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I rest my head as I listen to his breath, feeling his chest rise and fall. For a moment I wish that he isn't wearing a shirt, then I'll be able to immerse in his grey, warm fur. I sniff at his shirt, taking in a slightly musky smell along with his own natural scent, a hint of his workout earlier. If only my heart had not been caught by Gerrald before, things may be much easier. I can wish to stay like this forever. Or we may even be together already.

Jo suddenly had a sharp intake of air and held it there, raising his pectorals considerably.

"I... Are you sure?" Jo asks.

"What do you mean?" I look up and blink in surprise. Jo looks cautious. But that's to be expected. It's as if Gerrald tells me that he is okay with dating me. Not cynical, but cautious of false hopes. I've already decided though. Gerrald isn't going to respond on my one sided love. That's a fact and I don't want to deny about it any longer. I know how torturous unrequited love can be. This will be even more intense for Jo since I'm literally near him almost all the time.

"Gerrald... You're letting him go? Just like that?" Jo asks.

"I know this comes as a surprise. Few days ago, I'm still all over him, isn't it? But trust me, I know that I... am ready to let go now," I say.

"You're not kidding, right...? Not acting on impulse?" Jo asks, biting his lower lip.

"Hmm, this isn't something to kid about. As for being rash... well, maybe. Who knows?" I reply with a small smile.

"But I- Sorry, I just don't know what to do now. I... don't want to celebrate too early yet. But I... I..." Jo stutters and grabs me all of a sudden, giving me a warm but uncomfortably tight hug. I yelp in shock when he squeezes me, making me unable to move much.

I try to wriggle free, but that strong wolf makes it highly impossible. Jo nuzzles the top of my head, weeping a little, whining softly, "Don't leave again..."

I chuckle and say, "I told you we will be friends forever, so I'm not leaving. And yeah, you shouldn't celebrate so early. After all, I've only told you that I don't want Gerrald. I didn't say that I've decide to be with you as boyfriends..."

Jo stops sniffing and looks down to face me.

"What?" he croaks loudly.

I frown at him, "What? You can't be that naïve, right? You haven't court me, date me or ask me, how can we be together now?"

Jo sighs, "For a moment I thought we could just skip all that... We've been together for a decade already-"

"As friends," I cut in.

Jo sighs, admitting defeat, echoing, "As friends."

I give him an evil grin, "Why, if I say we are together now, are you going to bring me into your house and bed me right away?" I know Jo's hormones are pretty high up on his head right now. I just want to tease him just a little more.

"Wha-? No! I wasn't thinking of that, I swear!" Jo protests vehemently.

"I know what'cha thinking," I say in a singing tone, adding a smack to his butt, causing him to jump in surprise and blushing crimson.

Jo relaxes his grip on me and shifts uncomfortably, seemingly trying not to rub against me. Time to stop, I thought to myself.

"Well, snap out of it. I was just kidding around. I know you won't do that," I say with a laugh. With that, I pull myself away from him. Jo stands very still and his muzzle remains very red. Have I gone a little too far?

Jo coughs and speaks out, "I... I'll see ya around soon."

Looking at him being like that, I can't help but feel worried. I want to ask, but I can't find the proper words to. Even before I can say goodbye, my best friend dashes back to his house, leaving me with my paw outstretched to thin air. I have a faint idea what that grey wolf is going to do, rushing back home. If my suspicions are right, I feel a little bad and sadistic for riling him up... I guess I'll text him an apology or something...

I turn around and head back home, crafting a text for Jo in my mind. I dig my pockets and take out my phone.

Eh?

'One missed call.'

I tap at the phone for more details. To my surprise, it's not a number listed in my contacts. I don't recognise this number... Who...?

Puffing out a mouth of air, I tap to call back this unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Hello," I answer.

"Who's this?"

Huh? Shouldn't that be my question?

"What?" I reply.

"You've called earlier?" says the voice.

"But I didn't call this number before..." I say.

"Oh, okay. Uh, sorry, never mind," the voice says, and then hangs up.

What? What on earth? I didn't even get to ask anything. Is he Gerrald? The voice sounds like a male, but not bearish. I... I don't know. I don't even... What? If it really is Gerrald, won't he be more insistent in asking for my identity? Why will Gerrald be using another number to call back? What????

Oh forget it. It's probably just another fur. Funny how random things have to happen now? I try to call Gerrald, leaving a missed call with my number on his phone. And I got back a missed call from another number that I've never seen before. Weird?

I try not to think about it. Well, it couldn't be Gerrald. No, I don't think so. And I'm supposed to forget about him too. Right?

I debated calling back. But what am I to say? Question the person's identity? I always thought it's very dumb for someone to call over to ask who the person is. I mean, being the dialler, shouldn't you know who on earth you are calling?

Sigh. Whatever it is, this is going to be a mystery forever... Remember what I've said earlier about my destiny? If Gerrald and I aren't meant to be... then we can never be together no matter what.

I... can't afford to waver now either. I've just given a signal that I'm available, I shouldn't go back to Gerrald again. Hmm. Let's just see how things go.

Actually, I'm also a little afraid of moving on myself. I've already acknowledge that Gerrald isn't really going to respond to me. But I've never stopped liking him. So what happens if one day, I'm attached and Gerrald suddenly comes back and tells me that he likes me? Will I choose? Can I choose?

Ah, silly me. That won't be possible. I know my life isn't that dramatic. And if Gerrald won't notice me for eight months, I don't think he will ever like me.

Reaching for the door, I jam the key in and turn the knob. My mom is seated on the couch, viewing at some variety show. I give a grunt to inform her about my presence before kicking off my shoes and closing the door. I continue with my usual routine and turn to walk towards my room before-

"Wolfie,"

I halt my steps as I turn around to my mom. I anticipate some reminders or nagging from her. I wonder if I should have stopped in the first place. But let's not be rude now, right?

"Wolfie, do you have a girlfriend?"

I frown at the question, "No."

"Don't worry, it's okay to tell me. I won't stop you from going into a relationship," my mom says, turning around to look at me.

"I really don't have a girlfriend. I won't get married nor do I intend to have pups either," I reply. I've always told my mom that I don't intend to get married since I was in what, Grade 6? I've not even known what gay truly means then and I've already decided not to be with girls. I even thought that having sex with a girl was disgusting. Ah, but we can't trust a kid's mind, can we?

And kids, talking about kids, I'm not into kids. Like really. I can't stand wailing kids. While some of the girls are squealing like mad over baby photos, saying how cute those kids are, I don't feel the same way at all. Pups may be cute, but all human babies look almost the same to me. I don't think they are cute, cuddly or whatever. In fact, kids are just a hazard to me. Kids love to bump into me, fall down in front of me... making me so annoyed when angry parents come along even though I've done nothing. Gah. I just don't' have much affinity with kids. I'm not going to have pups even if I can adopt. My mom might kill me for this, but who cares.

"Don't say that, maybe you should start finding one in school before you graduate to college. It's going to be a lot harder to find a mate as you grow older, you know."

I grit my teeth as I consider to just tell her the truth that I'm gay. I'm actually bi but who really cares, so long as you're with a guy, you're gay; girl, you're straight. But I might as well just stick with being gay just because I like guys more.

I know my mom won't ever dream that I'll be gay. She doesn't really approve of them but neither does she hate them. Seriously, why is she bringing this up now?

I sigh and catch what's on the television. That makes sense, she's watching some variety shows where a group of teens sit together and get their views broadcasted, along with advisors and adults. Apparently the theme of the week is sex and relationships. I rub my chin as I think of what to reply her. In the end, I just say, "Yeah."

Then my mom returns to the programme and tell me about relationship stuff she learned from the show that I don't really care about. I don't trust variety shows. My mom takes them far too seriously then she should. The group of teens there? They aren't even a proper representation of the youths here. If those youths in the show represent the teens in my area, then we are all immature and doomed to failure. Just look at the things they say!

"... I think is alright for us to get into relationships," says a vixen in the show, 15 this year, "So long as we love each other, why not?"

I snort at that. Does she truly know what love is? Will she do anything in the name of love? Cliché as it sounds, when it occurs to you, there's no other way to describe the feelings other than using those overused phrases.

"... I feel that teenage sex is okay," says another human boy, "so long as both of us agree on it and we love each other; and we have to relief our 'tensions' anyway."

Yeah, until you have an 'accident' of your so-called love, and you cry for your parent's help or illegally abort it.

If that is a representation of the teens in my area, I might as well stay single for life.

I don't know why I'm so skeptical about them. They could be truly in love, who knows?

Or maybe my worries are more on what information my mom is getting from the show. She better not take those people in the show as a representation of my opinions. I'm not saying that I truly understand what love is. I, like those people in the show, am still learning. But I know how bad unrequited love is, how a sudden desire for a person may happen randomly in my life, how that desire (or love) can drive a person nuts.

And my mom is starting to get a little... odd. She seems to want me to get a girl. I hate to be a wet blanket, but the mate that I bring home for house visit, is most likely going to have no boobies.

This is another part that I fear of. What if my parents deny our relationship? Can I convince them? What if they just can't accept that I'm gay? Will they disapprove of my mate so long as my mate is a male, even though he may be the best son-in-law (that's if we can actually get married here... or figuratively.) they can ever have? On top of that, remember the 'alpha' thing of the family line? I really hope they aren't such outdated or traditional furs. I'm just so lucky to be next in line. And just look at me, I don't think I even have the qualities to be an alpha in any way.

I guess I'll just deal with that when it comes. I turn back and proceed to my room, not saying a word.

Entering my room, I toss my bag to the corner where it belongs and I lay down, relaxing. Having no homework is a rare occurrence, just laying down and relaxing is... Ahh.

I stare at the ceiling as I let myself bask in the moonlight, just letting my mind relax. Sometimes I just lie down on my bed, like what I'm doing now, and dream, dream about my life. I will imagine about my quiet life with my mate, how nice it is to huddle together; how nice it will be to wake up in your mate's arms; or to share everything without having the need to keep any secrets; having someone to be there for you for as long as you live; someone to assure you that everything will be fine; someone for me to look forward to, knowing that my mate is waiting for me...

My entire life, I have no goals. I don't care what I'll become; I don't care what you think of me. All I want is just my dream, a quiet life with my lifelong mate. Some may laugh at how simple it is, but I assure you that that dream, is very tough to realise. People nowadays are more problematic in relationships. Cheating, betrayal, loss of interest, and so many more. And finding one good person in the first place isn't as easy as you think. Opportunities, luck, chances... things that I can't control and I'm not exactly a lucky person. Who knows, I may have almost gotten the person of my life before I died. Remember my 'almost' curse?

Then again, I'm sure that many, if not all, wants to have a good mate. With all the irritating people with qualities you don't want in a relationship, be it money-minded, cunning or pretentious... It's hard not to get cautious outside. Is that guy after me, or my body, or my money? Not that I have a fortune, so I don't have to worry about the last one. I don't know why, but I feel that all the good ones are always taken...

Talking about lust, it's evident that people are beginning to mix up love and lust. Just look at the furs in the show. Loving someone is not just some one-night fling or whatsoever; these people use the word 'love' so freely, the meaning is almost lost. Love may include lust, yes. But never the other way round. Lust is just a sexual drive. When that guy is just after your body, you are just a tool for pleasure to him. Does he love you? I think probably not.

See, love is a complex matter. This is my interpretation of love. Different minds have different thinking, so who can really say what love is? Can love, a feeling, be defined? Will my mate's version of love be the same as mine?

Hah. I really have this habit of questioning myself, questions that may never have an answer, questions that may have a varying answer depending on the situation. I guess I hate the idea of the unknown, of not knowing what I'm facing.

So who is my true mate? Is it Gerrald? Is it Jo? Will I ever know who my true mate is? I don't know. I wish that my first official mate will hopefully be my last. I don't think I can ever handle a break-up.

I massage my forehead as I tell myself to stop thinking about these stuff. I'm here to relax, not to make myself worry more. I sigh under the moon glow before remembering to text Jo. Grabbing aimlessly before managing to grab my phone, I tap a message to Jo.

'Hey bud, still okay there?'

I close my eyes after the message is sent over. I switch on the fan, feeling the cool wind brush along my fur and am about to doze off before his reply comes back.

'Yeah, sure. Why not?'

Hmm. Well, if he says so.

'Are we hanging out tomorrow?' I send over.

'Sure, but not at the usual timing. Jin texted me to meet up with him tomorrow. He says he has things to tell me. Don't know why he won't say it over the phone. Might be serious.' Jo replies.

'Hmm, okay. Cya then.'

I am about to fall asleep again before my phone lit up again.

'Sure. Cya in my dreams.' Jo texts.

I groan and toss my phone under the pillow and rest for the day.