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Romari Susi is a dirty old wolf, the emperor of a mighty nation, and the joint-CEO of a massive worldwide corporation; he's well respected, and is closeted from the rest of the world, though it's a poorly kept secret at best. He shares his bed with his straight-laced secretary, co-CEO, and mate Neal, who is a flying fox (AKA, a fruit bat). Luckily for their domestic tranquility, Neal is rather open to his mate's wide-ranging romantic exploits.

Joining them in their adventures is the captain of their imperial guard, a raccoon named Taxas.

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LOGICAL PHALLUSY

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Imperial Sovereign Romari:"Did you two see what they printed on the front page of today's paper?"

Captain of the Guard Taxas:"Afraid not, Your Highness. You were reading it during our...err...breakfast debriefing. You used me as a makeshift bookstand so you could use your hands for other things, remember?"

Romari:"Ah. Right. And I couldn't tell you at the time because it's rude to talk with one's mouth full."

Imperial Assistant Neal:"What is it this time, sir? Did they finally notice those clauses you altered in the anti-gay marriage law?"

Romari:"No, but refresh my memory. Which one are you talking about?"

Neal:"Well sir, the religious right-wing demanded that you lend your support to a law banning gay marriages to keep that month's revolts down to our minimum quota, and you added a few addendums to the bill as it passed through your hands. You altered the wording to, and I quote, 'ban anything resembling marriage between a man and a woman,' thereby annulling every heterosexual marriage and civil union in the empire."

Romari:"Ah! I remember that one!"

Taxas:"Wait. So now the only people who can marry are gay men and lesbians?"

Neal:"Indeed. And zoophiles too, though that was rather unintended. It seemed to make the stableboys rather ecstatic for some reason."

Romari: *Mumbles* "Sounds like I need to visit the stables more often..."

Neal:"What was that, sir?"

Romari:"Nothing! And the church still hasn't noticed, eh?"

Neal:"Apparently not, sir."

Romari:"Excellent. Anyway, the paper openly stated that I engaged in regular gay orgies here in the palace! Right on page one!"

Neal:"Yes, imagine that."

Romari:"That's not supposed to go past the rumor stage! Impudent whelps! I've half a mind to force them to eat their words!"

Taxas:"Among other things, I'm sure."

Romari:"They called me a feminine powder-puff who raises my tail to any real man who wants to dominate me! The nerve! If anything, liking men means I'm even more masculine than they are. It's simple logic!"

Taxas:"How does that work?"

Romari:"Well, masculine men are masculine, right?"

Taxas:"Right."

Romari:"And masculine men like masculine things, yes?"

Neal:"That's the standard rubric to judge such things, yes."

Romari:"Well, if masculine men like masculine things, and masculine men are masculine, then liking masculine men is masculine. Just as liking girly things, like girls, is girly. Q-E-D."

Neal:"Your powers of deduction and reason never fail to inspire disbelief, sir."

Romari:"I certainly like to think so."

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