FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I woke up with the sound of my alarm going off again, but this time, it sounded so far away. 'Ugh, my head.' I thought as I ran my paw through my head, this time, however, the bump was so much more tolerable. I stretched my paw and I felt it hit something. Not hard, but I felt the thing. I opened my eyes to realize I was still on the couch. Then I realized that I was laying in the same position that Damian had me in last night. I jumped out of the couch and saw Damian lying down, his chest moving up and down. I was a nervous wreck. 'Oh, my God! What did my mom see?! Did my sister see?! Is he gonna be mad?! He doesn't even have clothes to change in! Oh, God!' I kept thinking back and forth. He started to move and before I knew it, his eyes were groggily starting to open. He groaned as he stretched and wake up.

"Mm, Axel, what are you doing?" He groaned as he shut his eyes again. I heard a light snore escape his nose. He was still asleep, he was sleeptalking. I tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't budge. I walked over to the restroom before I finally realized that my ankle wasn't in pain anymore. It tingled, and it was still a bit swollen, but it didn't hurt. I looked at my fur and realized he messed up my hair from petting my head so much. I ran my hand through the water and walked back to the couch. He was still sleeping. I sprinkled his face with water and he quickly regained consciousness.

"Axel? What am I doing here?!" He asked, still sleepy, but finally realizing where he was.

"I think you fell asleep on my couch. Your parents must be worried. I'm so sorry."

"No, no. That's okay. I texted my parents last night telling them you got hurt. They said it's fine and that I could stay out as long as I had to. I'll just let them know I'm fine."

I went to my room and I realized that it was still very early, about 3 am. I went back to Damian and grabbed his plate and drink. "Hey, it's still early. If you want, you could go home. I guess my alarm was off." He nodded and stood up.

"Axel, do you think I could actually sleep over? My parents are probably sleeping and I don't wanna bother them. I'll just get my clothes before school starts." This question surprised me and the idea of sleeping on him again felt really good. My back was so warm from his heat and it felt good that he was massaging me and petting me. It made me feel good.

"Um, sure." I said. He smiled and went up to my room. I just smiled and my tail swayed back and forth. The idea of such a beautiful guy sleeing in my room. He'd probably end up sleeping on the floor, but who cared? I checked my phone and saw five calls from Omar, three texts and a voice mail. 'He must be infuriated with me, right about now.' I thought. I grabbed everything and went up to my room. I saw my bed was occupied with the huge stature of Damian. I just sighed and started to set up a small bed on the floor. I laid down on the floor and started to close my eyes and start drifting into a deep sleep again. However, it was interrupted with the sound of my mom slamming the front door closed.

My ears perked up in anger and I stood up and tip-toed from my room and went down the hallway and found my mom just standing there, in all her drunken stupor. She stared at me with her glazed eyes and just sat down on the couch. I stared at her and didn't say a word. "Don't look at me like that." She slurred incoherently. My mom was a case, God knew it. She was an alcoholic and she had known it and she didn't do anything to stop. What did she have to stop for? For her kids, work, personal health and life? She didn't care about any of it. She did love us, but day by day, my love for her had lowered bit by bit. I still loved her, but in the end, it's like if she didn't even want us there in the first place. I remember begging her to stop for me. She continued drinking. At first, I never thought about it, after all I was 7, but then, I thought about it. I told her to stop drinking for me, ME. I was all her life, everything revolved around me in her world. I'm not try to sound like if I was spoiled, it was true. Everything I did, my mom remembered, even if she wasn't there. When I thought about it, I realized that she wouldn't even stop for me. I wondered if there was anything on this Earth that could make her stop. Only one thing saved her, momentarily. It was 3 peaceful years of bliss. Religion had found its way into her heart and saved her. She gave in again after my dad had came back from jail. At first, I thought it was him who was the problem, but then I realized that she drank from anger. My dad and mom never got along; the only thing they shared in common was us. My dad had messed up, but he repented himself and tried to forgive himself. The only way he could was if my mother would forgive him. She didn't, she was too traumatized with his drug abuse and physical abuse. He only abused her because she was driving drunk with me and my sister in the car and got in an accident and ever since then, my mom and dad tore apart. He left last year, a week after my 17th birthday. May 12th, I remember the day exactly.

"I'm surprised you could even see ONE of me." I growled. I hated her drinking habit, and while I tried, I just would never forgive my mom. I'll burn in Hell, but I'd rather that than apologize for being hurt from HER addiction.

"Don't be like that, Axel. Axel, I love you." She slurred again, she tried to get up, but ended up falling on the couch and just started to cry. "You're dad's a fucking COWARD!" She yelled.

"Shut up!" I snapped at her. This caused her to cry even more.

"Why don't you love me. What happened to my little pup?" She sniveled.

"He grew up. I don't love you because you're not you. The alcohol is you." I snarled. I know it didn't make sense, but in some twisted way in my head, it made total sense. She was consumed by her anger and hurt and the alcohol was slowly beginning to envelope her and she was more normal when she was drunk than sober, in my eyes. I could hurt her. When she was drunk, she was vulnerable. I've made her cry relentless times, but never intentionally. Usually, it was just from shoving her off of me when she decided to lean on me, or yell at her to leave me alone.

"You're a fucking mistake!" She screamed. 'That's strike one.' I thought as my heart beated erradically from anger and hurt. "You're stupid, you can never do anything!" 'Strike two...' I started to feel tears form around my ducts. "I don't even know why you still are here. You should've left with your Daddy!" 'Thats it.'

"I would've if I knew where he was!" I screamed back. "You don't deserve me, I don't even belong on this place! I'm tired of your sick, twisted bullshit! I'm so glad it's my senior year, that means I could leave! Rot in this house, for all I care!" I screamed in anger and tears fell every second. I ran to my room and slammed the door. I jumped on my bed and started sniveling. I just wished it was all over. This was so frequent that I had to apologize to neighbors for the cacophony that occured in my house. They all knew my family and I very well. My mom was born in this house. So was I. I was still shedding tears when I felt a hand on my back. I swatted it away, thinking it was my moms and I was ready to stand up and bark some more. The light turned on. "WHAT?!" I yelled. I expected to see my mother and saw Damian, standing next to the light switch with his ears folded over and his muzzle slightly agaped. In the heat of anger, I'd totally forgotten about Damian sleeping over and probably woke him up.

"D-Damian. I'm so sorry." I said as calmly as I could. I sat on the foot of my bed and tried to look at him and just couldn't find the strength to look him dead in the eye. I felt so embarrassed, so ashamed. I just put my head down and let my ears lower as I started to snivel a bit more. I tried to compose myself, but the shame, the embarrassment. Only Joey knew about my mom's problem, and it took me six years to tell him. Damian witnessed my relentlessness and I was afraid he would never look at me the same. Damnit, why did I have to be so stupid! Why did she have to that?! I didn't hear anything for a long minute. I felt a paw on my head. I looked up to see Damian, the same fixed intense stare looking down on me, but something was different about this stare. The other stare was just peculiar, I couldn't decipher it at all. It wasn't any emotion that I could pick up, but this one. This was warm and sympathetic. I teared up and looked away once again, breaking the stare.

"Hmmph." He grunted as he sat down. "Damn, barely my first day meeting you and I already learned so much." He said sullenly and sighed. I could feel his stare looking at me again.

"Why do you keep doing that?" I asked. I looked at his stare and met it with mine. This set him back, I would let his stare dominate, but I looked sincerely into his and I knew that with that gaze I gave him, I just opened up everything and I let him read me like a book. His eyes were wider when I gave him the invitation. I didn't mean to open to him, I just needed him, whether or not I knew him well enough to do so. I waited for an answer, the room silent and full of energy.

"Because, I still can't believe it..."

"Believe what?" I sniveled. He sighed and looked away. He looked in my room and smiled.

"How is it that we've never met and yet, I feel like I've known you an eternity?" He asked puzzledly. I just looked at him with a confused look on my face. He looked at me with a smile and just chuckled. "I feel like I've known you for so long. Don't tell me you can't feel it?" He said. Honestly, I didn't know him long enough to answer his question, but this was a new feeling. I DID, I never noticed until now, though. Usually, it would take a while for me to even put up with someone when they gave me attitude, and I've never been one to be so mean to someone, actually. In a way, we acted like siblings this whole day we've met.

"Damian...I don't even know you." I said as I lowered my head and looked away. He grabbed my chin with his paw and made me look deep into his eyes.

"Do you know me, now?" He said. I looked into his gaze, I could feel his sympathy, his warmth, also his hurt. His internal conflict. He was loved by everyone, but who loved him for HIM? Who did HE love? This seemed too surreal to be reality. I never expected to meet someone so deep and philosophical in such a short day. "You're amazing. And I barely knew you today." His voice echoed in my head. He smiled and the butterflies came back. In the internal conflict, I'd totally forgotten that I kind of had a crush on the sexy husky, but now, it was more than a crush.

"Don't do this to me." I pleaded to him. I didn't wanna get hurt. He's got a spot in my heart, but I didn't even know if he liked me. I had to ask, I didn't want to feel like I was getting lead on. "Do you like me, Damian?" I asked with such reluctance. I didn't want to ruin this moment, but I couldn't help.

"I wasn't sure earlier today. When you asked why I kept staring..." Damian stopped mid his thoughts, he was trying to find the right thing to say. "I didn't know how to reply because I didn't know why I did. I just kept saying 'I just can't believe it.' Well, I couldn't believe that you came into my life. When you bumped into me, I was just stuck with my mouth wide open. How was it that with one bump, I simply fell in...In love?" When I heard this, my heart fluttered, my ears flitted to his lips to hear every single word. I couldn't believe what he was saying. This wasn't possible, it just wasn't. I wasn't saying I didn't want it to happen, this seemed to fantastical. It felt like a dream. Was I still asleep? I felt a ping of anger, confusion, hope sweep my body.

"Do you like me?...Yes, or no?" I said flatout, my voice quivering.

"I don't know. What's love supposed to feel? Am I supposed to feel naseous, sick to my stomach, my organs in a knot? Is it normal to feel confused, with your brain telling you one thing and your heart telling you another...is my heart supposed to beat harder everytime you look at me, talk to me, or smile? Is the idea of me not being around you, the idea of being separated from you supposed to feel like I'd rather die than live another second without you next to me?" He asked passionately. By this time, the fluttering in my stomach had become a whirlwind of so many different emotions.

"Is that...is that how you really feel?" I asked. He looked away and smiled. He looked at me again and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"Let me show you." He whispered. Our muzzles were only inches away...