Vladimir Putin Show!
Vladimir Putin show part one!
So this is just a filler while I work on some of my other projects. This was inspired by ArticWolf's Radio show so I'd thought I'd give it a try! Based originally on the Kim Jung il show, it was supposed to star Kim Jung Il, but because the leader of North Korea is dead, I picked the next best thing! This is my first time doing a comedy skit so feel free to leave any comments telling me how I can improve. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ONLY! Disclaimer: All of these characters are portrayed in a fictional manner and this skit does not reflect their actual political views or actual personalities.
Announcer: You're watching to the state funded Russian television programming. WATCH OR YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE SIBERIAN GULAGS!
Different Announcer: And now! Live from downtown Moscow! It's the big man on campus, Vladimir Putin!
*Vlad comes out and waves at the audience while this song plays: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCywlKDTtEc*
Putin: What up Russia! How we doing today?
*Audience applauses*
Putin: SILENCE!
*Audience shuts up immediately*
Putin: Today is a very special day because we have several guest speakers today. Our first guest speaker is libertarian investigative journalist and the man who shatters conventional wisdom, John Stossel!
*camera points to John Stossel*
Stossel: Good to be here Putin
Putin: Please call me Vlad!
Stossel: Okay Vlad. It's good to be here.
*camera points to me*
Putin: We also have several other guests today too. Also joining us today is military fiction author, political commenter, and former U.S. Army Ranger, Jason aka, Wolf Trooper!
WT: Good to be here
*camera points to ArticWolf451*
Putin: Also joining us is professional SoFurry writing and the author of the "My Wonderful Little Sister" series, which by the way is my favorite series on SoFurry, ArticWolf451!
AW: Yo!
*camera points to Jacob King*
Putin: We also have my all time favorite Latino comedian with us. Unfortunately, George Lopez was unavailable so I went what I could get a hold of.We have Jacob King!
JK: WHUT UP RUSSIA! *waves his arms in the air*
Putin: I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO SHOUT 'WHUT UP RUSSIA'!
JK: *sarcastically* Sorry
Putin: Yeah you'd better be. And our next guest is that hyperactive fox we all know and love, AceFox27!
*camera points to AceFox who is in a drunken slumber in his chair snoring loudly*
Putin: Uhhh... is he okay
AW: Yeah he just got wasted on Mountain Dew and tequila before we got here so he's kinda out of it.
JK: We've been trying to wake him all day.
*Starts poking him with a stick*
AW: Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody
*Wolf Trooper gets up*
WT: Don't worry. I'm gonna use an old family technique on how to wake drunk people up.
AW: Oh and what's that?
*Walks up to AceFox and pulls out a glass bottle of moonshine)
WT: Watch.
*Smashes bottle on AceFox's head shattering the bottle and drenching him in vodka* AceFox: *wakes up confused* Huh.. Wuh... Where am I?
WT: Dude we're on TV!
AceFox: Oh... *looks around at the audience* since when did we sign up to be on the Kardashians.
AW: Dude, they're Russians they all look that that.
*Putin puts on this face: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/259/943/694.png*
Putin: Anyway. Also starring with us today is former Texas Representative and current runner for the US Presidential Republican nomination, ladies and gentleman Dr. Ron Paul!
*Audience starts cheering while the camera points to Ron Paul*
Random Audience member in the front row: BOOOOO!
*Jacob King points at the booer*
JK: Hey! That guy booed Ron Paul!
Putin: Hey, Jacob, let me take care of it. GUARD!
*Spetsnaz commando shows up carrying an AK-103 rifle and shoots the booer in the head killing him*
Putin: *Laughs* Bull's-eye. And our final guest today is, a political rival of Ron Paul and according to a worldwide poll, the most dangerous man alive, Rick Santorum!
*camera points to Santorum*
Santorum: It's great to be here Mr. Putin and...
Putin: NO ONE CARES!
*Obama pats Putin's shoulder*
Putin: Oh and Obama.
*A tomahawk suddenly flies through the air and nearly misses Obama's head by inches*
Obama: HEY WHO THREW THAT AT ME!
AW: *under breath* Damn!
*Turns back to Ron Paul*
Putin: So Dr. Paul your running for the Republican nomination for the upcoming U.S. presidential election?
Ron Paul: Yes I am.
JK: RON PAUL 2012!
Putin: SHUT UP!
JK: NEVER! Putin: GUARD!
*Spetsnaz guard whacks Jacob in the shin with his rifle*
JK:AH!
Putin: There then now we can get some peace and quiet...
*Wolf Trooper's phone suddenly starts ringing.*
WT: *Checks caller ID* AW!!! HER AGAIN!
AceFox: The GF?
AW: Nah. You see, me and Jacob decided to pull a little prank on Jason. What we did was hack his phone with someone else's phone number and now every time that person tries to call someone they keep calling him.
AceFox: *laughs * So who's the unlucky person?
JK: Your wife.
AceFox: *puts on this face: http://brothersofthebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Fear-Face.gif* YOU WHAT!
AW: Why? What's wrong with that?
AceFox: Dude do you know my wife? She's crazy!
AW: I know that's why we chose her.
AceFox: *puts on a straight face* Okay. As long as Wolf doesn't trash talk her we should be safe.
WT: I DON"T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE! YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO YOU CRAZY BITCH! AND QUIT CALLING ME!
*Turns off phone*
WT: Yeesh! I don't know why but some crazy lady keeps calling me!
*AceFox, ArcticWolf, and Jacob stare at him with an expression of shock*
WT: What?
Putin: * pulls out a PP-2000* ENOUGH OF THIS! WE WILL CONTINUE WITH THE INTERVIEW AND IF YOU GUYS DON'T CUT IT OUT NOW I'LL SEND YOU TO SIBERIA! GOT IT!
Everyone: Okay, okay!
Putin: Yeah. So Ron Paul you're running for the presidential nomination right.
Ron Paul: Well I'm trying to and I'm not backing out. I'm in 'til a nominee is announced.
Santorum: And that's gonna be me!
Stossel: Didn't you just drop out of the nomination campaign?
Santorum: *has a look of embarrassment on his face*
Putin: So Stossel what do think about Ron Paul winning the election?
Stossel: I think it will be the greatest thing to ever happen to America. For the first time since the United States was first formed we will have a leader who will think with logic and reason rather than speculation and assumption.
Putin: AceFox what do you think about Ron Paul being president?
*Notices AceFox is missing*
Putin: Where'd he go?
WT: He went to take a piss.
Putin: Oh okay.
*Meanwhile Arctic is aiming a crossbow at Obama's head.*
Putin: Artic?
Artic: *Gets startled and accidently pulls the crossbow's trigger.*
Santorum: *Gets struck by the arrow and falls off his chair while making this scream: http://wilhelmscream.net/*
Putin: I'll come back to you later. So Jacob what's your opinion on Ron Paul becoming president.
Jacob: *Not even paying attention* Dudes! Look what I got! *pulls out a bottle of pure Russian alcohol* RUSSIAN MOONSHINE! *Starts chugging down the entire bottle.*
Putin: *Walks up and grabs the bottle of Jacob's hand* GIVE ME THAT! Where'd you get this anyway!
Jacob King: I found it.
Putin: *Tosses the bottle aside*
AceFox: *Walks into the room after taking his pee break* Man I've gotta stop drinking so much Mountain Dew it makes me pee every five minutes. *Suddenly the bottle that Putin just tossed hits his head and shatters. Falls over unconscious while a pool of blood forms on the floor*
Putin: *Stares at what he just did* Oh come on! I just had to clean this floor after I threw a glass bottle at my last guest host. *Groans* We'll be taking a short commercial break while I clean this floor.
*Warning: This next scene contains graphic explicit sexual. Anyone under the age of 18 should not watch this!)
Everyone: *http://boards.altgn.com/images/smilies/rage/misc-seriously.png*
Stossel: Uh Putin?
Putin:*Completely embarrassed* I swear to God that was supposed to be funny Doritos commercial!
*Awkward silence for the next 30 seconds*
Putin: And now our real commercial break!