FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

We arrived at the barracks an hour later. We went through the complex as Komamura introduced me to the members of his squad and he told them why I was here. The names didn't really sink in, but I still did my best to be polite and remember them. I followed Komamura for a while and then we got to his quarters. He led me inside and closed the door behind us.

"Captain Komamura, good to see you back," a man with black hair and sunglasses said from behind a desk, doing some paperwork.

"Hello Tetsuzaemon, it's good to be back. This is Hiroshi Osamu. He will be staying with us for a few days. He is one of the few people taking the new program, and if he passes he will become a shinigami. He is also the same boy from the incident three years ago." Komamura explained the last bit when he saw his lieutenant staring at my eyes. "Hiroshi this is my lieutenant, Tetsuzaemon Iba. He helps me out with the paperwork when I am not around or just busy doing something. If you have any questions feel free to ask him."

I offered my hand out to him, "Pleased to meet you Lieutenant Iba."

He took my hand, "Likewise Hiroshi."

At that moment, barking filled the quarters as a copper flash jumped up and pinned me to the ground. "Goro!" I screamed as he started licking my face. I was able to push him off of me and pet him between the ears. "How've you been?"

"Woof!" he barked happily, with his tail wagging.

"I see he still remembers you," Komamura observed, with what might have been a small smile on his face.

"I should think it would be pretty hard to forget someone who almost died with you," I said, smiling at Goro as I remembered the day we were attacked by the hollow. "If it weren't for him, I would probably still be in the world of the living right now wandering around the park. I guess I owe him big time," I finished, with scratching his belly which he was delighted by.

I looked around the room to see what was there. There was not much. I mean, I saw a desk, a table, and a door that led to a kitchen where Komamura and Iba were talking, but other than that nothing much to personalize it. I should probably start the training I came here to do. I walked to the table and snatched a cushion, I took the cushion to a corner of the room and sat down on it. Once I was situated, I reached for my Zanpakutõ. Unsheathing it before placing it on my lap, I closed my eyes and started to meditate. I had read three different books about meditation and sword communication. They all said that letting the body relax and the mind focus on your Zanpakutõ was a way to hear your sword; direct contact worked best. I strained and sometimes I thought I could hear something. In the end it was always nothing though, just my mind playing tricks on me. I tried to focus harder feeling the blade, visualizing it in my mind and feeling the reiatsu coming from the blade, but to no avail. I let out an exasperated sigh and opened my eyes. I started a bit when I found both Komamura and Iba staring at me from the kitchen door.

"Is something the matter?" I asked, feeling a little self conscious.

"What were you trying to do?" Iba asked with an alarmed look on his face.

"I was trying to talk to my Zanpakutõ," I started, "without success."

"Well whatever you were trying to do, it caused your spiritual pressure to spike; it frightened Goro quite a bit," Komamura said, with something in his eyes I couldn't really read.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was just thinking that if I could learn my Zanpakutõ's name, I would have a better chance at passing the program in two days," I said sheepishly. "Unfortunately all I know is from books that other people have written."

At that moment, someone arrived and knocked on the door. "Captain Komamura, I have finished the errand and I have the books," a voice said.

"Come on in Gin," Komamura said.

The door opened, and a man who appeared in his early thirties came in holding my books. "Here are the books, sir," The man said formally. He was turning around when he saw me in the corner. He saw my eyes and shuddered a little bit. Ouch.

I decided to ignore it and smiled as I offered my hand. "Hello, my name is Hiroshi. It's nice to meet you," I said politely.

His face blanched as he saw my teeth and offered a shaky hand. "P-pl-pleased to m-meet you, my name is G-Gin," he said, stuttering. He turned to Captain Komamura and excused himself before leaving in a flat out sprint.

Iba laughed and clutched his sides. "Sorry about that. It takes him a while to get used to unusual appearances. He is actually a nice man once he stops stuttering," he finished with a chuckling breath.

"It's no problem. I got a lot worse than that at the academy. I'm happy he tried to be nice, even if it looked like he was about to wet his pants," I said.

Iba laughed at the last bit. When everything finally calmed down, Captain Komamura picked up one of the books and looked at it a little before setting it to the side; he did the same with the other two books.

He let out an exasperated sigh. "These books won't help you," Komamura said.

"Oh, wonderful," I said, exasperated. I tried to flop down on the floor, but forgot about the wall behind me and hit it with a loud thud. "I forgot that was there," I grumbled rubbing the back of my head.

"If you are really dead set on learning, I could help you," Komamura said helpfully.

I yawned out of nowhere as it dawned on me how stressful the day had been on me, and I realized I would only succeed in passing out if I tried to do anything.

Komamura must have sensed this as well because he said, "Perhaps tomorrow is when we should start. You will still be able to learn your sword's name and it is no good if you fall asleep during training." The last statement was uttered with what could have been amusement.

Lieutenant Iba went to the kitchen to prepare some tea, and I asked if I could go and help cook something, explaining I liked to cook before my death. I got the go ahead and soon after found myself looking over what food Captain Komamura had in his pantry. I finally decided on roasted beef strips with steamed greens and rice. Thirty minutes later, everything was ready. I got all the food to the table where Captain Komamura and Lieutenant Iba were waiting patiently. They both looked surprised at the food I had prepared. They probably thought I was going to bring out candy or something. Lieutenant Iba took a tentative bite of the Beef strips and was visibly surprised.

"Damn! These are the best beef strips I've ever had!" he said, while excitedly grabbing more.

Komamura followed Iba's lead and let out a grunt of surprise. "This is good," he said before reaching for more himself.

"I'm glad you like it. You see, I enjoyed cooking as a distraction and way to day dream, but then I actually grew interested in it. My parents got me a couple of cookbooks and I was hooked," I admitted, a little embarrassed.

At that moment, Goro walked into the room and barked expectantly at me. "Don't worry Goro, I didn't forget about you," I said taking a spoonful of beef strips and putting them into his bowl by the table. He barked appreciatively and dug into his helpings.

When everyone was finished, Goro included, I picked up the dishes and started to wash them in the kitchen. In the next room, I heard Lieutenant Iba excuse himself for the night. He walked by the kitchen and said thanks for the meal. Before he could leave, though, I gave him a to-go box with leftovers in it. "Have a good night," I said. He nodded and left for his own quarters.

When I finished with the dishes, I came back to the dining area and found Komamura waiting for me with a pile of blankets. "I got you some blankets to make you a pallet. You can set up where ever you like," he said, not unkindly, and handed me the pile.

"Thank you for the blankets. . . . and thank you for letting me bum here until the test," I said to Komamura.

"Don't worry about it," Komamura said off handedly.

"No, I mean it. Thank you; if it weren't for you, I would be hiding in my quarters, afraid to come out and face people," I said earnestly.

Komamura seemed a bit uncomfortable. "I told you it was nothing," he said.

"Yes, it was. You could have ignored me and went on your way, you could have let Captain Kurotsuchi take me away to 'modify me', and you could have ignored my presence in the human world and left me there," I say. Suddenly, letting him know what he did for me seemed like the most important thing to do. "If it weren't for you I would. . . . Hell, I don't know where I would be right now," I finished. I looked into his eyes and waited for his response.

His eyes flashed with anger and his face contorted into a snarl. "Look at you! I turned you into a monstrosity! If I had left, you would have been saved by another soul reaper! If it weren't for me, you would look like you should instead of like you do. I heard what you said at the hearing, about how that boy pushed you because of the way you are! I hate myself more and more when I see you, and I know what would have happened if I did not change you into this. You would have been a person everyone got along with. You probably would have been adopted by one of the noble families. You would have been spared three years of torment if I had minded my own business! When I look at you, I see a wonderful young man who would have made many people happy! I can't bear the thought that I took all that away from you. I do what I can so I can make sure you get something back, even if it is small things! I have robbed you of so many possibilities; and the worst part is that you don't mind," he said with more emotion than I thought possible for him. He quickly composed himself and brought his facial expressions back into control.

I stared at him in shock. He turned around to stalk off to his quarters when I finally got the courage to talk. "It's true you took things from me I will never be able to get back no matter how hard I try. There are options and things that are now closed off to me."

He stopped, "I'm sorr-"

"I'm not finished," I interrupted. "It's true that you did those things to me, but you did things for me as well. You saved me from a hollow, you gave me another chance to live, and you saved me when no one else could. I tried to hate you for a while because of what you did to me. I would curse you and wish I had not been saved, but I couldn't make myself hate you. Do you know why that was?" He shook his head no, still turned around. "At first it was because you reminded me of home, of my last moments of happiness. Then I looked at myself and got a good look and saw what it was you did for me: You gave me a way to defend myself if I ever lost my sword, you gave me the ability to see in the night, and you let me be able to hear what people really say and think about me. You are a gentle soul who would not do anything to harm another creature. You have the strength and ability to beat everyone down, yet you help them to the best of your ability even when they openly despise you. You don't manage your team through fear or intimidation, you try your best to know everyone and be their friend and partner. I admired that about you, and you were the only reason I became a shinigami-" I finished, cutting myself off before I could say what was about to come next.

Komamura heard the cut-off. "What else were you going to say?" he asked, turning around to look at me.

I didn't say anything.

"Tell me what you were about to say!" Komamura snapped. I could have been imagining it, but I swear I saw something in his eyes; it was like he needed to hear me say it. I was thrown off by the unfiltered emotions that ran across his face.

"Because," I took a big breath and told him what had been on my mind for the past three years, "In that small period of time, I fell in love with you."

I waited for the bomb to go off or for him to tell me to get out, but instead he closed his eyes and turned around. When he was no longer in the room, my legs refused to hold me up and I fell down. I started making my pallet and fell into a fitful sleep.

I was falling down. No, I was diving, but to what? I got my answer as I fell through a fog bank and found out what, or more specifically who, I was falling to. It was Shinta. I tried to scream for him to move, but nothing except air escaped my throat. I was falling faster and faster toward the boy on the ground. I tried to move, but when I tried, I realized my muscles were stone, refusing to move in any way. I saw Shinta up close now and could see the terror in his eyes as I plummeted toward him. I tried to scream again, but to no avail. When I was twenty feet away from impaling Shinta, I closed my eyes. When I closed them, I felt the motion of falling leave me. I opened my eyes and found myself on the ground with Shinta speeding down from the heavens toward me. His eyes were filled with a cruel joy and more hatred than any human should be able to feel. I stared as he drove the blade into my chest, and I was still staring in shock as he bent over my ear and whispered, "One less piece of peasant trash." When he finished that is when the pain set in, and I screamed as molten lead spread through my veins.

I woke up to Captain Komamura shaking me awake. I came to my senses quickly and I realized I was still screaming. I stopped myself and looked at Komamura whose eyes were filled with worry. I lost all of my self control at that moment and buried my face into Komamura's chest and cried. At first, Komamura was awkward and stiff, as if unsure of what to do, and then he wrapped his arms around me in a gentle embrace.

He whispered gently in my ear, "Don't hold anything back, you are safe here. I will be right here with you."

I did exactly what he said, and we must have sat there like that for hours before my wracking sobs were reduced to minute hiccups. When that too stopped, I felt Komamura's grip on me tighten as he picked me up carefully and started walking us toward his room. I gave him a questioning glance.

He responded gently, "You have been through a lot. I refuse to leave you alone."

I felt more tears coming, but all I did was bury my face and his chest and say, "T-thank y-you."

He held me a bit tighter, as if reassuring me he would not let me go. We arrived at his bedroom and he laid me on his bed gently. He walked around to the other side and lay down next to me. We sat there facing each other; he with his eyes closed, when I finally asked him what had bothered me since falling asleep.

"Captain Komamura?" I asked tentatively. He grunted his response while keeping his eyes closed. "Do you hate me?"

When he heard this he opened his eyes and looked at me. he lifted his hand and used it to cup my cheek and then he slowly, gently kissed my forehead. "I don't think I could hate you even if I tried to," he said, his voice drifting toward me carried on a soft breeze. "Now, you need to close your eyes and go to sleep, okay?"

I was still lying there shocked when the question sunk in. "Okay," I said. Then, deciding to go out on a limb I snuggled up closer to Komamura. There was no awkward stiffness this time. Instead, he draped his arm over me and let it lay there. "I do love you Captain Komamura," I say, slowly slipping into unconsciousness.

"I know," he sighed, "but I still don't understand why."

I chuckled lightly. "That's for me to know and hopefully one day you will find out," I say before letting sleep embrace me just as Komamura had done before.