Old Van Rorie's Book of Practical Cats
#1 of T.S. Eliot
So this is just a little comedy story I'm going to write. I'll probably write this when I bored or just can't think of anything else.
This is a new series I'm writing. It will all follow the same plot but will be nowhere near chronological order, or in the same view point. It will contain some somewhat adult situations and a lot of explicit language. I will also be using pseudonyms for all the characters in it because they're based off of real people. Hope you enjoy.
Old Van Rorie's Book of Practical Cats
Chapter 1
With black curtains
"Bro shove"!
Looking up I saw Ips shove into Rev as he sat down at the table.
"Dude"?!
"What Bro"?
"Fuck it".
"You guys are fucking idiots, you know that right" I said to Ips.
"Whatever Bro".
"And quit fucking saying bro, you'll catch a hipster disease or something".
"Explain to me what I'll catch if I keep saying Bro Van Rorie" Ips said to me in a mock challenge.
Rev interrupted "Five bucks says his dick splits open and locusts fly out".
"Whose dick's going to split open"? B.T. asked as he sat down at the lunch table.
I answered him "Fucking Rev's if he doesn't stop saying Bro all the time".
"Sorry Bro" Rev answered sarcastically.
"Fuck it" I said getting out my lunch from my satchel.
Skippy came up next setting his tray down on the table laughing.
"Have you guys seen Ginger? He looks retarded, he forgot his belt at home so he's been holding his pants up all day, it's the funniest thing ever" He said as we all started laughing.
"No fucking way where is he"? Rev asked eagerly.
Skippy stood up and pointed over by the lunch line. We all turned to see Ginger walking over holding up his pants in one hand and his tray in the other.
"Trying not to look like a fool with your pants on the ground Ginger"? B.T. asked sarcastically. We all laughed at his statement.
Forgot to list off characters so might as well do so now, why not just do that at the beginning as I'm writing this, absurd. You can't just hit some sort of magical backspace button on a keyboard or something of that mystical nature.
Van Rorie - Myself, just a snow leopard with all the usual markings, about 185cm. and 70kilos.
Rev - A border collie with shining blonde hair, about 178cm. and 70kilos.
Ips - A black cat, about 177cm. and 73kilos.
B.T. - An albino black panther, about 175cm. and 70kilos.
Skippy - A beagle, about 160cm. and 70kilos.
Ginger - A ginger cat very fit about 175 cm. and 75kilos. (I have a secret crush on him. SHHHH don't tell anyone).
"Yeah I forgot my damn belt at home, anyone have one I can borrow"?
I looked around my satchel but all I found was a shirt. I looked back up at the table and saw Rev had produced a spare belt from his backpack.
"Here cat" he said throwing the belt over to Ginger "I want that back though".
"Thanks dog". Ginger replied putting on the belt.
"So you going to prom Bros" Ips asked in his usual funny yet annoying way.
"I'm going with Nike. Oh that reminds me guess who Hailey is going with". Rev implored excitedly.
"I don't know she's such a skank". B.T. replied coolly.
"Luke Zapson" Rev stated revealing the mystery.
"They make such a cute couple, you know because they're both like 150cm. tall" I replied in mock admiration.
"What about you Van Rorie, you going to prom" Ips asked.
"No I fucking hate the shitty music they play at the dances it's all modern shit that sucks ass. I'm just going to stay home and whack it all night".
"Same here cat" Ginger said.
"Okay but we do it back to back otherwise it'd be really weird" I replied smoothly.
The whole table bust out in laughter.
"Bro that was fucking epic" Ips said as we high fived.
"Guys pregnant skank alert" Skippy said while pointing over by where the school kept the ketchup for lunch.
"I fucking hate how there all the dumbass pregnant sophomores everywhere now. I mean when we were sophomores there were only like three pregnant chicks now there fucking everywhere" Rev complained.
"Dog it goes into what I've been saying about school overcrowding and what not" I told him.
"What have you been telling Rev Bro" Imps asked.
"I've been fucking saying you hipster that we need like a school shooting or a plague or something, because the hallways are way too damn crowded. I mean fuck I can't get from one class to another because of a bunch of dumbass who just loiter in the damn halls". I told him.
"I know right, and it's always those damn Mexicans there's like fifty of them" Skippy said jumping into the conversation.
"Thank God this isn't south side, there's a bunch of niggers over there along with the damn Mexicans" B.T. replied.
"Says one of the handful of black furs at this school, and the only one at this damn table" Ginger retorted.
"Only niggers can call each other niggers you racist piece of shit" B.T. replied.
"Hey B.T. what are we doing in Mr.B's class"? Rev asked.
"What we always do. Seriously like every class is just him lecturing for like ten minutes then he just talks about his cubhood, or about all the trips to Europe he has taken".
"I know right I mean I haven't learned shit about history in that class. On the plus side I do get a lot of sleep caught up though" I interjected.
"We still have that test Friday in his class though right"?
"Yeah and he says he's checking notes this week but he never does". B.T. said.
"I know its so bullshit like half the teachers don't even pick up the work they assign so there's no incentive to even do any of it". Rev said.
Suddenly the bell rang so we all started to get up and head for class. "See you guys I'm going to go to my second sleep class of the day" I said.
"So you're just going to basic law"? Asked Rev.
"Yeah Mr.W doesn't make us do shit in there, so I'm just going to go talk to Na-Na about getting high and shit".
"Well see you in German" Rev said.
"Ja Auf Wiedersehen".