That My Heart Embraces
#12 of Hockey Hunk Season 3
Will Haakon end up being a red herring?
Hehhey y'all, and welcome to the Hockey Hunk! Once more unto the breach we go with yet another exciting installment of my ongoing furry soap opera. The plot has been getting interesting as of recent, hasn't it? *chuckle* Oh yes...you can probably tell that I am having a great deal of fun writing the story.
You can help me to keep it fun by commenting, of course, because the comments are the best measure of the quality of my work. All feedback is also personally appreciated.
I joyously dedicate this chapter to two of my diligent readers, Gritou and Perrin Wolfbrother , who have once again showed me that words are not only important and beautiful, they are also powerful, and that is why this chapter deserves the dedication. Cheers to you, dudes!
Have a fun read, everyone!
G
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Rory Gliese says: Yeah?
_ _
Haakon Kjerulf says: Hope you don't mind me asking, but have you and Victor been going out since college or something? Just asking.
_ _
...
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...
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...
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Just asking.
JUST ASKING!
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...
My tail no longer wanted to play slap the couch. My maw had fallen partially open, my lips round and still, with a bit of my teeth visible, surely, should anyone else been present to catch a mugshot of yours truly sprawled on the couch. I had a pillow under the knee of my lame leg, the beginnings of an erection in my boxers, another two pillows under my neck and my back, a softly whirling computer on my lap, a pulse of 120, and a stomach that felt like it was about to expel a mishmash of half-digested chicken and veg onto dad's manly black mancave rug.
He didn't just...
Oh but he did!
The evidence of the lynx's question still glowed on the corner of the Facebook window on my computer screen, right next to the tiny picture of the fucking good-looking cat who had just asked me whether I was going out with Victor.
Just like that!
I blinked my suddenly very dry-feeling eyes extra hard, chuffed, and stared at the screen some more.
And then some.
It wasn't changing.
It wouldn't.
The words were still there, complete with the all too innocent-sounding "Just asking" attached to the question to end all questions.
Did I go out with Victor?
Since college.
College.
Heh.
We met in college.
Been friends ever since.
Oh my fucking God.
The haphazard lies I had uttered to Haakon on that fateful evening at the Hoffman Winter Sports Pavilion came through rapidly...how I had done everything in my power, up to the lengths of seriously pissing off Victor...done everything I could to assure Haakon the lynx that Victor and I weren't secretly or openly buttfucking each other, or in any other way gay at all, and that I especially wasn't gay, but that Victor and I had a very normal and very straight heterosexual homosocial friendship that just happened to be between two guys. Who were G-A-Y!
But Haakon didn't need to know that...because he might have told Mason, and he might have told everyone at work, and that would've been complicated, and what about Victor, was he open to all the guys at work, or the hockey team, for starters? What if Haakon had started making soap-dropping jokes in the locker room? Not that I would've minded dropping the soap for Victor, but how about his burly straight friends? But...but...
Yeah, fuck it.
I knew that my logic could go on and on in circles that would all work to prove the righteousness behind my selfish thinking. I had already paid the price for those lies with the argument with Victor, and now I had possibly paid the ultimate price and lost him, by my...other issues, and now the lynx was stating it as a FACT that I had to be Victor's boyfriend, and asking it in a way that was almost too casual.
Yeah. He might as well been "just asking" which I liked better, ice hockey or football. Or whatever else straight guys liked to ask each others about to size each other up.
Well, I had been not as much sized but seized by the balls, and with a twist.
I umphed into the night, letting it taper into a snarl.
Could it be just a joke, though? A sudden, tired, practical joke Haakon would've come up with in the middle of the night, just out of sudden inspiration, to see how I would react to it? Maybe it was a fun game he played, trying to unset furs by making outrageous claims like that about them. Maybe it was hilarious fun in Norway, or some sort of a student prank, or a student in-joke I didn't get. Maybe I was just overreacting to a joke, heheheheheheeheheheh, maybe he was just trying to rattle the cat.
Or maybe he thought that Victor was gay, and that's why I could be gay too.
Maybe he knew that Victor was gay.
I realized that I hadn't asked Victor whether Haakon knew that he was gay.
I snarled to myself. How could I have let that slip past me? I should ask him right away, I should...
Shit, I was almost going for my phone before I remembered that we weren't exactly talking. I also remembered that it was half past 12 in the morning to begin with. He was most probably - and hopefully, considering NURSE COBB - already well asleep, comfortable in his own bed. He would probably not be in the mood to answer questions about his out of the closet status when it came to his random hot hockey jock opponents.
And considering his earlier response to my actions, he'd probably tell me to fuck off for being a wimp and a bastard, and a failure, and not very good boyfriend material after all, and ugly, and...
Haakon Kjerulf says: Uhhh you still there Rory?
Shit...
I rubbed my face with my paw and grunted. This was not going well...I had already been too quiet for so long that he was already asking me whether I was alright. Crap! Being silent for this long probably already counted as a yes in his mind. He'd probably next be asking whether we were gonna get married or something.
Oh, God...
I forced my paws into action and typed, quickly.
Rory Gliese says: Sure!
_ _
My paws fell limp on the edge of the laptop. I kept staring at the screen, restlessly. I had no idea what he was going to set, and even worse, no idea what I could say next. The lynx had the ball in his court.
I felt so powerless.
I didn't much like it.
Haakon Kjerulf says: Thought you dropped off for a while or something lol.
Fucking lol!
And Haakon was supposed to be an English major, not sound like a 14-year-old girl. I knew that too well.
"Lol, give me a Justin Bieber fan book, please, but not the one with Selena Gomez, lol, she's a slut!"
_ _
I seriously wondered whether they'd show up again in 60 years, asking for that new Adalmina Woolsworth book, lol.
My very personal lol was typing again, though.
Haakon Kjerulf says: So hope you don't mind I asked just because I figured out you were and I just thought it'd be cool to know if you guys had been together for that long.
_ _
I blinked. That odd casual tone was there again, starting with the somewhat apologetic beginning again, which was strange enough, because I'd usually imagined frat boys to start questions like this with something like...
LOL DUDE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?!!
...and not something as polite as "Hope you don't mind I asked."
_ _
Maybe they were really good Christians in Norway or something, raising them this well, with manners you could hear oozing with every cod liver oil-lubricated word coming out of that photogenic muzzle.
But that's what he was doing now. Haakon Kje-however-you-pronounced that was asking me if I was a confirmed homosexual, and he sounded like was not going to be happy until I gave him a yes/no answer to this dilemma that was obviously suddenly all too interesting to the lynx. Why? Was he on a dare? Was he relaying everything we were chatting to a spying Mason? Had the wolf put him to do this? Could the frat wolf be that devious? After the Haakon punch stunt, I no longer knew too well what to think about the usual mild-mannered and mildly zombiefied wolf who seemed to be really happy to just listen to his MP3s or read his book under the counter at the downstairs section or geek about The Caledon Rocks or...
My belly clenched at the thought of the noble knight Colin Mistwillow, beaten down to the ground by the black knight Rory Gliese, of the Castle Oral Sex, or whatever the joke was meant to be. It was Graham who liked Monty Python, not me that much! Hmm...
Not that it really mattered.
Haakon still wanted an answer to his question.
What could I say then? That no, we hadn't been dating since college, but we'd been together for a while, dating, mostly screwing? That he had gotten the wrong idea to begin with, that we weren't gay at all? Or it was just Victor who was gay, and I was just an innocent heterosexual lion who happened to be a gay Dobie's buddy? I was gay but Victor wasn't? I wasn't gay but Victor was? Or were we both straight and he just must've had the wrong idea for some reason, and that it wasn't the first time we'd been mistaken for...heheheh.
Heh.
No heh.
But how I could I go on doing something as outrageous as outing Victor while trying to keep my own tail well in the closet? That was The Gay Rule number 1. Thou shall not out other gay guys against their will. I ought to know that rule by hard, as much as I should've known number 2. - Getting a blowjob counts as losing your virginity - since it was right next to the first one on the fine lavender-scented slightly off-white fine-grained paper on the special gay rulebook with pretty pink artificial leather covers.
_ _
Yeah.
I couldn't do it.
But there was something I could do, besides logging out and pretending that a solar storm wiped out the memory of every computer in the continent, and that this conversation never happened.
Rory Gliese says: since last April
_ _
There.
I hoped by my precious balls that this was what Victor would want me to hear, and that I hadn't just caused the biggest clusterfuck in my recent life as of yet. _ _
Haakon Kjerulf says: Ahh
_ _
Ahh?
I chuffed. What was that supposed to mean?
Haakon Kjerulf says: Cool
_ _
I frowned. My paws still felt like they were shaking. My clawtips were practically clattering against the keyboard. I was glad that at least my teeth weren't doing the same. I did feel a bit chilly, out of the sheer nerves that were wracking me at every breath I took.
I felt shitty, too. I had no idea how I should react to that, what to say, for starters. Obviously the truth was out in the open now, spoken in such simple terms, and the lynx's answer had definitely been less than wordy. Did I already freak him out? Did this mean that my theory of him jokingly asking if we were gay was true, and I had just accidentally outed us both?
I snuffled and huffed and puffed and bristled my mane and stared at the screen. By all means, it was my turn to say something now. The lynx was waiting there, possibly laughing his ass off, possibly freaked out, possibly thinking "KNEW IT!" and maybe already telling Mason about the cool fact he had just extracted from good old Rory Gliese.
Hmmm.
Rory Gliese says: Yeah
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I almost added "heh," but didn't feel too heh at the moment.
Haakon Kjerulf says: Victor seems a really cool guy : )
_ _
I shook my head a little at the smiley. I wondered what its purpose was in the sentence I was looking at. Was he trying to make it sound more flippant than he meant it to be, deep in his mind that wasn't so sure what to think about his hockey buddy and his presumably-still-best-buddy's workmate being gay for each other. _ _
Rory Gliese says: He is
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That, if anything, was spoken with utmost sincerity. I really thought that Victor was a good guy, and I would never have any reason whatsoever to deny me thinking that I thought Victor to be a good man. _ _
Haakon Kjerulf says: So...you guys live together or...?
_ _
My eyes widened and I snuffled, genuinely amused by the comment.
_Rory Gliese says: _ Isn't that a bit early after seeing each other for only two months?
Haakon Kjerulf says: Hahah, well I guess that means no
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Rory Gliese says: Yeah, it does
Haakon Kjerulf says: Cool
_ _
He really had a tendency to say that a lot while typing, it seemed. I wondered whether it was because of unease or simply a strange habit that he fell back to while communicating via written word and not the purred subtly British-accented syllables off his sweet pink tongue.
_Rory Gliese says: _ Hah
_ _
Okay, so I slipped, okay? Just saying something to keep the conversation going, and maybe subtly signaling that I really didn't have too much to say about it, while really I REALLY REALLY wanted to find out how Haakon had figured it out with seeming ease. I knew I really couldn't ask him that directly, because that'd been bound to confuse Haakon and maybe even cause other unwanted consequences, such as complications with Mason, and all that.
Haakon Kjerulf says: Guess it must suck especially that you and Victor got hurt in the crash now yeah? Must worry you a lot.
_ _
Now wasn't that a sensitive thing to say? I almost felt warm in my chest for it, too, though I was still quite puzzled by the fact that it was coming from Haakon of all the furs I could think of, and he didn't exactly come off as the kind of a guy who'd spend too much time worrying about things, let alone the worries of relatively random lions such as myself.
Rory Gliese says: Yeah it does
Haakon Kjerulf says: I know if my friend was in trouble like that I'd be really worried too
Rory Gliese says: _I'd understand that ** ** _
Haakon Kjerulf says: It's shit, I'm so sorry
_ _
Now he really sounded really worried. I was sure that if I'd heard him speak that to me, face to face, I'd wanted to put my arms around him and pull him against my chest for a big, hearty cat cuddle.
_ _
Rory Gliese says: It's alright. A couple of weeks and we'll be back on our paws!
Haakon Kjerulf says: That's great! Maybe we can then go to that game : )
_ _
I wondered whether he was trying a bit too hard. But maybe it was a good sign...carrying on talking normally, despite the...the...yeah...the G question hovering over the conversation.
Or maybe he just didn't care.
Maybe.
_Rory Gliese says: _ Maybe, sure
Haakon Kjerulf says: The more the merrier yeah?
I snuffled.
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_Rory Gliese says: _ Sure.
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I was glad he didn't hear me, or see me. I was definitely not sure. I had no idea what I would do with this invitation...and whether Victor would even want to go out with me, to begin with, let alone with someone who knew us.
Haakon Kjerulf says: Hope you can offer the poor student a hot dog ;)
_ _
I puffed out my cheeks and chuffed. The lynx was being all too silly for his own good...as if he was trying to divert the conversation away from the hot topic, after the great revelation was confirmed.
_Rory Gliese says: _ Haakon?
Haakon Kjerulf says: _ Yeah?_
_ _
I paused for a moment. What I was planning to say was going to be a bit tricky, so I had to...give it a little bit of thought before I slowly put my fingers back into action and began to type.
Rory Gliese says: _ We're...kinda keeping it private at the moment so I'd be really glad if this stayed between just the two of us._
_ _
It wasn't a lie, nor an omission of the truth. I wanted to keep it private. It was my right to, and I didn't think Victor struck as the type who'd want to go shouting out about a relationship as tentative...as it had been, I thought, as ours...so I was pretty sure that he, too, would appreciate that we would not become the latest gossip amongst the furs close to us.
My heart still beat hard in my chest as I waited for the answer.
Haakon Kjerulf says: Oh sure!
_ _
I sighed a little, and decided to push a little further, just to be safe.
_Rory Gliese says: _ To be honest I was a bit surprised you even noticed.
_ _
I really had to know!
It took a while before he replied.
Haakon Kjerulf says: Well...can you keep a secret too?
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My ears flicked curiously. This sounded interesting enough.
_Rory Gliese says: _ Of course. You have my word.
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I felt all solemn and swearing.
Haakon Kjerulf says: Well, I don't think Victor and Mason have to know that I kinda...heh...saw you checking me out : )
_ _
Heat exploded over my cheeks at the sight of those words flashing up onto my screen. My ears jumped, and even my tail remembered to flop with surprise, as I looked at the words that had appeared.
Shit.
Rory Junior felt guilty. How could he have resisted the sight of someone like Haakon, especially since the eyeglasses-wearing, ear-pierced lynx liked to wear such well-fitting pants that kinda made you want to lick those buns the same way that fabric was doing.
Rory Gliese says: Uhm...
Haakon Kjerulf says: Hahah, don't worry Rory! I didn't say anything to Mason because he never mentioned anything and you know not sure if he wants to hear about guys checking me out...sooo...sooo...when you suddenly appeared at the game and you were with Victor I kinda well...guess I should say I'm sorry, kinda...presuming a bit that you maybe were seeing each other...
_ _
That cheeky son of a bitch!
It was a gamble after all. He had caught my butt-ogling ways, sure, but he wasn't sure about Victor, and he had STILL made that question, and made me spill the beans all over him! How devious was that of the curious cat to do, pump information out of me like that? Oh crap...I was going to get into trouble for this, I was sure of it.
I felt a bit resigned when I typed again.
_Rory Gliese says: _ Sounds like I tripped your gaydar big time then.
_ _
What a stupid thing to say, but I guess it couldn't make things anymore. It wouldn't hurt checking, you know? How obvious it was to an objective observer, whether I was flaming queer or not.
Haakon Kjerulf says: Hahahah, only really because when I was chatting with Mason on the queue to see Mistwillow you weren't looking at my eyes.
I felt such a butt bandit for that, but I guess he wasn't wrong.
_Rory Gliese says: _ Uhh...
Haakon Kjerulf says: It's cool, you bet how many times I was ogled last summer when I was in a gay wedding?
_ _
My eyes jumped again. This was getting more and more bizarre.
_Rory Gliese says: _ A wedding?
Haakon Kjerulf says: Sure! My mum knew this wolf and bear couple, Inga and Efva, two women, and they had this big church wedding with all the gays of Stavanger there and me lol it was pretty funny especially the sauna and the hot pool hahah : )
_ _
And here I thought that Haakon shirtless at the Ramrod had been like putting the boy on display at the Museum of Attractive Asses.
Damn Scandinavians.
*
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