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Something Kilgore Trout might have written in God Bless You Mr. Rosewater.

ELEVEN BILLION

Eleven Billion was a very big number, perhaps the biggest on earth, certainly the most important.

Eleven Billion, a very large number indeed, but what did it mean?

Well eleven billion Anthropomorphic (let's just call them furs as Anthropomorphic is a long word to type) currently lived in a not to special planet near a not so special star in a not so special galaxy at the time of our story.

Eleven billion is a lot of furs, and the not so special planet near a not so special star in a not so special galaxy thought so too. Let's call the not so special planet near the not so special star in the not so special galaxy pojig (because I randomly banged a series of keys on the keyboard and that's what came out).

Pojig was a tired little planet. It had never done anything wrong, anything worth noting, but it was still plagued with too many furs on it. The furs were slowly killing it, but they probably didn't mean to. It would be like if a fur died of a very slow spreading painful rash, that's what pojig though anyway, if planets could think.

At the time of this story the governments on the planet of pojig were trying desperately to save pojig because they had finally found out they were killing poor little pojig who didn't do anything. They knew that they had to make the number Eleven Billion go down. How to do so was their only question.

They could make a war, but they knew that that would destroy the land as well as the number Eleven Billion.

Then they thought maybe they could send the number to outer space, but it turns out that poor little pojig that didn't ever do anything to anyone had phoned up all of its planet, and asteroid, and meteor friends and told them to slam their doors on the furs because they were just not very nice guests. So they couldn't send the number to outer space because there wasn't anywhere to go that would take them.

Finally some fur suggested that they use words to make the number Eleven Billion go away, after all many furs before them used words to solve all of their problems, so why shouldn't they do the same.

So they looked high and low for a word that would be right for trying to destroy the number Eleven Billion. One day one fur found a word that solved all the problems they had been having with other words. They had tried, Duty, Responsibility, and Commitment, but all of those just scared people, it made it seem like the government was trying to hurt them. Which it wasn't, the government didn't want to hurt anyone, it just wanted to kill a lot of furs so that everyone would be happier and so that pojig wouldn't be such a poor sick old planet anymore.

So this one fur this one day found this one word and can you guess what the word was?

Hold on to your hats for this one!

PATRIOTISM

The word patriotism made it sound like the government was fighting the number Eleven Billion alongside its own people, which it was because everyone needed to be patriotic.

So, I'll tell you what they did to make sure everyone knew about patriotism. They painted signs, and buildings, and even traffic signals so that everyone would know that the word was there. Then, and this is the genius part, when people asked the government what that word was the government gave them these little pamphlets that told them everything. The pamphlets looked like this.

DEAR CITIZEN,

** We are so glad you want to know what patriotism means. We as a country are trying to fight the evil number ELEVN BILLION, and we need your help. Everyone that wants to help is a PATRIOT and PATRIOTS are good furs, and we need all the good furs we can get. We have a genius strategy to fight the number ELEVEN BILLION. We need you to go down to special EUTHANASIA parlors being built in every town across the country. There are kind government nurses will help you chose one of fourteen painless ways to die, helping us vanquish the evil number ELEVEN BILLION. Attached to this letter is a coupon good for one free last meal at any restaurant around the country. All the restaurants are helping us destroy the evil number ELEVEN BILLION. You can help to by doing your part. **

Sincerely

THE GOVERNMENT

And that's how everyone's pamphlet was, so that they all knew what to do and where to go to help there government. So now all we need for this story is a character. Yep definitely need one of those.

Here we have an average fur; he looks like a fox on two legs, just an average fur. Hell lets even give him an average name.

Now Muhammad is the most common name, and Smith is a common name too.

So little Muhammad Smith was walking down the street eager to help the government, he had a family member who was drafted into the government once, and helped them so he thought he could do the same.

He had one question though.

But we can wait till we start the story to get to that.

So Muhammad Smith was walking down the street, to help the government, mostly because it was one of the few things he could do.

Because, wait for it!

He didn't have a job, none of the furs he knew had a job, and as far as he knew no one had a job. A job was just a myth, like hot lesbians, or that sock you lose in your dryer. He had heard about jobs though. He heard that jobs were these things you went to, to help people and yourself, and make the world a generally better place by fitting in. If you didn't fit in at your job, he heard, they would just give you a new one until they found one you could do, were good at, and helped people and yourself. All the work on pojig was done by machines though so no fur Muhammad Smith knew had a job.

So Muhammad Smith was walking down the street, he had his pamphlet with his coupon for a free last meal and everything. He was going to be useful; maybe even this was his job, to help the government fight the evil number Eleven Billion. In his mind he thought of parades and monuments, and holidays for all the furs like him that helped get rid of the evil number Eleven Billion.

So Muhammad Smith went into a restaurant to get his last meal, but that's not important so will skip that because we need to get to the story here.

So Muhammad walked into his local Euthanasia parlor and walked up to the front desk. Behind the desk was this awfully pretty fox; just as average as him, except that she was a female. The female fur looked up and asked Muhammad a question. No it's not the question from earlier we haven't gotten to the story yet.

"Hi how can I help you?" She asked in such a lovely and happy voice.

"Hi I'm Muhammad Smith, and I got the pamphlet the government sent me, so I'm going to do my part and fight the evil number Eleven Billion."

"Well that's just great honey; here just follow me to a room and well start."

So Muhammad Smith followed this pretty, happy, and nice vixen fur to a little room with a bunch of those posters that are supposed to make you feel good, like the kind that are in public schools. Muhammad Smith was really glad she was so nice, and he thought that maybe if furs had jobs that that could be hers, maybe her job was to help people be happy. There was a nice couch in the room Muhammad Smith was led into and the nice vixen motioned for him to sit down.

She handed him a little laminated chart that showed the fourteen ways that he could help fight the evil number Eleven Billion.

"Well I'm really new at all this, which one do you recommend?" he asked her softly.

"We'll a lot of people like option number nine, so maybe you could try that."

Muhammad Smith looked down at option nine; it was called an exit bag.

So here is what an exit bag is. It's simply a large plastic bag that you put over a fur's head and muzzle, and has a draw chord at the bottom. You put your head in the bag, fill it with helium or nitrogen and pull the draw chord tight and you slowly drift off to sleep, except you don't wake up so it's a really gentle and peaceful sleep that you can enjoy properly.

"I think I will try that option, it does sound rather pleasant, and I could use a nap."

"Great, I'll just go get the bag and be back in a moment."

So the vixen left but she came back, that's not important though, because we're finally getting close to the story and the question that makes up the story.

"So do you have any questions?" She said politely as she unrolled the bag.

"Yeah, um, is heaven, and God and that real, because I've heard it's real but it's like when furs talk about jobs you only hear about it you never see it you know?"

"Yes heaven's real, and you're going there right after this."

"What's heaven like? Is it a beautiful place? I bet it's beautiful."

"Yes heavens very beautiful, and everyone one is happy and everyone has a job."

Muhammad though a moment getting closer to the question.

Not yet though.

"I think the government's is real nice, letting all these people go to heaven while helping them fight the evil number." He said to her, just kind of thinking out loud.

"I think so too."

She put the bag on his head and put the hose that was hooked up to so nitrogen in the bag.

"So do you have any more questions honey?"

"Um yeah just one."

"What is it?"

"Is God in heaven?"

That was the question everyone, but that wasn't the story, nope not the story at all.

"Of course he is why do you ask?"

Get a load of this everybody here's the story!

"Well I always wanted to ask him what the whole point of us furs was."