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Rain: Taylor's Book

Linda woke in the dead of night, cold. Her new slave was still in her arms, and they were both still covered in the blanket. But she was still cold. Unsettled, she turned on the lamp, making sure to only dim it with its dial. She did not want to wake Taylor from what looked to be a comfortable sleep.

Sighing, she looked around. On the coffee table, however, she saw Taylor's little red book. Now that she thought about it, she had only read one entry. And Taylor did say she could look in it. Settling on it, she reached over and carefully grabbed the book. It took only a moment to get resettled, and with a deep breath, she opened the book. The first entry was "Pseudo", and she had already read that. So, she flipped the page, and found a story with no title. She smiled, and started reading.

The crunch of the snow under my feet followed me as I was lulled into the caressing darkness of the night. Soft white flakes of snow drifted through the fluid night, gliding through the ever moving time. They were a reflection of the darkness: moving, changing, and unique.

A cold breeze blew these flakes onto my face. All I could do was brush them off and keep moving through the soft night. Gazing into the sky, the moon's glow filled my eyes. It was my only light tonight, my beacon and my guide. I can honestly say that now, it was but my only friend. I stared up at its glow, letting more of the soft snow drift onto my face. I could not help but lose myself in the orb's aura. It was pale, dim, yet full of acceptance and clarity. It beamed down its emotion, which seeped into every sleeping animal, every freezing plant, every rock and every stone. It was seeping into me.

Turning from the moon, I looked down in my paw. I was holding a small black box, clutching it as though it were the only thing left in my world. Passing by a tall white oak, I felt a cold tear run down my face. In this box, this tiny box, was everything I had ever wanted. In this box was everything I ever strived for, laughed for, cried for. So I held onto it tight, afraid to let go. Another icy tear ran down my face, and onto my cold lips.

As the trees began to part, I could see a clearing open in the forest. I peeked into this small grove; the moonlight glowed softly on the untouched snow, making this a masterpiece of nature. Not even the smallest of creatures had stepped here. So I was the first. I put my cold foot forward, making the first mark on this snow. In this field, I felt as though even the stars were watching my every move.

A small gravestone, tilted and worn, stood alone in the middle of the field. The pale acceptance shone off its edges, guiding my every step. In front of the unmarked monument I fell to my knees. I brought my paw up to the stone, gliding it along the top to wipe off the snow. As my tears began to break loose, I remembered all the joy, sorrow, and love that still lived on in my heart.

I carefully placed the box down in front of me. My tears were falling freely, but I was silent as I popped the latch open on the box. The top lifted with ease, and a fragile glass heart glowed in the moon's soft light. This was the hard part. I scooped it up and brought it close to my heart. Holding it close, my eyes full of tears, I knew that this would not be easy. Letting go never was. Still, I set the little heart in front of the grave. This was my final goodbye.

As I stood, I did something that I hadn't done in a very long time...I smiled. And with that small smile, I walked past that little heart, and past the grave. The moon once again lit my path, and I tread it once again. A final tear sealed the moment, and just as the fluid darkness could come and go, I was gone.

She looked away from the book, hit by that story. Taylor was...quite the writer. Making sure to stay silent, she turned the page, and found a poem now.

In These Woods

In these woods, full of snow,

The moonlight creates a dreamy glow,

But in their maw, a darker show,

In these woods, full of snow...

In these woods, between the trees,

The cool soft wind rustles the leaves,

A sadder song, sung by the breeze,

In these woods, between the trees...

In these woods, all alone,

White snow reflects the sadder tone,

Lonely beauty, tenderly shown,

In these woods, all alone...

In these woods, I search for this,

It alone I strive to get,

But in these woods, I seem to fit,

In these woods, I search for it...

In these woods I shed a tear,

The mood soaks into me here,

And even though I feel it near,

In these woods I shed a tear...

But in these woods, all is right,

For even in the desolate night,

I have my heart, I have my sight,

And in these woods, all is right.

Linda smiled softly as she read the last line. It was a truly beautiful poem, at least in her eyes. Taylor had a lot of soul hidden behind those scared eyes.

She turned the page again, and found yet another poem.

The Bliss

I'm not insane,

I like it this way,

It sooths my pain,

It brightens my day,

Flowing from me,

Red pleasure grows,

A glimmer of steel,

Makes happiness show,

I cut the pain,

Bleed the blame,

The blades cool kiss,

I am in bliss,

And it brightens my day,

It soothes the pain,

I like it this way,

But I'm not insane.

Linda had to look away after that one. She turned the page almost immediately when she saw a small blood splotch on the corner of it. On the next page, she read a story.

My palms were sweaty, and there were tears in my eyes as I pressed the razor to my wrist again. I took another breath between my sobs, and sliced myself. Blood gushed out as it had my other cuts. I deserved this. The bruises have proven that. I did nothing but cause trouble. I only made others mad. So I deserved this.

The blood dripped down onto my jeans, coating it with little puddles of blood. My sobs echoed through my room; they offered me my only comfort. I knew I was still alive, still breathing...but I didn't know why.

"Lissa...Lissa honey, are you alright?" Ms. Whithers asked, snapping her fingers in front of me. I shook my head, and looked around. I was still in the small conference room. I sighed, and slumped down in my chair.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." I said.

"Are you sure? You spaced out for a good little while there," she told me as she wrote something into her notes.

"I'm sure. I was just thinking..." my voice trailed off.

"About what?" she asked.

"Just life, I guess."

"Ah, I see. Are you excited to have one again?"

"Actually, I'm kinda scared. It's been so long..."I said, staring out a window.

"I'm sure you'll do great. Now, our time has run out," Ms. Whithers said as she closed her folders. "Lissa, it's been great working with you. Tomorrow, you need to stay strong, okay? I have faith in you."

"I'll try...I'm gonna miss you Ruth," I sniffled. I stood, and hugged her tight.

"I'm gonna miss you too. But you've got a whole life ahead of you. You'll do great things, I'm sure."

"Thank you, Ruth. Thank you."

"Yeah, I see why you're gonna miss her. Ruth is great," Damien said. He was my only friend in here, and I was his only friend. All we had was each other.

"I'm gonna miss you too," I told him. A somber breeze rolled through the courtyard, blowing my fur around. "I wish you could come with me."

"Oh odn't worry about me. I'll be fine. But you... you have a life waiting out there. You have a future outside of this damned asylum," he told me. I stared into his eyes, watching them glisten in the setting sun.

"Damien...I'm gonna miss you so much!" I cried, hugging him tight. He hugged me back, and I could hear him sniffle.

"I want you to make me a promise," he told me sternly. We let go, and I saw tears in his eyes. "I want you to promise that you'll never give up. You've been so strong, don't you quit now."

I looked into his watery eyes for a moment, then nodded and said, "I promise."

My cell door shut behind me. I had just finished dinner, and was worn out from the stress of the day. I didn't want to do anything but sleep. My eyes drooped as I fell onto my bed.

I stared up at the ceiling. One more night here...the thought was comforting and disturbing at the same time. The future was so uncertain that I was scared, but it was so bright that I had the confidence to move on. It was my warm uncertainty that quietly lulled me to sleep.

The vibrations were my only friend. They made me warm, made me happy. They took some of the pain away...but only some.

Fresh tears streamed down my face as the vibrations ran up my spine. I felt so guilty for finding comfort in the pleasure, but it was all I had. It was my only friend. It was the only thing that could make me happy. But on the inside, I only felt worse.

No matter how high I turned the vibrations, I still felt guilty. I felt wrong...dirty, even. It was no wonder my family didn't want me. I was just a little whore. And that only made me turn the vibrations higher.

I was in a cold sweat. These memories plagued me, tormenting me endlessly. But I soon found a reason to smile. The sun was up and shining through my window. I had survived the cold night, and could now finally face the warm day. But then I saw grey clouds that quickly blotted out the sun. My smile faded, and I just sighed.

I stood as a nurse swung my cell door open. I was still drowsy, but excited still. I walked over to her, who was surrounded with two security guards.

"C'mon sweetie," she said, taking my paw. "It's time to go."

I smiled to her as she handed me off to the guards. They took my arm, and walked me out and down the bland hallway.

They walked me out to the front lobby, then turned and went back behind the gate. I sighed again, and walked to the glass front doors. The dark clouds that had covered the sun were now crying, and as I stepped outside, I could feel the rain begin to drop. The small droplets were soothing as they touched my skin. I hadn't felt this in a long time.

But then I saw a taxi pull up in front of the asylum. It came to a stop, and both of my parents came out. They were smiling at me. I was so close to running up to them and hugging them, telling them how much I loved and missed them. But I stopped on the steps, in the soft rain, staring at my parents. I pulled my wrists to my face, and took a good, long look at the pale reminders of all the pain they had brought me, every cut and slash of anger and desperation they caused me. I had made up my mind.

I quietly walked past the taxi, my parents, my hate, out into the world I craved so much. I walked past all my suffering, and I never looked back.

Linda closed her eyes. This brought so many questions. Did Taylor have family issues? Was this maybe a story of part of his life? Did he actually know some of these people? She would have to ask in the morning. Still...that story hurt a bit. She turned the page again, and found an unnamed poem here.

Yet on a stormy day,

With no sun in your heart,

The rain is your art,

And though you cannot see the way,

On this dark and stormy day,

Move on,

And let things come as they may,

Feel the wind,

Taste the rain,

Hold on,

Forget the pain,

Let the rain,

Whisk you away,

For there is a light,

Yet on a stormy day.

Linda smiled. This was actually a nice poem. A little cheesy, but maybe Taylor needed it to cheer him up. Speaking of the small guy, she looked down at him to find him still in his deep sleep. Sighing, she closed the book; she wanted to end on a happy note. She put the book on the coffee table, and got resettled again. When she was nice and comfortable, Taylor by her side, she switched off the light. But in her mind, his poems and stories echoed.