Australia, but not nearly so much these days. There's nicknames for things, like calling a roo "Skippy," or nicknaming a red-headed woman "Blue," but not so much of the rhyming slang. So if dad wanted a dickey bird wi' me, he'd lapse into the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to keep it just between us.

James Lipton: Thus frustrating those around you.

SHEILA: Well, Terry Pratchett said, in his novel Going Postal, that the purpose of rhyming slang in any culture is to annoy strangers. In the same book, he noted that "apples and pears" translated to "stairs," "rubbity-dub" translated to "pub" - only natural he'd add that one - and that "busy bee" translated to "General Theory of Relativity." Got to say, that one's not in my current dick'n'harry.

James Lipton: I imagine that your use of the slang makes things interesting when you're talking to people here in the States.

SHEILA: I told someone once that I was going to squash me German bands, and he thought I had some kind of kinky undergarments on.

James Lipton: I recognize that one - "wash my hands."

SHEILA: Nowt Tom Thumb about you, mate!

James Lipton: Before I'm completely charmed and carried away with rhyming slang, let's get back to how you got to the States. You said it was a scholarship deal?

SHEILA: Well, it was strange - I don't remember applying for any grants or scholarships or such, particularly not to the States. No offense, I didn't mean that I don't want to be here! It's just that I hadn't really thought about applying to schools here because it would be so expensive to get the travel, the lodging, all that stuff. What's funny is that the school apparently had all that taken into account. I was beginning to think that I had some Dutch uncle somewhere who was secretly funding my way here in order to trap me into marriage or something!

James Lipton: You couldn't have thought it too suspicious, since you accepted the offer.

SHEILA: Air fare, a rush processing of the passport, a legal aid contact here in the States to help make sure that my student visa and work visa were all in order, plus paying for classes? I think I would have been a right twit to have turned it down, don't you?

James Lipton: You lived on campus during your college years.

SHEILA: Yes, that was part of the paid deal. I was a few years older than most of the girls in the dorm; I started my college career a little late, but I kept at it through the summers, and I finished up in three years instead of the usual four. It was a near thing in my senior year, because I'd managed to make the ladies varsity basketball team; it was quite a trying time, balancing all that with my course work! Even so, I walked across the stage for my BA in psychology and social work.

James Lipton: Was that what your scholarship was for? That particular combination of studies?

SHEILA: Actually, the scholarship was pretty much a blank check. That was probably the weirdest part of it all. Each semester, I'd get a copy of the reports from my various teachers - just a few sentences about my progress, as required by the scholarship, along with my grades. Some glowed, some were close to Abraham Lincoln, but overall...

James Lipton: "Abraham Lincoln"?

SHEILA: Stinkin'. (laughs) Sorry, I do it 'arf the time without thinking. Anyway, overall, it was good - but there was almost never anything about pushing me in one direction or another. That's the reason I say that I wonder if I've got some rich uncle out there or something. And the best part, my parents found that suddenly they had airline tickets and some bread 'n honey to spend, so they were able to come over for my graduation. So whoever fixed this up for me, please, let me say thank you, thank you, lotsa Tom Hanks!

James Lipton: So with your freshly minted degree, what did you think to do with it?

SHEILA: Frankly, I wasn't sure. I can't say I was scouted for the WNBA for my b-ball skills, and truth to say, I don't think I'd like it as a job. I'd rather have the fun and relaxation, which is how I got involved with the local league. (laughs) Sorry, I'm ahead of meself a bit. Right after college, I wasn't sure what to do. I was glad to have the chance to spend a week or so with me folks, partly just to see them, and partly to talk it out. They're really supportive of me, always have been. Their best advice was, when unsure what to do next, take a nap. After I finally figured out that they weren't being literal, I thought the best thing was to take some time off from school, plan the next move - go for the Masters in Social Work (which is what I was considering first), move into teaching, or just find some sort of job that I really liked and go from there.

James Lipton: I take it that you didn't have a similar blank check for your life outside of academia.

SHEILA: Exactly so. I was very glad to have the BA; just having a college degree opens a lot of doors for jobs, even if the job has nothing to do with what you've studied. I think they figure that, if you'll muck through four years of academics, there's not a lot else that you won't muck through if you're convinced it's a good deal. So, as Churchill told us, we keep buggering on... saving your presence, Mr. Lipton!

James Lipton: You can rest assured I've heard far worse, sitting in this chair. And besides, you're quoting Churchill, which is more sophisticated than some who've sat in that chair. Compliments aside, Sheila, what did you decide to do?

SHEILA: Little for it but to go to work, eh? With the economy the way it was, I can't say I was really happy with the idea - especially because I wasn't sure how I was going to manage to find a place to live and a job at the same time. I was hoping that my mysterious benefactor would come up with something brilliant, but I don't think that's quite what happened.

James Lipton: Why do you say that?

SHEILA: I guess it's a bit lemon tart, but I got the job by accident. You know that big athletic store chain that I'm told I'm not supposed to mention because of rules about advertising?

James Lipton: A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat.

SHEILA: (laughs) Who's a clever lad, then, eh? Well, I was in that store, looking about for a set of lightweight dumbbells - lots of good exercises you can do with just a bit of weight in either hand. I've always liked the look and feel of the place, and not to put too fine a point, I'm reasonably well in shape, so I -

JYBIAN: Amen, sister!

LIGHTFOOT: Woo hoo!

James Lipton: I believe you'll not get an argument from anyone present!

SHEILA: (laughs) Thanks, lads; always good for a gal's ego! I presented meself to the manager and asked if they were hiring. We talked a bit, I told him my situation, and he said he'd get back to me. I thought that would be the end of it, but the next morning, he called up and said that there was a woman leaving, who was actually on a fast-track for managerial-level work, and would I be interested? I told him to sign me up!

James Lipton: So with a brand new job to begin, all you really needed was housing. Where were you staying, during all this?

SHEILA: I took the job of "dorm mom" for the summer at my college dormitory. That was another one of those bits of good luck that might have had something to do with my benefactor; after all, he - or whoever - put me through school, so there might have been a string or two to pull. The new job overlapped the old a bit, but everything got worked out well enough, and Bob's your uncle.

James Lipton: So now it's your turn to tell us: How did you find the house?

SHEILA: My dear Mr. Lipton, I think we may have to begin rephrasing that question. I'm not the least bit sure that any of us found the house. I think it finds us.

James Lipton: I'll not put anything beyond the possible abilities of this amazing house, but what in particular makes you think that the house found you?

SHEILA: Lightfoot spoke of having an index card fall to the floor at exactly the right moment, and Jybian spoke of someone on a computer bulletin board - someone he's never yet been back in touch with.

JYBIAN: That's not necessarily unusual, you know.

SHEILA: Said and noted, luv, but it does start to make a bit of a pattern, once you start adding things together. I'd been circling ads in the local paper for places to look at. The dorm got three copies of the paper each day, so I was able to look through the pages of my own copy every day. I had a purple pencil to use at the time, something left over from a box of colored pencils that I bought to doodle with when I was a bit bored over the summertime. Nice dark purple it was, easy to see against the linen draper. And one day, when I picked it back up, the ads page had one thing circled in green.

James Lipton: You'd purchased a whole rainbow of colors; couldn't you have just picked up one of the others without thinking about it? Or could someone else have circled it, someone else who'd read that batch of want-ads before you?

SHEILA: I won't say that's impossible... but it's not bally likely! My pencils were tucked away in a drawer, except for the purple, and so far as I know, no one else had the paper before me. It struck me at the time as being so unusual that I first wondered if I was going balmy, then when I read the ad, I thought I'd somehow struck gold.

James Lipton: Gold, green, and purple - sounds like Mardi Gras! I think we can guess that you called, made an appointment, etc. Did you meet with these two before going to the house?

SHEILA: Luckily for us all, yes. The attorney wasn't worried about mixing the sexes in the house; anything that went on within the walls was entirely up to us, to hear him tell it. All he was concerned about was that everyone was happy enough together that we'd stay out the lease and pay bills on time. So I had to find out just what sort of lads these were.

James Lipton: And so, gentlemen ... gentle-furs? We may need a new set of words.

JYBIAN: I'll settle for "youse guys."

LIGHTFOOT: I think I can anticipate the question. Yes, we met at the same café, which as you might guess has become a favorite haunt of ours. That cliché from the sit-com's theme song is true - it's nice to have a place where everyone knows your name. I think everyone who works there knows us by now, and a lot of the regulars as well. In any case... Jybian and I met Sheila there one afternoon, and we talked for more than an hour together.

James Lipton: Was there any awkwardness? Any difficulties in imagining having a female roommate?

JYBIAN: We talked about that right off. We sort of had to; if I were living alone, I'd almost never be wearing clothes inside the house. I usually did, just so that Lightfoot wouldn't have to have any unnecessary shocks...

LIGHTFOOT: ...not that there are a lot of those, in our furry forms. Without getting graphic, let's just say that male felines and male vulpines have less ... exposed bits than do humans. Even so, we thought it best to cover up, out of practice if for no other reason. At this point, we usually kept the curtains pretty well drawn, to keep prying eyes away. Yes, this is before we learned yet another magical quality of our house - but we're getting ahead of ourselves.

James Lipton: Very well. Sheila, how did the two human-appearing lads strike you?

SHEILA: Like a matched pair of lunatics who seemed like they'd make terrific roommates. Dorm life for three full years definitely taught me a lot about living with other people. In this situation, at least, there would be a room that would be entirely mine - and a large one, to hear them tell it. So once I realized that our communal space would be respected, and respectable, I began to think that it would certainly be worthwhile to have a look.

James Lipton: You, all three, trooped to the house, and...?

SHEILA: ...I need to put in one more thing here, sport. I was completely clear that these two weren't after jumping me bones or doing any bum-grabbing, but they did keep dropping hints that something was very different about the place. Our topics of conversation included a few off-handed comments about my appreciation of art. I had no idea what all that was about.

JYBIAN: That was my fault. I was trying to test the waters about furries in general. Lightfoot and I had become the reality, and we had no idea whether Sheila would also change, or if she'd stay human while we continued transforming into our furry selves, or exactly what would happen. I was trying to find out how weird she was.

SHEILA: (laughs) More than you expected, eh, tiger?

James Lipton: How interesting - I never knew that tigers could blush. Lightfoot, tell us what happened when you got to the house.

LIGHTFOOT: Well, much like Jybian, Sheila was captivated by the look of the place. It really is beautiful, and there's something particularly attractive about it to those of us who end up living there. I guess "attractive" really is the right word, too. Anyway, we showed her the outside first, including the back yard and all, then we headed around to the front of the house. We thought it best to let her go in first, just as I'd done with Jybian.

James Lipton: Okay, Sheila: Your turn. How did you react?

SHEILA: Pretty badly, actually. I hate to admit it, but I went Patrick Swayze.

James Lipton: You're saying that you actually noticed that you'd changed?

SHEILA: Think about kangaroo feet for a bit, dear; you'll get the clue.

James Lipton: Your chosen form was indeed a roo. Had you been fond of them all your life, as Jybian and Lightfoot had been of their own totems, as it were?

SHEILA: Considering where I grew up, I suppose it was a natural thing to happen. As I'd mentioned, roos are as plentiful there as common rodents here, so much so that they're occasionally considered pests. I'm glad my roomies don't think of me that way.

JYBIAN: Never, kiddo.

LIGHTFOOT: Semper amicus.

SHEILA: Anyway... you've already spoken of how the clothing changes to suit us? It's particularly strange for me, since my marsupial feet are longer than my human ones, by a goodly amount. The calf bones are long as well, although not so much on me, proportionally, as on actual giant reds. Still, it's a helluva change, and even though the tennis shoes I was wearing actually changed to accommodate my newly-created hind paws, I don't think that anyone at "the swoosh company" had ever thought to design something like that before.

JYBIAN: She tripped.

SHEILA: I thought it was a bump in the rug or something. My reflexes are quick, so I started to do a roll, sort of like the thing you're taught in gymnastics or martial arts - to roll and absorb the momentum so that you don't hurt yourself. Except that I had the feeling that there was something not quite right about the way my body was put together, so I pretty much fell into a heap. A few seconds later, sitting on the floor, I was looking at myself - arms, legs, and so on - and trying to figure out what was going on. Somewhere in my head, I was glad that these two weren't laughing... and then I looked up to see them, fox and tiger, and I let out a yell that would have cleared a couple of acres of the outback pronto.

LIGHTFOOT: Truth is, I yelled with her. I had no idea what to expect, but a kangaroo wasn't on my short list of possibilities. Maybe I should have thought of it, with Sheila having grown up in Australia, but it just didn't occur to me.

James Lipton: Tell us of your first impressions of Sheila, the marsupial.

JYBIAN: Okay, Shee, you have to promise not to hit me when I say this. At first, I didn't really know what she had become, because there were differences between her furry self and a true kangaroo. This is something that everyone comes to expect in the furry world, because after all, it's not a "pure" animal that we become when we change.

LIGHTFOOT: This might be a good time to bring up the "furriness scale," for lack of a better word. Imagine a scale from zero to 100, with fully human being the zero - no offense intended - and 100 being fully the animal in question, in this case a kangaroo. Someone with perhaps only a score of 10 might have the ears of a kangaroo, perhaps a small percentage of other changes as well. Around the midpoint, it's easy to see features of both human and kangaroo in more or less equal proportion, but also easy to see various adaptations of each to each.

James Lipton: Where, on this furriness scale, would you say you are?

LIGHTFOOT: I'm somewhere around 60 to 65, as are all of us, really. In our furry forms, we more closely resemble our animal source than our human source, but as I point out, there are adaptations. Looking at the photo of the red kangaroo, it's difficult not to notice the extremely skinny calves and the huge, powerful thigh muscles. Sheila, as you can see, is much better proportioned.

JYBIAN: Amen!

SHEILA: Down, boy!

James Lipton: I take it, O Hormonal Tiger, that this is the difficulty that you mentioned before?

JYBIAN: Exactly. The overall shape, once Sheila stood on her hind legs, was definitely kangaroo, but not precisely so. Sheila's arms and legs are more proportional, although yes, the feet are longer than you might expect.

LIGHTFOOT: Hence the tripping, hence the confusion.

SHEILA: I completely wigged out. I think I was trying to run away, except that I hadn't gotten up off the floor yet. Jybian and Lightfoot were talking to me, which also freaked me out - how can animals be talking, much less walking on their hind legs like that, and what's with the forepaws looking like hands, and what the hell has happened to me anyway? When I stopped just screaming and started screaming with words, I came to realize that I was still - well, not still "human," of course, but still me.

LIGHTFOOT: It took a while, but we finally got her to calm down and start to take stock of what had happened. We got her seated on a chair in the kitchen--

SHEILA: ...sitting sideways, since I didn't know what to do with my tail at that point!

LIGHTFOOT: (laughs) But we were able to help her become more calm simply by giving her a glass of water.

James Lipton: I confess that I would have recommended something stronger.

LIGHTFOOT: No need. It wasn't the water that was nearly as important as getting her to realize that her forepaws, her hands, were working just the way they were supposed to - the way they did in her human form.

SHEILA: The lips, that's another story.

LIGHTFOOT: For those of us with a more pronounced muzzle, it definitely takes a while! (chuckles) Anyway, it calmed her down considerably, particularly after we explained to her that this wasn't a permanent change; at that point, she started to process it more clearly.

JYBIAN: I went outside and walked around to the kitchen windows, around the back. Lightfoot opened up one of the shades, and I stood outside - human form - and waved. And that was when I finally noticed it.

James Lipton: Another aspect of the house's camouflage, am I correct?

JYBIAN: Exactly. When I looked into the house through the window, I saw Sheila and Lightfoot - both as humans. For a moment, I thought that they had changed, for some reason. Lightfoot let me back in through the back door, and I asked - they hadn't changed at all. Through the windows, from the outside, we look as human as we do when we're outside the house. The only problem we had with nosy neighbors, then, is whether or not they'd see our human forms if we stood at a window naked ... which would present obvious problems. So, in deference to our first female housemate as well as to possibly prying eyes from outside, we always wear at least some amount of clothing when in the house.

James Lipton: So the house creates your anthropomorphic forms, and it protects you from anyone on the outside learning your secret. And for those of you reading these interviews, you'll notice that we're very quiet regarding the state, city, and neighborhood of this house. You may rest assured that no one from the census office has called in to see them, either.

LIGHTFOOT: It does make the question regarding "race" incomplete, at best.

James Lipton: And thus did Sheila become part of the household.

SHEILA: Well, I have to admit that I had to think about it for a little bit. It was exciting, strange, and in its way very attractive, but it was also scary biscuits.

James Lipton: ...and that rhymes with...?

SHEILA: No, that's not the Chitty, that's just an old expression from Jazz Age England. I picked it up from seeing Diana Rigg starring in the Mrs. Bradley series.

James Lipton: What helped you overcome the fear?

SHEILA: I guess you could call it a slumber party.

LIGHTFOOT: We invited her to stay with us over a Saturday and Sunday, to talk and to get used to herself in roo form. Nothing naughty - I slept on the couch, and she stayed in my room. She'd said that she could sleep on the couch, but I thought it best that she have a real bed instead.

JYBIAN: It would be too easy to get a poor night's sleep on the couch, and blame it on being in anthro form. We figured to give her the best shot possible.

SHEILA: Well, the party food didn't hurt! These boys laid on quite a spread, and they also had the Wii set up on a big screen, so we had a great time. By the time Sunday morning rolled around, I didn't really want to leave. I picked out one of the rooms, sort of got my bearings on the place, and on Monday, went and signed the lease. I moved in as soon as the "dorm mom" bit let me go.

James Lipton: And all has been happy ever after?

SHEILA: Not 'arf. These boys were so sweet - they'd already brought up a bed and a few bits of furniture from the basement for me to use until I got settled in, and on that first night, they left me a rose and a bit of chocolate on me pillow. That was so romantic of them!

JYBIAN: Lightfoot, you never told me you'd done that.

LIGHTFOOT: I didn't!

SHEILA: One of you must have, or...

James Lipton: (long pause) And once more, and fully, you were welcomed.