Izzy's Diary by Izzy Koji

Izzy's Diary

~...and as the satisfied predator rubbed his stuffed, prey filled belly...a small, loosely bound little notebook with a tattered cardboard cover and the words "My Diary" written across the front caught his eye. Grinning, the happy predator picked the little book up and exited the small room, flipping open the front cover and beginning to read the first page as he strutted home with the book's author safely tucked away in his stomach.~

This is just an odd little idea for a story I was originally just going to write to better get into the head of my character, but I decided I might as well upload it too! ^^

I've wanted to give Izzy a diary for a while now but I had trouble imagining how he would write. Turns out that my worries were actually quite well founded for the most part - it /was/ very difficult to write as Izzy. I figured that he wouldn't really be a good writer but he's read a lot so there would be at least a little semblance of narrative and proper writing and he would be able to make some good analogies and everything, but would still be bound by his preyish illiteracy and inability to fully express himself in writing. He's just writing what's on his mind, as it pops in his mind, complete stream-of-consciousness. He probably doesn't even go back and reread anything - he just writes stuff down as it pop into his head. He repeats himself often and loses his train of thought and fails to go back and finish a point that got interrupted by something else.

Again, I wasn't going to upload this originally but I thought I might as well since I thought it turned out kind of interesting. ^^ It's sort of inspired by the journals and stuff I used to keep when I was really young - just one long, loosely strung together stream of consciousness outpouring of thoughts without much order.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it! ^_^

Dear Diary,

I had that dream again last night. It was a cat this time, though. I think it's because there have been so many of them hunting around here recently...I spend so much more time hiding now with all of these felines around... My stash of nuts is almost used up and my seeds ran out a day or two ago...I'm going to have to go out foraging probably some time before next week. I'm scared of going out there. I wish I didn't have to leave the building...it's so scary out there...it feels like I'm in the middle of the ocean...like I'm completely surrounded by a powerful force that is all around me but is just waiting in silence to reveal itself. It knows I'm there and it knows that I know...but it still doesn't make a move... I'm scared. I wish it were warmer out...my blanket has a lot of new holes in it...my muscles ache from shivering but it's all I can do. How do predators keep warm in the winter? Maybe they have better fur than us. Sometimes, they're wearing thicker clothing when they're hunting around here. I try not to look but I can't help it sometimes...it's so scary, but...I have so many questions. I almost wish I could go out and talk to one of them. Even though I know they'd just eat me, I want to know about those things so badly. Sometimes, it's hard to tell whether predators are really watching me or it's just my imagination. Maybe they are always there...are they in this room right now? I'm scared. I wish I had someone to talk to. I wish I had a friend. No one wants to be my friend, though...the others don't want to be around me. They say I'm too weak...I wish someone would talk to me, though... I don't know what I would say. I'm not good at talking to people...I just run and hide...but...I wish I had someone to talk to. Maybe other prey know the answers to some of my questions. Everyone used to tell me that it's not good to wonder about predators the way I do. They said it's unhealthy. It probably is...it's scary to think about but...I can't stop thinking about it... Do other preys think about predators like this? Probably not...I remember a mouse once telling me that I was weird for putting so much thought into the creatures that just think of us as food...but I can't help it... What's it like to be a person? I just wish I had a friend... What if I had a predator as a friend? That would be so wonderful! A predator for a friend...they could keep me safe from other predators...and they could answer all my questions about preds...they could show me what their predator den looks like and what it's like to live in a city! ...no, that's ridiculous... No predator would want to be friends with a squirrel...no predator would want to be friends with me...a predator would never be my friend...predators are only friends with other predators...no pred would be friends with a prey... I'm scared. I wish I had someone to keep me company... Sometimes in the middle of the night, the room makes really loud noises all of the sudden and I jump up because I think it's a predator in the room with me. It hasn't happened yet...but it scares me so much...I stay up the rest of the night when that happens 'cause I can't go back to sleep 'cause I'm afraid a pred will get me...I wish someone were here to cuddle with and gold me and make it so that I'm not alone when that happens... I'm lonely. I don't know...\Sorry, the pencil tip snapped and I had to sharpen it... I don't know which is scarier...being in a pred's territory or a pred being here...being in the middle of a predator neighborhood or if there were a predator in the room with me... Predators are scary...I wonder if predators are afraid of anything... Is there anything a predator is afraid of? I don't think I want to know what it is 'cause it's gotta be pretty scary for a pred to be afraid of it... I probably wouldn't be able to understand it... I wonder if predators' names are like ours. I've never heard a predator's name before... I have 3 names, maybe they have more...or fewer...and maybe they have names that are very different... I wonder if there are any predators named Izzy...they probably use different names than us... My mother once told me that my middle name is the name of a very famous predator musician...I wonder how she knew about him...I wonder what kind of music he played... Maybe he played the piano like me! I wish I could hear predator music...just once... I can only play the things I come up with and I'm just a prey...predator music must be so beautiful... I wonder if any preys have ever heard predator music...I wish I had someone to ask...

Sorry...I thought I heard a predator and I had to hide...I'm back now... It's night time...I started writing this when the sun was still out. I'm scared of the dark. When I look into a sea of darkness, I could swear I see the glimmer of a predator's teeth...it's scary... I eat when I'm nervous...and I've already gone through a bit of my leftover nuts...I'm scared that I'm going to have to go out foraging soon... I wish I didn't have to...if I could have one wish, it would be that I didn't have to go out foraging... I wish I could just stay in here where I feel safe...under my blanket...with an acorn... There are some good acorns this year...I couldn't get that many before I had to come back home but they're very tasty... Last year, they weren't that good but I was lucky to get the ones that I did... Acorns are my favorite...I feel different with acorns in my tummy...they taste really good but they also make me feel better too... Eating them makes me feel better when I'm scared...I don't know why... |||\|\>/> Oh, sorry...I was brushing a piece of shell off the page and I smudged the writing...

I like writing in this...it feels like I have someone to talk to... I got this idea from a book... James in "Odd One Out" keeps this thing called a diary where he writes in it about what happened to him that day... I don't really know how to write but I thought I would try to do it myself... I think it's a predator thing...I don't know if preys can write like predators can... I love predator writing so much...my parents used to tell me stories when I was little but they weren't anything like predator writing...they didn't give the stories names or anything...I don't think they were written out...they just told them to me, they didn't read them from anything... I think only predators can write like that... I could never come up with a story like the ones I read...my life isn't interesting like a predator's... Are there predators whose job it is to write stories like this or is it something that all predators can do? Like I said, I don't think a prey could do that kind of thing...I think it's just predators that write... I mean, I'm writing this but...this isn't a story or anything...this is just what I'm thinking of... I wish I could read a predator's diary! I'd love to know what a predator is thinking of! It'd probably be filled with all kinds of stuff about all the things predators do and...like, hunting and stuff... That would be kinda scary to read, but...I wish I could!

I have bad dreams when I sleep...my mother used to hold me and stroke my back when I had bad dreams...I wish someone would hold me when I have bad dreams now... They're so scary...it's always these big scary predators who want to eat me...and they do all kinds of stuff to me...and...they make me do things like...like stand in the middle of a huge crowd of 'em and...tell them how...tasty I am and stuff...and then...

...

I can't sleep. I had that dream again. I dream that I'm lying in bed and I look up and there's a scary predator looking down at me, grinning... And right as it grabs for me, I wake up... I hide under my covers when I have that dream...it feel like, even if that pred is actually still there, they can't get me... I know that's not really true, but...I can't fight off a pred or anything like that... Some preys can fend of a predator...I wonder how they do it... I think it's rare, though...predators are stronger and faster and everything... I think it's only a couple of preys that can do that... I could never outrun a predator...they're all faster than me... A squirrel like me couldn't fight of a pred...they're too strong...

I wish I could go to sleep...I'm really tired...it's too scary though...I don't wanna have that dream again... I know I'm going to have it again if I go to sleep...but sometimes when I can't keep my eyes open anymore, I accidentally let myself drift off and I have really scary dreams... Some of them are too scary to write down...I don't wanna think about them...

I think I'm gonna try to go to sleep again...I'll write back later...

I had another bad dream. I wasn't sleeping for long but I had a nightmare and it woke me up...not the same one I had before, a different one... I don't want to write what happens in it 'cause it's too scary... It wasn't a cat this time though, it was a fXX... Sorry - I crossed out what I wrote because that word scares me...when I see that word, I can see one of them and it frightens me... Sorry I made the page look all messy... Some preys say that there are hundreds of thousands of predator species out there, that we only have a few of them here and there are many others that live in a different type of climate and stuff like that... That scares me... I don't want there to be more species of predators...aren't there enough as it is? I wonder how many types of prey there are...maybe there are other prey species elsewhere just like there are more predator species... Maybe there are other types of squirrels out there... I'm brown but I once saw a squirrel that was red...and I saw a grey one when I was really little too... I wish I could have asked them why their fur was a different color...I just hid when they were around, though... I haven't seen another squirrel in a long time...that would be nice, to have another squirrel to talk to... I wonder what his favorite kind of nut would be...maybe he wouldn't even like nuts! Is that possible? Can a squirrel not like nuts? Maybe it's not...I don't think it is...

I love nuts...acorns are my favorites but I don't think there's a nut I wouldn't like... I think there are types of nuts out there that I've never even seen...they're probably really tasty... I wish I had nuts...now I'm hungry...

I have some walnuts left...walnuts are yummy... Oh, that reminds me! In the book I just found, there was a predator eating a walnut! Predators eat nuts too? I thought they only ate prey... I can't believe there was a predator eating a nut! Just like me! Do you think there are predators that only eat nuts and stuff like that and don't eat us? ...no...that's silly...predators eat prey...there's no such thing as a predator that only eats nuts and seeds and stuff.........predators eat prey....

I'm scared.

The sun is starting to come up...that's really a relief...I feel better in the daylight...I'm scared of the dark and everything... In the dark, it feels like predators could be all around you and you'd never know... I like the light better...although that means you can see the predators roaming the streets...makes me scared to go out foraging... I ate the last of my nuts last night...I have no more food left...I have to go out foraging some time soon... Not today...I don't want to go today and I'm not that hungry anyway... I mean, I'm hungry but...not enough to be worth it... There are too many of them out there today to go out...I think I'll just hide today...wait for them to go away... They never go away, though...they're always there...they're there all hours of the day...waiting for me...waiting to snatch me up and...

...

I'm back...sorry, I had to hide...

It's morning now. It's almost time for the predators to be out hunting for...y'know...breakfast... I'll have to start hiding soon... I don't know when I'll go out for some food but...I wish I didn't have to... Maybe if a pred comes to get me, I can offer them some walnuts...that predator ate walnuts in that book...maybe a predator that's after me would want some too... We would have that in common! We would both like nuts...maybe they wouldn't eat me if I did that...maybe I can have a predator friend...

...no, no...I have to stop thinking about that...that's just silly, no predator would want to be friends with me...I'm never going to have a predator friend...I should stop thinking about it...

...I want one so badly though...

Last night wasn't as bad as it usually is...I think it's 'cause I had you to talk to... Well, I wasn't really talking to you, I was writing in you but that's what it felt like...it felt like I had someone to talk to... It was nice... Thank you, diary! I think this was a good idea after all! Like I said, I can't write like a predator or anything...like, I can't write stories or anything like that...but it's nice to write what I'm thinking...feels like someone's listening...like someone's here with me... Even though I still had those nightmares, it felt nice that I could go and write it down and stuff...it felt like you were here waiting for me and, instead of just curling up and waiting for the sun to come back out, I could run over to you and write down what had happened...it felt like you were my friend and I could come and tell you about my dreams and stay with you for the night instead of just curling up alone in bed... It felt like I had someone with me and I could run over and tell you things if I got scared... Thank you, diary...

My diary will never be as interesting or as good as a predator's diary or anything, but...I think I'll keep writing in it... It calms me down a little... I don't have much to say but it makes me feel a little better to write it down and stuff... I mean, no squirrel is going to write a...a...I forget what it's called...wait, let me check the book cover... Autobiography! No squirrel is going to write an autobiography or anything like that, but...I like writing down what I'm thinking...

The new book I found (the one with the predator eating walnuts in it) is really good. I really liked the intro where it's all about the predator's house on the countryside. I thought predators only lived in cities...like the one I can see out my window... I don't know what it's called, but if I squint really hard I can make out some buildings and stuff... But, I didn't know that predators lived out in the country...I thought they only lived in those huge, advanced predator cities... I so wish I could see what they look like...I'd give anything to be able to see a pred city... What could be in all of those tall buildings? Do preds live there or do something else in them? I wonder how many preds live in that city...it's kinda scary to think about but I can't stop thinking about it... That scary book about why predators eat prey talked about ratio...like, how many preds there are compared to how many preys there are...and it said there were more preys than preds... I didn't know that...it always just seems like there's more preds because they're all over the place... I guess it's 'cause prey are always hiding and predators don't have anything to hide from...they're out and about all the time... Would a predator hide from something? I don't think so...that's a prey thing to do...I don't know if a predator could be that scared... Are predators afraid of anything? I've always wondered that...I can't figure it out... I'm afraid of so many things but it's just 'cause I'm a prey...why would a predator be afraid of the dark, for example? I'm afraid of the dark 'cause there might be predators in there...so why would a pred be afraid of the dark? There isn't anything more powerful than a pred, is there? I hope not...that's scary to think about...

Anyway...I forget what I was thinking about...let me go back and read...

Oh, right - the book! It's really good...it's about a leopard who lives in the country and all of the people he comes in contact with through his job as a prey hunter... It's still kind of scary to read stuff like that but...it's a very good book... I wish I could write like a predator and tell stories like that... The third chapter was kind of scary and I had a hard time reading it 'cause he catches a squirrel in it and...sells him in the city...and he talks about the prey...y'know...begging and everything and...how much he...how much he...

I think I'm going to hide before the preds start hunting today...I'll write again as soon as I can!

I'm back...it's afternoon now. I missed being able to write, but there were too many preds out there...it wasn't safe to come out... I can hear them from my hiding spot...I wish I didn't...it's scary to hear it but not see it...you can't tell where they are or if they're right next to you or miles away... The things they say give me nightmares...I can hear them...taunting their prey and it just makes me think...what would they say to m...

I'm scared.

I'm hungry...I wish I had some nuts...I ate the last of the little bits of shell left from the nuts I had yesterday while I was hiding... Sometimes, the shells give me a tummy-ache but it hurts worse when there's nothing in there... Is this what predators feel like when they don't have prey? Maybe that's why they hunt like they do...does it hurt them like this to not have prey inside? I hope not...I mean, I don't wanna be pred food but...I hope it doesn't hurt them like this to be hungry...

I don't want to go out there for food...I so badly wish I didn't have to go out there for food... The best nuts grow on those trees that are really close to the boarder of the pred/prey line... I only went out there once, when it had been such a cold fall that there were hardly any nuts on the trees at all...after so long without food, I just ran out there and grabbed some... They were so tasty...mmm, I can taste them when I think about it...they were the best nuts I've ever had... I think the predators planted them there to lure in squirrels... I can't go back out there again, it's too scary... I really wish I had some of those nuts right now, though...my belly hurts...

While I was hiding, I read some more of my new book...it's really good...it really helped calm me down while I hid... My hiding spot is dark so it's hard to read while I'm hiding but it's really nice 'cause it distracts me... It's kind of scary because when I read, I can picture everything in my head and it's scary to imagine all these predators and stuff...I think I had a dream with the main character of the book in it...it made it kinda scary to read more of it, but...it's a really good book... Chapter 5 is my favorite...it's about his relationship with his partner who lives in the city, near where he sells the prey he catches...it was so interesting to read how predators communicate with each other... The pred uses his mobile phone a lot...I wonder what one looks like... The author describes it a little in the book but he doesn't give that much detail as to what it really looks like...I guess it must be something all predators have... He talks about using a...um...what was it called? Wait, let me check the book...I'll be right back...

CompXXXX...no...computer...that's it... Predator technology must be amazing...I wish I could see what it looks like...I can't even imagine what it could do... I don't know what a computer does, but I've read a lot about television before...are they the same thing? I don't know... I can't imagine what life as a predator must be like... There are a lot of words in some of my books that I don't understand...I wish I could ask someone what they mean... I've never seen one before, but I think a 'dictionary' tells you what words mean...the pred in the book I just got talks about using one to look up what something means...I wish I had one of those...there are a lot of predator words I don't understand...

Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding some of the things in my books...I don't get what the writer means when they talk about certain things...I think it's 'cause I'm a prey...I don't get a lot of predator things...I don't really understand what a 'job' is... I know what it is kinda, but...I don't get a lot of things about it...I know that the character in the book catches preys like me for a job...but why does he do it? A lot of preds in the books say that they don't like their job or don't want to do it...why do they still do it? What's making a predator do something? Does that mean there is something more powerful than predators that's making them do things? That's scary...maybe that's what a predator would be afraid of...maybe they can be afraid of the dark and stuff like that... I don't wanna think about something more powerful than predators...if it's powerful enough to frighten a predator then I don't want to know about it...

What could be more powerful than a predator? ...I think I'm gonna go hide now...I'll write again soon...

...I'm scared...I wish someone were here to hold me...I'm scared...please don't be able to hear me...please make them go away...

I'm scared...a pred came into the building...I thought I could hear something unusual happening outside my door...I went to my hiding spot instantly and waited to see what was happening...it was a pred...I don't know what species or anything...I don't want to know what it was...it ate someone...there is this...there was this mouse that lived across from me...he said 'hello' to me once...and...it ate him...I could hear him s....y'know.....squeaking...and everything...and the predator was taunting him and...there was a.........there was........there was a....g....a gulp.....and then his...his voice got....muffled and.........and then the pred left........I'm scared........I wish someone were here to hold me....I don't wanna go out there to forage....I'm too scared to go out, but....I don't have any food....I'm scared.....why did they have to eat him....

...I...I don't wanna be food...please don't let them eat me...

why did they have to eat him?

I'm back...I'm still hiding...I've brought my diary into my hiding spot...it's kinda hard to write in here but I don't want to leave my spot...they might come back... It's getting to be nighttime again...I'm scared...I don't want it to be night already...I just know I'm going to have nightmares and stuff tonight, after...after what I heard when...

I'm scared.

I keep feeling like my tail is going to give me away...sometimes, I really don't like that squirrels have such large tails...it's hard to keep it under control...sometimes it swishes out where I don't want it to go and I'm afraid it's going to give me away one of these days... I keep having to wrap it around myself to keep it out of the way...

I'm really hungry...my tummy's growling a lot...I wish I had some nuts...but I don't wanna go out there...they're probably waiting for me...I keep hearing creaks and stuff just outside my door and I keep thinking it's them waiting for me...just waiting for me to leave my room to pounce and grab me...I don't wanna leave my spot...

I brought my book with me, too...so I can read while I hide... The cover is missing so I don't know what the title is... I'm almost finished reading it which makes me sad...it's my first new book in a while...maybe I'll find another one when I go out foraging for some food...

I'm scared...I just went back and reread what I wrote right after that poor mouse who lives...used to live next to me got eaten...I'm really scared now...that wasn't a good idea...I shouldn't have gone back and reread that...

It's getting a lot easier to write in this...I was really nervous and unsure of what to write in the beginning but I think I've got the hang of it now...I'm not good at talking to people...well, I guess I'm not talking to anyone but it kinda feels like I am...I've always had a hard time talking to others...it's hard to get the words out and I have to try a few times to get the whole thing to come out right...someone once said I stuttered a lot...I didn't know what stuttering was at the time, but I think that's what he was talking about...I think stuttering is when you take a few tries to get a word out...I do that a lot...it's hard to talk knowing other people are listening...I don't wanna say the wrong thing...

There's another word I didn't know but I think I know what it is now - shy. My parents used to say I was shy...and I didn't know what they meant...actually, I used to think 'shy' had something to do with my fur...I don't know why, but that's what I used to think when they called me that...kinda silly...

But I think shy means when you're not good at talking to people like I am...and when you spend more time alone than with others...and that's me too...

I wish I had one of those dictionary things...then I could just look up all these words I don't understand... I'm lucky to have the books I have, though...I wonder if other preys read predator writing too...or am I the only one? They'd probably just think it's silly...they don't like that I think about predators so much...they probably wouldn't like the fact that I read predator writing... They're so amazing though...how do predators do it? I love these stories so much...I can picture all of them in my head and it makes me feel so nice...like I'm in a much better place...like I'm not alone...like I'm a.....a...

...a person...

I'm gonna read some more of my book. I'll write again soon!

Hi, I'm back again...I finished the book...it's one of my new favorites...it makes me feel so sad that I've finished it...I don't like when I finish a really good book...it makes me sad that it's over... It was such a good one though! The ending was nice...

I'm really tired, but I don't want to go to sleep...I just know I'll have bad dreams again...I'm always so tired because I never get much sleep... What kind of beds do predators sleep in? They must be so nice...with soft, warm blankets and comfy pillows and everything...not like mine...not like a prey's bed... My blanket has a lot of holes in it...it's not very warm...but it's all I have...

It's getting hard to stay awake...I keep drifting off and just staring at a crack in the wall or something like that for a long time before I realize I'm doing it...

I'm just so...

Oh, I'm so excited!! I can't wait to tell you about the dream I just had! I actually had a really good dream! I can't believe it! It wasn't a nightmare or anything! It wasn't scary at all!! Oh, I don't know where to begin... I was in this predator neighborhood like I am in a lot of my dreams and at first I was scared of course 'cause I was in pred territory and I didn't know where I was and I couldn't think of how to get out and everything...and I started to cry because I knew that it was all over and I was gonna get eaten and everything...and then I felt this paw on my shoulder...I jumped at first 'cause it startled me and I saw it was a predator...so, I just got way more scared and everything but the pred calmed me down and held me and everything and as he was hugging me, I asked him if he was going to eat me and he said no! The predator actually said he wasn't going to gobble me up! And so I just continued to hug him back and everything and he just held me...and then I woke up and it was morning! I had actually gotten a full night's sleep! I didn't even have a single nightmare!! Just that one good dream and that's it! I'm so happy! I actually don't feel tired...this is wonderful!

I'm so happy!

...I wonder if that dream could ever come true...is there a predator out there who would be nice to me like that...?

I think I'm going to go foraging today...I'm getting really, really hungry now...it hurts to not have food in my stomach...I hope I can find some acorns! I'll go out in a little bit...it's lunch hour and there are a lot of preds out hunting so I think I'm just going to hide for a bit...I'll take you with me so I can tell you more about my dream! Wait...let me get into my hiding spot and then I'll write more...

Okay, I'm in my spot now...I can tell you more about my dream...

I kinda forgot that dreams don't have to be scary...I haven't had a good dream in such a long time...and this one was so nice! I didn't wake up in the middle of the night 'cause of nightmares or noises or the cold or anything! I just slept right through! I just...wait...I think I hear a...

...no it was just the wind making the floor creak...it wasn't a pred, I don't think...

I'm running out of paper for my diary...maybe I'll find some more...that makes me really sad...I like writing in my diary...I'll have to look for more paper when I go out foraging for food today...I really hope I can find more...

I think this is going to have to be my last entry...I'm on the last bit of blank paper I have left... Most of the preds are almost gone from the lunch hour hunting, so I'll go out and look for some more paper pretty soon...

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