Troubles (Jo)
#19 of Alternatives
What?
Do my ears deceive me?
Did he just... No, it can't be. But I... How? Just when Gerrald is... What the hell is going on?! I... What should I do?
Wait. He doesn't know about my personal feelings yet. I... should I tell him? I, I mean...
"Jo," Jin says, snapping my thoughts.
"Really?" I cut him, a little more aggressive than I should have.
"It is," Jin replies, avoiding my eye contact and looking below the table, "I... Is this going to change our friendship? I took a leap of faith in telling you... I didn't want to but I don't know who else I can trust... Are you still fine with it? I mean, it's your best friend this time."
The moment Jin tells me once again that he is after my wolf; I can imagine my dreams with Typh shattering away into the void every passing moment. Just when I thought things are finally over, that Gerrald is finally gone, Jin has to... of all people, of all times.
There are so many possibilities and outcomes between Jin, Typh and I. Am I to give up my love and try to make Jin and Typh together? Or am I supposed to deny Jin and claim Typh as mine before he does?
"I..."
"I understand if you don't like me now... Sometimes the theoretical answers you give are not the actions you will take when it happens to you," Jin sighs, looking out of the window, probably feeling disappointed now.
"No," I say to him, trying to form rational sentences in my mind, watching the tiger looking back at me. I'm not going to screw up another friendship over misunderstanding. "I'm not angry at you... It's hard to explain to you, tiger."
"First things first," I continue, "I'm really fine with your... orientation, but now you're telling me you don't want Typh... What about Kayla?"
"I don't really know... I'm really lost. What should I do? I don't like her now doesn't mean I won't like her later, right? I can't decide... Is it for me to decide? Gah. Fuck this shit," Jin growls, slamming his palm on the table, catching the attention of nearby furs.
"Chillax, bro... I know it's hard to right now, but you need to keep your cool... before you break anything in here," I say, trying to soothe him before he really does break something.
Jin lets out a heavy puff as he put his hands on his head, trying to sort out his thoughts. If the guy he is after isn't Typh, I'll probably be doing more than what I am right now - nothing. Not that I don't want to, but...
I hate the fact that I will somehow or another be happy that he won't get Typh. It's a part of me that I can't deny, no matter how much I tell myself otherwise. For a non-alpha in my wolf family line, my level of possessiveness is very high.
I'm conflicted. I don't want to be so selfish, yet at the same time, I don't want to let Jin take away what I want... Should I tell Typh to let the blue wolf decide? Argh. This is not my secret to reveal.
"Buddy... should I tell Typh about this?" I ask.
"Wha-? No!" Jin says quickly, "Not until I get my mind sorted. I trust you to help me keep this quiet... Jo, if only you can help me sort this out... buddy, this is hard. Kayla... she's a beauty, I'm sure she has a lot of suitors. She has a unique personality too... With her standards, she can get almost any guy she wants, but she doesn't; she's no slut. And she chose me. It's almost winning a lottery, getting a girl like her."
"Cliché as it sounds," I reply, "But what does your heart truly want? Who will really make you happy?"
Why am I helping Jin? Shouldn't I persuade him to go for Kayla? Why do I...?
"I... I... I want to go further with Typh, I want to know more about him, but what if I dislike what I'll find out? On the other hand, I know Kayla is an awesome girl, but do I truly want to commit to her?" Jin asks, sighing, "You know, you should meet her one day. She's has quite the character."
"Well, and since you are Typh's best friend... I thought that you can, you know... tell me more about him?" Jin continues shyly, looking up at me while fiddling with the tip of his tail. It's rather amusing for me to see him acting like that; this tiger is rarely so embarrassed and bashful, I mean, he is a tough, hulking white tiger!
"I... Uh... Hmm," I reply while I contemplate about what to tell him. In the end, I decided to go with the truth; the truth of how I feel.
"Typh... He is not your usual guyish wolf. He is fun, a little crazy at times and very easy-going. He hates exercising, occasionally gets engrossed in computer games and doesn't like to intervene with situations unless he really has to. He has this... umm... well, he has low self-esteem and confidence... which I guess is the reason why he is laid back... or slightly depressed."
I almost said that Typh has this smile; the smile which I can't describe how much nicer he will look if he smiles more often. I would have continued on about his fur and figure if I didn't have the sense to stop myself. Talking about Typh... I can go on for a while.
"Hmm, I kind of suspected about his quiet aura. What happened to him?" Jin asks, before pausing, "Ah, you don't have to answer me... I think I'm overstepping boundaries, aren't I?"
"I think you should ask Typh that yourself," I tell him, "He will decide whether to tell you... Let's just say something happened when he was young; it's nothing big, but it is certainly part of who he has become now."
"I see..." Jin frowns, nibbling on his bagel, "Damn, it's cold already. So... we're really cool?"
I bit my tongue as I don't know how to answer him. Truthfully, I'm fine with him liking guys. I mean, this isn't my first time someone came out to me. The problem is that he likes Typh. I'm so not cool with that.
"Yeah," I answer simply, "We're good."
Or temporarily for now.
"You know, you can tell me more about Kayla too. From what you've just said earlier, it seems that she's-" I say, before being interrupted by Jin's phone alert.
"Hang on.. Hello?... Yes... Ok... I see... Now? Umm..." Jin says, looking at me. I frown and nod as he mouths a 'Sorry, Kayla' and points into his phone.
"Ok, I'll see you soon," Jin says before hanging up.
"Kayla? What did she say?" I ask.
"She says she wants to meet up in... an hours' time. Argh. It means that I have to go now. Sorry buddy," Jin apologises and gets up to leave, "And thanks for everything... literally. I'll treat you something nice next time!"
"Sure... although I didn't do anything much anyway. Well, see ya soon... and good luck with your date?" I reply.
Jin looks as though he wants to say something, but instead he holds up his fist with a smile, which I hold my fist in return to bump with his and watch as the tiger turn to leave the restaurant.
Crap. Now what, a hunky white tiger that's after Typh? What am I going to do? What can I do? Is Typh going to accept Jin as well? I mean, Jin is bulkier than me and that blue wolf loves big guys. I clasp my paws on my head in frustration. I... I may not be able to get Typh...
Just look and compare the both of us. I'm just a grey furred wolf, but Jin is an exotic white tiger. I may be big sized, but Jin is bulkier. Jin's family is obviously wealthier than mine. I'm at least... No wait, I don't even know the size of Jin's package, what am I thinking?
Man... this is driving me nuts. It was Gerrald, now Jin? My suspicion was right, wasn't it? Jin likes Typh! The only thing that's holding him back is Kayla... and his refusal to proceed on a gay relationship. I wonder what will he do if I just told him that Typh is gay?
I really don't what to do with Jin. Will it be despicable of me to force Jin to go with Kayla? I know that if Jin is willing to be with Typh wholeheartedly... then it will be all over for me. I... What do I have to offer compared to Jin? Jin is rumoured to come from a clan, okay.
This is very worrisome. I don't want to fall out with my good friend. Jin is a good tiger... Actually, Typh may be better off if he dates Jin rather than...
My phone vibrates suddenly, cutting my thoughts abruptly. Tapping on my phone, I read Typh's text.
How did it go? Is Jin alright? Are we still meeting though?
See, Typh already cares for Jin. Argh. What's wrong with me? Am I so jealous to the point of being nonsensical?
I rake my brains as I figure how to reply him. I can't tell him about Jin, I don't want him to worry... and I've promised Jin. I can't show Typh that I'm affected by the news either.
It's all fine here, we still can meet. Jin is meeting his other friend. Nothing much, really. What do you feel like doing today?
I sigh as I send the text and lock my phone screen. How am I going to work this out? Is there a way for me to be together with Typh without hurting anyone?
-
"Hey!" Typh calls out from behind, smiling.
"Hey yourself," I reply, biting down my urge to hug him. For the entire time before I meet up with Typh, I've been stuck in my endless cycle of thoughts, questions in my mind that will never have an answer. I lick my lips as I wonder if I should tell Typh...
"Come on, it's been a while since we've gone there," Typh waves at me, before looking concerned, "Are you sure you're okay?"
Crap. I should stop spacing out. I'm not supposed to show any difference from the last time we've met. I can't create suspicion or make him worry.
"Hmm? Nothing. Just thinking of what to play, you know," I smile, hoping to convince him that nothing's wrong... like I always do at times.
This is a typical day for both of us, hanging around, playing games... Nothing special actually, sometimes even repetitive because we go to the same places consecutively. Like today, we're just chilling around as friends. We enter the arcade and Typh immediately rushes to change for credits. This arcade has been on for a while and we used to hang out here, until schoolwork keeps us from coming back. It's not a large place, and they rarely change their game machines; years ago when Typh and I still frequent here, we were here frequent enough that I think we managed to beat all the games available. Well, but the rates is lower than most of the other arcades in the area and this place is never too crowded.
Typh has already gone on playing 'Dance ON!' while I change my credits. That game seems to be Typh's favourite, where we both took a long time (and a nasty amount of credits) to achieve an S standard. Watching his paws and figure sway along with the beat, accumulating the scores, I find myself staring a little too long; the attendant had to tap my paw to get my attention.
"Still as good as ever eh?" I say as I approach him when his first round ended, showing his S score.
"Well, I guess playing games is a form of skill, it never goes away. Or maybe it only applies for me?" Typh grins back at me. Both of us know that when we play games we get a little competitive. That last sentence, which Typh says it on purpose, is an invitation for a battle which never fails to entice me.
"Bring it."
-
After rounds and rounds of different games, hours of fun passed. We walk out of the arcade, chatting happily on our gameplay earlier; how he had knocked my car out of the track during a race, how I had accidentally killed a poor old granny in a shooting game or how I almost had a perfect score for the last round on 'Dance ON!'
It is late afternoon by the time we had no more credits, we walk down the street and chat while deciding on what to eat. Thinking that we have just spent quite a bit on gaming earlier, we decide to settle somewhere cheap and we happen to stop near the advertisement banner of Alwynn's Inn, showing its set meals at a discounted price.
"So what happened to Jin?" Typh asks, after placing his order. I know Typh is the type that doesn't let go of unanswered questions, but usually doesn't want to push it and make the other party uncomfortable... or make him sound persistent.
"Nothing much, like really. Just some opinion seeking matters. He had to show me diagrams, which was why he couldn't say it through the phone," I reply. I hate to be ironic, but I was the one who insisted no secrecy to our friendship, and what's this?
Typh seems to accept the answer as he just nods before continuing to talk about schoolwork.
We talk normally while waiting for the food, which the entire time I was looking at Typh, the way he speaks, the way he laughs, the way he acts, things that I had never noticed about him before he came out. I wonder in dread if he will still be talking with me like this if he and Jin got together. Will I still be able to see my best friend?
The meals did come at a certain point of time; we may have been talking for an hour already, who knows?
Food. I look at my meal and wonder if I will be full just by eating a portion this size. I guess the price was just worth this lot...
Typh, knowing me so well, offers to share with me. I naturally decline, but Typh can be quite assertive if he wants to. I seriously... don't want to lose Typh to Jin...
I got back to my endless twirl of Jin, Typh and I while I continue eating. By the time I got back from my thoughts in fear that Typh catches me, Typh finished peeling the skin of the banana, the fruit of the day.
I watch as his lips wrap around that wide yellow tip, slowly going down the yellow length, where his lips curves wider down the fruit, getting deeper and deeper... and stops. He looks right into my eyes, causing me to catch my breath before withdrawing from the yellow length until it pops out of his mouth.
"Jo?" he asks, "Are you okay? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"D...don't do that!!" I exclaim with my arms outstretched. I can feel the heat rising up my muzzle as I realised how embarrassing it is for me right now.
"Huh? Why are you... I was just..." Typh asks with an eyebrow raised before realising, "Gosh, JO!!! I'm just eating a damn banana! What's with your sudden spike in creativity for your imagination? Even eating a banana you..." Typh trails off, blushing in embarrassment as well.
"S-sorry," I apologise to him.
"Now, how am I ever going to eat a banana in front of you?" Typh sighs before giving me a dirty look, "Pervert."
I almost let out a puppy whine when he scolded me. I can't afford to disappoint Typh further, not when Jin's...
Perhaps it's showing on my face, because Typh touches my forearm, shaking it, "Hey, are you sure you're alright?"
I just look at Typh and take a moment before answering, "Yeah."
"Something did happen with Jin isn't it?" Typh says, "And no secrets, Jo."