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Disclaimer: This work of fiction is written by me, Zekay, all characters and events are therefore copyright of me. Any character similarities to anyone/any fur is purely coincidental unless otherwise posted.

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( * ) in this series will now represent change in time/location.

I took my time answering him, just taking a few more bites before he piped up.

"So, you're still hung up on girls?" he asked. His ears folded back slightly.

"Actually, yes and no." I said.

"So you're good with both?"

"Yep." I said grinning at him at the other end of the table. He returned my gesture, happy I'm playing for his team too now I'm sure. But my smile was short lived, I still was fighting something that was eating at me. I know nothing about Shadow, just that he's in my art class, and he's been the best friend i could have asked for in such a short time.

"So, what are we now?" the question he asked rang in my ear. I remembered asking the same thing and being rejected.

"I have no idea." I said

"Was...was..it that bad?" he asked looking down.

"What? No, of course not, it's just, we just met, and we already had sex! Don't you think we're taking it a little fast? I just figured out I was bi, and your gay, and love isn't as instantaneous as that. Plus, no it wasn't bad dumb ass, I told you I loved it even though it was your first time. Again, we need to make sure lust isn't the only thing we have between us."

He perked up a little.

"I guess that's a good point."

"But, I'm not writing you off Shadow, I'm a hopeless romantic, even the thought of someone loving me gives me chills, good chills, but, I know we're not ready to have a full relationship. I want real love, not lust. We need to know each other better."

"I know you're right... but it doesn't make it any less annoying!"

"I know, tell me about it, and, than.. thanks... for everything, you've helped me through so much, I don't think I could have done it without you."

"It's what friends do. I'm glad I could help." He came up to me and gave me a hug. I lost it. I just started crying again. What the hell is wrong with me? I've never been so emotional in my life!

I'm not sure who I am, I don't feel like I'm who I'm meant to be. For years i have been struggling with depression. I am only young, but so paranoid people will find out how messed up I am and push me over the edge. I'm worried that if I let someone discover who i really am, my life will be destroyed yet again, i guess its ok for me to destroy it, but not others. That just shows me how weak i actually am. I've been fighting suicide so hard, and finding it so difficult, it felt like i had a reason to commit suicide. But, then I met Shadow, and.... I don't want to anymore, he makes me feel good, he comforts me. I've been waiting my whole life for him. Why'd I have to open my big mouth?!

***

School Sucks, everyone knows it. I know this is normal with everyone, especially coming off a vacation of staying home, but can anyone show me the bright side of back to school to make me feel more optimistic? Short answer no. Long answer: noooooooo!

I have math first, so I really don't want to go today, but Shadow insisted that we go before we got too far behind. But then... I came in the room right before the bell and...

trigonometry test

F**k

and if I ever see another triangle again for as long as I live, I swear it'll be too soon!

I tried the first one... despite actually getting the right answer on the practice test, I couldn't get the right answer, no matter what I tried... the second one was even worse... then when I got to the third one, I had forgotten everything! Literally (and I don't use that word lightly), I had forget how to do trig! My mind was swept clean of everything! Eventually, after about ten minutes of staring at the problem, now written in some cryptic gibberish. This has never happened to me before! I was always good at math, why is this happening to me? This wasn't even new stuff, it's the beginning of the year damn it. They go over stuff from last year the first two weeks.

Anyway, I knew I failed the test. The class is an hour so we just spent the rest of the time doing math problems, and I didn't have any trouble at all, and I helped Shadow in class again. But he ended up helping me with the trig. When the teacher let us do work with our friends, we were finally able to talk without it having to be purely about math. I was going to tell him about the test but he spoke up first.

"I have an essay assignment for English, you'll end up getting that tomorrow" (cause it's day 1 and our classes shift on day 2.) "I was going to ask you to write them with me after school before I forget. It's more fun to write in company."

"Provided you have the right sort of company," he added.

"Am I the right sort of company?" I asked with a smile.

"You hardly need to ask that, Jake. Aren't we always together? If I didn't like your company, I wouldn't be hanging around you. I don't want to sound 'in your face about it', but I have plenty of offers of friends which I don't want to accept. There is Marco Stickney, the jock who doesn't know I'm gay yet, tha'd be asking for a kick to the gonads."

I laughed at that.

Okay, so there was one, I don't have that many furs running to be my friend either, but I do got a few if you want to meet em at lunch."

"Really? Tha'd be cool!" The bell rang signalling the end of class.

"Alright, I'll see you at lunch!"

"Bye Shadow."

"Bye."

***

I guess Science isn't so bad in junior high, that way nothing gets into too much depth and you can scrape by the class without needing to learn much.... no so much with high school. Like an idiot, I thought Biology would be easy. It was my best section in regular science. But with all the anatomy of furs, scales, avians, and the differing species layered through t, it's an understatement to say that I screwed myself over picking it instead of one of the other sciences. Eventually I had to just drown out what the teacher was reviewing for the class, the more I thought about this class the more I dreaded it, so I just waited for the bell to ring to signal us to go to lunch.

On the way out I bumped into one of the shorter kids. I think his name was Kitsep, I couldn't really remember, but I nearly flattened the poor guy on the way out of the room. He was 3 foot 9, small even for a fox. I helped him up, then he said with a quiet voice as I was leaving... "Sorry." he had an awkward smile and I instantly felt bad about the situation. I'll have to make it up to him somehow. But I had already started to disappear around the corner, anxious about meeting Shadow's friends.

I came into the lunchroom and scanned the crowd for Shadow, I seen him over at the table by the pop machine with a grey raccoon and an arctic fox, he waved me over and I smiled, waved back, and made my way over. I almost got there when another arctic fox ran in front of me and joined the group hugging the other arctic fox. Then I realized that there attention was on her and not me so I blushed underneath my fur, realizing that they were waving to her and I looked like an idiot. I walked up anyway so I could salvage what was left of my pride if anyone had seen that.

"Hey Shadow!' I said trying my best smile.

"Oh hey Jake!" he said getting up from the table. He put his arm around me and I blushed under my fur for the second time.

"Hey gang, this is Jake, the guy that saved my ass." Then he stared pointing to everyone at the table.

"That's Mantis," he said toward the raccoon that was leaning from his seat at the table to against the wall, his arms crossed behind his head and his eyes closed. He was your average 'coon, normal colouration and patterns etcetera, save for the dark green fur stripes on his wrists and what I could see of his ankles. His dark green eyes matched the patterns of his fur quite well actually. He looked about the same height as me. He just waved a hand and didn't bother looking up.

"Those are the twins, Snow and Sarah," looking to the arctic foxes. They were a great combanation of white and light blue on thier headfur and blue chest fur from the looks of it on the guy, (if I looked at the girl too long to find if it matched I was likely to be slapped) Thier ears were black at the tip gradiented to a light blue against their head. The only was to tell the differnece beside obvious anatomy, was that Snow had blue eyes and Sarah had a light purple. They both said hello at the same time and it kind of wierded me out how similar they sounded, but they still seemed more eager to meet me than Mantis was.

"Well, that's it, there is some that come and go from our group, but the rest of us are tight knit." Then he pulled me aside for a sec so the others couldn't hear. He whispered into my ear, "Mantis is as straight as an arrow, but Snow, not so much. So you could ask either o them out, k buddy?" I was shocked he would just tell me everyone's orientation, one, because I knew for sure that he liked me, and two, it didn't seem like the thing to say in a public place. I guess I'd need to know for later anyway.

"Now act like I said something funny and laugh." before I could ask, anything, he just bursts out laughing so I joined in trying my best for it to sound real.

"Hey!"says Mantis looks up from his seat, "If we're such a tight knit group, what did you just tell spots?"

Shadow smirks and says,

"oh, just that it's your time of the month again is all." I hardly needed to fake the laughter after that. Over the groups laughter I heard Mantis growling in the background.

"Anyway, meeting the guys isn't the only reason I called you over here, there's supposed to be a snowstorm on Friday so we're going snowboarding this weekend, you want to come Jake?"

Now, Iv'e never snowboarded before in my life, but all we have been doing lately is videogames, movies and pizza. Which was pretty much all I did cause I was on my own. I did own a copy of SSX though, (I know the tricks are impossible but it still looks freaking awsome) couldn't be that hard. I could use the change of face.

"Sure," I said, "Can't wait!"