Requiem for a roommate, Part 2.
Rachel's hunt for a decent roommate continues, but the next candidate is not really her type.
Rachel firmly pressed the "ON" button on her ancient computer, continuing with the story as she watched the loading bar slowly creep up.
"You know, that possum actually wasn't that bad. At least I got rid of her, nice and quickly."
"Yeah, I don't think she's ever coming back!"
She proudly stroked her tail. "Yeah. Well, the next one was even worse." _______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Rachel lay down on the floor, watching the clock, using the handle of a soup ladle on herself to pass the time.
There was a knock at the door. Rachel threw the ladle into a corner, stood up, cleaned herself up with a tissue, and opened the door.
Standing at the door was a cat. She was about as thin as Rachel was, but about 2 inches taller. She had white hair, green eyes, and she was holding a laptop under her left arm. She walked into the room, and put her laptop on the desk.
"Uh... Hi?" Rachel asked, bewildered.
The cat turned around, said hello quickly without any emotion or inflection, turned back around, and turned on her laptop.
"Who are you?" Rachel wondered, trying to remain polite.
She stood up, turned around, and said "My name is Stephanie, I have a grade point average of 4.8." She glared at Rachel, waiting for her response.
"Uh... My name is Rachel, I never really did that well in school, and-"
"Well, that sucks." She interrupted. She sat down on the chair, and loaded up her internet browser.
"Yeah, I don't think they really understood... Hey! What are you doing in my apartment?!"
"Ours."
"What?!"
"It's our apartment. I'm rooming with you."
"You?!"
"Yes. Try to keep up."
Rachel stood there silently, seething in anger.
When she had calmed down enough to speak again, she tried to start the conversation again. "So, are you a cat?"
She stood up, and waved around her cat tail, with an expression that clearly showed her disdain for this conversation. "Yes. What are you?"
"Squirrel-Skunk hybrid." Rachel shook her bushy tail proudly.
"Ok." She said flatly.
"Ok? What do you mean, ok?"
"Species doesn't really matter."
"Thank you so much for understanding! You know, my last roommate, she was totally... Hey, where are you going?"
"I'm checking my email."
"In the middle of our conversation?!"
"Yes."
Rachel peered over her shoulder, and saw her inbox was flooded with spam. There were advertisements for marrying foreign women, requests to try internet dating, and a lot of unfriendly emails, presumably from men, judging from their usernames.
"Stop Reading."
"Huh?"
"Stop. Reading. My. Emails."
Rachel stepped back and put her hands up. "Sorry, I just wanted to know-"
"You could have asked." She interrupted.
"Would you have told me?"
"No." And with that, she went over to the fridge, to see if there was anything edible in there. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________
After entering her bedroom to scream (and fart) into her pillow, Rachel decided to try and talk to Stephanie again. She walked into the main room, smiling as friendlily as she could. "Hi, Stephanie!"
"Hi."
"So, you don't seem to talk much."
"Nope."
"No, you don't talk much? Or no, you talk often?"
Stephanie rolled her eyes, then made eye contact, however the unnatural way she did it made it look more like a stare-down. "I don't talk much, because nobody needs to waste time talking about anything. Honestly, I'm starting to see why you didn't do well in school." She said flatly.
Rachel's ears pricked up at that last sentence. "Hey! If you really want to know, I didn't do well in school because I slept with every single guy in school! Every single guy! I never did my homework, I rarely slept, and I loved every second of it! Now, I'm a porn actress, and I literally get paid to shake my body in front of a webcam, and sometimes do it, on-camera, with other guys! So, even if I didn't do well in school, I still have my dream job!"
"Really? Fascinating. I'm a theoretical physicist. I get paid to sit in a room, alone, and think about things. It is my dream job."
There was a knock at the door. Stephanie recognized the knock as the rhythm used in her favourite classical orchestral song.
"And speaking of dreams." She ran over to the door surprisingly fast, and opened the door.
Jonathan LightningStorm was at the door. However, he and Rachel hadn't met yet.
"Hello, luv!" He said as he walked in, stretching his pure-white wings.
Stephanie hugged him, and started bragging about how great he was.
"This is my boyfriend, Jonathan LightningStorm."
"Nice accent!" Rachel mocked. "Is that foreign?"
"Yes." She said bluntly. "He also had a grade point average of 5, he's a brilliant HTML designer, he's the smartest man I ever met, he regularly visits the high-IQ sperm bank, and I'm the girl he thinks of when he visits!" She purred, and started rubbing her face in the feathers on his chest.
"That is true." He wrapped his wings around her, making her purr even more.
"He is also a Snowy Owl, and I just love birds so much! The feathers, the wings, the pure unstoppable freedom! You are the complete package, you have everything!"
Rachel rolled her eyes. "I thought you said you don't talk much."
They both ignored her, too busy loving each other. "I also have you, luv." Jonathan said sweetly.
She giggled, and held his left talons in her hand. She led him to the bedroom, and slammed the door shut behind them. She locked it, and the sounds of their passionate lovemaking soon began.
Rachel enviously glared at the locked door. The noise didn't bother her, even though it did sound terrible. It was a cacophony of passionate hooting and purring, and a lot of laughter. Rachel decided to leave her new roommate, and her annoying foreign boyfriend alone.
Once she was out of the room, a she started to feel pretty bad. She went back in, grabbed her purse, and decided to go to her favourite restaurant, to try and forget it all. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________
The "restaurant" was a cheap, run-down, dilapidated diner that was originally converted from a trailer into a food-cart twelve years ago. A businessman bought it two years later, and converted it again, this time into a small diner. He then sold it to a different businessman, seven months later. Within four weeks, he had hung himself due to extreme debt. Without a true owner, the place had taken a big hit, and was in danger of shutting down.
About three years ago, a family of hybrid hillbillies bought the whole place, and sold their awful "food" there. The meat was questionable, the spices were stretched with sawdust, and nobody even wanted to know why the lemonade tasted so strangely.
However, Rachel loved the place. The staff were always friendly, and they gave all hybrids and cross-breeds a 20% discount on all food. She wasn't sure about the difference, but they insisted there was one. The food always gave her an extreme amount of gas, but it was pretty hard on her intestines and heart. She would only go there occasionally, as a special treat when she was feeling down.
There was a rumor going around about this place secretly being a front for a criminal organization comprised entirely of hybrids, and most of the profits the diner made goes to them, but she dismissed that as stupid anti-hybrid propaganda.
She said hello to all of the staff, and ordered four "Baen Buritos" and five bowls of "Baen Stew", but she never touched the lemonade. The food arrived within minutes, and the Fox/Horse waitress gave it to her with a smile.
She heartily devoured it all, loving the sensation of her stomach heating up. She kept eating, and the Dog/Pigeon cook even gave her an extra helping of bean stew, for free. He pretended it was an accident, but she noticed the way he stared at her shapely hybrid body. If this were someone else, she would have gotten offended by now. However, he was such a brilliant cook, and a kindhearted lonely old man who's wife had died of a heart attack four years ago, so she allowed him to get away with staring.
The food was already improving her gas, she could feel it churning inside her. She pulled her butt closer to the hard wooden chair, trying to keep it all in. Her left hand slowly slipped beneath her skirt, and she started masturbating.
When she was done, she made sure that the cum landed on the seat, rather than on the floor. She smiled to herself, deciding that the scent would probably bring in more male customers, anyway. She paid the waitress with a £20 note, and got slightly more change back than she should have. Rather than point out the mathematical error, she decided to pay the cook back, in a way he would enjoy.
She dropped a ten pence piece, and bent down to pick it up, making sure her rear end was facing the cook. She pointed up her tail, lifting up her short crimson skirt, and spread her legs slightly, allowing him to see her butt, and her dripping wet clit. She picked up the coin slowly, allowing the cook to have a good look. Once she decided he'd seen enough to have some nice dreams tonight, she put the coin into her purse, and left with a smile, thanking them all for the excellent service and food.
Her stomach gurgled loudly. All that leg-spreading and butt-pointing had really gotten her gas going. She lifted her left leg and released some silently. She smelt it as it slowly floated upwards, and she covered her nose in disgust and admiration. "Man..." She thought to herself. "I'd hate to be anyone who gets gassed by me tonight!"
Suddenly, she got an idea. She clenched her cheeks together tightly, and started to walk home. She'd give that new roommate of hers a nice, friendly, Skunk welcome. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________
When Rachel returned home, she saw that Jonathan had already left. Stephanie was on the couch, licking herself clean in the way cats do after reproduction.
"Hi, Stephie!" She announced as friendlily as she could. It sounded a bit forced, because her intestines were really starting to hurt from keeping in all that gas.
Stephanie made a muffled mumble that sounded a bit like "Hello", then resumed licking. Her left leg was stuck out, her head was down, and she was in the perfect position for Rachel to grab hear head, shove it down her ass, and fart.
As much as she might enjoy that, Rachel decided it would be better to save it for later. Her butt started to sweat, and her stomach gurgled loudly.
Stephanie looked up. "Hey, are you alright?"
Rachel smiled reassuringly. "Sure, I'm fine, I just need something to eat."
She went over to the fridge, and saw that those two had eaten almost everything. Luckily they hadn't touched the eggs. She got a stack of five pieces of bread, and cracked the eggs, pouring the yolk on them. She then put this in the microwave, and after two and a half minutes, she ate them. They tasted strongly of egg, and any other species would be disgusted by this. However, she was a Skunk, and she knew that after this, her farts would be dangerous, almost corrosive.
When she was done, she smiled at Stephanie again. Her smile was adorable, pure, and a bit forced, but she kept it bright by thinking of the torture she was about to put Stephanie through. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Later that evening, Rachel decided it was time for them to go to sleep. Mostly because she didn't think she could hold her gas in any longer. Her stomach gurgled loudly again, getting Stephanie's attention. She looked up from her laptop, and asked "What?"
Rachel smiled back, her rear end starting to quiver and shake. "Oh, I'm fine. I think it's time for bed."
Stephanie turned off her laptop, climbed over the sofa, and opened her bedroom door. "Goodnight."
Rachel smiled back, showing all of her teeth. "Goodnight!" she said friendlily, her butt in serious pain.
Once she heard Stephanie lock the door, she waited to see if she would purr in her sleep. She did, loudly. Rachel rolled her eyes, then clutched her stomach in pain. She stood rigidly, squeezing her cheeks together as hard as she could.
On all of the doors in the apartment, there were locks with keys, and the apartment doors had two or three extra locks on them. If you were rich and paranoid enough, you could buy extra locks.
In the darkness, Rachel felt stephanie's door handle to find the keyhole, then she slowly turned, and lined up her rim with the keyhole.
She stuck up her tail, relaxed her butt, and a silent but deadly fart started hissing out. Her left hand was clenched, pushing out the gas, and her right hand was stroking her tail lovingly to relax herself even more.
She stopped suddenly, the urge to masturbate and smell her own gas just too powerful. She stepped away from the door, farted silently for two seconds, then tightened her butt again. She crept back to the door and put her face in the gas cloud she produced, and as soon as she smelt it, she pulled away. It was the most powerful gas she'd ever made! She stuck her face back in, inhaling deeply until it was gone. She was getting pretty wet, but she dried herself off with her short crimson skirt before it could splash loudly against the floor.
She continued gassing silently again, trying not to make a sound. She could only imagine what kind of pain the cat must be going through.
Rachel noticed that the purring had stopped. She smiled to herself. She's probably starting to notice her delicious, brilliant, sexy scent pumping silently into the room, through the keyhole.
After a long, loveable two minutes and fourty-nine seconds of silent gassing, she went into the one bathroom, patting her stomach lovingly.
She entered the bathroom, grabbed the toilet paper, and pushed it down the toilet, backing it up. She did the same with the other three toilet rolls, making sure that her business would land silently on paper, and the scent would improve throughout the night, rather than splash noisily into the toilet water. If this happened, all of her hard work would literally go down the drain.
She sat down, and did her business in the toilet, surprised at how liquefied the crap was. It poured out of her ass like a warm, brown, steaming-hot river. When she was done, She turned off the air-conditioning, and threw all of the air fresheners out of the window. She locked the bathroom window shut, and dropped the key into the crap-puddle on top of the paper-blockage in the toilet.
She left the bathroom without flushing, and went into her bedroom. Before she got into her bed, she farted silently into her pillow as a treat to herself. Thirty seconds later, when she was sure she had used up what was left of her egg-and-bean-empowered gas, she got into bed, snuggling up to her gassy pillow. She liked to do this and pretend that she was cuddling another skunk, releasing all of his gas for her to enjoy. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________
The next day, Rachel woke up feeling refreshed, emptied, and ready to start the day. She skipped out of her room, and saw Stephanie's laptop. She hid it under the sofa, and smiled even more.
Stephanie slowly walked out of her bedroom, looking really tired. Her hair was messed up, her eyes seemed to be stuck shut, and she kept yawning.
Rachel saw her, and laughed. "Wow, looks like someone didn't get a good sleep!"
She yawned. "Yeeeees, I think there might be a gas leak in that room or something."
Rachel laughed even harder, and farted loudly. "The only gas leak in this apartment is me!"
"That was you?"
"Oh yeah!" She announced proudly. "You see, I'm doing this new diet recommended by doctor..." She looked around the room quickly, and decided on a name. "Board.. Spoon... knife... Board spoon-knife... board, brad, Brad Spooknife! Yes, Doctor Brad Spünive, PHD!"
"Never heard of him."
"Oh, that's because he isn't a real doctor, he's just a dietary expert. He made the latest fad diet, and he says that the best was for a Skunk like me to lose calories, feel better, and tone my glutes, is to gas my bedroom every night before I sleep!"
"Just your bedroom?"
"Well, it's really supposed to go on and on until you feel completely empty. And I'm so gassy that it usually fills the whole place!" She laughed at how she always found a way to brag about her gas, even when she was telling her roommate about a fake diet.
"Wait, are you going to do that every single night?"
Rachel bent over, and farted a loud, three-second burst. "Oh yeah!"
"Well, I'm sorry, but I don't really think this is going to work out."
She went into the doorway, then stopped.
"Hey, have you seen my-"
Rachel interrupted, and said "No, but have you seen my ass?"
Stephanie stood there, confused beyond words.
"I... I don't think..."
Rachel smiled, then had another idea. "Oh well, it's a shame you were leaving. I was looking forward to all the farting contests we could have!"
She took a step backwards, worried. "I'm not really the type for-"
"Well, if you are leaving, you might as well use the bathroom before you go!"
She nodded, her mind far away. "Yes, yes, good idea." She opened the door, went into the bathroom, and screamed.
Rachel smiled, as she saw Stephanie run out of the bathroom, out of the apartment, and down those stairs. It was the fastest she had ever seen a non-squirrel run. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________
As soon as she was sure that the story was over, Jade burst out laughing.
"Dr. Board Spoon-Knife?!" She asked incredulously.
"It's pronounced Dr. Doctor Brad Spünive!"
"And she bought that?!"
"Surprisingly, yes! Speaking of buying things, guess what happened to her laptop."
"You sold it to a pawn shop?"
"No, a porn shop wouldn't want a computer like that. They'd prefer something with more memory, for the pictures, and better upload and download speeds, for publishing them."
Jade smiled. "No, I meant a second-hand shop."
"I know, I'm just messing with you!" She looked at her computer, and saw the loading bar was at 45%. "I kept it, and used it to store porn for a while, as a backup hard-drive or something, then when Jonathan saw it, he gave me £250 for it. I deleted all of my porn, and sold it to him. I'm not sure why he wanted one, it was too slow to browse the internet, and it took me a while before I figured out a good use for it."
"So, what did you do with that money?"
"I payed the rent."
"Wait, that's it? Knowing you, I was expecting something crazy, like blowing it all in four days in a crazy drunken adventure. Well, looks like I owe myself a fiver." She got a fiver out of her purse, and passed it to herself, then put it back in. She noticed Rachel's confused expression, and decided to change the subject. "Anyway, do you think it's weird that you are in love with your ex-roommate's ex-boyfriend?"
Rachel giggled. "Yeah, maybe a little. But it's not like I broke them up so I could see him. He still sees her sometimes, he still has her number, they date sometimes. But for some strange reason, she doesn't seem to like me very much."
Jade thought of everything Rachel had done to her previous roommates, then laughed. "I can see why!"