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"Are you sure your head is really fine?" I ask, probably the fifth time already. We're doing some of our homework during a break just right after lunch, less work to bring home anyway.

"Yes, stop asking already. As much as you are concerned, it's a little irritating," Typh sighs.

I know I probably am... But you know, just in case...?Head injuries isn't something you can just laugh away, as easy as a blood clot can easily send you into a coma.

"Okay, okay. But if anything's wrong, you MUST inform me," I say.

"Sure," he says simply. But his eyes aren't on me, so I follow his line of vision. There's nothing but the parade square though. What is he...?

"What are you looking at?" I ask, though I kind of know what he is looking at.

Typh jumps, looking slightly flustered. "Oh- er, n-nothing much," he says, avoiding eye contact.

I fold my arms and frown, "It's him, isn't it?" I look back to the direction and try to spot Gerrald. And as I suspected, the brown bear is on the building opposite the parade square, but his image is sooooooo tiny from here!! Typh's eyes are that sharp?!

I face Typh again and sigh before unfolding my arms and start doing work. If I'm going to chase him, I must get Gerrald out first. That bear does not deserve anything from Typh, the thought of it makes me angry and jealous at the same time. I want to walk up to the bear and give him a punch, but obviously Typh will kill me for that, and it will only make matters worse because Gerrald doesn't know anything. Or does he?

Typh's ears falls slightly lower as he watches me spot Gerrald. That guilt he is feeling now, I have to put a stop to that as well. Typh has to see that I'm far better than Gerrald. I like Typh and it hurts me to see him behave like this. But I can't convince him with only words, he probably won't believe. I'm going to show him, prove myself to him, the traditional way of getting a mate.

But that doesn't stop me from getting annoyed at him for Gerrald.... or at least the dots on my 'i's say so. Hard, but not to the point of putting holes yet. I avoid looking at Typh's face and continue to write up the tutorial. Not really to give Typh a cold shoulder... more like focusing on my work and slightly throwing a tantrum.

"J-Jo, I-" he starts.

What is he going to say, sorry? That he can't forget Gerrald just yet? That Gerrald is magically attracting his eyes? That Gerrald this, Gerrald that? It will just be about Gerrald right?

"It's okay, I know, you don't have to explain," I cut him off. I seriously don't wanna hear about my love rival right now; a formidable one, in fact; a rival that never have to do anything to snatch Typh away from me. And I have work to focus on as well, anyway.

Typh bit his lips and pick up his pen to write. He didn't look over to the other side again. I look over and realise the bear is no longer there, probably in one of the classrooms there. We didn't really talk much after that, not like I have the mood to anyway. When we go for our lessons, I try to be undisturbed by earlier; talking and joking once a while like we always do. Typh seems to light up a little when I approach him as though nothing has happened. What surprise me is that he even starts a conversation with Jin! I never really expect Typh to actually talk to Jin, that wolf almost shut himself up right after his first scar; being shy and quiet. If I didn't talk to him after that day, we probably won't be friends at all. Even blending in with the classmates took a fair amount of time. I wish I can help him; I guess being his friend is already one... but still.

I want to do more than just that. I want Typh to live happily, both as a friend and as a potential mate. Though I don't know what to do, if Gerrald actually somehow be together with him... Perhaps I'll give him my blessings? So long as he is happy, right?

Another thing is I don't really know if Typh gets it that I really do like him. He does have some trust issues, but it will be nice if he just didn't have those issues when I told him. What happen was really simple. When he came out, first thing was that 'Hey, two guys can actually be together, and Typh is okay with that.' Second was, 'Am I like that too?'

When I started to question myself, that's when I realise what I really want is him. I never had the urge to want to have a relationship with others, to me it seemed as though there was no need to, I felt self-sufficient then... until when Typh left, I broke down. I certainly didn't want him to go, I wanted to hold him and tell him it's going to be fine, I've never felt so lost before. I wanted Typh to be back to me so much, I even dreamt of him while having a fever. I felt that I needed him.

But the one he likes turned out to be Gerrald. Let's face it, he isn't really the best thing out there, but I got to admit he is pretty talented and cute, in a bearish way. But that's not the point. I tried to test him with the idea of us being together to see if he would at least be a tad bit interested, but it didn't turn out well. In fact, he even shot me back and made me question my feelings, whether I was acting on impulse. Was I confused? Probably.

Not until I knocked him over and fell on top of him. I took time to take a good look at Typh. I never realised how nice he looked until then, even though I've been literally seeing him for years already. That blue eyes he have, that triangular ears that flicks whenever I play with it, that white fur that stretches from his muzzle and cheeks all the way down his body, probably to his tail... I would have given him a lick if it wasn't for my parents.

On that next day, I missed the bus thanks to my mom fretting over my health. Dad drove me to school though. I tried to look for Typh but I checked the time and it's almost class. He probably was in the lecture hall already. But he wasn't alone. Jin actually sat beside him. I supressed a growl as I move to sit in front of Typh instead, staring stoically at Jin. Looking at Typh next, I couldn't help but smile a little...

Throughout the lesson, every time I finished copying the section of the notes, I tend to lean back subconsciously, almost as if trying to minimise the distance from him. I was thinking about my actions earlier, like how I was annoyed at Jin just because I couldn't sit beside Typh. It's almost ridiculous. It's not like Gerrald was sitting beside him or something... Gerrald was at the front, not beside Typh. I felt bad for being rather possessive.

Talking about Gerrald, I didn't know much about him, or at least Typh's feeling about him, at that time. I began to try and spot him at every combined class like lectures, and realised he was always at the front. Looking at him and looking at the screen were of the same direction. I wouldn't have known if Typh didn't tell me he was staring at Gerrald all along. He even told me that he can figure out his schedule just by plainly spotting and staring at the bear all around in school!

The amount he feels for Gerrald really isn't minute. In fact, it is enough to make me feel less confident about my chances with Typh. I mean, his obsession for that bear is really... wow.

But I won't back down so easily. So long as the bear isn't with him, I still have a chance. Even Typh said so. Gerrald never talk to him before; that improves my chances. Too bad for the bear, he is missing out something.

Typh don't really believe me, I know. But I thought it's worth a try to explain myself as well. I want to tell him how I really feel. I want to be with him. It's just that simple. All along, every time there's something to do or share, who is the first person I think of? I always look forward to see him. I want to hug him and protect him. I want to share my happiness with him. I find the idea of being together as mates more pleasurable than disgust. For once, the feel is there. That want to be in a relationship. It's more than the physical, not just sex. There's a lot other girls that won't hesitate to throw themselves over me, like that pizza girl... Sheron, was that her name? I don't even remember.

Typh asked me whether the feelings will last. I can't really answer that, can I? I can't jump through time and tell him. I want to know the answer as well. But at this point of time, I can safely say that the feelings are not going to disappear any time now. It's a want, a desire to be with him, for his... everything. Even if he has flaws, even if he refuses to acknowledge, I still wish to be with him. If that's what it feels like to like someone, then I have fulfilled those conditions.

I'm willing to wait if time is the only way to show Typh my intentions. I'll make you forget Gerrald if that is truly what it takes for us to be together.

That day, I pulled him into a hug, letting myself hold him as I wanted to do for so long. His small frame and soft fur... That scent of his that he always have... Noticing about how close our bodies are together, and with the scents and everything, I couldn't really thinking properly as my more basic needs started to take over my mind. I tried to distract myself by playing with his ear, and I thought I was calmed down. But the wrestling that made me pin him down; that position only heightened my urges. I no longer had the will to resist the urge, but I managed to keep it in control before I did something regretful. Perhaps it was Typh's face, or his voice that snaps me out. And I was lucky it did.

Then the guilt sets in. How could I assault the one I want to protect most? It's like betrayal, I couldn't believe I almost... What was worse was when I found out that his wrist had another scar that's partially due to my fault. After the first on his wrist, I told myself to protect him and myself, but ironically I'm the cause for the second? The combined guilt made me feel so useless, so incapable. Which true mate wants to harm their lifelong partner? Will this kind of hurt happen again if we got together? Typh tried to help me by saying he doesn't like wimpy guys, but I couldn't help but feel bad, even if I never let it show.

What truly distracted me from my guilt was when he told me he actually felt for me before, even if it's just once. It's like a glimmer of hope, telling me that my game isn't over yet. I don't care whether it's love or lust; at least it's still something. Although my bet is on lust, since me and Gerrald are big guys, it seems to be his type.

Then what is my type? Did I really have a preference? Am I now gay? Typh told me that it didn't really matter, so long as I'm happy, and that gave me my conclusion already. I don't have to care, I didn't care, I just went for what I like most, who I think can keep me happy for a long time. That person is no other than Typh himself.

Then this morning, when we had the volleyball match with Gerrald, I wanted to show him how much more awesome I am compared to Gerrald in volleyball. But Typh seemed pretty distracted, like staring into space. I never had the chance to show him though, the first surf hit the back of Typh's head, which I wanted to kill that cheetah for. But judging from how the cheetah tried to apologise for the innocent accident, I decided to let it go. I rushed to Typh instead, not sure whether to touch the back of his head, so I shook him and asked. I took his words that he is fine, but I'm slightly worried...

Now, going through our language class, I think of what to do to show my affections for Typh. Sincerity? Honesty? I'm not really sure... Will I be overdoing it if I keep pushing on showing how I feel?

Typh is talking to Jin; I really am surprised about that. It also makes me feel a little jealous. But it is okay, Jin didn't say he likes Typh, so it is fine. But Jin is single, a white tiger (pretty rare here), big sized like I am... Crap, am I getting paranoid and possessive now?

I immediately shake off those thoughts. How can I suspect on my friend? Such thoughts are really bad for the mind. This is probably just because Typh isn't mine yet. I sigh and concentrate on the lesson instead, placing my mind elsewhere.

--

The next two days, Typh and I didn't talk much about Gerrald. There were subtle hints, but not much. It was like he wanted to avoid that topic. Maybe he thinks that I'll beat him off again?

Maybe it's a good thing after all. It will only spark jealousy anyway. But maybe I should be less... possessive? I don't think it is a good idea for Typh to keep himself from talking about Gerrald, and I should be more tolerant. I should accept Typh's affection for Gerrald. Not letting him say it out only makes me look petty... But that's if he has things about Gerrald to say.

We are on our way to the assembly hall, for the assembly period (well, of course), where announcements and event that requires the entire cohort to participate are done for the next hour. Some, if not most of the events are a plain waste of time, sitting on the floor in twos for an hour doesn't make the events more exciting either. Since our classes are seated in order, there is a chance for Gerrald to sit beside us. I wonder if he has sat with Gerrald before, the previous months before he came out to me, does he look at Gerrald?

Squinting for Gerrald, I find the bear sitting somewhere in the middle. I let Typh pick the seats, surprisingly; he sits down at the back of the row, urging people to move in front. There is space beside Gerrald, he could have taken the space to sit beside him. But the others don't wanna sit there. Not that Gerrald is scary; it's just that all of us prefer to stay at the back. Assembly period is almost always boring, sneaking to play your smartphone and talking to your friends is usually the solution. So to avoid detection, we tend to stay at the back. All of us refuse to budge, and that's when our homeclass teacher (which is also our morph biology teacher) steps in, that tabby cat orders us to move in front or else it's marks off the test script. Our test scores are never outstanding, so it's safer for us not to cross her... That teacher actually has looks, if she isn't so annoying, I'm sure she will be liked by many. At that point, I have a little curiosity to see Typh sit beside him, so I grab my backpack and urge him to move. I purposely sit in such a way that there is a space between me and Gerrald. Gerrald have no reaction whatsoever. But Typh, the moment he sees that he has to sit in between us, his face turns completely stoned. From the way the moves all the way here, those slow, dragging strides, he doesn't seem too happy about it.

When he sits down, very reluctantly, I feel a pang of guilt. Right after him, others begin to fill in under her orders; which means that Typh can no longer move elsewhere without undergoing the wrath of our teacher. But I cannot really decide whether he is enjoying this or not. His entire muzzle turns red, his breaths are deep and sighing, but he is covering his eyes with his paws, looking down at the floor and shaking slightly. When I touch him, he jumps, but didn't let his paws go from his face.

It pains me to see him like that. I don't know what's going on, but whatever he is feeling right now can't be too positive. I want to reach over and hug him, but I obviously can't. I sigh, and wish that the hour can just pass quickly.

Throughout the assembly period, I catch Typh occasionally glancing at Gerrald. That sparks anger in me. Plainly because that bear never, ever looks at Typh, perhaps just once or twice in our direction, but not exactly at him. Yet Typh's attention is still on him. Why?!

But then again, Typh looks at me once in a while as well. He even shuffles closer at some point. I don't know whether to be happy or angry. I'm not angry at Typh, more like at Gerrald. He... I don't know what to do with him. Should I tell him? Is it my place to tell him? Is he blind?

I can't do anything impulsive. As much as Gerrald don't deserve any of Typh's attention, it isn't much of his fault. No. Instead, I should eliminate Gerrald not physically, but mentally. I have to tolerate this. Man, all this is so much harder than doing weights.

Not only all these, there's still work and nationals to worry about.

Argh. I don't know how this will work out. I think about it again after lunch (food is important, ya noe.), but I know that Typh and I have lots to talk about.