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Moonlight's Tears © Cederwyn Whitefurr

14th May 2001

All Rights Reserved.

For Amelia and Jessica, you may be gone, but you both will live in my heart forever - may the Lord and Lady keep you, and bless you both, my beloved Wife and baby Daughter...

***

Sitting alone, in his darkened room, the young Mule Deer Buck cried unashamedly. No one was there to laugh at him; to hurl insults or tell him to stop crying like a beaten fawn...no one knew; they could not know...the agony that tore at his mind. His tears ran down his muzzle to drip off the end of his nose, and splash against the desk that he rested his shaking elbows on. Lying discarded on the desk was a once crumpled photograph...that someone had tried to unfold and flatten, but its broken, frayed image was barely discernable. Laying his paws flat against the desk, he slowly contracted them, until the bones of his paws crackled in protest, nearly breaking. He stared at that picture, and then slowly - let his eyes close...and his tormented mind wander....

*

Sitting at the large table, his fur immaculately groomed and with himself wearing a black suit and white silk shirt, a tightly fitting bow tie around his neck, he rose and bowed to his gathered family and friends, then raised his glass in his hoof-paw, and called for silence. After a few well natured jibes and calls, he smiles shyly, glancing down at the blushing Unicorn Mare who sat at his left paw.

"My friends - my family...." He stammered, his paw shaking.

"Get on with it - " Came a taunt, followed by good-natured laughter.

Blushing, the shy Mule Deer buck coughed delicately in to a paw and raised his glass.

"I would like - " He began, then glanced back at his beautiful Mare, and addressed the crowd. "To welcome one and all. I would like - to thank you...all of you...for what you have done, and especially, to thank those, whose efforts, made all this possible. Truly - my thanks can not say what I want to say...but I thank one and all."

Cheers and laughter rang out, as he paused, and turned, then held out his paw to his blushing bride, who rose and flushed a brilliant red, the soft light sparkling off her silken bride gown. He squeezed her hoof-paw gently in his own, and slowly leant down, and smiled, then licked her nose lovingly. Hysterical laughter came from the crowded hall, and jeers flew from all directions, making both Bride and Groom blush.

"Kiss her you fool!" One laughed.

"Kiss the Unicorn - its good luck!" Another called, good-naturedly. Putting down his glass, he took the lovely Mare in his arms, and gazed adoringly in to those deep brown eyes, then he pulled her slowly against him - and to the thunderous applause of the crowd, he passionately kissed her.

*

They finally broke apart, and both giggled like fawn and foal caught at mischief, and the crowd cheered and beat their hands and paws against the table, roaring with laughter. They sat, both blushing red, as others of the bridal party rose and spoke of many things; the Buck's shyness, and how he had won the heart of this shy, elusive Mare - and how he had, more than once, been brought back in to line for his straying. Indeed, this only served to embarrass the poor buck, who coughed and good-naturedly denied everything wrong; his beloved bride's soft whiffles of laughter showing how she felt about it. Many people spoke, of many things, both good, and embarrassing, and by the end of the speeches, both buck and Mare were in fits of hysterical laughter.

At last, the speeches were over, and their meals were served - the buck on his very best behaviour, and the Mare flicking shy glances at him, making his ears slick back, and a mock-pain expression cross his muzzle, which made the crowd roar with laughter all over again. They ate their meals, and drank sparingly of the strong champaign, both already being giddy at the day's events. Their meals were impeccable, and with the company that they shared - they were truly overcome. At last, more meals were brought out to them, and the buck groaned with good humour, claiming he'd need a bulldozer to carry the lovely Mare over the threshold later that night. This earned him a well deserved cuffing across the ears.

* Later -

*

He stood alone, wearing a tightly fitting black suit, gazing lovingly in to the sparkling eyes of the white silk clad Unicorn Mare he held so gently - his shaking paws holding hers gently, as he pulled her close, their cloven hooves clicking softly against the wooden floor, as the gentle strains of their wedding waltz played quietly over the darkened room - the only light - a soft, gentle light that bathed them in its soft caress. They danced so gracefully, cheek to cheek, her tears trickling down her muzzle and lying glimmering on his shoulder, sparkling like fine diamonds. He too wept, he was unashamed to do such - so much did he love this most beautiful of creatures. Only the strains of the sweet, gentle music could be heard, and truly - they danced as if they were the only creatures on the face of the earth - their hearts, spirits and bodies united in one. Neither of them knew at the time, of the barely formed embryo inside the Mare's womb - a gift of the Goddess, that they would come to love and cherish with all their hearts....

*

Months later -

*

Screaming, the Mare gripped the stag's paw tight, as the contractions made her bear down again, the sweat that soaked her soft white fur dampening the crisp white sheets.

"Push Amelia - " Spoke the Doctor, as he nodded to the nurse. "Come on, you can do it - once more...now!"

Screaming again, the Mare bore down once more, the strain of the birth taking its toll on her, as she gritted her teeth and squeezed her husband's paw, nearly crushing the slender bones within it. He winced, gritting his own teeth in pain, as his empathy flooded his body with the sickening pains his beloved Mare was suffering the sensations beyond mere words to describe.

"Come on Amelia - nearly there," Encouraged the Doctor. "Come on - you can do it...."

Amelia screamed, and buckled under the strain - then she shuddered and collapsed, as the Doctor hurriedly turned away, and there came the loud, strenuous wails. Amelia burst into tears, as did Cederwyn, who embraced his beloved mate, their sobbing not of pain, but of a mixture of relieving stresses and draining tensions.

"Here we go - " Spoke the Doctor, as he pulled away the surgical mask from his face, then handed the sobbing mare a wrapped bundle. "A beautiful baby girl - congratulations."

Gently, Amelia folded back the blanket and both her and Cederwyn gazed at the muzzle of the fawn that lay nestled in the blanket. Her eyelids fluttered open - revealing her eyes of the deepest brown that they had ever seen, and the fawn cried softly, her eyes unfocussed and staring up at the now openly crying Unicorn mare and the Mule deer buck.

*

In his sleep, the stag twitched and a choking sob escaped him, as a single tear slid slowly down his muzzle and dripped off his chin, landing on his lap and going unnoticed. He slept, he dreamed - and what began to turn his blood to ice - above all - he remembered....

*

Strapping themselves into the seats, the Mare glanced at the Buck, who sat beside her in the passenger seat. He blinked and smiled softly at her, his expression speaking volumes, as he turned and licked his mother on the cheek and shook his stepfather's hand in farewell. Glancing over his shoulder, he looked in the back seat, where the fawn lay snuggled into her car-carrier, dozing happily. They're borrowed vehicle, a ford falcon, crept down the driveway and made its way up the dusty country road. Cederwyn looked out the window of the passenger seat, then glanced back at his beloved Mare, before he reclined his seat and closed his eyes - within moments - was in a deep, dreamless sleep.

*

A sleep he was destined to live with for the rest of his life....

*

Amelia screamed in abject terror, as there was an explosion from beneath the car, and the vehicles steering wheel tore itself out of her paws, yanking the Falcon across the highway like it had a mind of its own. Helpless, she felt it launch itself across the meridian strip, then its tires gripped the rough edge of the strip - then flung the vehicle across the other lanes, whence it skidding and rolled off the edge, ploughing through small shrubs and trees, before it rolled a dozen times, the explosion of shattering glass and twisting, tortured steel and panels echoed by the scream of the terrified Unicorn mare, as she flung her arms up in a last effort to protect herself from the impending crash....

*

The falcon was a complete write-off, lying on its roof, mangled beyond all recognition - its three wheels spinning slowly and the indicators blinking haphazardly, the fourth - shredded beyond repair, the rim itself scarred and twisted - evidence of the force that had driven it off the road into an uncontrollable slide. Nothing moved, except the wind as it swept over, around and under the wrecked vehicle - and the soft tinkle of glass as it fell onto the crushed roof of the car. From within came a sudden high pitched scream - almost primal in its fear and pain, a scream that went on and on and on - the scream of a terrified, tortured fawn....

*

Inside the overturned vehicle, Cederwyn drew a shuddering breath, feeling the hot blood streaking down his head and the back of his neck, that scream burning into his already pain riddled mind. He blinked and his vision swirled sickening, as he came to realise he was upside down. His skull thudded and swam, as he felt every muscle in his body frozen. His head had been badly gashed open by the windscreen stanchion, and the pain that flooded him made him want to vomit, so primal and intense was the agony that tore into him. This all paled when he became conscious of the fawn's screaming - cries that slowly faded into sobbing gurgles...then a silence that froze his heart.... Darkness swam and flooded over him - and he blindly fled into it, welcoming it and praying he would not awaken....

*

Fate had other plans.

*

The next few days all past in a blur for him - his mind was fogged with the memories...hospital - surgery and intensive scans and tests - police interviewing him...his family beside him in hospital - it all swam and became garbled and confused. He knew only two things. He was alive - and he hated Amelia with all his heart....

*

They were both Pagan's, and had worked a powerful enchantment one spring night, that had bound their two souls together. Their enchantment was unbreakable - and in it, they swore that if one passed over, the other would follow - their love would continue in Summerland....

Somehow - before she had died, the Unicorn Mare had broken that enchantment, and it was for this reason, the Stag hated her....

*

At their funeral - he was a pale shadow of what he had once been. He barely spoke since the accident, and when he did - his voice was flat, cold - emotionless. He felt nothing - even when the twin coffins were lowered and the crematorium's curtains closed, he did not cry - he just stared impassively, almost as if he was a walking zombie. When Amelia's father approached, his face a mask of animal-like rage and loathing, and he punched the Buck in the nose, dropping him to the ground and instantly dragged off by other male friends and relatives, as Cederwyn weakly climbed back to his hooves and stared at Amelia's sire, he felt...nothing.

"You bastard!" Amelia's father screamed, struggling against the arms that gripped him. "You son of a fucking bitch! You murdered my little girl!"

Cederwyn only stared back - his face completely blank, his eyes flat and expressionless, almost like those of a shark.

"You were never good enough for my daughter you cunt!" Amelia's father raged, then burst into tears and clutched another male tight, who looked ill and gently pet the humans shoulder.

Cederwyn only stared, then turned and walked off without a word, brushing through the crowd that parted as he approached them, none of them daring to try and reach out - to offer their condolences - nothing.

*

Months later -

*

Cederwyn sat eating his breakfast, his friend Sean sitting beside him the grey furred rat looking over the morning paper and sharing a joke with the Buck...who suddenly stiffened and collapsed to the floor, screaming and shaking uncontrollably, his entire body bucking and convulsing as he screamed unintelligibly.

Cederwyn's strained emotions had finally snapped....

*

There came yet another period of nothingness - blank - memories vague and instinct, but later, as he awoke in his own bed, Sean sitting beside him, he was told the doctor's had said he'd suffered a complete physical and nervous breakdown.... He spent weeks undergoing care from a Nurse, who helped the stag slowly regain a semblance of his former life, but she could do nothing to break the melancholy that had seized Cederwyn - and led him to attempt suicide a few weeks later.

*

Looking down the barrel of the double barrelled shotgun, Cederwyn felt peace at last, he would end his living hell here and now - he knew he would never be joined with Amelia in this way - but it was the only way he had left to him...he could not go on without the one he had loved more than life itself, and his equally beautiful baby daughter Jessica....

As he moved to pull the trigger, the door exploded inwards and in stormed Sean, who wasted barely a second to get the picture he was witnessing - before he punched the buck as hard as he could, sending him head over hoof and knocking him to the floor, the shotgun falling to the wooden floor with a thud.

"Is this what she would have fucking wanted?" Sean raged, his fur bristling in anger. "Is it? Is this how you would have wanted Amelia to remember you? She loves you Ceder - more than you may realise. But hey - go right the fuck ahead! You want to end it? Here!"

Snatching up the shotgun, Sean pressed it into Cederwyn's paws. "Go right the fuck ahead Bucky - I'll turn around and walk out that door - and I won't look back...."

Sean turned about and headed towards the door, then he heard the choking sob that tore through Cederwyn, and he spun about and grabbed the stag as his knees buckled and he burst into tears - unable to hold himself back any longer, he clung to the rodent and buried his head against his chest and wept unashamedly, his convulsive sobs tearing him apart.

"Ceder - listen to me." Sean whispered, his own voice husky with his emotions. "I won't lie to you - I won't say I know what you're going through, I don't...and I pray to God himself, I never ever will know. What I do know - is Amelia loved you with all her heart, and suicide isn't an answer. You survived, and it's a damn miracle you did - with concussion, a few broken bones and some deep cuts...that's it. Someone was watching over you - and I'm sure it was her. You survived - because you have something left to achieve in this world, and I'm sure that Amelia, if she were here, would agree with me...and I don't mean that to sound cold and heartless."

*

Present day -

*

Quietly the mare looked on at the sleeping buck, her own etherial tears sliding slowly down her ghostly muzzle to drip soundlessly to the carpeted floor. As her sad, but noble gaze turned to the window and she sensed the rising sun, her head bowed and her low, soft snort brought the attention of the small doe fawn beside her.

"We must go my love - our time here is over." Whispered the Mare. With a blink, the fawn trotted a little closer, her own ghostly form flickering and wavering as she stared up at her mother, who stood beside her, the tears running unheeded down her cheeks.

"Mother - who is he?" Asked the fawn.

"Who is he?" Replied the mare, her voice distant, her eyes growing misty with unshed tears. "He is your father. A creature I loved more than life itself, and when we died, I broke the link between him and me. His time is not yet done. Come my daughter - the sun arises, and we must go."

Sniffling, the fawn trotted to the buck and lay her head on his lap, then gazed mournfully up at him, her own tears sliding down her muzzle and lying glistening on his white furred thigh. As the first rays of sunlight broke through in to the room, the mare faded away and all that was left was the fawn, who stared at her father. As the sunlight crawled across the floor, she sniffled and looked up at him, her tears glistening as she breathed a last few words, her form vanishing.

"I love you father...." Was the last words she ever spoke, as the sunlight broke apart her ghostly image and sparkled off the tears that lay glistening on the buck's lap...tears that would dry and vanish before this tormented stag awoke.

*END*