The Cameron Hotel Chapter 10
Day before last, Riddick saw his mother for what he could only hope would be the last time...and today he saw the ocean for the first.
The last two nights, he'd laid himself to sleep in Matt Cameron's guest room...and at this moment, he was laying sprawled out in the sand.
It had been less than forty-eight hours since he'd tasted Luke, his newest friend...and now he tasted drying salt water on his lips and his fur.
As he watched the clouds shift about high in the early evening sky, yellow fur flashed through his peripheral vision, and he was suddenly assaulted with an eruption of sand. Chris had returned from the water to plop down beside him.
The panthion sat up and looked at his father, the lion's dark soaked mane pinned to his head, neck, shoulders, chest and back, and he smiled a toothy grin back at his sandy son.
Riddick shook and brushed himself off, "Thanks..."
"Don't mention it!" Chris grabbed the black cat around the shoulders and pulled him close in a hug. "Sorry again we couldn't find anything to watch..."
Riddick just sank into the hug. He wanted to say something. He wanted to say how he was glad they couldn't pick a movie and a time. He wanted to say how great it was that he got to be with his father for his very first time at the beach, and how no movie could compare. How they could make up for missing the movie any time, but that this was the perfect way to spend their first real day together. He wanted to thank his father for the hug, and tell him how great today was, despite the uncomfortable "talk" they'd had before they left the house. For a second, he even wanted to lean away from his father, take a deep breath, and broach an even more uncomfortable subject: telling his father the truth he'd avoided sharing earlier.
Riddick wanted to say something, but he just sank into the hug.
And the lion smiled and held his son tighter.
The Cameron Hotel Chapter 10 -- It's Complicated
A month later, Riddick was missing following a day of fighting over newly exposed secrets, and stubbornly denied truths...and Chris was on the prowl to find his son.
The lion drove hurriedly down the waterfront, a dark overcast of clouds matting the whole area in a soft shadow as he scanned the surroundings.
Just out on the beach, alone out in the sand, Riddick sat against the wooden leg of one of the lifeguard towers. His head was on his knees, and he was sure that if he stayed sitting there that he couldn't be seen...not with his dark fur at night.
Chris slowed, his headlights illuminating an old lifeguard tower...and a small stark swatch of white. He slammed on his brakes.
The panthion sunk as he saw everything light up around him, and huffed as he remembered that his mane was white, "Damn-it."
Chris turned off the car and hopped out, not bothering to close the door as he ran down and into the sand.
Riddick watched the running shadow cast from the headlights and lifted his head as he began to hear the muted sound of paws in the sand. His stomach knotted almost immediately, just knowing he was only moments from more of the anger he'd left to avoid.
The lion skid to a stop in the sand, at the base of the tower, and looked down at the Panthion, breathing heavily from the extensive sprint.
"You..." Riddick looked up at his father, speaking first, before the yelling could start, "You know...? I had never been to a beach before...before you brought me here last month." He looked back out over the water, "It's...nice."
Chris moved to take a step closer and stopped, just staring at his son through damp eyes.
Of course, in the dark and shade, the panthion couldn't see his father's tearing eyes, and he continued, "That day meant a lot to me: getting to coming down here...with you. But I guess you know that. I probably told you that, that day, right? Why else would you have known to look here?"
Chris gulped and fell to his knees in the sand, nearly tackling his son as he wrapped his arms around the black cat and pulled him in close, "I'm so sorry Riddick..." He sniffled softly, "I didn't...I..."
Riddick pushed away from the hug and looked, blinking, at his father, his hands on the lion's shoulders, "...you...are you crying?"
"N-No..." The lion wiped his eyes quickly and shook his head, trying his best to put on a straight face, "The sand...it's just the sand..."
"You were crying." Riddick wasn't sure what to think about that, and dropped his paws away from the larger cat's shoulders, "I...I didn't mean to scare you..."
"No. It's okay." Chris shook his head and placed his own paws on his son's shoulders, "Riddick...look...about what you overheard between me and Matt."
"It's nothing I hadn't already heard, dad." The panthion cut him off, looking down at the sand, "I'm gay and a disappointment...I lied and fucked around with a pet..."
Chris opened his mouth to tell his son he wasn't a disappointment, but he stopped and raised an eyebrow. Riddick hadn't overheard. He must have left before his and Matt's conversation had gotten to...
Riddick looked back up at his father, smiling a little, "I...I kept telling myself that you'd come looking for me...th-that you still loved me..." He sniffled, trying not to cry anymore; he had done enough of that before his father got there.
The lion took him into another warm hug, holding back tears of his own, "I'll always love you Riddick. Always. There isn't ANYTHING that can change that."
Riddick hugged back this time, "I...I'm sorry I doubted you." He closed his eyes and buried his muzzle in the hollow of his father's neck, not being able to hold back a soft hiccup, "I love you too, dad."
Chris squeezed Riddick and picked him up from the cold sand, pulling back as they stood up, "N-Now...I'll have none of that..." Sniffling softly, he placed a paw on the side of his son's face with a smile.
The panthion had hoped his father couldn't see the tears, "N-none of what?"
Chris used his thumb to wipe away under Riddick's eye, "This..."
Riddick looked down and wiped his cheeks in silence. "I'm sorry..." With a breath, he clenched his jaw to hold back any more tears and then looked back up, "...sorry that I can't...be what you want me to."
"Riddick..." The lion shook his head and brushed his son's face, "I couldn't be more proud of what you've grown up to be. I shouldn't have done what I did. I was just...being stupid. I should NEVER have acted like that."
"But..." Riddick looked away, stammering, "But...you were so..."
"Angry?" Chris cut him off, "Turns out I'm not too old to be wrong."
The panthion looked back with a smile and a soft chuckle, but then shook his head, "But I lied to you...and I...I mean, what you caught me doing with Sirrus..."
"You're a fifteen year old boy." Chris grunted a laugh and raised his eyebrow.
Riddick opened his mouth to respond, but paused. Through narrow eyes he looked his father over, before letting out a short laugh of his own, "Are...you saying that makes what I did okay?"
"Well...yes, actually!" The lion restrained more laughter, smiling his big toothy grin at his son, "I would have taken any opportunity to stick it in something at your age, too. Hell: I DID! You've met your mother."
"Oh..." Riddick grimaced at the thought, but really laughed outwardly for the first time since he was caught the day before.
"But...uhm..." Chris shook his head, tapering his own laughter off, "That wasn't what I meant."
"Hmmm?" The panthion smiled back at his father softly, "It's not?"
"No. I mean: it's true...but, I meant that that's why I was wrong to get mad about the lying..." Chris put a paw on his son's shoulder again, "You're a fifteen year old boy, and you were scared. You had every reason to not be comfortable talking to me about something like this. And more importantly...you're MY fifteen year old boy. I should have thought about you first and been there for you...but instead I was...an asshole."
"So..." Riddick tilted his head with a cautious smile, "You're...not mad anymore?"
"Never should have been to begin with." The lion shook his head, "Not saying I condone the Sirrus thing...or won't seriously consider repercussions if the act repeats itself, especially right out in the living room..."
"Yeah..." Riddick rubbed the back of his head.
"But I do understand it. And we'll call my overreaction punishment enough for the first offense." Chris smiled his big toothy grin again, "And as for the rest: being gay, the secrecy, and even Luke...there's nothing wrong with any of it, and I'm sorry." He took a breath, "I screwed up Riddick. I made a huge mistake and I'm sorry...you didn't deserve any of this. Not at all."
Eyes filling with tears again, the panthion responded with a sudden burst forward into a hug, "Thank you."
"Can you..." Chris just hugged him back tight, "...can you forgive me?"
Riddick sniffled lightly, "Of course I can. I...I..." He pulled himself as tight against his father as he could, "I love you."
The lion looked down at him, and placed a gentle paw on his son's head. "I love you too..."
Riddick backed up, out of the hug, not so sure if either he or his father were comfortable with him being that loving, "I was so worried." He began again, hesitantly, "I thought...I thought everything had changed."
"Well...you're right about that..." Chris averted his eyes with a slight smile, "...things HAVE changed...just not in the way you think."
"Can we sit down again?" The panthion pointed over at the stairs for the lifeguard tower, "Over there, maybe? My legs are a bit tired...I walked a long way."
Chris looked out across the water, thinking back to their first day here, and hugging his son here in the sand. "I have a better idea..." Eyes on the water, he padded down the beach a ways, the night sky looming overhead. Satisfied with a spot, he plopped down into the sand, finally looking back at his son.
Riddick followed after him, looking down with a smile, "In the sand like before, then?"
The lion ran his paw through the sand beside him where he wanted Riddick to sit as he listened to the waves, "That's the idea."
Riddick's smile widened as he gently lowered himself down next to his father. He hesitated once there, but leaned against the older cat after a moment: revisiting the month old memory that brought both of them here tonight.
Chris, though, surprised him, and fell back onto the sand, causing his son to suddenly lose his only support and awkwardly tumble back with him.
The panthion landed half on top of his father, his face falling into the lion's mane. He lifted himself up, pushing off of his father's chest, and glared through playfully narrowed eyes.
Chris just shot back with his same toothy grin.
Smiling back, Riddick pushed off and rolled over. He fell back, lying out on his back beside his father, intentionally mimicking exactly how Chris was laying, and even his toothy grin.
The lion let out a short, but roaring grunt of a laugh at his boy's imitation, before turning to look back up at the stars, silently.
Riddick turned his head away and looked up too, breathing out a long sigh through his smile, "I love this beach. You...you have no clue...how much this means to me...this place...I..." He trailed off, feeling oddly uncomfortable. That was something rare for him -- being uncomfortable -- but so was having a reason for such sappy sentiment.
Chris nodded, noting his son's nervousness, "I love it here too. I used to come here during summer when I was a cub. I always snuck out at night and came here; I'd lay here for hours, and not always by myself." He laughed, "Your grandmother got so mad."
"That sounds nice..." The panthion turned to look at his father again, still smiling, "I've only been here once...or twice, now, I guess." He sighed and moved closer, "T-two of the best times of my life...both with you."
Chris smiled and he felt a twinge in the corner of his eyes. He kept his face looking up, though, so as to not let Riddick see if any tears formed, "Y-yeah?"
"I was so afraid you hated me." Riddick rolled over and put his face on Chris's chest and shoulder, his eyes closed, "I'm glad...I'm glad I was wrong, dad. I didn't want everything to change."
The lion wrapped an arm around Riddick's waist and smiled down, "I'd never be able to hate you...nothing will ever change that..."
Riddick pulled himself closer, shamelessly cuddling with his father, but after a moment, his eyes blinked open, "Oh, wait. Uhm...earlier you said...that something DID change. What did you mean?"
"Nonono!" Chris's fear took hold. Minutes earlier, he'd taken a tiny step toward broaching the subject, but now he withdrew again. Talking about this with his son -- telling him what Matt had gotten through to him just earlier this same night -- it was something he just wasn't ready to handle. "...you must've misheard me..."
"Oh, sorry." The panthion nuzzled his father's chest, "I must have. I just could have sworn you said..." He stopped himself. He knew what he heard, but there was no reason to push it if his dad didn't want to talk. "...never mind."
Chris sighed, as his son closed his eyes again and cuddled close. He couldn't back out on this now. Matt had been right about everything: all of this was because Chris couldn't accept who he was. His fears had cause all of the problems of the past two days, and he couldn't let them continue to rule him and cause trouble and pain for himself...or his son. "No...you were right..." If he wanted honesty from his son, he should reciprocate. "I...I have a bit of a confession to make."
Riddick opened his eyes again, and sat up to look down at his dad, "A confession?
The lion looked up at him, and sighing through a nod, "Yeah."
Riddick blinked, "What's wrong?"
Chris sat up, leaning on his elbows, "Riddick, the reason I got so upset, the reason I blew up like I did...it wasn't because of you."
The panthion blinked again and scratched his neck, "It wasn't?"
"No." Chris shook his head and looked up, staying silent for a moment. He heard Matt's voice in his head telling him to 'be a man and deal with it,' and he let out a long, calming breath. There was no point in hiding it, anymore, "Riddick, I'm gay, too."
Riddick didn't recoil, jump, or yell. He didn't fall back from his father in a lump on the sand. He didn't even take his paws off of his father's chest and shoulder. Instead, he was simply still. His eyes darted about for a moment, before locking back on his father's face, where they narrowed as he stared. His mouth opened slowly and his voice was soft, "I don't think I get the joke."
"It's no joke, Riddick." The lion shook his head, "I didn't want to believe it myself at first...and I honestly thought I was going to hit Matt for saying it, but..."
Riddick finally moved, as if finally hit with what his father had said and recoiling from it...but in slow motion. His eyes widened as he leaned back, separating from his father, and sitting up completely, "Stop it, dad."
Chris sat up too, "Stop?"
"I...I don't know what you're trying to do but..." The panthion's eyes darted about more as his paws gripped at the sand, "...but it's not funny."
"It's not meant to be." Chris took in a deep, shaking breath. He wasn't sure how Riddick would react, but was having trouble gauging this...disbelief?
"It..." Riddick shook his head, "...it would be one thing if you really were, but-"
"But I'm not?" The lion cut off his son and moved closer, "Riddick, please. I need you to calm down and listen to me." He put his paws on his son's shoulders and got him to look him in the eye. "It's not just you. Or Matt, or Luke, or Sirrus and your friends. Riddick..." He paused to make sure his son saw the seriousness in his face, "I'm gay."
"But you were so mad..." Riddick broke eye contact with his father, looking all around the beach, "...and you...you...why were you so...so...I mean, if you are too...?"
"I didn't want to admit it." Chris shrugged, one paw still on his son's shoulder, "It took me finding out about you, and Matt basically brow beating me before I even really considered it."
"But...you would barely even talk to me, and..." The panthion shakily looked back at his father, "...and when you did it was...you were so..."
"Mean? Belligerent?" Chris took a deep breath, squeezing his boy's shoulder, and came completely clean, "Seeing you with Sirrus...knowing my own flesh and blood was gay...it was too much for me to handle...too hard, after that, to keep denying that I was too. I was scared, I was angry at myself, I was fighting so hard to...to still be the person I thought I was...and I took all of it out on you, like it was your fault." He offered an apologetic smile, "Like I said: I was being an asshole. And I'm sorry..."
"How..." Riddick blinked, "...how do you know?
"How do I know I'm gay?" The lion chuckled, barely able to hold back a real laugh, "How do you know YOU are?"
"That...that's different." Riddick shook his head, "I mean...I'm ONLY attracted to guys. I've never been with...with a..." He rubbed his neck, "...but you were AT LEAST with mom, right? And she can't be the only one. I just...I mean...how can you be sure?"
Chris let out a short grunt of a laugh, "Well, the fact that Matt and I have been exchanging 'favors' for the past three months could be a hint."
"Favors!?" Now, the panthion recoiled, choking slightly and coughing, "Like...like my and L-Luke's favors?"
Chris smiled his wide, dumb, toothy smile and scratched his mane, "Yeah, I guess so."
"Dad..." Riddick leaned in a little, "I asked you when I first got here if you and Matt were together...and even a couple of times since then. Y-you said no."
"Well, now...I would have, wouldn't I?" The lion laughed softly, "Besides, it's not like we're actually 'together.'"
"Just..." Riddick smirked, thinking about him and Luke, "...good friends playing around?"
Chris nodded, "Yeah."
"But you're living in the same house with him." The panthion jerked, sitting up straighter and going wide-eyed, "Do you two share the bed!? Is that where you were the night that the two guest bedrooms and the couch were full? My first night here?"
Chris smiled guiltily and nodded, "...that's where I am most nights."
"But, you said..." Riddick looked down, and then back up, "How are you not together?"
"It's complicated."
Silence fell over the lion and his son, save for the sound of rushing wind and slowly repeating waves. The scene was tranquility and dim ocean light...but inside Riddick's head there was chaos and confusion.
His father was gay? Images of the elder lion and Matt, pieced together from what he'd seen of them, and what his mind had to invent, flashed through his head. Images like those, normally, would cause a stirring somewhere low, but, for some reason these caused a tightness inches higher. The panthion's arms wrapped around his stomach.
His father was gay. The words and silences of the last two days mixed together with those of the last half hour. A close call a little too close...secrets, lies, contradictions, complications, anger, and love. His breaths shook and grew deep, and his eyes clouded.
His father was gay! He should be laughing at the irony. He should be smiling at the new connection they had, the new common thread drawing him closer to the lion. He should be happy that this is something he never, ever, has to bear alone. But he was shaking, not laughing. He was crying, not smiling. Damp eyes on the sand, he scooted backwards an inch, distancing himself from his father. Why wasn't he happy?
Chris flattened his ears and leaned in to follow, "R-Riddick?"
Tears streaked the panthion's cheeks and struck the sand, "I don't understand...I don't...I..." For all his height, fitness, ebon fur, and the sharp, predatorial looks of a big cat, he looked like no more than a scared child, "...you're gay?"
Chris nodded, scared that he'd done something wrong, that he'd hurt or frightened his son, and should never have said anything. Slowly, he reached a paw forward.
Riddick sat still, his whiskers twitching and his ears back as he watched his father's paw inching closer. He didn't stop it. He didn't want to. But he made no attempt to meet it.
The lion stopped and sat the paw back on the sand, eyes lonely and longing, "I'm sorry Riddick..." He stood up, dusting himself off and turning, "Lets...just go home..."
Riddick's eyes widened as he watched the lion walk away, "No...come back..." He mewed softly, and went unheard, "Please?" He spoke up loud enough for his father to hear, "Dad?"
Chris stopped and turned his head around, guilty eyes staring at Riddick over his shoulder, and the panthion sniffled and met his eyes, pleadingly. Only wanting his father to come back, he reached a paw out.
Chris padded back, but didn't sit down. He just stared down with the same lonely, guilty eyes, as Riddick held his paw up to his father. He tugged the elder cat's pants gently and held the out for him to grab hold of.
The lion reached down and helped Riddick to his feet, bringing them nose to nose.
"You..." Riddick's words caught in his throat, "...you're really gay?"
Chris just nodded solemnly.
The panthion took a step forward, sliding his arms around his father's back. He pulled himself close and held on tight, burying his face in the lion's mane and not saying anything else.
Chris was shocked, but somehow, he understood. With a smile, he leaned down, wrapping his arms around his son too and pulling him in deep.
Not a word was said. They just stood, in the dim ocean light, and the soft sound of the slowly repeating waves.
~
There we go! The soap opera, Forbidden, continues!!
* Starring: F. R. Borealis as Riddick Dumar Eden Cecil B. North as Christopher Phillip Eden *
Cecil was a writer here as well, back in the Yiffstar days. If you want to check out the stuff he wrote back then, go ahead and look him up. His username on here is: Cecil_88
Sometimes, it's nice to just have a chapter that ends, yeah? No need for a bunch of loose ends, cliffhangers, and drama. Just honesty, happiness, and closure. ^_^ Next time we go about switching gears a little bit! See you then!
Anyway, thanks for reading!
I welcome any feedback! Comment or PM me here, or email me at frostborealis[at]gmail.com
See you for the next 30 chapters of Forbidden! ^_^