FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

* * = Action and/or stage direction

{ } = Tone of voice

[] = Sound effects

• - = Time Lapse

( ) = My and the character's thoughts

All three: Alec, Taiga, and Kira doing/saying/thinking something in unison

Lights, Camera, Crazy Town!

---

*the grey wolf known as Alec walks into the Studio center as he looks around the busy area, occasionally jumping, ducking, and dodging whatever gets in his way and vise-versa*

Alec: Damn it... I am never going to find that place in this nightmare.

Person: Hey! Kid!

Alec: Hmm?

Person: You're messing up the shot! Get out of the way!

Alec: Sorry! *runs out of the way then mumbles under his breath* Ya jackass. *looks at the note in his paw then looks around the area again* Where... oh! *smiles* After trying and trying, I finally got the job of a lifetime.

*Alec looks up at the studio number (69) then runs inside gleefully with his tail wagging rapidly*

Alec: Hello! Hello! *twitches his ears at all the busy people* Man, I hate Hollywood. Erm... Hey! I'm looking for the producer here! I'm the... the new interviewer!

*Everybody and everything suddenly stops abruptly and goes quiet, all eyes now on Alec*

Alec: .......... *gulps*

Producer: *opens the door to his room and waves at Alec* In here! In here!

Alec: *runs into the room and slams the door behind him* Why the hell was everyone looking at me like my rowboat was missing a couple paddles?

Producer: That's because it probably is.

Alec: I'm sorry?

Producer: *sits behind his desk* Have a seat Alec.

Alec: *nods to the producer then pulls up a chair and sits in front of the desk*

*after about 45 minutes of silence, aside from the producer shuffling some papers around and nitpicking with his necktie, he finally claps his paws together and looks at Alec*

Producer: So... how much money do you owe the mob?

Alec: Say what?

Producer: Erm... nothing. So... why take up this job?

Alec: Well... I desperately need the money so--

Producer: So you didn't whore out your body?

Alec: Wait, huh?!

Producer: Talking out loud is all. *sweat drop*

Alec: Uh... huh.... Anyway, I saw the request for a third interviewer and--

Producer: You decided to come over and get the job for some extra pocket change?

Alec: Well, yes sir. That's it exactly.

Producer: You poor, sick puppy.

Alec: Huh?

Producer: Well, if it's that kinky to you then sure. You got the job.

Alec: Kinky...? Wait, I got the job~?

Producer: Yep. Glad to have you aboard. *whispers under his breath: So that I don't have to do it.*

Alec: Wait, what did you just say just now?

Producer: *drops a ton of papers onto his deck and pushes them near Alec* Just sign all these papers three times and you get the job.

Alec: *looks at some of the papers* There's like three papers for health insurance. Just how bad ARE these interviews?

Producer: One's for physical, one's for mental, and the third is for everything else.

Alec: ... I... I get a credit card~? That is so awesome!

Producer: Got to pay for those medical bills somehow.

Alec: Medical bills?

Producer: Nevertheless, you'll be a gold member after three interviews anyway.

Alec: Wait... this one... this one involves my family!?

Producer: Don't even ask. We'll be here all day.

Alec: ... Why does this one say coffin insurance?

Producer: I threw that one in just for you.

Alec: ... *gulps* Erm... maybe I should go--

Producer: *pulls out a pistol and cocks it* Just sign the damn papers.

Alec: Y-Yessir!

*The Next Day*

Alec: *is walking into the studio, looking like a nervous wreak* I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have done this.

Producer: Hurry up, Alec!

Alec: Yes sir! And I must say, I am so glad that I have done this! *thinks to himself: God help me.*

Producer: Just get your ass in my office!

Alec: *dashes into the office and slams the door behind him* Sir! Please I'm begging you! Rip up that contract! I have seen the earlier episodes of this horror feast! Please... I'll even do a porno or... o-or sell my body to science or ANYTHING.

Producer: Too late. Until you survive three seasons, you're stuck with us.

Alec: No one survives the first one!

Producer: Isn't my problem now is it?

Alec: *whimpers* Please... don't do this...

Producer: Look. I'll be nice to you since you're pretty much begging to give me a good one under the desk right now.

Alec: What?

Producer: So I'll give you two professional interviewers that just finished interviews all characters from the X-Men series.

Alec: 'eesh.

Producer: *stands up and walks over to the door, before swinging it open wide* HEY! WE HAVE TWO LONELY WOMEN AND A BAG OF SCORCHIN HABANERO DORITOS IN HERE!! *quickly gets out of the way*

*without even a second warning, a dragon quickly bursts into the room while looking around the room*

Dragon: HEY!? You tricked me again!?

Producer: Sorry. Had to.

Alec: Wait, why did you--

Producer: This is Taiga. He's the one that sets up the appointments and makes sure no one loses their cool... he sucks at both those jobs.

Taiga: *huffs*

Producer: He also loves Doritos. None more so than Doritos® 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero.

_ _

*SHAMELESS ATTEMPT AT ADVERTISEMENT*

Producer: Next... *looks outside the door* HEY! THERE'S TWO RICH LOOKING GUYS HERE LOOKING FOR A GOOD BANG!!

....

AND THEY HAVE STRAWBERRY JELLY!!

*again, without a second warning, a lioness bursts into the room, looking around the place before she looked at Taiga*

Lioness: .... Ah damn, we just got played again didn't we?

Taiga: Yes. Yes we have.

Producer: And this... is Kira. The only ACTUAL whore in and out of her shots.

Alec: ... Seriously?

Producer: Plus, she's amazing at distractions and is in charge of... of... of...... something.

Kira: I'm in charge of treasury jackass!

Alec: Seriously!?

Producer: Though for some reason, there's always $100 dollars missing from the amount every time.

Kira: ... *giggles*

Taiga: Anyway, who's the wolf?

Producer: The wolf here... is the new leader of your group.

Taiga: What?

Kira: What!?

Alec: Hell no!

Producer: *holds up Alec's contract*

Alec: .... Damn it!

Producer: So then~ you three better get to knowing each other. Cause until his contract expires, you three are stuck with each other.

All three: WHAT!?

Producer: See? Even the creator of his piece of shit has you three working together.

All three: The hell are you talking about?! *looks at each other* ......... *facepaw*

Producer: So then... see you all in a month?

Alec: Go to hell! I am not doing this! I'd rather die than work with these weirdos!

Producer: It's either that or I give your contract to be Rick Perry's bitch.

Alec: .... That's just not fair, dude.

Producer: Welcome to the team!

Taiga: *pats Alec's back rather roughly* You'll be fine~!

Kira: Yeah! And we'll all be living together in one house like one big, happy family!

Alec: Well... at least you have a house.

Kira: House...? Oh! I meant apartment.

Alec: ... What?

Kira: Actually, wait, no. More like a motel.

Alec: .... What? What?

Taiga: Yeah, it's more like a studio.

Alec: *mumbles* Help me...

Producer: What was that?

Alec: *salutes* Can't wait to get to work!

---

Me: They remade my nightmares!? I told you to cancel this thing!

Luna: Oh shut up.

Daichi: It was your idea.

Me: Does anyone even know who you two are!?

Luna: Well... not yet. But that's your fault now isn't it?

Me: ...

Daichi: That's what I thought.

Me: Anyway... all characters in this interview are copyrighted by me. That includes Alec the wolf, Taiga the dragon, and Kira the lioness... and the producer for some reason.

Daichi: All of the jokes, gags, sick puns, and dumb ideas were all thought up right off the bat. If any of these look stolen, overused, negative, or racist/sexist/etc in any way possible, it is (mostly) completely by accident and thus should be reported to us so that it may be changed and/or deleted... MAYBE.

Luna: Hope you enjoyed the interview and I hope you'll tune in again for another episode of... Looking To The Stars!