Lyle le Loosely Lucid Lion - Part 2/3 (in honor of AW451)

Story by Jacob King on SoFurry

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#2 of Lyle le Loosely Lucid Lion

-PLEASE READ BEFORE BEGINNING STORY-

This is the promised story with "flair" that I promised in a journal some time ago. In honor of ArcticWolf.

I wrote this when I was drunk. Wrote the summary of the story while drunk, recorded an audio version of the full story while drunk, then typed up the story while sober...because trying to write a grammatically correct story while drunk is near impossible.

Blue text = Speech/action unrelated to the story narrative.

Non-blue text = The story you have been waiting for.


So the half-blind, half-deaf teacher then looked over at this students and said, "Alright, class...today, we're going talk about binomials." Then a random student asked, "Teacher-bitch, what are binomials? Is that when two bisexual gnomes are getting it on?" Everyone except Lyle and the teacher began to laugh at the joke. The teacher then looked down, then back up at the student and said, "Well, a binomial is you're giving a dog a blowjob." The teacher was actually making a joke, but right after that, Lyle knew that he was in the wrong school, and by wrong school, I mean wrong city, and by wrong city, well, this a story, so fuck you.

_ _

Lyle then ran out of class, crying as if he didn't know what to do. As he ran of the class, he saw in front of him a bulletin board...a random bulletin board that had a colored paper on it, saying, "Talent Show". It was going to be starting tomorrow. He knew he saw it has his chance of proving himself in front of a couple of other kids that even though he had a really long tail, he was a fur, just like the rest of them. He immediately ran out of the school for home to tell his mom about the talent show.

"He wanted to show then...no, skip that part," said Marvin at the imaginary secretary. One of the children then started walking up to him. It was only a small female crocodile with lovely little blond curls in her hair. She slowly made her way up to the drunk old wolf, Marvin, and said quietly, "Mr. Felder, are you alright? You look sick." He then pulled her by the arm and gave her cheek a long, slow lick, leaving a trail of saliva, alcohol, and puke on her cheek. He then picked her up by the shoulders, walked over by the window, and threw her out, breaking the window. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMWN-HSR-rM&t=0m19s) She then fell two stories before hitting the pavement. Luckily, she had on a parachute, so when she fell, she forgot to deploy it and fell to her death. A bum walking by saw the body and said, "This will make a great meat purse!" He then took the body and ran off. Marvin continued his story, though most of the children were just in shock, and two of them just ran away from the classroom.

She then got very angry at him and slapped him across the face in the same cheek where the English teacher, Ms. Baxter, slapped him. "Why'd you have to leave school so early?!" snarled Lyle's mother, "You still have four more classes finish!" And it was true. Lyle left class...left the school early. He didn't realize it. He was too excited about the talent show and getting acceptance since everybody was crazy and so they wouldn't care anyway. Lyle then realized that his mother was right. He told his mother, "Oops, I'm sorry, ma'." But then she slapped him across the face again, yelling, "Bitch! You get your ass back in school, nigga'!" Lyle rubbed his face, saying, "Yes, mother." He then...she then fingered his butthole and sent him on his way, like she always does.

As he scratched his ass, from the pain that he was feelin', he made it back to school. Although he missed a class, which was physical education...which I won't get into the details of, because, you know, in a fucked up city, you could imagine what was going on in physical education. He was still making it...Lyle still made to school in time for lunch break. He then walked into the cafeteria, and then just stood in the middle of the large room, looking for a place to sit. He then got his lunch from a lunch lady, who was a fricken' ugly rhino. You know what she served for lunch? Feces. She served feces in cheese and onions...and guacamole...and raw sushi with a nicely glazed lizard dick. For lunch. Lyle then said thank you to the ugly ass lunch lady because he wanted to be polite. You know what she said? "Look, buddy, I'm single and I'm free on Saturday, so if you ever want to give me a cunny-lickin', boy, you come back to my place, bitch!"

"Alright, so...it was a little bit crazy. He then walked over where he thought he heard...no, no, no, let me start over. People are starting to listen to me, so I need to act a little bit sane. He then walked into the cafe...no, no, no, skip that," mumbled Marvin, whose eyes were now half-closed and he almost seemed to be drifting off to sleep. The few children that remained in the class saw it as their chance to escape. They started walking away slowly, but then they heard Marvin yell, "Get your bitch asses back in here. NOW!" They starting quivering in fear, and two more of them ran off. The five of them that remained slowly walked back into their seats. "Now, where was I," and so he continued his story.

After he got his meal, he started walking towards the middle of the cafeteria. He watched as a large rain of lizard dicks covered in cheesy feces started pouring at him. Everybody hated him just because his tail was long, but then again, it was a crazy city, so those were the kinds of things you could except in that kind of school. He then started running around, trying to dodge as much food as he could, but he got tired and then stood in place, because they were throwing food at him for...a FULL TWO MINUTES, NIGGA'! He then got bombarded with a large array of cheesy lizard dicks. He then wiped his clothes and started to walk away until he heard some call his name, "LIAR! YOU NIGGA, GETCHO ASS OVER HERE, BITCH!" He then walked over to where he heard the voice. It was a bunch of panthers. Black panthers. They then told him as he stood right beside the table, "Listen, you ugly ass nigga', we know how shit works around here, and to be honest, it ain't easy. We got it hard...you know...we got it hard..."

"Let me try that again...we know how shit works around here, and to be honest, it ain't easy...better," said the old wolf. By "better", he meant that he had just soiled his pants. The five children that were left in the room just sat there in awe. Marvin then flicked them off and continued his story.

"We know you got it hard because of your long-ass tail, but so do we...because we are panthers --not because we are black..."

"This isn't a racist story, bitches; so calm your tits down, fuckers!" yelled Marvin.

"...but if you want our services of protecting your ugly ass, you gotta show that you mean business, you understand, NIGGAAAAAAAAAAA'?!"

"That was in...that from the word document, thank you very much, niggas," said Marvin. He then let out another disgusting fart. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4Ls77ixbyc&t=0m2s) Another one of the children ran off, unable to bear another mist of death. The four children left over started laughing at the sound, though they quickly got quiet from the horrible odor. Marvin continued his story.

Lyle the responded with a nod, and then sat down along with the black panthers. He shared his food with them, and then they cut up the cheesy lizard dick into parts and shoved their own parts down their pants, and then they pulled it out and threw the pieces into Lyle face. "Bitch," said one of the panthers, "we ain't broke! You don't have to offer us food just because we're black. Look, we're panthers, we're sort of outcasts, but we know how shit goes on around here, so we ain't stupid. So, don't give the sympathy shit. Nigga' get that shit outta here! We ain't broke-ass niggas." And with that, they kicked him out of the group out of insult. Yes. But to be honest, they were actually broke because they were black panthers and furries were racist in that town. They couldn't even afford to sleep, but they kicked Lyle out to make a point. Lyle never figured out that point, and neither did they...because they were just uneducated, stupid, black panthers.

Lyle then looked around the lunch room for some friends to make, and then he finally saw other lions, just like him, except they had normal tails. Lyle had a twelve-foot tail, which was pretty abnormal for most furries, but he's, like...but he wasn't like most furs, you know what I'm sayin'? Anyway, he went over to sit with them and asked politely if he could sit with them. They then told him, "Hey, pussy!"

"Pussy was slang for lion," clarified Marvin. The four children were just cracking up at the ridiculous story. Marvin continued.

"Sit with us, we could use some tail!" They were horny for him, but they didn't mention it because they were nerds and they couldn't even get laid. They were actually a bunch of gay lions, but they liked him. He fit in with them. He was an outcast, just like them, except they weren't...except...except Lyle wasn't really gay. Lyle then asked them, "So, how are y'all doing today?" They then responded, "Oh, just terrible, terrible. We're trying to figure out a good bit for a talent show so that the furs would accept our sexuality, but we can't come up with anything." Lyle then said, "Well, with a tail like mine, we could probably dome a jump rope or something." Lyle was actually joking, but they took it seriously. They considered it and talked it over for a second, and then they looked back at him and said, "Alrighty, we'll do it. If you support us, we'll support you. If the football players give you a hard time, we'll give them a hard time, nigga'!" Finally, for the first time in his life, he made friends, because everyone was a fucking lunatic. He felt happy. Although it was for a purpose, he felt as if he made some real friends, and that they weren't crazy, after all...even though they actually were; not because they were gay, but because they liked cannibalism and they were hungry for him. They thought that if they could set him up for a dinner date, they would eat him.

After a long, rough day at school, he went back home to tell his mother about his new friends. She yelled, "Listen, you little twinkle-toed, pompous, mule-faced, backstabbing, jack-o-lantern on sneakers, koala bitch, I like you. So don't get too chummy with the furs over at your school. You understand that, you little bitch?!" His mother then proceeded to kiss his lips with the kind of kiss that would make a hooker blush. His eyes widened as his mother pulled away from him. "Mom," said Lyle, "You can't keep doing that! I'm not your husband, and you know your husband walked out on you, but you gotta respect that I'm your son and I'm not into sexual shit with you. I'm not Oedipus, bitch!" And then his mother responded, "Bitch! You don't talk to your mother like that!" She then slapped his butt so hard that it made the whole why....the whole world explode from the power of the tremors caused by that bitch. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK0hXR_XbH8) "Look", said his mother, "you show your mother respect, or I'll show you the meaning of America." Lyle then submitted to his mother like he always does, because he was a pussy. Not because he was a lion, but just because he was a loser. "Look, mom," said Lyle, "I'm just nervous about the talent show that is coming up. I promised my friends to...that I...during lunch, that I was going to be there...I...eh...can't let them DOOOOOOO--" And as he was saying "down", in the middle of that word, she slapped him across the face. "Look, you little backstabbing, son of a cock-sucking motherfucking bitch NIGGA', if you think your tail is so bad, listen. When you came out of me, the doctor thought that your tail was an umbilical cord, and then they cut it on accident. So, then your tail could have been three times...four times...FIVE TIMES AS LONG! But no, they cut it, so it was only twelve. And then they cut your umbilical cord when they figured out that it was an accident..."

"I'm sorry, this thing nigga' is going crazy, give me a break," muttered Marvin, still sitting at the ground with soiled pants. The children than began to get annoyed with the smell of Marvin's urine contaminating the room. Marvin continued his story.

"So," said Lyle's mother, "don't give me trouble, and you better show mother respect before I show you the meaning of America, BITCH!" She then fingered his butthole, like she always does, and set him on his way back to his room. Lyle then started walking up the stairs to his room. He started to come up with what he could do for the talent show that was tomorrow, you know what I'm sayin'? Maybe this could have been his chance to shine...or perhaps to make him really big...giant target for school. Not talking about a dig bick...you read that wrong just now...stupid. This would have made it easy for others to make fun of him if he failed the talent show, because this was a big risk. Everybody was going to be watching him, and they would notice that his tail is really long; but maybe, if he could impress everyone with his JUMP ROPING SKILLS, they would accept him. He then started practicing jump roping his tail, and he was pretty good already. He had already done a bunch of stuff. He was still a so...HIS TAIL WAS SO FRICKEN' LONG that he could do all enormous tricks...bitch. ALLLRIGHT.

Next day of school was more rough than the last, because the gays told everyone about him. Everyone hated the gays at school because they were psychotic and they didn't understand that gays are people too. Bitch. All the football players came up to Lyle and said, "What up, bitch?"

"Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch..." said Marvin, over and over for another five minutes. This word had forever been implanted into the children's vocabulary. "Bitch," said one of the pups, trying out the word. "WATCH YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE!" yelled Marvin. The pup was so scared that he ran out of the room, crying, "Up yours, bitch!" The three leftover children were just giggling. Marvin continued his story.

"So, bitch..." said the football player to poor Lyle, "going to that talent show? You want your dick up our ass or you want our dick up your ass? You like cock? You like balls? You like tennis? You like Mario Lopez? You like Cher? You like Rags' comics?"

"That was an unintentional commentary towards Rags' comics. Please check it out whenever you can. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen." growled Marvin. (http://www.sofurry.com/user/view/profile?id=69402) The children had now become more confused than ever. Marvin laughed, the puked (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrUiuNSJQeM), then continued his story.

Then Lyle turned to the football players and made a loud meow like a little pussy cat. He yelled, "Listen, you stupid bitches, I'm talking like a gay guy. I'm going to win that talent show whether you beat me up or not." The football player...the ball players started beating him up, because, you know, their pussies. PINGAS! A loud voice from the end of the hallway yelled, "Alright, you stupid bitches and bastards, get ready for the talent show!" It was the principal's announcement for the entire school. They all....it was actually early, but they didn't have much time and they wanted to get it out of the way. THEY ALLLL, besides Lyle, ran away from the principal into the conference room. Lyle was unconscious, but the principal snapped him out of it, because he was an ugly bitch...ALTHOUGH he was a nice fellow. He was a very ugly platypus, so ugly that even Lyle...had a problem with it, although he really didn't seem to mind openly.