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Now that everything was settled between the three of us, I had nothing that would ever stand in the way again. It felt good to confront Nikki about my relationship with Terry and it turned out that she was eager to talk to me about it as well. Nikki thought that I was jealous of her for being one of Terry's closest friends and that I didn't want her to be around him encase something might happen between the two of them... It wouldn't be the first time that a girlfriend of Terry would get suspicious of her, seeing how close their friendship really is... I tried to keep it as subtle as possible when I confronted her but early in the conversation, I wasn't able to be so subtle anymore and I was rather blunt about it... Fortunately, Nikki took everything rather well and I knew she was telling me the truth when she said that they never had a relationship before and that the two of them never tried to hit on each other... And well... I felt a little regret afterwards because she didn't seemed like the kind of girl who'd do such a thing, especially with her shy and timid personality... But in the end, it felt good to have talked to her about it and the moment she dropped me off at home, I had a huge smile on my face, knowing that nothing would ever stand in my way again...

Terry was supposed to pick me up that Friday night and we would make plans on how to spend the evening night together except I came home too late. And Terry was too late as well; I didn't see his car parked outside my house... Just when I wanted to call him, he called me instead... 'Hey babe!' 'Hey dude, I'm sorry I'm late but I had to pick up a few things from the grocery store for my mom. And now I can go back because I forgot a thing or two so I'll be a little later...' 'Aww, that's okay. Don't worry about it.' 'Sweet... You need anything from the grocery store?' 'No, I'm fine, thank you.' 'Oh, by the way... Uhm... My mate Jarod called, asked if we wanted to go to Now&Wow at eleven.' 'The nightclub?' 'Yeah, his girlfriend will be there too.' 'Uhm... I... don't really know about that... It's not really my thing, you know...' 'Oh... Well... I'll just call it off then...'

Ouch... I heard the disappointment in his voice once more... And it wasn't until that very same moment that I realized I was keeping him away from his friends again... Just because I didn't want to go didn't mean I wanted to stop him from having a good time with his friends... And well, I've always been the party-pooper when it came to these kind of things... I thought it was absolutely sweet of him that he always wanted to stay with me... But I realized I had to let him go, to let him do the things he likes the most... Terry needed to be free, without me to claim him all the time. We'd always do the things that I liked but never really the things he wanted to do... Which is why I agreed going to that car-show with him and Nikki to actually show a little interest in the things he loves the most... It was at that moment, I told him something he'd never expected to hear from me... 'No, don't call it off, Terry.' 'Hm?' 'You should go.' 'What about you? What are you gonna do?' 'Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.' 'You sure, dude?' 'Of course, you should definitely go.' 'You sure your okay with this...?' 'It's okay, Terry...' 'Awesome...' 'Don't get wasted, okay? Nikki told me that you could drink four guys under the table...' 'No promises, I'm not the designated driver tonight, haha!' 'Alright... I'll see you tomorrow then...' 'Love ya, babe...' 'Love you too, pup...'

The moment the call got disconnected, I was smiling... But as my words started to sink in, it got me thinking as I was staring at the display of my mobile phone... "No, no... No, don't call him and make him blow the whole thing off... Terry's just gonna have a drink tonight with his friends, it's not like he's gonna pick up some skank..." Hm... He wouldn't do that, would he...? What ever happened to this thing called trust...? Bah, I felt sick and tired to constantly feel so needy... And I know Terry sure as hell wouldn't like it if I was constantly breathing in his neck, watching his every move... Which is another reason why I didn't want to go... What would his friends think of me if I gave them the impression that Terry was constantly under my thumb...? I certainly never had the intention to claim Terry for my own... Letting go of someone who constantly gave me love and affection whenever they're around me was very difficult for me... And of course I had the chance to go with him... But I felt that I was going to claim all of his attention again while he was spending the night with his friends... And maybe I had to move the spotlight away from me for once... I learn from other peoples mistakes too, you know... Does the name Rachel ring any bells...? Oh yes, definitely...

Now that Terry wasn't spending the evening with me, I figured I could sit in my room all night and watch fucking idiots on YouTube doing the stupidest things I've ever seen but there is in fact a better way to spend your Friday evening. And well, I thought I could do what I used to do on a Friday evening. I see my grandmother at least once a week but going to her after all these years still makes me feel something I can't really describe... Back when all that shit happened and my relationship with Simon and Catherine was hanging by a thread, I visited her often, just so that I could talk to my grandmother about everything that was bothering me. It felt to me like home every time I set foot in her house and that feeling never disappeared over the years... My grandmother was still the only one who knew I was bi-sexual in the family, which she kept a secret from everyone else for years... Despite her religion, she never judged me and I didn't understand, because so many religious people are strongly opposed to anyone who isn't straight... I remember I asked her once how she felt about my sexuality and her religion... Her answer was strong, but very short... She said to me that Jesus had only but one message... And that message is love... My grandmother told me that so many religious people were contradicting themselves by claiming that gay and lesbian relationships are wrong and yet they preach about love and acceptance... Which is the reason why I never deepened myself into this thing called religion... She told me that the love that two people share, matters the most... Life was confusing enough for me already so I didn't put my faith in something I wasn't able to comprehend... I believed in myself, which was good enough for me...

I never had to call my grandmother to ask if I could visit her. On the contrary, stopping by unexpectedly was something she seemed to enjoy. It's just the way she smiled at me every time she opened the door for me and gave me a big hug... It told me everything I needed to know that I was always welcome in her house... It meant the world to me when things didn't go so great at home... She knows the answer to everything and even today, I have the utmost respect for her for what she did to have helped me in any way imaginable... She never judged me for the things I did of which I wasn't so proud of... But whenever we talked about something that was bothering me or something I had so much trouble to deal with, she managed to explain things to me in a way I'd understand. It always got me thinking about myself and the consequences of what I was doing. And I guess that was something she was striving for: To make me think about it. I always wanted an answer from her to make me feel better but the way my grandmother talked to me made me realize that I had all the answers I needed. Of course, I didn't forget about her when things got better and I regularly visited her during the weeks. We'd either talked or watched a movie together and once I got my driver's license, we'd always went to the supermarket to do groceries for the weekend together on Friday evenings. Something told me that all of these little things I did were appreciated by her the most. So that Friday evening, I quickly had dinner with Simon and Catherine and went to the shed to get on my bicycle. And once I made it to her house and parked my bicycle in her garden, I saw a small silhouette racing towards the door... The front-door opened up and I saw someone I wasn't expecting that evening... 'Ceylan!' 'Hey! Ashley!'

My little cousin literally jumped in my arms and kissed my cheeks while she hugged me tight... And you know, I really have a weakness for her... It's something I can't really describe... I saw her ever since she was a tiny little kitten and she just grows older... And I wished she could stay little forever but little girls grow up... 'Am I surprised to see you here, sweetheart! Where are your parents?' 'Mommy and daddy have a party at work and they'll be home late!' 'Ooooh, I see. So you're staying over grandma's house tonight?' 'Yes!' 'Hehe... Where's grandma?' 'She's in the kitchen!' 'Ashley, who is that, dear?' 'It's Ceylan!'

And at that moment, my grandmother shuffled out of the kitchen and looked straight at me. It's so good to see her smile... It says everything... I made my way inside while I was carrying Ashley and closed the door behind me. Once I put her down, I gave my grandmother a big hug while she kissed me on the cheeks... 'Hey nana...' 'Hello, kitten... It's so good to see you...! How are you doing...?' 'I'm doing good. How about you?' 'I'm fine, dear... Have you had dinner yet?' 'Yeah, I already have.' 'Are you still hungry?' 'Haha, no, no, I'm stuffed, nana. Thanks...' 'Are you sure? Because I can make you some if you like.' 'No, it's alright, nana. Thank you...' 'Come, come, let's sit down in the living-room, shall we?'

The three of us made our way to the living-room and my grandmother and I sat on the couch. Ashley grabbed a sheet of paper from the kitchen table and showed it to me... Seeing that drawing she made reminded me a lot of my own drawings I used to make when I was little... Lots of scribbles and bright colours were something I used to do as well... It didn't took me long to realize she drew a park with a little pond with my grandmother, herself and me feeding the ducks... 'Look, I made a drawing! You're the one with the stripes!' 'Oh, wow! That looks good!' 'And that's grandma and me feeding the little duckies!' 'Hehehe... It looks really good, sweetheart.' 'You can have it if you want!' 'Awwww... Thank you...' 'I'll make another one for you, grandma! But I'm going to draw something different!' 'That would be very nice of you, dear. I'd love to see what you can come up with!' 'Hehehe...' 'Ashley is going to stay over for tonight.' 'Yeah, she told me. What'd you do today?' 'I picked her up from school and Ashley and I went to the park today to feed the little ducks, didn't we?' 'Yes! And we also had an ice-cream!' 'Oooooh, nice! I bet that must've been a delicious ice-cream!' 'Hm-mm!' 'Would you like anything to drink, kittens?' 'I'll get us the drinks. What would you like, Ashley?' 'Apple-juice!' 'You, nana?' 'I'm fine, dear. Thank you.'

My grandmother smiled at me as I got up from her couch and made my way to the kitchen to get us the drinks. Normally, kids like soda or ice tea or anything that has a lot of sugar in it. I should know, I was little once, haha... But not Ashley. Oh no, she's very fond of apple-juice. I got the same but with ice-tea instead... I didn't find a carton of apple-juice so I took one from my grandmother's larder and made us the drinks in the kitchen. And so, with a glass of apple-juice and a glass of ice-tea, I made my way back to the living-room where I placed the drinks on the table. Ashley thanked me and hopped on my lap to cuddle the moment I sat down... My grandmother looked at us and just smiled... 'I do believe a certain someone is turning six years old next week but I can't remember who it is... Do you know, Ceylan?' 'I do, I'm the one turning six next week.' 'Nooooooooo! You can't be turning six! Your older than me!' 'No, I'm not!' 'Yes, you are! Your old enough to drive a car!' 'Am I? Oh yeah! I forgot! Haha... So who's turning six next week?' 'I am!' 'Oooooh, "I am" is turning six next week!' 'No, silly! It's me! Ashley!'' 'Aaaaah... So it IS you!' 'Yes! Hihihi...'

The three of us talked, about her upcoming birthday party next week... About her birthday cake and the candles she'll blow out... About her presents... Ashley didn't quite know what she wanted to have as a present but I was confident I was able to find something that she liked... It's strange to have realized that it only seemed like yesterday that she was a tiny little cub I held in my arms... To have held her as a baby is something I can't explain... But time doesn't stop... With each and every day I saw her, she seemed to be growing faster than I could ever imagine and I saw her turning into wonderful young lady... And that evening, I saw her like she always was... Vivid, curious and without a care in the world... There once was a time where I used to be exactly like her until everything changed... Perhaps that's the reason why she meant the most to me... Seeing her reminded me a lot of myself when I was little... Being with her makes me feel as if her childhood is a part of myself... The few memories I do have left from my childhood is something that is cherished... But seeing how Ashley was growing up reminded me what it was like to be carefree... A wonderful thought... And I was happy to see her have something I never truly had...

Before we knew, the heavy clock on the wall struck nine and it was time for Ashley to get to bed. She asked me if I wanted to tug her in and before I was able to answer, she dragged me off the couch and the three of us made our way upstairs. I helped her change into her pyjamas and brushed her teeth. Once she got in bed in my grandmothers guestroom, the two of us sat on the bed, where my grandmother read her a few short bed time stories from a fairy tale book. That book is well over fifty years old and everyone in the family has heard those stories... She used to read us from that book in her rocking chair near the fireplace while the little ones sat on the thick soft carpet and listened quietly... The stories themselves were Daijirian tales and folklores. Only a few of them resembled the fairy tales of Snow white, the Little Mermaid and Cinderella but most of them were just folklores. The stories and the way my grandmother told them was something that captivated us... Sometimes, even the adults were captivated to hear her tell the story... It brings back many good memories when I think back...

After an hour or so, my grandmother thought it was getting late for her and we hugged and kissed Ashley goodnight... My grandmother went ahead to go downstairs and I was right behind her when Ashley took my hand all of a sudden... I looked at her but I could see that she was getting very sleepy... But I wasn't able to leave her... I sat back on the bed again and leaned forward to hold her close as Ashley yawned and started to fondle my hair... And all I did was caressing her hair while I kept looking at her... 'How did you get all those stripes...?' 'Hmm... Well... When I was your age, I used to play with crayons... And I started to draw on my fur...' 'And they never come off...?' 'Nope...' 'Not even when you're taking a shower...?' 'No, sweetheart... Not even when I'm under the shower...' 'Wow...' 'Hm-mm...' 'Is it true what grandma said...?' 'What's true...?' 'Grandma said that you came from a far away place...' 'Yes, I do... Which is why I look so different from you...' 'But are you a Manx...?' 'No, baby... I'm a tigress... And so was my mommy and so was my daddy... And so was everyone else from where I came from... I was adopted by uncle Simon and aunt Catherine when I was nine years old...' 'Is that why you talk so funny...?' 'What do you mean, talk so funny...? I think I'm quite comprehensible, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation...' 'I didn't mean it like that... You just sound different from us...' 'Renarian isn't my first language, kitten... Sometimes it's a little difficult for me to pronounce things right...' 'So what is your language...?' 'Urdu... With the Salahadihnian dialect...' 'Did they have stories too where you came from...?' 'Lots and lots of stories...' 'Can you tell me one...?'

There are several stories I still remember my grandmother used to tell me in Salahadihn... They're not the regular Disney fairy tale kinda things but the stories I heard were all folklores, myths and legends of ancient times, passed on from generation to generation... I've always been very fond of stories, especially whenever I thought about it... Most stories do have a deep meaning to them... And there was one story in particular I found fascinating but never understood what it meant until I got older... 'I can, yes...' 'What's it called...?' 'It's called "Do Eoji et e Janandira"...' 'What does that mean...?' 'It means "The dragon and the demon"...' 'Is it a scary story...?' 'No, it's not... It used to be my favourite story... Do you want to hear it...?'

Actually, it was a bit of a scary story... I figured I had to find a way to tone the story down so that she wouldn't get any nightmares from it... It's difficult though, to translate the entire story from Urdu to Renarian... But nevertheless, once she nodded, I began my story... 'Long ago, Emperor Suryel the second ruled his empire in the third era of Asindar... His massive empire stretched all the way from the northern province of Kycina to the Maelili Islands in the southern sea... Emperor Suryel ruled his empire with justice and was granted with the gift of wisdom from dragons... The dragons were noble creatures, and their wisdom couldn't be rivalled by mortals... They worshipped the dragons as gods and in return, they gave the people of the Suryel empire wealth and prosperity... All was well until the emperor had to choose his successor... For his reign did not last forever...'

I gave it a small pause to build up some suspension... But also to find the words on how to translate it properly... Telling a story was a lot harder than I thought it would be... 'Emperor Suryel the second became ill when he was two hundred and fourteen years old... On his dying bed, he called his only two sons to him... The oldest of them, Gökhan, was waging war against the Ts'Helumapiua... Once he heard of his father's illness, he rushed home as quickly as he could... But the youngest of them, Burak, was not a warrior... Instead, he spent his days by gathering knowledge... So when his father called him, Burak kneeled to his father's bed as he held his hand... But the emperor did not chose his successor just yet... Gökhan came home several days later and immediately went to his father's chambers. Burak stayed at his distance when his brother approached their father... But the emperor told Burak to get closer as well as he sat upright in bed and told them he was going to give them his blessing... Gökhan, being on his father's right-side, was expecting to receive the blessing first... But the emperor all of a sudden crossed his arms and placed his right hand on Burak and his left on Gökhan... With that, he chose Burak to be his successor, not Gökhan, the rightful heir to the throne... Gökhan became enraged that his father chose his younger brother over him... In his eyes, Burak wasted his time by getting wiser while Gökhan set out to expand the empire by conquering other kingdoms... Gökhan soon started to despise his brother... So he retreated to his own quarters and started to think of a way to seize power...'

Another short break to catch my breath for a moment... It's so difficult to put it in words... I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath when I continued...

'Gökhan waited until his father passed away... Once his youngest brother was named Emperor, he promised the commandant a vast amount of wealth if he looked the other way... Burak was then murdered in his sleep by his brother... And so, Gökhan seized the throne and had all the wealth and power his father had... But the Elder Dragon Aedemari, the most powerful and wisest of them all, was the only one who knew what Gökhan did... And as the Elder Dragon confronted Gökhan for his deeds, Gökhan did not fear the dragon, even when he stood before him in all of its majesty... He couldn't believe that the Elder Dragon was against him, despite the fact it was Gökhan's rightful place to be emperor... He did not flinch, nor did he stepped back as he defied the dragon... For the murder of his brother, for the greed and lust for power he had and for dishonouring his family-name, the Elder Dragon placed a terrible curse upon Gökhan... "Your sons will perish by the sword of those closest to them as your unborn sons will never see the light of day so that your bloodline may never inherit the throne..."And in blind anger, Gökhan unsheathed his sword and stabbed Aedemari in the heart... The dragon roared in pain and fell down to the ground... And with his last breath, Aedemari said that Gökhan would never be emperor until he defeated the demon to lift up his terrible curse... But, arrogant as Gökhan was, he thought he already defeated the demon by murdering the Elder Dragon... '

It stayed silent for a moment as I was catching my breath again. I was getting quite thirsty from all that talking... I looked at Ashley who stared back at me with big eyes as she clenched on her blanket... 'Then what...?' 'Gökhan arrogance grew once he had slain the Elder Dragon... But once his sons died from illness, he became afraid... Gökhan remembered the words that Aedemari spoke... He spread the rumour that the Elder Dragon killed his youngest brother... And so, the rebellion against the dragons started and with a mighty army loyal to emperor Gökhan, they set out to overthrow them all... The dragons were powerful and fierce in battle, but heavily outnumbered... Many lives of his soldiers were lost during the battles... But one by one, the mighty dragons fell until all of them perished by his sword... It took him more than thirty years to find all the dragons but once the last dragon was slain, Gökhan's quest was over; he defeated all the dragons he referred to as "demons"... He returned and saw that his home was torn apart by war... Failed to protect his home, his people and neglecting his duties as emperor, Gökhan's empire broke out in chaos while he was away... Just as Gökhan betrayed the dragons, the people of Suryel betrayed him... He was captured, along with his family... As his head was resting on the chopping block and the executioner sharpened his axe, Gökhan realized that all of Aedemari's words came true... He had all the power and wealth but never ruled as emperor... And Gökhan finally realized that the only demon he ever had to defeat was his own...'

It stayed silent for a moment and I could see that my words started to sink in her, as her eyes stared in mine, waiting for me to continue... Once I stayed silent and started to caress her hair, she kept looking at me, realizing the story was over... 'I don't get it...' 'Hm... I think you will when you're older, sweetheart...' 'Heh... Could you please stay until I'm asleep...? I don't like being alone...' 'Of course...'

It stayed quiet after that... As I was caressing her forehead, she closed her eyes and yawned once more... Scratching behind her ear, like Catherine used to do when I was little... Seeing my little girl like this makes me forget... She falls asleep with absolutely nothing that is haunting her mind... She seems so peaceful... I don't know how long I've been watching her sleep... But somewhere, deep down inside, I wanted her to open her eyes and just look at me, without saying anything... Because it says everything I need to know... Because every time Ashley looked at me, I got reminded of what it's like to be part of a loving family... It reminded me that it's worth more to me than I could ever possibly dream of...