FSE

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NEW READERS: For those of you just coming on board with this series, this is NOT the part to start on. I would ask that you please, please go back at least to Part 17 and read up to this one, if not the whole series (I know it's getting rather long). I don't normally ask this, but this part won't work at all if you're not up to speed.

Okay, guys. Here's the next part. I know it's been forever, and honestly I'm still not completely happy with it. I had a lot of stuff going on that made me just drop this mid-stride, and I apologize. But here it is. It may behoove you to reread a couple previous parts as well.

My protagonist is bisexual, and the story contains homosexual content. Fair warning.

I love getting feedback and critique. Let me know what you thought of it, whether that's good or bad - I'm definitely open to criticism. If you just want to have your say and not get any response except a thank you, just precede your comment with the letters "NR" - otherwise I'll reply normally when I get back.

In any case, thank you all so much for reading.

• Xi-entaj

All's Fair - Part 20

The day was a Friday, about three weeks after graduation. The time was hideously early. And the cell phone alarm I'd set the night before was beeping softly. I woke up quickly and blindly turned it off. Then, yawning, I propped myself up on one elbow and rubbed my eyes, shivering as the thin covers slipped from my shoulders. Jake's paw slid down from my ribs, settling again just above my pelvis.

Once I had my eyes open, I couldn't help but stop and just stare at his sleeping form in the dim predawn light, my muzzle hanging open as I followed the planed edges of his face, his neck, his back, then to his still-covered hips and tail and legs and paws. God, he was beautiful. Every day I thought I was getting used to it, but then I'd see something new about him, from the gradual way his fur faded from chocolate to russet to gold, to the way he breathed, the way he spoke, the way he smiled. Every time we talked, he'd come out with some way of looking at the world that rocked my world all over again.

I shook myself, suddenly realizing my body was reacting very, very embarrassingly to that line of thought through the too-thin underwear. Jeez, mornings were hard. Especially when you've been spending the last month - if not actually the last six - trying to avoid doing exactly what your body is crying for you to do. And when both of you know it. Blushing, I tried to shift positions so that it wasn't as obvious, but I think I made it worse.

So instead I gave up, threw caution to the winds, and leaned down so I could nuzzle his neck and cheek and take a deep breath through the fur on his ruff.

"Hey," I murmured. "Wake up, Jake."

The wolf didn't respond except to mumble indistinctly and shift his arm a bit, so I took the opportunity to run my free paw over his chest, kneading the relaxed muscles under my pads, and then to gently nip my way along the line under his jaw - blushing, naturally, but at least he wasn't awake to see. After a moment he inhaled sharply, the paw on my back pulling me closer to him as he woke up.

I reluctantly pulled away so I could see his face, his eyes, and he smiled for me. "Hullo," he said sleepily.

"Happy birthday," I whispered around the sudden lump in my throat.

Jake started to chuckle, but interrupted himself with a yawn. "Thanks," he said when he'd finished.

We were quiet for a moment or two while he yawned again and rolled back to stretch his arms upward. Then I took a breath, nervously biting my lip. "I, uh... I didn't really know what to get you," I mumbled.

The wolf reached up to touch my face. "Mutt, you know you don't -"

I shook my head to stop him, my nose getting tickled by the mussed fur on his shoulder. "No, it's not that - I was just - you know, instead, if -" jeez, I was stuttering even worse than usual! "- d'you wanna go out to dinner with me?" I finished in a rush, my face burning.

Jake stilled, then slowly levered me up so he could look at my face. "Is that a date?" he asked, holding my gaze while the corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

I squirmed. "I guess - I mean, if you wanted to. Dan and Halo said it was all right, but it's okay if you don't -"

This time it was Jake's turn to stop me, but he chose to do it by licking my lips. It worked just as well, though, if not better, since I promptly lost the power of speech. "That would be wonderful, mutt," he whispered.

"...Oh," I said in a small voice. My tail, however, was much less hesitant - it started wagging happily before I'd even finished talking. And my grin was only a second or two behind.

Jake grinned back, but then transferred it to a groan as he looked at the alarm clock. "Oh, for - it's five-thirty, Nick! On my birthday!" He fixed me with a glare. "You're in on it, aren't you? Dan and Halo talked you into getting me up for their annual 'surprise party', didn't they?"

"Who, me?" I asked, the very picture of innocence if you ignored my thumping tail. Jake rolled his eyes, and I grinned. "Well, maybe. But it's not 'til six-thirty or so, so we've time." Jake kept his glare, so I shamelessly reached around to scratch the spot between his shoulder blades that he always had trouble getting at.

The wolf groaned, shifting to grant me me better access, while I willingly obliged. It made me feel a little shy, though - I dunno why - my heart rate picking up as I inched and wiggled my way even closer.

Abruptly he rolled to his back again, his paws catching my sides and pulling me directly on top of him. I reared back a little in surprise, and both our breaths caught as the movement pressed our lower bellies and thighs together, hard.

Among other things.

"Fiend," Jake whispered, lips parted. A small warning light flashed in my mind that we were headed down a slippery slope, but it was overruled by the large paw took my head and pulled me into a passionate kiss, and the other that rubbed possessively from my back clear down to behind my knee while his warm, slightly wet tongue surged against mine.

I think I could have spent the rest of my life caught in that moment, but we were both moving too fast for it to last more than a few fleeting seconds, and I didn't even care that we were way too close to stop this time. So we moved apart, no more than an inch or two, our heated exhalations washing over each other while that paw ran back up my leg, over my rump, and slowly through the fur on my side.

I was just leaning in once more, even more passionately - when the alarm clock I'd set as a backup to my phone went off.

After I'd bounced off the ceiling, I flopped down next to the wolf with a frustrated groan. "Lord, why now?!" I asked the heavens between pants. I started to roll back to him, but Jake - damnably - stopped me partway.

"No," he panted, swallowing. "Not - not yet." Ignoring my even more frustrated growls, he held me still until I'd calmed down enough to pay proper attention.

And to feel the first touches of remorse. Maybe I'd been pushing too hard - maybe he didn't want to - "Jake, I - I'm sorry if -"

The wolf quickly reached up to grip my muzzle, silencing me. "Don't be," he ordered gently. "I just want to do this right, and not rush it - and we don't have time right now, damn it." He gave a crooked grin, and I relaxed somewhat.

Jake released his grip, and instead caressed up the side of my face, then my ear. "I actually had a surprise for you, too, mutt," he murmured. I looked at him inquisitively, and he continued. "I'm, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go camping with me for the weekend?" He actually sounded hesitant.

For my part, I reared back again so I could see his expression. "Just with you?" I asked, to make sure I'd heard him right.

The wolf nodded. "If you want to, Nick."

No, of course not. Right. And if you believed that I still have some swampland in the Sahara for you. "Sure!" I gave him a silly grin, tongue lolling out of the side of my muzzle, and he grinned back.

Some time later, once we'd gotten up and made our way to the shower - together, which was nice since our schedules hadn't meshed well for it since we'd both started work - I heard him chuckle again.

"What?" I asked, busily scrubbing my legs by feel while listening to the droplets of water splashing off his fur as he rinsed down.

"Well, it's just that Mum and Dad must have been laughing at us," Jake answered ruefully. "Here we both thought we had this big secret planned, but we both asked them to make sure it wouldn't conflict with everything else."

I gave a laugh of my own. Hell, it was all I could to keep from laughing continuously. It was like someone had taken an entire planet's worth of happy and dumped it on just us. "Well, at least they said yes."

"True," he agreed, and I heard him moving around a little just before his paw lightly brushed my arm. "I'm done, now - your turn to rinse off."

His touch guided me under the spray, and I took a moment to just luxuriate as the warm water cascaded all over me. I heard Jake inhale rather sharply, and cocked an ear at him.

"You're beautiful, mutt," he whispered. I blushed and mumbled something unintelligible while I started to work the soapsuds out of my fur.

Then I felt him cup my face, and felt the water rebounding between us as he stepped closer. "In fact, the only thing that could make it perfect is if you'd open your eyes and look at me back," he murmured. Then, when I hesitated, biting my lip, his voice dropped again. "Please?"

It took a minute. But really, there was only one possible outcome. I opened my eyes, fastening my gaze on Jake's.

And stared.

He had little rivulets of water streaming over his fur, matting it down and making it look both darker and glossier. It gathered in the valleys and dips of his face, making larger streams that shone like silver lines, casting tiny reflections to either side of them. And every drop of water that struck his head cast a tiny cloud of spray that caught the light from over the shower door, forming his own personal halo.

And he was smiling at me, his eyes warm and caring and shining and unbelievable.

I couldn't help it. I took another tiny step towards him - all there was room for - and ran my paw up his chest, feeling the fur part between my fingers. Some of the water running down his body transferred to my forearm, running over my wet fur to drip off my elbow.

I whined, and slowly allowed myself to look over the rest of him.

"You - beautiful doesn't begin to cover it," I croaked. "You're impossible."

I don't know if he knew what I meant. He was too incredible to be real. I was afraid that if I blinked, he might disappear, like a dream you wish would never end. I shivered and hugged him, hard.

The wolf seemed a bit startled, but half a second later he hugged me back, just as hard. I relaxed, listening to his strong, steady heartbeat while exploring his back by feel. He was even warmer than the water.

Which, now that I thought about it, was getting distinctly cooler. I grinned against Jake's fur, my good cheer returning. "I think we're about to run out of hot water," I informed him, and felt the rumble of his amusement.

"Probably just as well," the wolf replied, slowly levering himself away. "That hug was going to get really awkward in about ten more seconds." Not thinking, I looked down, then gave an exceptionally embarrassed eep! and turned a lovely shade of puce.

We'd woken up an hour ahead of time, and still wound up being five minutes late to the 'surprise party'. Prudently, I hung back at the foot of the stairs. This gave me a great seat to watch as Jake was assaulted by a rather energetic young deer. "Happy birthday!" Michael exclaimed while his brother staggered with the impact.

I took a moment to look over the room. It wasn't really that different; no garish decorations or anything. But everything had been cleaned, and there was a double band of blue and gold streamers around the edges of the ceiling. The overall effect was pretty nice. Plus, a significant pile of brightly-colored gifts had replaced the usual mess of papers, games, and remotes on the coffee table in the den.

Yet despite that, breakfast was almost normal, albeit significantly fancier than usual. Jake tried to act grumpy about the whole affair, but I could tell he enjoyed it, and filed the fact away for future reference. Always nice to know he secretly liked a little pampering.

"So why do you have it so early?" I asked about four sausage links later. Much to my amusement, Jake choked slightly, and Dan and Halo chuckled. Even Aislyn smiled around a bite of eggs.

While I smiled in confusion, Halo enlightened me. "Well, it might have something to do with a certain pup always waking us up around this time on his birthdays." Dan smothered a laugh while Jake looked down with a sheepish grin. "This was years ago, but by the time he finally started waking up later, it was just tradition."

"Oh, so it's your own fault you had to get up!" I teased.

Jake put on a mock-stern face. "Just wait 'til yours, mutt. We'll see who's complaining then."

Not having any witty repartee come to mine, I opted instead to stick my tongue out at him, which earned me a grin from Jake and a giggle from Michael.

We spent the next minute fairly quietly, focused on the rather fantastic breakfast. "So what are your plans for the day?" Halo asked Jake at length, with just a trace of wickedness playing at the edges of her smile.

The wolf looked down his nose at her. "It just so happens that I am going out to dinner with my boyfriend, and then we're going camping." Despite his best efforts, I saw his lips quiver with amusement. "As you know perfectly well."

"Well, you could have said no," the deer replied judiciously. Dan snorted into his orange juice, and for once it was Jake whose cheeks turned pink instead of mine. His tail was wagging, though. "Or Nick could have," Halo went on, ignoring the byplay.

"Hm?" I said intelligently, shaking myself. I'd only halfway been listening - most of me was stuck back where Jake had called me his boyfriend. Even I was long past pretending we weren't, and hearing him actually say it sent a thrill up my spine. It also left a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, though.

And I'd just spent sixty seconds staring into space when I should have been talking. "Uh, I said yes, too," I said in a rush.

Aislyn rolled her eyes, smiling. "Moonstruck," she said.

Jake grinned wickedly. "Not yet," he laughed.

Which then created an exceptionally awkward silence as everyone digested just what that statement had let slip. I felt a flush creep back up my cheeks as it deepened, simultaneously wanting to sink into the floor and, perversely, suddenly aching for the day to be over so we could get going.

Which then made said flush get about five times worse. Oi.

Eventually Halo just rolled her eyes and shook her head, a God-you-stuck-your-foot-in-it expression on her short-furred face, and tactfully steered the conversation off that shoal with only a minimum of teasing. Had she asked me to kiss her hoofed feet at that moment, I would have done so without a second thought.

Anyway, after breakfast - about six helpings of it - we migrated into the den, where said gifts were still waiting. Immediately I felt a surge of guilt over not getting him anything - sure, I'd gotten a card, and I was taking him to dinner, but still...

A camera slapped into my paw. I looked at it stupidly, then up at Dan's friendly grin. "Normally it'd be Aislyn's turn, but we may as well work you in." I glanced over at Aislyn just in time to catch her faint smirk. I swear that wolf can read minds.

So I spent the next quarter hour snapping photos, opting for quantity to hopefully ameliorate my lack of skill. I may have missed a few, though, when he laughed over a book Dan had gotten him, or when he smiled and thanked me for the card. Still, I bet the ones where he was hugging Michael were going to come out great.

Once the last present had been opened, and the last of the wrapping paper had been scattered across the floor, Jake stood and stretched. "Anyway, I guess you need to go to work, mutt?"

Looking at the clock on the DVD player, I yelped. "Crud, I'm late!" I sprinted upstairs to grab my stuff, grateful I'd packed everything for work and tonight's dinner yesterday, then sprinted right back down and practically killed myself at the foot of the stairs.

"Um, could I possibly get a ride?" I mumbled through my paws, clutching at my muzzle to keep it in one piece. That would easily make up for the late start if they would.

"Oh, about that," Halo said, lazily getting up and opening the blinds overlooking the drive. I was pointed the wrong way to see what was there, but Jake's eyes went wide as saucers and his muzzle fell open.

"No way," he choked, before turning and pulling Dan into a massive hug. "Thank you!" he said exuberantly before bounding over to Halo and repeating the process. "Thanks, Mum!"

Following him outside, I watched the wolf run his paws reverently over the new, smoky grey pickup, then jump inside and set his paws on the wheel to feel it out. "You guys are awesome!" he half shouted. "I love it!"

"Then I guess you'll need these," Halo said, dangling a set of keys from the doorway. Jake responded by giving her a set of puppy dog eyes I didn't know he possessed, which had the primary effect of making the deer laugh and hand them over and the secondary effect of turning me into a little puddle on the concrete.

Thankfully, he got me scooped up and into the passengers seat before I would have been late anyway, then slowly drove to the street, hit the blinker, and started out.

Jake pulled in by the electronics and set the truck in park. "Don't worry about getting packed for the trip - I'll grab your stuff so we can go right after dinner if we want. So I'll pick you up here at - what, around five?"

"More like two," I replied. "I asked Ashley to fill in for me this afternoon."

The wolf grinned. "Done," he said. Then, when I started to get out, he hit the button to lock the doors. "You don't get to go just yet," he teased. Catching hold of my shoulders, he pulled me into a kiss while I wriggled in embarrassed delight.

"T-tonight," I managed once we pulled apart.

"Tonight," he agreed, the fathoms behind his voice saying far more than just that while he caressed my face and ear. I hesitantly reached up to return the gesture, and he leaned into my touch. Then he unlocked the doors and I reluctantly went to work.

I really ought to have been fired that day. I was supposed to be taking inventory in the back room - Mr. Sanders (that's my boss) had gotten a bunch of deliveries earlier in the week, so things were a mess - but I spent most of the time staring at nothing. A good thing looks can't kill, or they'd have been scraping me off the floor with a chisel after the third time he caught me at it.

It was just... I dunno. Six months ago there was no way in hell I would've spent the day imagining dinner and a camping trip with him. Come to that, six months ago the odds of me having a job to daydream at would have been nill. But somewhere along the line he went from being an infuriating stranger who refused to let me be to -

I broke off, chuckling to myself as I stretched to put a box onto the top shelf. He was still infuriating - I just had a harder time getting mad at him for it. And as for the rest, well, I couldn't honestly say I wanted him to anymore. That still scared me, sometimes, but it was getting harder to be scared, too.

Suddenly I felt someone breathing down my neck. Gulping, I turned around and tried to prepare myself for porcupine justice.

What I got instead was a fat wad of bills and a payment stub. "Shoo," Mr. Sanders said in a disgusted tone. "Git yerself cleaned up, then go buy 'im some flowers at the shop down the way. Owner's a friend o' mine. Tell 'er I sent you." Then he shoved his paws into his pockets and stumped off, leaving me midway between mortified, dumbfounded, and obscenely happy.

"Uh, thanks!" I managed just before he left the room.

The porcupine pushed his paws even deeper. "Jes' make sure yer on time Monday," he groused.

So I went to the restroom, locked the door, opened my backpack, and fished through it to get my brush, comb, and a washcloth. Then I gave myself a - very - thorough cleaning with the cloth and vigorously combed out my fur to get as much of the dust out of it as I could. I took a moment to be thankful I'd taken off my nice shirt before getting all dusty - at least it would be presentable - and another to wish I'd brought a complete change of clothes.

Still, I pulled out the shirt - satiny blue, because I knew he liked it - and a suit jacket, both procured via a red-faced, mumbled question to Aislyn about where to shop and the ensuing involuntary trip to a men's formal wear place a week earlier. The worst part was that she knew her way around it better than I did. Regardless, the jacket was a bit mussed from being folded up, but it straightened out okay. I just really really really hoped I wasn't overdoing it, or underdoing it, or committing some faux pas, or anything else. I sternly told the butterflies in my stomach to bug someone else - not that they listened.

Anyway, it was like half an hour before I left the bathroom, dressed up like I was going to church and feeling more than a bit foolish. Which meant I had to hurry to get to the flower place and be back before Jake got here.

The sky was clouding up as I trotted down the sidewalk, then crossed the street between intermittent cars to get to the little shop. Inside, I paused as a cornucopia of scents hit me. The place was ventilated, so it wasn't overpowering, just nice. Not that I knew what the scents were, mind; come to that, I couldn't tell the difference between a rose and a tulip - and anyway, I didn't even know if he liked flowers, let alone what kinds, and -

"Can I help you, dear?"

I looked up at a dog even shorter than I was, glad I'd been interrupted before I could worry myself out of it. "Yeah, um, I'm looking for... flowers?"

Rather than comment on the absolute obviousness of that statement, the little shepherd just smiled. "Of course. May I inquire as to the occasion?"

"I'm taking someone out to - to dinner," I replied shyly.

Her smile broadened in real warmth. "Oh? Who's the lucky girl?"

"It's a boy," I corrected, and relaxed when she only raised her eyebrows a bit. "His name's Jake." I felt really awkward saying it, but not because Jake was a guy; I just still wasn't used to even thinking I had a real boyfriend, let alone talking about it. But if she'd had a tantrum I wouldn't have gotten my flowers.

"Is that right?" was all she said. "What sorts of flowers would you like to get for him?"

Huh. Ummm... "Er, well, his favorite color's blue," I offered at last.

Which was how I wound up walking out of there fifteen minutes later with a dozen blue cornflowers and white calla lilies - at least, that's what she said they were - while thanking my lucky stars for that little shepherd's existence.

Jake had beaten me back after all - I spotted his new truck a couple moments later. Shortly afterwards he stepped out of the shop and waved, holding a small, silver-wrapped box in his other paw. Clutching his flowers, I waved back and picked up into a trot as a huge grin split my muzzle. For one moment I felt a pure, genuine, unalloyed joy at being alive.

I swear my tail was near to falling off from wagging, and I rolled my eyes as he started across the road to meet me. Doofus - we were just going to go right back -

Neither of us really noticed the van run the light at the far end of the street. I was looking right at it, but I didn't see -

It crashed into him full force, without even slowing down. It pushed him a dozen yards before he rolled over the top and slammed into the pavement behind, smearing blood and fur all over the road as it finally hit the brakes.

NO!

I skidded to a halt next to him, streaming blue flowers. "Jake!" I sobbed. "Oh, God, no, no - you're okay. You're okay, Jake, stay with me -" I frantically caressed his face, trying to ignore the crushed, bloody mass of his chest and leg. He had blood evrywh - "Please, Jake, don't - don't do this, y-you're f-f-fine, okay - somebody help!" I screamed, not even knowing if anyone was there, unable to look, he had to be okay.

He was so still. He shouldn't - he couldn't be like that. He had to - why wouldn't he - "Why w-won't you get up?" I whimpered, my voice cracking. "Jake, you have to be okay. W-w-why, Jake?!" Why do you have to do this? "Somebody help," I whispered. I didn't like this. He had to -

I tried to pull myself together. "G-get up, Jake. Get up!" I slammed my fist down next to his head, sensing other furs clustering around and shouting, but not caring. "God damn it, you c-can't, it - it'll be - no, p-please, we've gotta - stop your bleeding. Jake, stop. Say something!" I screamed hoarsely, my tears falling onto his fur as I pulled him up to my chest. Someone put my paw on my shoulder, was shaking me, but I furiously shook it off. "No, d-don't, you're fine, please, you have to..."

Crying, I gently licked his muzzle, wishing he didn't taste like blood. "Please, Jake," I whispered brokenly, "You promised we could go camping together." Too far gone even to sob, I knelt over my wolf's broken body and shook as the tears fell. More than anything, I wished I could listen to his heartbeat one more time in his silent form. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hear it.

Something changed. As his still form grew colder, I slowly released him and nuzzled at his bloody face. A semblance of calm took me - a hazy shield that made everything seem like just another nightmare. He had to be okay. This wasn't - please, Jake, no...

I stood and stepped back. This couldn't be - "No," I whispered. Why did I still have to taste his blood?

Someone tried to take my shoulders, grasping at me, snapping me back to reality. "No!" I screamed, breaking out of the hold. There were dark shapes everywhere, grasping, shouting, but I couldn't -

Turning around blindly, sirens in my ears, I ran.

*

I'm sorry