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Heya, this is your local Power Toast speaking. This story is BASED on my life, but after a few paragraphs it turns more into fantasy. The wolf in the story is based loosely on Wolfos, so if you see him say hi for me. This chapter contains no yiff and has what I belive to be significant character development, so if that bores you, don't bother reading through it. With out further adue, I present to you "Of Life and Sexuality" chapter one.

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"Hello, my name is Ian Peach, and I've just moved here. I don't have any friends yet, and I'm very lonely" I said to my image in the mirror. I was practicing what I would say if asked to introduce myself in front of the class. "That's pathetic," I said to myself. "No one will like you if you act like that, all you'll get is pity." I furrowed my brow and thought for a bit, finally deciding that practicing was a waste of time. I'd just end up stuttering out something stupid anyway. I decided to call it a night and head to bed.

I had just moved here from the other side of the country, and I had no friends what so ever. I was absolutely alone, and I had no guarantee of making new friends. High school was vicious, and I'd be lucky if I wasn't simply shunned. I sighed deeply as I curled up into a fetal position and cried myself to sleep.

***

With great difficulty, I woke myself up for the first day of school. I fixed myself a bagel, checked my bag, packed my lunch, and headed out the door to wait for the bus. I hadn't counted on there being so many kids there though, and I nearly lost my nerve and went back home. Before I could make that decision, the bus came and I was on my way. "What horrors would await me at school? " I asked myself; already sure I wouldn't be accepted. Before I knew it, I was stepping of the bus and heading to my first class of the day...

***

Somehow, I had managed to make it to lunch without breaking down into tears. I absolutely hated being alone, hated it so very much. I quietly sat, alone of course, and ate my sandwich. It took me five minutes to down my food, and it wasn't nearly time to head back to class. "Why does lunch have to be fifty minutes?" I mouthed silently. I furrowed my brow, and with a deep sigh, began to wander the campus.

"At least the campus is nice." I thought, admiring the openness of it. It was a nice day, and the open campus took full advantage of it. But this was Seattle, and it rained a lot here. What kind of fool builds an open campus in Seattle? I was so busy pondering that very thought when I walked straight into a tall, powerfully built wolf. "Oh, excuse me" I squeaked up at him. I started to scuttle away, but he stopped me.

"Hey, what's the rush?" He asked in a deep booming voice. "You look lost. Want me to show you around?" I didn't know what to make of this. Was he going to lead me into some back ally of the school and beat me up? That had been known to happen at my old school. I looked up at the sky, and decided I had nothing to lose.

"Sure, I could use a little tour" I said, not daring to look him in the eyes. He stood a full foot over my tiny height of 5'2", and where I had soft fat he had hard muscle. He seemed my opposite in every way, from his smile verses my frown, to his sunny disposition and my stormy outlook. His letter jacket with the football letter was the perfect foil to my collared shirt. He took me around the campus, excitedly pointing out every nook and cranny.

"And that's the cafeteria!" He concluded. I hadn't really been listening; I was more concerned with wondering why he would be so nice to me. I managed to mutter a small "thank you" and turned to move for class, but again he stopped me.

"Hey, what's your name?" he asked.

"Oh, me? I'm Ian. Ian Peach. Why do you ask?" I was naturally skeptical. I mean, why would someone who was obviously on the football team spend time with a bookish looking hamster?

"You just look lonely" he replied, reading me like a book.

"I am..." I sighed sadly, looking down at my feet. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well, you are were wandering around campus with that sad look on your face. And I've never seen you here before, so..." I looked up at him and met his gaze.

"What's your name?" I asked shyly. I still couldn't figure out why he was being so nice. It simply didn't make sense that a football player would talk to a geeky hamster.

"My name is Daniel, but everyone calls me Danny. If you'd like, you can eat lunch with my friends and me tomorrow. Sound good Ian?" Was this really happing? I had to resist the urge to pull on my whisker and see if I would wake up. I was going to make friends already? That fast? Just like that? I couldn't say no, even if it was an obvious trap.

"Sure!" I stammered, a bit too excitedly for my tastes. I felt pathetic, taking his pity like this, but I had no other choice, really. I couldn't stand to be alone another day. It would simply be too much for my fragile psyche. Just then, the warning bell rang.

"Well, better head to class then!" said Danny cheerfully. Why was he so happy?? It didn't matter now, I'd find out soon enough. I half expected he would rape me.

That thought hit me like a brick to the face. Half of me actually WANTED that to happen. Was I that desperate for attention? Was I really that pathetic? It was all I could do to keep from crying, right there in the open. I had sunk so far as to want to be with another man? Was I so lonely I would gladly give up my dreams of a wife and kids? I had to push those thoughts out of my mind, as class was starting right then. I shifted my focus to science, and away from that wolf... Or rather, I tried to.

***

It was lunchtime again, the very next day. My heart was racing, and I felt so nervous I thought I might faint. What was it about that wolf that had this effect on me? I wrote off my feelings as just being happy to make a friend. I went into the art room, where he had told me to meet him, and started to eat lunch. I saw some of the football team at one of the tables, and wondered if they were the friends Danny had mentioned. It would make sense; Danny was a football player himself, after all.

I was wondering what position Danny played when the wolf snuck up on me.

"What are you doing over here?" he said, a grin spreading over his muzzle. I told him that I had no idea where to sit, and he led me over to the table with the football players, confirming my guess that they were friends of Danny's.

"Hey guys, this is Ian" he said, patting me on the back. I tried not to look intimidated, but I'm sure I failed. I felt pretty overwhelmed, surrounded by such big people. They started to introduce themselves, telling me their name and position. There was the lion, Matt, who played fullback, the cheetah Jeff, who played wide receiver, George, a powerful looking bear who played center, and Mark, a tiger who played left tackle. I also found out that Danny was the quarterback, which explained his lean yet muscular physiche.

"That's great," I said, barely understanding any of this 'But I thought football teams had more players." The "boys" as Danny called them, looked at each other with knowing grins.

"Were not the whole team, Ian." Said Matt, with his rough deep voice.

"We just like to hang out," boomed George, with a hearty laugh.

"Well... were are the other players?" I asked, feeling myself blush with embarrassment under my fur.

"Just cause were on the same team doesn't mean we get along" Answered Danny. "The other guys are just stereotypical jocks. Real jerks."

"Yeah, not like us at all" added Mark. "Were a friendly lot." They all flashed toothy smiles at me, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"You look pretty intimidating though" I managed to squeak out. I grabbed a chair and squeezed in between Matt and Danny, and started to eat my lunch.

"Your pretty scary yourself Ian!" joked Jeff. I started to feel more and more at home in this group, and I was glad I had taken Danny up on his offer. Still, it felt weird to be sitting with football players.

***

It was at about 7:00 that night that I got an unexpected phone call. It was Danny; he was having trouble with his math and asked if I could come over to help.

"Is that why you wanted to be my friend?" I teased.

"No! No not at all! I wanted to be your friend because... Well... Because you looked lonely." Something about that wasn't right in my head. I knew he had an ulterior motive somewhere, I just couldn't figure it out. Still, I wasn't going to turn down my new friend. There was only one problem.

"I can't drive." I told him flatly.

"That's ok, I can. Give me your address and I'll come pick you up. Oh, and by the way, this is going to take awhile, so can you spend the night?" I knew my Mom wouldn't care so I said yes. I packed my stuff and headed out to the curb. He was waiting for me when I got there, and I hoped in car. It wasn't anything special, just an old beat up compact. It was baby blue in color, except in the places where the rust had eaten away at it. I got in quickly, and put my bag in the back seat.

"Thanks for agreeing to help me. If I can't keep my grades up, I get kicked off the football team, and I've always had trouble with math." That did it. I had to tell him how I felt. Right then, right there. It wasn't fair to be dishonest with him, or myself.

"I uh... I don't know anything about football," I said softly, looking down at my feet.

"Its pretty obvious hon." He said, holding back a laugh. Wait; did he just call me hon? I decided to ignore that. I looked over at him, and he was smiling like he always did. How could anyone be so happy? I wanted to know, so I asked him.

"Get laid" he replied, jokingly. "Actually, the secret is loving everybody. Then they love you back." This piqued my curiosity; I couldn't let it go on any longer.

"What do you mean by love everybody?" I asked cautiously.

"I'm a bisexual." He responded coolly. It felt like I had been hit in the face with a wet blanket.

"Really?" I wanted to know. "Is that why the other football players don't like you? What about your friends?" I realized I had said too much. I had been rude in asking those questions, but he only smiled at me.

"Yes, that's why the other players don't like me. As for my friends, they get shunned cause their OK with me. They refuse to hate me, and that alienates them from the rest of the team."

"Do you think any of them are cute?" I asked, amazed at my own bravery.

"No, they're to big for my likings. I like my boys small and cute." He smiled at me meaningfully and I blushed under my fur.

"I'm not like that," I said, resisting the urge to tell him that I was indeed "like that". Something about him made me want to give in to that secret urge I had been feeling since I met him. I was becoming more and more convinced I was bisexual.

"Ah, my gaydar must be off." I couldn't tell if he was kidding. He looked slightly disappointed.

"I'm sorry," I blurted before I could think. I felt myself turning red under my fur.

"Its ok. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up." Was that why he had invited me to be with his group of friends? I had to know, so I asked.

"Partly that, partly cause you looked so damned lonely. I know what its like to be alone. I'm the only bisexual in the entire school. Well, at least the only one who's open about it. Worse still, a lot of the girls simply assume I'm gay, and they pretend I don't exist." He gave a long sigh, and for the first time since I had met him, I saw him frown. How could loving everyone, as he had put it, make him happy if it was such a lonely path? I felt a deep need to comfort him, but I didn't know what to do. Instead, I looked away, back down at my feet. We finished the drive to his house in silence.

***

As it turned out, Danny really was having problems with his math. He was cheerful again, but I was still worried about what he had told me in the car. I tried my best to tutor him on math, but I found my mind wandering back to what he had said constantly. Eventually, I simply couldn't focus on the work anymore.

"I'm sorry..." I said. "I can't focus. I keep thinking about what you told me."

"About being bisexual?" He asked evenly.

"Yes, about that" I said. "How can it make you happy if it means people shun you?"

"Ah. That's a tricky question. See, for a long time I was struggling with my sexuality. I knew I liked girls, and I was pretty sure I liked boys. But I only liked some boys, certain types of boys."

"And that would be small effeminate boys?" I said, remembering the way he had looked at me earlier.

"Yes, exactly. After awhile, I decided to just tell everyone. I had no idea it would spark such a reaction. However, even though things changed for the worse, I feel a lot more peaceful about everything, sort of like having this inner balance." He sighed happily at this, and looked me straight in the eye. He was smiling, but his eyes looked so very lonely... It made me sad to see him smiling when he was obviously not happy. I looked down at the paper and tried not to cry.

"What's wrong?" he asked, placing a paw on my back.

"Its just, I can't stand to see you be happy for my sake. I can tell, you're as lonely as I am. And it tears me up that I can't help you the way you want me to." A part of me was screaming in protest. "Yes you can!" it yelled, eating at my resolve like water running through paper. I knew that sooner or later I had to admit my feelings to him, to tell him that I was bisexual.

Upon giving in to that thought, I suddenly felt confident and sure. It was true. I was a bisexual, and I was finally coming to grips with it. It felt great, and I suddenly knew what Danny meant.

"Its ok" he told me.

"No its not" I responded, suddenly sure of what I had to do. "I've been lying, both to you and to myself. I'm a bisexual, just like you. Your "gaydar" isn't broken after all."

"Really?" he stammered. "Your not just doing this to make me happy?"

"No" I said, looking at him with a happy smile. "I know what you mean when you say you have an inner peace now. I feel it too." He smiled back at me, and it looked like he was about to cry with joy.

"Ian?" he asked. "Will you go out with me?

"It would be my honor," I said to him, meaning it whole-heartedly. He pulled me into a tight hug, and I squeezed him back. It felt good to finally be on even terms with my sexuality, and it felt even better to be held.

"I've never been held like this before" I murmured softly.

"Me neither" was his reply. "I wish I could hold you forever"

"Just one problem," I said, "And that is that we still have math homework." With that, we set back to work, neither of us feeling quite so lonely any more.

***

"Go on and tell them," said Danny, his paw on my shoulder reassuringly. It was lunch, the very next day, and Danny was making me tell "the boys" about our decision to date.

"I can't," I said, blushing deeply through my fur.

"Please? For me?" Danny pouted. I couldn't stand that, it was... Well I suppose it was cute. It certainly did make my heart skip a beat. I couldn't resist him like that. I turned back to "the boys" and started to speak.

"Danny and I are going to date." They all looked at me blankly, their amused grins still on their face.

"Your kidding, right?" asked Jeff, his expression not changing at all.

"No, I'm dead serious." The boys all turned to each other, a mix of bemusement and concern displayed on their faces.

"Did Danny put you up to this Ian?"

"No!" I shouted angrily. "I'm a bisexual, just like Danny." Danny blushed shyly at this, and looked down at me, blushing.

"Not quite so loud sweetie..." It was too late; I realized my mistake a second after I had made it. Everyone else in the room turned to look at me. All conversation stopped. All eyes were on me.

"Shit" I said. This wasn't good. From what Danny had told me, the people in this school were prone to narrow minded hate towards those they perceived as different. I'd have to be on my guard.

"Your serious then?" asked George.

"Yes we are" said Danny, before I could say anything. People were still staring, but everyone at our table was smiling at us approvingly.

"Well Danny, looks like you finally got yourself a man!" boomed Jeff, shattering the silence of the room.

***

Of all the days to miss the bus, it had to be today. I didn't feel safe staying after school, especially alone. Mom said she would be by to pick me up soon, but I knew that by then I might already be the victim of a hate crime. Just as I was thinking that, an angry looking black panther, flanked by a rough looking leopard and a scrawny hyena started walking towards me. Worse still, I recognized them from lunch.

"You've got some nerve hanging around here after what you said, you little queer" spat the panther. For some reason, I wasn't scared. I felt more angry than scared, and I seriously didn't care what he or his friends could do to me.

"Does that bother you? If so, then to bad." I regretted my words the instant I said them, my temporary courage fading into cold fear. The panther looked furious, and he raised his paw up to strike me. I covered my face with my feeble arms, but it wasn't enough to keep his punch from connecting to my jaw. The last thing I remembered was hitting the ground...

***

I awoke surrounded by my friends and my Mother. I was dimly aware of a throbbing pain in my jaw. "You could have told me," said Mom flatly. "You could have told me you were gay." I looked at her disbelievingly. I tried to speak, but couldn't work my tongue around the sound. My face was swollen, and it was painful to move my jaw. I started to cry, realizing that my jaw was broken. My mother sighed dejectedly and left, leaving me alone.

"There there... Its ok..." Danny cooed as he hugged me gently. "You should have called me, I could have given you a ride..." I threw my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. Everyone looked on, concern showing in their faces as I poured my tears into Danny's shoulder. It was all I cared about right now, all I wanted was to be in his arms. I sobbed and sobbed for what seemed like an eternity, and I was dimly aware of Danny crying too. After what felt like hours, I fell limp in his arms, and he gently set me back onto my pillow as I drifted into sleep, exhausted.

I awoke hours later, the sun gently rising into the sky. Everyone was gone, save for Danny who had fallen asleep at my bedside. I looked at him sadly, and tried to move my jaw. The swelling had gone down some, but I doubted I'd be able to say much. I was hungry though... No one had fed me. Actually, I didn't know how I was going to eat. I could barely open my mouth, let alone chew. I looked at a juice box, sitting on a tray next to my bedside. I decided it was better than nothing and slowly drank from it, cringing from pain every now and then. My actions awoke Danny, who looked up at me with sleepy concern.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked, a worried look on his face. I felt my cheek gently, and nodded. The swelling had gone down some. I tried to speak.

"Ah feaw behhuh naw" I said clumsily. It was a start, though. Danny sighed, looking a little relived. He gently kissed me on the forehead and I blushed through my fur. This would have been hell if Danny weren't here to reassure me.

"They caught the guys who attacked you. They're going to be locked up, there were at least 5 witnesses and they all testified against them." I hugged him tight, not caring, only wanting to be closer to Danny. He hugged me back, gently rubbing my back and telling me that it was going to be OK. And best of all, I believed him. I felt save in his arms. I knew then and there that I would be ok. And that made it all better.

***

A week passed with me lying in the hospital bed. It was agonizingly boring, and all I had to do was my homework. The only thing that kept me from going insane was Danny's nightly visits. He always brought me roses, and he read me romantic poetry. It made me feel safe, a feeling I had never felt before, and day by day, I felt myself fall deeper in love with him. I was talking much better now, and the doctors said I'd be good to leave the hospital soon. I still had to be careful, and was stuck with liquid foods for a while, but it was good news nonetheless. The break had only been a minor fracture, so it was healing quickly.

On my last night in the hospital, Jeff came in looking sad.

"Hey Ian..." Jeff said, not meeting my gaze. "I've got some bad news." That wasn't good. Had Danny been attacked like I had? I asked him, but Jeff just shook his head.

"Its worse than that. He's been kicked off the team." That WAS worse. Physical wounds could heal, but football was one of Danny's driving passions in life.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well, since the kids that attacked you got put in juvie, parents have been complaining about having a bisexual on the football team. They've signed a petition, and they want Danny off the team. He's really torn up about it, and that's why he's not here in person." I was in tears at this point. I couldn't help but feel it was my fault.

"How could they be so mean??" I asked between sobs. This would absolutely ruin Danny; he wouldn't be his usual smiling self without his football games. I couldn't bear to think that I had taken that from him. "What have I done?" I asked.

"Its not your fault" said Jeff. "Danny told me to make sure you knew that. Everyone knew he was bisexual anyway, and it was bound to happen eventually."

"But if I hadn't made a scene, they would have kept on ignoring it! Its my fault for being such a loud mouth!" My fur was now matted with tears, and I was hiccupping uncontrollably. Jeff looked on me sadly; I could tell he didn't like being the bearer of bad news. In fact, he looked pretty close to crying himself.

"Something would have happened eventually anyway," said Jeff.

"Its still not fair!" I screamed, my sadness quickly turning to anger. "Its not fair at all! How could they DO this to him? Everyone knows he lives for football! Its his life!" Jeff was crying now too.

"Damn it Ian, don't you think I know that? I've known him since we were both five, I know him better than everyone! But its not your fault, you can't think that! Your special to him, and you can't let anything get in the way of that! He told me himself he knew this would get him in trouble, but he told me that you're worth it! Do you hear that Ian? He says you're worth giving up football for! And if you hurt him..." Jeff couldn't go on, and neither could I. I curled up and cried for at least an hour, Jeff simply standing there, holding himself in an attempt to control his shaking. Eventually a nurse came in and told Jeff that visiting hours was over, and that he'd have to leave. I cried myself to sleep that night, and I'm sure Jeff and Danny did the same.