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Romari Susi is a dirty old wolf, the emperor of a mighty nation, and the joint-CEO of a massive worldwide corporation; he's well respected, and is closeted from the rest of the world, though it's a poorly kept secret at best. He shares his bed with his straight-laced secretary, co-CEO, and mate Neal, who is a flying fox (AKA, a fruit bat). Luckily for their domestic tranquility, Neal is rather open to his mate's wide-ranging romantic exploits.

Joining them in their adventures is the captain of their imperial guard, a raccoon named Taxas.

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THE TWILIGHT ZONE

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Imperial Sovereign Romari:"What the hell is taking so long? We've been sitting here almost two hours!"

Imperial Assistant Neal:"For once I agree with you, sir. I haven't even seen the office assistant since we came in."

Romari:"Speaking of coming in--"

Neal:"For the last time sir, I'm not giving you a muzzle-job in our lawyer's waiting-room. That would be...tacky."

Romari:"And sticky."

Neal:"The answer's still no."

Romari:"Damn."

Neal:"And doing so in the workspace of your ex-beau would be rather uncivil, at best."

Romari:"Taxas?"

Taxas:"Yes, Your Excellency?"

Romari:"I believe you know what I want you to do. Wink-wink."

Captain of the Guard Taxas: *Salutes* "I'm on it."

Neal: "Captain!"

Romari:"Wait a minute! Just where do you think you're going?"

Taxas:"I'm doing my duty, sir. I'm going to see what's taking so long." *Knocks on the office door*

*Door squeaks open with the eerie groaning of unoiled hinges*

Feminine Voice: "Good evening, and velcome to zhe lair of Zir Hanz Friedrich Ferdinand III. How may I be of zervice?"

Taxas:"Yes ma'am. His Imperial Highness and the imperial secretary have been waiting for their eight o'clock appointment for nearly two hours."

Feminine Voice:"Oh, vaz zhat today? I believe zhere haz been a zcheduling error."

*The door opens with a creak, and out steps a beautiful deer with pure white fur and red eyes, dressed in a black skirt and sparkly red silk blouse.*

Pure White Deer:"My apologiez. Do come in."

Taxas:"Thank you, ma'am."

Romari: *Growls* "That's no ma'am! That's a man! Get your holy hand grenade ready, Taxas! It's that bloodsucker Hans!"

Neal: *Aghast* "I'm so sorry, Sir Ferdinand. I think His Imperial Highness has begun exhibiting signs of Alzheimer's and Tourette's again." *Grab's Romari's ear and hisses* "Please, please behave yourself, Dearheart! Dressing in tasteful women's clothing is hardly a crime against nature!"

Romari:"Says you."

Neal:"I think you've confused vamp with vam_pire_ anyway, so do try to stop making unfounded accusations. Please?"

Romari:"Tell him to stop eyeing Taxas like a hemoglobin martini and I will."

Sir Hans Friedrich Ferdinand III:"Ah. Romari. I zee you ztill believe zhat leetle rumor about me being nozferatu. I azhure you, it vaz never true."

Romari:"You're not fooling anyone, Hans. What about the fangs?"

Hans:"I am tufted deer. Ve all have fangz. It iz...a family zhing."

Romari:"And the red eyes and pasty pale complexion? That, and I've seen you burn when exposed to direct sunlight!"

Hans:"I am albino. Zhe zun doez not agree vith me."

Romari:"Garlic and silver make you sick!"

Hans:"Allergiez."

Romari:"And your aversion to stakes through the heart?"

Hans:"I am alzo vegetarian; high cholezterol iz bad for zhe cardiovazcular zyztem."

Romari:"And what about the fact that you literally haven't aged a single day over the last thirty-five years?"

Hans:"Clean living and very expenzive plaztic zurgery. Really, Romari, you are being zilly. But I do zhank you for zhe complement, backhanded az it may be." *Turns to Taxas and runs a red-polished nail up the center of his chest.* "My, my. You ztill have qvite zhe tazte in men, I zee. He lookz qvite tazty. Ve juzt may have to renegotiate my retainer fee to include him, no?"

Romari:"No! You keep your fangs out of him! He's mine!"

Taxas:"I'm afraid His Magnificence is right...err...sir."

Hans:"A pity. Now, let uz dizcuzz vhat troublezome zhing you have done zhiz time, Romari. Vith luck, it vill cozt you qvite a lot of money and take very leetle vork to fix."

Romari:"He's going to drain us dry, I swear."

Neal:"Sir, don't you think you're taking this vampire thing a bit too far?"

Romari:"Not really, no. He's a sparkly vampire -- the worst kind. Hell is too good for the likes of him."

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